Do christians really know the importance of marriage and how much God hates divorce?!

[Jesus4ever]

I mean, brethren, I feel so sad seeing so many brothers and sisters having their lives shattered by divorces. What´s behind all this? The enemy? Distance from God? Lack of faith? Not knowing the functions each part should have?

Even when the spouse divorces for the "right" reasons (the only valid reason Jesus said), do they both know they should not get involved or marry again? Why so many adultery? Why so many "I´ll divorce because I do not want to put up with you anymore."?

What about the spouses that, in spite of being mistreated by so many reasons, are willing to forgive and continue to build the marriage, love and serve God, but still, are abandoned?


Dear brethren, recently I´ve been more sensitive to this matter, and believe me, I feel so sad about it...! So sad...


I pray for all brothers and sisters that are facing such devastating reality. May our dear Lord give them all the strength, peace and comfort they need to deal with it every day of their lives...!


May the Lord bless you all, dear brethren!

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

The government enforced (up to and including incarceration) anti-male body of law that "marriage" presently falls under in Western nations is now a primary driver in the rapid decline of marriage between men and women.

One result will be an eventual reduction in divorces which the left will spin to the leftards as a positive signal that their anti-Christ immoral ideological driven socio-political policies are working when just the opposite is occurring.

 

[Joidevivre]

I could also say do Christians know the importance of raising little boys and girls with the qualities that will someday make them able to husband and wife each other...

In most failure of marriages that I see, the couples just weren't at all equipped or able to handle a relationship - they can barely hold themselves together. There is so much violence even without adultery. There is also MUCH incest between fathers and daughters. So many reasons why divorce is sometimes so necessary. Children need to be protected from these things.

More goes on than you can even imagine. I counsel these women weekly - and the last thing they want is divorce. But there is sometimes no other answer.

God hates divorce, but He also hates a man who covers his wife with violence. That is in the OT.

 

[sassylady]

We are a society that is battling with all kinds of addictions and problems that were rare maybe just 50 years ago. The women's movement has done much to damage the family unit. A spouse can get caught up in something you can never imagine, whether it is abuse or some other sin, and the effects are far too extensive to keep the marriage together. And people are finding it is easier to just get out than stay because divorce is so acceptable. When I was a child it was shameful to divorce. Each marriage is different and unless you walk the mile in that person's shoes you can't say you would not divorce.

 

[pwrnJC]

Let's back the wagon up and discuss what comes before a marriage, especially for CHRISTIANS..shall we? I am a licensed minister and for the last 10 years or so, I have performed countless weddings. I can't recall a single wedding in which the couple had anything to look forward to on their wedding night As a matter of fact, in most of the weddings, the couple's child or children were part of the ceremony that they had already given birth to. A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow to not perform nuptials if he knew the couple were already living together. He has not performed a wedding in over 10 years. My present pastor will soon be a grandfather, and none of his 3 children are married. Is there a difference which sin is the bigger sin? NOT in God's eyes!
I attend two different churches on Sunday, as I am a music minister. Neither church has young people or even up to 40 yr olds who just date. They usually move in with their bf or gf within weeks of meeting each other, CHRISTIAN or not. My dad's church, has Sunday school teachers and people who hold positions who live with a significant other and do not have a marriage license nor care to. Yes...if you really studied this...it is in epidemic proportions. So...divorce is not the only thing to worry about and there's nothing new under the sun, right?

 

[atwhatcost]

I mean, brethren, I feel so sad seeing so many brothers and sisters having their lives shattered by divorces. What´s behind all this? The enemy? Distance from God? Lack of faith? Not knowing the functions each part should have?

Even when the spouse divorces for the "right" reasons (the only valid reason Jesus said), do they both know they should not get involved or marry again? Why so many adultery? Why so many "I´ll divorce because I do not want to put up with you anymore."?

What about the spouses that, in spite of being mistreated by so many reasons, are willing to forgive and continue to build the marriage, love and serve God, but still, are abandoned?


Dear brethren, recently I´ve been more sensitive to this matter, and believe me, I feel so sad about it...! So sad...


I pray for all brothers and sisters that are facing such devastating reality. May our dear Lord give them all the strength, peace and comfort they need to deal with it every day of their lives...!


May the Lord bless you all, dear brethren!

I am so glad you've become more sensitive about this subject. I'd hate to have met you when you weren't. You could use some more sensitivity though.

 

[secularhermit]

Allow me to make this public:


If God really hated divorce, as a legal amendment for OUR MISTAKES or choosing wrongly... Why isn´t He advicing ppl to chose the best person on earth?


I prayed to be married (when I was married) but she and I probably chose wrongly and, the moment we got married, both have invested time prior to be married and, before we got those legal papers that were necessary to that wedding ceremony, we several times met without having planned to meet in those places we needed to got to get the lilcense to be married...


If He was overconcerned (and hurt) for each ppl being divorced, what deters Him to give PERSONAL COUNCELLING to those who are facing troubles in their relationships?


I´m sure God is permitting us to learn from our failures.


God is not so hurt when a person get divorced to take over his (or her) personal freedom, because love is NOT a mutual suffering, but a mutual enjoying of the partner each person chose, particularly when living according to God´s commands and ain´t not saying the Almighty God wants us to live in sin, I´m just saying we can be misled, we can be choosing wrong because, when GOD has intervened, love has endurance, love is loyal, and I´m sure there are traditional religious ideas that are trying to "blame" Him when we -ourselves- chose partners wrongly, without hearing His matchmaking words.


This is meant for a purpose:


Deu 24:1 "If a man takes a wife, and he has her, and she does not find favor before his eyes because of some vileness, then he shall write a bill of divorce, and he shall give it to her hand, and he shall dismiss her from his house.


(Exo_21:8)


Do all men are worthy of women´s favor?


Do all women are "perfect" enough to live together as one?




Whenever God wanted a man to be blessed, He blessed Him:


"Pro 18:22 He who has found a good wife has found goodness, and he shall draw contentment from the Lord. He who expels a good wife expels goodness. But he who holds on to an adulteress is foolish and impious."


There are hurting ways to approach to read the Bible (Jer 3:20 But instead, you are like a wife who broke her wedding vows. You have been unfaithful to me. I, the LORD, have spoken. ) but I´m sure, men or women, are guilty also for their being divorced, for our children endorsing us those things (and sins) we caused before we got emotionally or physically divorced.


The worst thing we could do is to keep on lying, to keep on cheating and, a divorce, is not worst than a "legal" amputation (Mar_9:45) to recover freedom, with the hope to find out some other ppl to love with our best.


Do not feel guilty for your faults, feel guilty if you haven´t repent (just turn back to the Lord) and don´t be fooled by legalism.


Joh 4:17 The woman answered, "I don't have a husband." "That's right," Jesus replied, "you're telling the truth. You don't have a husband. You have already been married five times, and the man you are now living with isn't your husband."


I wish ppl knew who they ought to marry.






If God is too far (or to busy) to lead his followers... How come I won´t fall short?


I´ve sinned!


I have felt the pain.


I regret I lost my kids, without using my fits, to clean my way; but I won´t feel the guilt the blinding religiousness is eager to spred to make ppl regret that legal or social condition the most: I´ve failed and that´s it.


I love these words:


Mal 4:3 When I come to bring justice, you will trample those who are evil, as though they were ashes under your feet. I, the LORD All-Powerful, have spoken!
Mal 4:4 Don't ever forget the laws and teachings I gave my servant Moses on Mount Sinai.
Mal 4:5 I, the LORD, promise to send the prophet Elijah before that great and terrible day comes.
Mal 4:6 He will lead children and parents to love each other more, so that when I come, I won't bring doom to the land.


Mal 3:17 And they shall be mine, saith the Lord Almighty, in the day which I appoint for a peculiar possession; and I will make choice of them, as a man makes choice of his son that serves him


For me, these words are very important:




Mal 2:14 And why isn't God pleased? It's because he knows that each of you men has been unfaithful to the wife you married when you were young. You promised that she would be your partner, but now you have broken that promise.
Mal 2:15 Didn't God create you to become like one person with your wife? And why did he do this? It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God's people. Don't ever be unfaithful to your wife.
Mal 2:16 The LORD God All-Powerful of Israel hates anyone who is cruel enough to divorce his wife. So take care never to be unfaithful!
Mal 2:17 You have worn out the LORD with your words. And yet, you ask, "How did we do that?" You did it by saying, "The LORD is pleased with evil and doesn't care about justice."


If you haven´t married a virgin, if you took one who was (sexually) rejected or left (by someone else who "touched") you chose wrong, like I did.


Believed or not, virginity do matters to be ONE:


Lev 21:14 A widow, or one divorced, or a profane woman, a harlot, these shall he not take: but a virgin of his own people shall he take to wife.


See it the way you want it, but I failed when I became undefiled, doing things without paying attention to God´s commands, being unholy, a fornicator (who chose wrongly, also)


If He told me "marry this..." (Hos 1:2 The LORD said, "Hosea... Marry such a woman and have children by her." ) I would! Because I´m not any better than another person (not even worst)


But I´m willing to bear this cross, with its emotional temporal pain. (Ezek 24:16 )

 

[BettyAnn]

Let's back the wagon up and discuss what comes before a marriage, especially for CHRISTIANS..shall we? I am a licensed minister and for the last 10 years or so, I have performed countless weddings. I can't recall a single wedding in which the couple had anything to look forward to on their wedding night As a matter of fact, in most of the weddings, the couple's child or children were part of the ceremony that they had already given birth to. A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow to not perform nuptials if he knew the couple were already living together. He has not performed a wedding in over 10 years. My present pastor will soon be a grandfather, and none of his 3 children are married. Is there a difference which sin is the bigger sin? NOT in God's eyes!
I attend two different churches on Sunday, as I am a music minister. Neither church has young people or even up to 40 yr olds who just date. They usually move in with their bf or gf within weeks of meeting each other, CHRISTIAN or not. My dad's church, has Sunday school teachers and people who hold positions who live with a significant other and do not have a marriage license nor care to. Yes...if you really studied this...it is in epidemic proportions. So...divorce is not the only thing to worry about and there's nothing new under the sun, right?

How is he still preacher if his children are living openly in sin like that? Just wondering.

 

[Angela53510]

I truly believe that abuse and incest and all those horrible things have been around since the beginning of time. I knew a woman who was impregnated by her pastor father, she was beaten, bones broken till finally she was taken by social services. Her son was given to her brother to raise.

I can't imagine what the wife of this pastor went through.

Divorce is the only sensible option if there is physical or sexual abuse. Of course, counseling and trying to make the abuser see how wrong what he is doing is, and giving the woman some tools to be able to get out of the situation if it arises are also important, before the marriage is written off.

I used to help facilitate a group for abused women. Out of the 10 women, all were Christians, with Christian husbands. One man even tried to kill his wife with a gun. He was in prison, and she survived but really needed the support of the group. For these women, the pain and nightmare did not end, until they left their husbands, because none of the men wanted to change or get counseling, in the entire group.

I truly believe that men need to become aware that they need to treat their wives better than themselves and other people, instead of using their wives for a punching bag, or to gratify their sexual needs.

The women's movement has been good, in that it has allowed women to speak out and get help from the police. I remember when I lived in BC, in 1983 they changed the laws to allow women to charge their husbands with assault. Before that time, a woman could be beaten nearly to death, and the police were not allowed to interfere because it was a "family" matter. I was really shocked to learn that a man had the right to beat his wife that badly, and no one would interfere. How many women lived in those days, (and I am sure it is similar around the globe) and were beaten and abused regularly and there was no hope for leaving or for the pain and suffering inflicted by someone who was supposed to love and cherish would stop?

 

[proverbs35]

I truly believe that abuse and incest and all those horrible things have been around since the beginning of time. I knew a woman who was impregnated by her pastor father, she was beaten, bones broken till finally she was taken by social services. Her son was given to her brother to raise.

I can't imagine what the wife of this pastor went through.

Divorce is the only sensible option if there is physical or sexual abuse. Of course, counseling and trying to make the abuser see how wrong what he is doing is, and giving the woman some tools to be able to get out of the situation if it arises are also important, before the marriage is written off.

I used to help facilitate a group for abused women. Out of the 10 women, all were Christians, with Christian husbands. One man even tried to kill his wife with a gun. He was in prison, and she survived but really needed the support of the group. For these women, the pain and nightmare did not end, until they left their husbands, because none of the men wanted to change or get counseling, in the entire group.

I truly believe that men need to become aware that they need to treat their wives better than themselves and other people, instead of using their wives for a punching bag, or to gratify their sexual needs.

The women's movement has been good, in that it has allowed women to speak out and get help from the police. I remember when I lived in BC, in 1983 they changed the laws to allow women to charge their husbands with assault. Before that time, a woman could be beaten nearly to death, and the police were not allowed to interfere because it was a "family" matter. I was really shocked to learn that a man had the right to beat his wife that badly, and no one would interfere. How many women lived in those days, (and I am sure it is similar around the globe) and were beaten and abused regularly and there was no hope for leaving or for the pain and suffering inflicted by someone who was supposed to love and cherish would stop?

It's truly sad that so many wives have had to endure that kind of abuse.

I had a cousin who actually beat his wife's eye out of the socket. I don't think they ever divorced because that's just the way it was sort of mentality. It was a woman's lot in life and man's right to beat his wife.

Domestic violence is very high in my community. I had two different co-workers whose sisters were killed by their husbands. My brother worked for a man who later murdered his wife. One of my classmates was murdered by her boyfriend in front of her children. Multiple pastors in my community have murdered their wives. They have been the center of some very high profile news stories. Over the years, there have been a lot of wives murdered by their husbands in my community. I won't even mention the domestic violence that I've witnessed first hand.

To some degree, things have gotten better for women in the west, but there are still women all over the world suffering devastating abuse at the hands of their husbands.

 

[proverbs35]

I could also say do Christians know the importance of raising little boys and girls with the qualities that will someday make them able to husband and wife each other...

In most failure of marriages that I see, the couples just weren't at all equipped or able to handle a relationship - they can barely hold themselves together. There is so much violence even without adultery. There is also MUCH incest between fathers and daughters. So many reasons why divorce is sometimes so necessary. Children need to be protected from these things.

More goes on than you can even imagine. I counsel these women weekly - and the last thing they want is divorce. But there is sometimes no other answer.

God hates divorce, but He also hates a man who covers his wife with violence. That is in the OT.

A lot of folk like to gloss over and omit that part of the verse.

 

[Joidevivre]

Quite a few years ago, I had a PASTOR'S wife come to me for counseling. He beat her all the time - abused her emotionally and verbally. Once dropped her off in the desert and drove away. Eventually returned to pick her up to teach her a lesson.

Even though I encouraged her to leave and go to a safe house, she could not because the reputation of the church would suffer. She wanted to hold it together. How sad. She would not even report his behavior to the council of men who were over her husband's ministry.

I could not help her because she chose to stay with him. She had a few children and was certainly teaching them that it is okay to be abused in the name of religion.

I repeat - how sad.

 

[proverbs35]

Quite a few years ago, I had a PASTOR'S wife come to me for counseling. He beat her all the time - abused her emotionally and verbally. Once dropped her off in the desert and drove away. Eventually returned to pick her up to teach her a lesson.

Even though I encouraged her to leave and go to a safe house, she could not because the reputation of the church would suffer. She wanted to hold it together. How sad. She would not even report his behavior to the council of men who were over her husband's ministry.

I could not help her because she chose to stay with him. She had a few children and was certainly teaching them that it is okay to be abused in the name of religion.

I repeat - how sad.

Yeah, I've heard that one too from some professing Christians.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

In the U.S., women drive divorce at a rate higher than men and this is especially true with young women for the statistical fact that when wives perceive their chances in the dating world and of remarriage are best: the divorce rate is highest (see here and here).

As couples age and the wife’s options outside marriage dwindle, the risk of divorce steadily decreases. However, as this AARP survey found, even later in life when the man’s remarriage prospects are better: divorce continues to be driven by women.

But the rate of divorce in Western Civilization is rapidly becoming a non sequitur for the simple fact that men are presently abandoning marriage altogether in numbers never before seen in modern human history.

They don't want the government micromanaging their life and finances after their wife divorces them. They don't want to live for decades as an indentured servant to a spouse that left them and is out having sex with one or more other people after a divorce. They don't want the police showing up at their house and hauling them off to jail if they lose their job or become too sick to make court-ordered payments leaving them with a criminal record that inhibits their ability to earn for the rest of their natural life because they once made a mistake and married a woman who divorced them. They don't want the government immediately stripping them of the legal power they enjoy as a non-married single person when they enter into the standard marriage contract. Etc...

The consequences of divorce are so draconian for men, at present, they increasingly are simply refusing to marry in ever greater numbers and the trend is expected to continue (see here).

If the present trend holds, in just two more generations, marriage (and divorce) will be relegated to the dust bin of history in Western Civilization as a discarded antique, courtesy of progressives that transformed the institution from the biblical definition of a life-long covenant to a feminist extortion plot.

 

[atwhatcost]

I mean, brethren, I feel so sad seeing so many brothers and sisters having their lives shattered by divorces. What´s behind all this? The enemy? Distance from God? Lack of faith? Not knowing the functions each part should have?

Even when the spouse divorces for the "right" reasons (the only valid reason Jesus said), do they both know they should not get involved or marry again? Why so many adultery? Why so many "I´ll divorce because I do not want to put up with you anymore."?

What about the spouses that, in spite of being mistreated by so many reasons, are willing to forgive and continue to build the marriage, love and serve God, but still, are abandoned?


Dear brethren, recently I´ve been more sensitive to this matter, and believe me, I feel so sad about it...! So sad...


I pray for all brothers and sisters that are facing such devastating reality. May our dear Lord give them all the strength, peace and comfort they need to deal with it every day of their lives...!


May the Lord bless you all, dear brethren!

We might be on the same wave length today. I just gave an observation about this in the BDF. What happens when the mantle doesn't return?

 

[Christine1974]

Let's back the wagon up and discuss what comes before a marriage, especially for CHRISTIANS..shall we? I am a licensed minister and for the last 10 years or so, I have performed countless weddings. I can't recall a single wedding in which the couple had anything to look forward to on their wedding night As a matter of fact, in most of the weddings, the couple's child or children were part of the ceremony that they had already given birth to. A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow to not perform nuptials if he knew the couple were already living together. He has not performed a wedding in over 10 years. My present pastor will soon be a grandfather, and none of his 3 children are married. Is there a difference which sin is the bigger sin? NOT in God's eyes!
I attend two different churches on Sunday, as I am a music minister. Neither church has young people or even up to 40 yr olds who just date. They usually move in with their bf or gf within weeks of meeting each other, CHRISTIAN or not. My dad's church, has Sunday school teachers and people who hold positions who live with a significant other and do not have a marriage license nor care to. Yes...if you really studied this...it is in epidemic proportions. So...divorce is not the only thing to worry about and there's nothing new under the sun, right?

I agree with this. I am 40 years old and just got married 6 months ago to a person I've been with for over 15 years. I think a lot of the reasons go back to the fact that most people my age lived through divorce as children. So it became a fact for us that marriage does not equal forever. So if you have that mindset before you date, fall in love, etc.then marriage is seen as a non priority. Especially in my case where almost every guy I dated came from the same background. Now fast forward to my children. I have two that are adults. I'm trying to break the cycle. However, here's the dilemma. Would I want my children to marry everyone they have sex with? I would feel naive just saying don't have sex. So how I've tried to reach them is only have sex with someone you would marry. I know it's not the best advice. And I would like to add sometimes divorce is the better option. It was in my parents marriage. My dad was an abusive drunk to my mom. My step dad is awesome. So I actually think my mom made the right decision to divorce my dad.

 

[BarlyGurl]

How is he still preacher if his children are living openly in sin like that? Just wondering.

PRECISELY!!!!!!

 

[BarlyGurl]

>>>>>The women's movement has been good, in that it has allowed women to speak out and get help from the police. I remember when I lived in BC, in 1983 they changed the laws to allow women to charge their husbands with assault. Before that time, a woman could be beaten nearly to death, and the police were not allowed to interfere because it was a "family" matter. I was really shocked to learn that a man had the right to beat his wife that badly, and no one would interfere. How many women lived in those days, (and I am sure it is similar around the globe) and were beaten and abused regularly and there was no hope for leaving or for the pain and suffering inflicted by someone who was supposed to love and cherish would stop?<<<<<

Without diminishing that the above mentioned things do and have happened... there also is a considerable pendulum swing in the opposite direction in the US at least... that women are EQUAL in authority (in God's order) to husbands which has led to rising REBELLION against God's prescribed order among professing believers... which a given some careful bible study will show is VERY SINFUL in God's eyes.

 

[Christine1974]

How is he still preacher if his children are living openly in sin like that? Just wondering.

Because being a preacher doesn't mean your life is perfect. And it definitely doesn't mean your family lives like a preacher. My grandfather was a Baptist preacher and he had plenty of ministering to do in his own family.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

It's not that complicated BarlyGurl. Here's a contract I want you to sign in which you'll become my indentured servant for two decades to life. I can divorce you anytime I please and for any reason or no reason whatsoever and if you miss your payments to me I'll have the police put you in jail and give you a criminal record. Please sign and date. Thanking you in advance.