Looking For a Traditional Man...

[Olerica]

Every time I pass by this thread I need to make sure that I'm on CC, not Craigslist.

You don't feel that way when you see the multiple threads of men looking for a woman? INTERESTING!

 

[seoulsearch]

You don't feel that way when you see the multiple threads of men looking for a woman? INTERESTING!

Exactly, Olerica. And a main point in why I wrote this thread in the first place.

The "Looking for a Traditional Woman" thread spawned 6 pages of debate, whereas this one hasn't even gotten off the ground.

And, the "woman" thread talks about looking for a woman with traditional views from past generations, such as in the days of our grandparents.

When God calls that generation home and people no longer remember the "traditions" of that time, what will "traditional" be seen as then?

 

[wisebeardman]

Exactly, Olerica. And a main point in why I wrote this thread in the first place.

The "Looking for a Traditional Woman" thread spawned 6 pages of debate, whereas this one hasn't even gotten off the ground.

And, the "woman" thread talks about looking for a woman with traditional views from past generations, such as in the days of our grandparents.

When God calls that generation home and people no longer remember the "traditions" of that time, what will "traditional" be seen as then?

well if its current world view then it will be, sleep around, get knocked up, have 6 kids from 6 different guys, murder, rape, pillage, its all about me me me me me.

uh, just thinking about it makes me not want to live.

 

[Rosesrock]

well if its current world view then it will be, sleep around, get knocked up, have 6 kids from 6 different guys, murder, rape, pillage, its all about me me me me me.

uh, just thinking about it makes me not want to live.

But live in the world not of it

 

[jeremyPJ]

My parents have been married for 60 years..

Mine just made 56 years together about two weeks ago. Hard to imagine anyone in my generation doing that, to me it's amazing.

 

[PoetMary]

well if its current world view then it will be, sleep around, get knocked up, have 6 kids from 6 different guys, murder, rape, pillage, its all about me me me me me.

uh, just thinking about it makes me not want to live.

Or how about we frame it from the perspective of a male's behavior....

sleep around, knock up multiple women, refuse to marry any of them, have children that I never see and don't really support....murder, rape, pillage, it's all about me me me

I just found it interesting that the "mememe" was framed from the perspective of a woman's sin.

 

[jeremyPJ]

I think part of the problem that I have with labels like "traditional" regarding husbands and wives is that people don't marry for "traditional" reasons anymore. In other words, the expectations our modern society places on marriage are entirely different from previous generations. It seems to me that craving a "traditional" marriage, but maintaining modern expectations of a marriage is a bit like placing new wine in an old wine skin.

Traditionally, people would marry for very pragmatic or dynastic reasons. Why did the man marry the woman from the neighboring farm? Well, it seemed that she understood hard work and she fell within a reasonable range of attractiveness. Why did she marry him? Well, it was social stigma to be a spinster, and he seemed like he would be a hard worker who could provide for a wife and children.

Some traditional marriages (even today) were based on arrangements made by parents and family. The couple would agree to such arrangements because it was how their community functioned.

So, if you marry someone for these very pragmatic reasons, and they do indeed meet these expectations, then you can feel satisfied. There are plenty of "traditional" examples of adultery where people remained in marriages because "he's a good provider", or "she's so good with the children."

You'll notice no mention of "love", or "romance", or "soulmates", or "best friends," or possibly even free-choice.

Now, however, our expectations of marriage are much, much higher. Even in Christian circles people use language like, "I want my husband to be my best friend." Or "I'm looking for my soulmate" (forget the fact that "soulmate" is a platonic idea and not biblical). There is much romanticized language used regarding modern marriages, "You inspire me everyday to be a better person," "You're my hero," "You open up whole new worlds to me." And this doesn't even begin to touch on the sexual expectations that people have of a marriage.

None of these existed in the "traditional" times that people often idealize.

Most of the time, these expectations are impossible to meet. I mean, I'm a pretty awesome person, but I don't think I could be someone's inspiration *every single day.*

A BIBLICAL marriage is NOT a traditional marriage. It never was. If it were TRADITIONAL, then why would Paul have addressed it as an issue with the early church. If the Ephesians were engaging in biblical marriages, they would have needed no teaching on it.

A biblical marriage is actually a RADICAL marriage.

Part of what makes it radical is that our model for "the two becoming one" shifts to Christ and the Church. Previously, men were told to "leave and cleave" regarding their wives. Now they are told to BE LIKE CHRIST. An ancient Hebrew woman was essentially property, first belonging to her father, and then to her husband. Now, she is told she is "as unto the Lord." Her service and submission to her husband are seen and valued by God, regardless of whether she is noticed or appreciated by her husband or the larger society. BOTH roles were elevated.

I'm not sure why people began to associate "traditional" with "biblical." Nor do I understand why people associate particular behaviors with "husbandly leadership" or "wifely submission." If a man is egalitarian and wants his wife's input on everything within the marriage, isn't she engaged with "submission" when she follows his lead? If a wife has a rather fractured background and has issues with control, isn't her husband engaged with "Christly love" by allowing time for the Holy Spirit to work within her instead of aggressively asserting his "authority?"

What's interesting is that "biblical" doesn't really offer a lot of externalized trappings. It offers a philosophical basis for a marriage. People who bang on about "traditional" are often caught up with a lot of externalized behaviors.

I'm quite sure that in today's society it is very hard for all Christians to define a "traditional" marriage in a similar way. My grandparents took a good shot at it though. She had a saying on a decorative piece that had their marital motto. "Be kind and true, as I be unto you". And they lived it. They had in my opinion the best marriage I've ever seen. Not to say each didn't have their faults, but as a marriage it was very good.

I really opened a can of worms on FB recently when I posted on the subject of Feminism. Mind you, most of the objection came from members of my old church (!) lmbo...

It was basically said that the only book men ever think about is Ephesians. To which I replied that is the one most modern day women would rather just be eliminated from scripture. This is sad...

So yeah I'm as confused as anyone as to what a traditional marriage is.

When my daughter was about 5th grade, she came home from Christian school and told me that they were taught that day that the man is supposed to be the leader of his home. She asked me "why is that not the case here?" I told her that her mom wasn't into Christian beliefs and would have none of that, nor would her work friends. She said "I've noticed, they aren't like us". I just told her that sometimes people change...

I like to believe I will someday find a marriage that is like my grandparents' was, but doubt it would be that easy these days. These are some trying times for people of either sex to define themselves in, even as Christians.

 

[PoetMary]

I really opened a can of worms on FB recently when I posted on the subject of Feminism. Mind you, most of the objection came from members of my old church (!) lmbo...

It was basically said that the only book men ever think about is Ephesians. To which I replied that is the one most modern day women would rather just be eliminated from scripture. This is sad...

Here's what I don't get. Why is it okay for men to speak for all women? Men have very little idea of what it means to be a woman in the world. However, men often will silence or diminish a woman's experience in favor of his own viewpoint.

Why is it okay for you to presume to know what "most modern women" want? Did you do a scholarly study that we know nothing about? Or are you just engaging in potshots to support your own approach? How is that a reflection of Christ?

It's the continual underlying arrogance of these statements over and over that wear women down.

 

[Rosesrock]

Poetmary said this......A BIBLICAL marriage is NOT a traditional marriage.

That wraps it up....ive often wondered in these tgread titles why it didnt say, looking for a man who's in fire for God, or fears the Lord but interesting to read. The perspective of today is not much different than years ago. It's that sin had overwhelmed and Christians are attacked, or maybe singles have to readjust to the declining times.
Sorry rambling, but bottom line to me and what i pray for my kids, is God's best. Cause we might not even know what that is.

 

[Olerica]

Poetmary said this......A BIBLICAL marriage is NOT a traditional marriage.

That wraps it up....ive often wondered in these tgread titles why it didnt say, looking for a man who's in fire for God, or fears the Lord but interesting to read. The perspective of today is not much different than years ago. It's that sin had overwhelmed and Christians are attacked, or maybe singles have to readjust to the declining times.
Sorry rambling, but bottom line to me and what i pray for my kids, is God's best. Cause we might not even know what that is.

You realize that this thread was to mock the "I seek a wife" threads found here lately, right?

 

[Rosesrock]

You realize that this thread was to mock the "I seek a wife" threads found here lately, right?

And that's not where the conversation turned lol

 

[Mitspa]

You realize that this thread was to mock the "I seek a wife" threads found here lately, right?

It was to counter the traditional wife thread and that thread was to counter the submissive wife thread...and now some crazy guy has started another thread

 

[Olerica]

Well, your thread, and the other threads you mentioned for sure... as well, there have been quite a few threads started by lovely men types looking for a marriageable woman... and it all comes down to (from my perspective): Glad you are looking for a quality Godly woman. How do you define yourself as a man qualified to handle/lead/husband such a woman.

ETA: Because the women here who qualify? We're smart, we get it, we're fun, talented, beautiful and aren't settling for a man just because he says he's a Christian.

 

[zeroturbulence]

This is why I'd rather have a lawnchair.

 

[hoss2576]

You realize that this thread was to mock the "I seek a wife" threads found here lately, right?

Which is why this one is also probably not getting the same responses, who wants to support mocking?

 

[seoulsearch]

You realize that this thread was to mock the "I seek a wife" threads found here lately, right?

It was to counter the traditional wife thread and that thread was to counter the submissive wife thread...and now some crazy guy has started another thread

Which is why this one is also probably not getting the same responses, who wants to support mocking?

SORRY, EVERYONE.

AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE EVERYONE TRYING TO INTERPRET THE THREAD outside of the context of the original post, IT WASN'T MEANT AS A MOCKERY AT ALL.

I was genuinely interested in a counter-discussion of what a traditional man was in light of all the talk about traditional women, especially in terms of a traditional man providing for the household, which is why I kept asking those questions. Just wanted to know what people thought of when they think of a "traditional man." That is all.


It's the same thing as when someone started a "Ways to Lose Your Man Card" thread and so one of the ladies tried a "Ways to Lose Your Woman Card" thread. No big deal.

I have a feeling that even if people wouldn't have misinterpreted it, there wouldn't have been much discussion anyway. For whatever reasons, the term "traditional woman" always seems to draw a much bigger firestorm.

Any time there's a question about what I'd intended or hoped for a thread, just ask!

 

[Olerica]

Please forgive my misunderstanding.

 

[seoulsearch]

Please forgive my misunderstanding.

No problem, Olerica . I totally understand.

I just wanted to be able to give a voice to the other half of the topic but it seems there's often more talk about how much a woman should submit rather than how a man should lead, which I always find... (looking for the right word)... Maybe THAT is something I'll leave open to interpretation.

 

[secularhermit]

What would a "traditional" man look like in today's world?

Several ways:

Others said it this way: Why do guys continue to usually pay for women on dates??? [Archive] - Don Juan Discussion Forum



Is he a provider? Should he be expected to the sole source of income with a wife who doesn't work?

Wage Earners are pictured at the 3rd colored bar.

Will he make all the major family decisions with little to no input from the other family members?

You meant community LEADERS? See the bottom (near 4%)

 

[Shannon50]

I just think anyone interested in this topic should read Stacie and Jon Eldriges books, Captivated and Wild at Heart-- really interesting Christian perspective on what men and women have as hearts desires=== great read and really this conversation just makes me want to have everyone read them!