to add to lil christian's and siberian khatru's point:
sometimes i think God allows us to battle with with infirmity and difficulty to remind us that we are all subject to imperfection and weakness, and to value the resources we are entrusted with. back when i felt like i was practically invincible, God used very well placed events as if to say, young one, you are enjoying the benefit of blessed circumstances and anything could change on a dime.
this week has been a good week, in some ways. i am loved, blessed, and very fortunate in so many ways. i have a roof over my head and too much food to eat. i have clean water and live in a country that allows me to worship my God openly and without persecution. that's the kind of freedom we enjoy here. it's impossible to not acknowledge that truth first.
however, i was brought to my knees with the simplicity of my own limits. things that simply couldn't be outrun, negotiated, or my favorite, "strong-armed" past. they wouldn't be ignored. in some ways, i was useless, if i were only measuring my productivity. i had a "freak out" kind of meltdown, and i am loved enough to have someone(s) express their love and care for me.
it's times like this i am reminded of the following:
in a world of poverty, illness, debilitating conditions and other infirmity that we only can read about, each of us are blessed with things we take for granted. as a result, i pray that we never take these things for granted, or of our own doing.
i pray that each and every day, i don't just say, "thank you Lord for your blessings of strength, vitality and health and liberty" but we FEEL, and believe those words.
i pray that we see those things as the resources we are entrusted with. as though they are the outrageously amazing gifts that have been given to us with awareness that we are living in a world where the coming of Christ is sooner than it was 100 years ago. even 5 or 10 years ago. in fact, by the time you read this, it will be that much sooner than when i wrote it, at approximately 2:30 p.m. PST.
i pray that you and i realize that it's like christmas and our birthday every single day, and these are beautifully wrapped gifts that show up, eager to be unwrapped, enjoyed, and embraced with the same gratitude we feel when we are shown the generosity that feels far too lavish than what we deserve.
i pray that we can think "wow, you didn't have to buy this for me, but i'm extraordinarily grateful you did".
may our gratitude motivate us to never look at time as "passing until we get to the part (or event) that we most care about".
how many times have you heard (or thought) i'll start doing [this] when school starts. or get married, or pay down my debt, find a job, get beyond this hardship, etc.
the list of what these events or times could be is so long... but i know how that feels. i have been there before.
what value will my accomplishment of color coding my files? or finding a batch of tea that i'm craving? well, nothing. and there's nothing wrong with those things, unless they are the highlights and priorities of my day.
Lord may your people, and the lost always be more important to me than my my desires.
perhaps one of my greatest fears is that i don't want to be ashamed when he comes, that i am living for my own amusement and biding my time for the temporary and selfish that will have zero lasting meaning.
because at the end, the only things that will last are those done for Him. nothing else will matter, or last for eternity. when i think of the hobbies, amusement, interests and distractions--they are fun, and there's nothing wrong with them. but they won't last. and if that's all i have to show for, i will be enormously disappointed. i can't imagine what eternal disappointment could feel like.
when we are laying our crowns at His feet, what is it that I will bring to the throne?
that is the only question that matters to me today. : )
p.s. i am much better today, and on the road back to where ever it is that i usually exist. ; p