This pains me to write but.....

[Brody]

Hello guys. I'm dealing with a pain I despise but brought on myself. My wife and I have been a few years now, I've discussed our issues before on here, however we are really at a breaking point and I'm terrified of losing her. I asked her for some space apart so that we would get our heads right and work on ourselves , while apart my wife seemed to turn into a completely different woman being home with family in a different state. I was shocked and hurt when she expressed that she didn't care about how I felt and she would do whatever she wanted and talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind. Needless to say I eventually grew angry she wouldn't give me the time or day as she was indeed talking with another gentleman, I lost it one night and went out and I did some things that were unfaithful, because I was angry and I allowed sin to to really mess things up. I did not fornicate but went too far I've been so godly sorrowful for my sin and today my wife and I met for the first time she confessed things and so did I. Now she was willing and ready to fix our marriage as I have had a change of heart however when I exposed my sin she lost it and unable to forgive me now.
Guys I am so sorry and regretful and me a man one who never gets emotional and have been balling because I don't want to lose her but I realize I messed up on top of she already thinks I am so horrible which has always hurt me because I can not understand why, I know I have flaws but I'm not a horrible person.
Today she met with a friend she hasn't seen since highschool and exposed all of my dirt to the girl which hurt me a great deal because this has been an ongoing issue. But she doesn't know what she wants now and has threatened to leave me. Earlier she went and hugged me, and me being me tried picking her up to be playful and she pinned me on the bed and tried choking me and it just left me like "Whoa" all I could say was I'm sorry babe and I left the hotel room. She hates me and I don't know if there's anything I can do. I've been praying my butt off. But our actions have consequences.
I truthfully have had a change of heart I once nearly despised her because of little hurts I had allowing Satan to magnify every little thing now that I realize how much I need her and have begged her forgiveness, she just can't, its hard to leave her state now without her but I'm afraid it might come to that.

 

[MatthiasProctor]

You say that you pray alot, but how much does your wife pray?

 

[Dan58]

I lost it one night and went out and I did some things that were unfaithful, because I was angry and I allowed sin to to really mess things up. I did not fornicate but went too far I've been so godly sorrowful for my sin and today my wife and I met for the first time she confessed things and so did I. Now she was willing and ready to fix our marriage as I have had a change of heart however when I exposed my sin she lost it and unable to forgive me now.

Why in the world would you tell her that? Some things are better left unsaid, especially when you know it will just bring heartache and anger to the other person. If you didn't go through with it (fornicate), she really didn't need to know about your near indiscretion. Your being your own worse enemy. Laying that stuff on her may have made you feel better and cleared your conscience, but she sure didn't need to hear it, especially when your trying to mend your marriage. You separated to try and work on yourselves, but instead you tell her that you nearly cheated on her? How did you think that would go over? Think before you speak, your digging your own grave when you tell her things that you know are just going to hurt her. You don't need to continually beg for forgiveness if you just stop expressing every negative thought that pops into your head. Instead of praying for your marriage, pray for the wisdom to say and do the things that would make you a husband she can trust.... jmo

 

[VioletReigns]

I suggest marriage counseling ASAP with your pastor and/or with a godly counselor.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Why in the world would you tell her that? Some things are better left unsaid, especially when you know it will just bring heartache and anger to the other person. If you didn't go through with it (fornicate), she really didn't need to know about your near indiscretion. Your being your own worse enemy. Laying that stuff on her may have made you feel better and cleared your conscience, but she sure didn't need to hear it, especially when your trying to mend your marriage. You separated to try and work on yourselves, but instead you tell her that you nearly cheated on her? How did you think that would go over? Think before you speak, your digging your own grave when you tell her things that you know are just going to hurt her. You don't need to continually beg for forgiveness if you just stop expressing every negative thought that pops into your head. Instead of praying for your marriage, pray for the wisdom to say and do the things that would make you a husband she can trust.... jmo

I think he has wisdom > from God! Its not wise to lie by omission. God is bigger than this troubled marriage! God will honor that he was honest. He is in Gods will by being forthright and he would have been out of Gods will if he had not been. A lie is a lie.

God can handle this! Just dont give up. Keep walking towards Christ and loving your wife. Get into christian counceling.

What God has ordained let no man put asunder!

May the Lord bless you and your wife and repair your marriage. Amen~

 

[Samual]

Hello guys. I'm dealing with a pain I despise but brought on myself. My wife and I have been a few years now, I've discussed our issues before on here, however we are really at a breaking point and I'm terrified of losing her. I asked her for some space apart so that we would get our heads right and work on ourselves , while apart my wife seemed to turn into a completely different woman being home with family in a different state. I was shocked and hurt when she expressed that she didn't care about how I felt and she would do whatever she wanted and talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind. Needless to say I eventually grew angry she wouldn't give me the time or day as she was indeed talking with another gentleman, I lost it one night and went out and I did some things that were unfaithful, because I was angry and I allowed sin to to really mess things up. I did not fornicate but went too far I've been so godly sorrowful for my sin and today my wife and I met for the first time she confessed things and so did I. Now she was willing and ready to fix our marriage as I have had a change of heart however when I exposed my sin she lost it and unable to forgive me now.
Guys I am so sorry and regretful and me a man one who never gets emotional and have been balling because I don't want to lose her but I realize I messed up on top of she already thinks I am so horrible which has always hurt me because I can not understand why, I know I have flaws but I'm not a horrible person.
Today she met with a friend she hasn't seen since highschool and exposed all of my dirt to the girl which hurt me a great deal because this has been an ongoing issue. But she doesn't know what she wants now and has threatened to leave me. Earlier she went and hugged me, and me being me tried picking her up to be playful and she pinned me on the bed and tried choking me and it just left me like "Whoa" all I could say was I'm sorry babe and I left the hotel room. She hates me and I don't know if there's anything I can do. I've been praying my butt off. But our actions have consequences.
I truthfully have had a change of heart I once nearly despised her because of little hurts I had allowing Satan to magnify every little thing now that I realize how much I need her and have begged her forgiveness, she just can't, its hard to leave her state now without her but I'm afraid it might come to that.

Dude, I'm 15 and maybe I don't understand love. But I have a girlfriend, a christian girlfriend who understands just as much as I do that God comes first in any relationship. I think if all the things that have happened to you have actually happened, then maybe it's time to move on. There is somebody out there for every single person, and it sounds like this girl isn't for you. It shouldn't matter to you if she exposed your secrets, because God already forgave you for those sins. And if God has forgiven you, there is no point in worrying about it. Weather a billion people know, or one person knows.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Dude, I'm 15 and maybe I don't understand love. But I have a girlfriend, a christian girlfriend who understands just as much as I do that God comes first in any relationship. I think if all the things that have happened to you have actually happened, then maybe it's time to move on. There is somebody out there for every single person, and it sounds like this girl isn't for you. It shouldn't matter to you if she exposed your secrets, because God already forgave you for those sins. And if God has forgiven you, there is no point in worrying about it. Weather a billion people know, or one person knows.

So are you saying because trouble is in the midst that she isnt the one for him and there is someone else? smh............ You are 15! What would you know about marriage? Have you been down this road? Better yet, have you read what God has to say about this?

Love is a choice! Fighting for the marriage to be whole again is a Godly choice that God will honor.
God hates divorce! God can fix this! All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed! God is in the restoration business!

 

[Samual]

So are you saying because trouble is in the midst that she isnt the one for him and there is someone else? smh............ You are 15! What would you know about marriage? Have you been down this road? Better yet, have you read what God has to say about this?

Love is a choice! Fighting for the marriage to be whole again is a Godly choice that God will honor.
God hates divorce! God can fix this! All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed! God is in the restoration business!

Point taken. I should've worded it a bit better, that's my bad. If it's not meant to work out, then it won't anyways. Would God rather have you divorce someone you aren't even in love with and repent and then get with someone that HE made for YOU? Or do you think he would rather you spend your entire life with somebody who actually isn't meant for you. Give it up to God, and he will show you what to do.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Point taken. I should've worded it a bit better, that's my bad. If it's not meant to work out, then it won't anyways. Would God rather have you divorce someone you aren't even in love with and repent and then get with someone that HE made for YOU? Or do you think he would rather you spend your entire life with somebody who actually isn't meant for you. Give it up to God, and he will show you what to do.

You still dont get it! Marriage is a COVENANT between God and the couple. Its a serious thing.At the onslaught of trouble you dont just cut your losses and run! Marriage is for better or for worse through sickness and through health. God would rather them allow HIM to repair what is broken. Trouble in a marriage doesnt mean the love is gone. They loved each other enough to marry so they stick it out and make it work.
They can find that love again if they choose to. Love is a choice. God hates divorce.

 

[gypsygirl]

Why in the world would you tell her that? Some things are better left unsaid, especially when you know it will just bring heartache and anger to the other person. If you didn't go through with it (fornicate), she really didn't need to know about your near indiscretion. Your being your own worse enemy. Laying that stuff on her may have made you feel better and cleared your conscience, but she sure didn't need to hear it, especially when your trying to mend your marriage. You separated to try and work on yourselves, but instead you tell her that you nearly cheated on her? How did you think that would go over? Think before you speak, your digging your own grave when you tell her things that you know are just going to hurt her. You don't need to continually beg for forgiveness if you just stop expressing every negative thought that pops into your head. Instead of praying for your marriage, pray for the wisdom to say and do the things that would make you a husband she can trust.... jmo

dan, your advice speaks to the fears of most women who live worrying what kind of secrets their husbands will keep from them.

while i don't believe that he should just tell her these things in a careless fashion, there should come a time for honesty and respect by putting that out there. why? because you can prevent things and compensate for what you don't know.

in my opinion, the time to discuss these things should be in a counselor's office, or only when he has decided he is ready to fully commit to his wife and marriage.

 

[BabyTeddy79]

ONLY God can mend it. So pray. Pray along with her. If she is not saved it is okay to leave and stay prayerful until God works things out. I agree that your situation is scary and stressful. But is there a a problem He cannot solve. Seek His will.

But I want to say something. The satan uses people to ruin our Christian walk. We are all BRIDE OF CHRIST! We have to remain pure for Him. We will be like angels in Heaven without any marriage and spouse. We will be like kids. That permanent joy must be our focus. We shouldn't act in impure ways in anger caused by humans for satan often uses people we love and care.

I had so much of drama as my BFs and I were immature. But when I started focussing on God, He brought the love of my life immediately! He turned out to be my dream guy from childhood! He makes me truly happy. Seek God's will and He will work it out. Just surrender.

Past is in the past. You are cleansed now. Don't allow satan to dictate the way you act. Our relationship with God is permanent. Do as He guides. Stay cheerful no matter what. For you have hope in Christ. God bless you.

 

[twotwo]

Dude, I'm 15 and maybe I don't understand love. But I have a girlfriend, a christian girlfriend who understands just as much as I do that God comes first in any relationship. I think if all the things that have happened to you have actually happened, then maybe it's time to move on. There is somebody out there for every single person, and it sounds like this girl isn't for you. It shouldn't matter to you if she exposed your secrets, because God already forgave you for those sins. And if God has forgiven you, there is no point in worrying about it. Weather a billion people know, or one person knows.

Very wise words for a young lad!

 

[bondservant]

Brody, if you will hear I will give you the full council of God, it is a hard thing to hear but it is better to be rebuked by a friend than kissed by the enemy. If you truly seek
godly council and your wife does to that is your first hope. Whatever the out come is is the Lord's. You my friend have destroyed the marriage if you sought comfort with another women even if the act of fornication was not preformed. You did the right thing by telling her in that now there is nothing to fear by her finding out all the cards are on the table sort of speak. Satan only tempts he did not force you, you broke the marriage. If you and your wife agree to seek the Lord's face in this matter and you both wants to forgive one another I have good news for you the Lord can make beauty from ashes, he and he alone can restore that was lost, he can make all things new. It will take some time but both of you need to agree and seek. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, I wish you well, trust in the Lord with all of your heart lean not to your own understanding. Get pastoral council. Peace

 

[Dan58]

I think he has wisdom > from God! Its not wise to lie by omission. God is bigger than this troubled marriage! God will honor that he was honest. He is in Gods will by being forthright and he would have been out of Gods will if he had not been. A lie is a lie.

God can handle this!

Yes, God can handle our confessions, but his wife obviously didn't take it very well. They were separated when this incident occurred, so it seemed counterproductive to bring up this negative happenstance while trying to mend a marriage. I suspect 'Brody' is somewhat controlling? To paraphrase, he wrote; "I was shocked and hurt when she wanted to talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind..She was indeed talking with another gentleman.. I lost it one night and went out..because I was angry". He wanted to get even and teach her a lesson (controlling). Imo, his confession was for the same purpose, not to be honest, but to demonstrate the consequences of "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". He didn't like her talking to other guys, so what's fair is fair, retribution was in order and he made sure she knew that he wasn't just waiting on the sidelines while she played the part of a cougar. It was just my impression that it was not so much an apology, but a "You did that, well I did this scenario".

dan, your advice speaks to the fears of most women who live worrying what kind of secrets their husbands will keep from them.

while i don't believe that he should just tell her these things in a careless fashion, there should come a time for honesty and respect by putting that out there.

I agree with being honest, but as you said, there's a time and a place.. When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to pick your battles carefully. The wife seemed to be coming around until he told her that he nearly cheated on her. Probably not what she needed or wanted to hear at that time? It served no purpose but to hurt her and drive her away. And the bottom line is that he didn't cheat on her, but just the fact that he was thinking about it was enough to send his wife packing. You tell a person the truth when they are in a position to handle it, not in the midst of a fragile marriage that's disintegrating. But who knows, she may have reacted the same way even if he had waited a year? It just seemed insensitive to me for him to tell her that he nearly cheated on her during their brief separation. That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary.

 

[sandtigeress]

mariage is not about you. It is not about what you want in the relationship. This is not about you !
Relationship is about god and the team (your wife and you).

Did you aplogize for the right things to her, without the "but you did also ...".
Did you pray and try to find out, gods will for the way your relationship should turn ? Or are you only thinking in ways, of what do you want it to be. With should turn, i do not mean yes or no, I mean, the immanent future, where to take counseling, how
to talk with your wife (not to her, together with her and with an open mind).

You hurt her and you hurt your marriage, by wanting to "safe the relationship (2 People working/talking together)" by being alone each of you (1 person here, the other operson there).
You hurt her, by then trieing to tell her, how to life that seperate life (where you told her before that you want to think/live/develop without her interferiance.) That is exactly what she did, fullfill your wish.
You then hurt her, by asking her to come together again and when she did (because she loved you), you went and hurt her again, by doing what you accused her of doing.
Of course there is a lot of hate for the things you have done. You went and played a very crul game with the person, that god
gave you as a part of yourself and whom you were given to, to honor love and protect.

So this is not about sin and forgiveness. Sin is in your past and god forgives, what we ask with all our haert to be forgiven.
This is about gaining trust again: 1. your Trust in god, to help. 2. your trust in your wife, your forgiveness and no jealousy 3. Trust that god can give back the trust inside of your relationship and then a long way off, you may hope and pray that your wife might trust you again with her heart and with her mind.

Sorry to tell you that, but you have a long way before you, away from ego and (i want things to be the way I want them, including instant forgivenesss and trust) and on to going gods way and trust in his wisdom

 

[BettyAnn]

I've noticed no one else mentioning that she was trying to choke you on a bed. Honestly, that's spousal abuse and while I'm not a believer in divorce that's certainly a reason to separate for a while again and even call the police. That's just as bad as a husband beating on a wife: assault and attempted murder if she honestly had the will to go through with it. Seems like you might want to see about finding a safe place for a while.

 

[pwrnJC]

Before the internet, how did couples seek help with their marriage? Was it that long ago that there was an accepted way that marriages could be discussed, helped, etc.? Does the entire internet (world) actually need to know my personal inward feelings and my spouses'? Is this actually helpful or, in the long run, harmful? Only time will tell, but as for me, I would not care to air my dirty laundry in public. Now, we are moment by moment bombarded with all sorts of personal info from total strangers. Do we need to add this to our daily list of things we need to take care of? Uh, perhaps GOD Himself needs to hear and let it rest on HIM, in HIM and through HIM, and have faith that HE knows us better than the internet. I am not so sure that when the BIBLE said "Confess ye one another's sins" that GOD meant "Thou shalt type thy troubles and transgressions in cyber space".

 

[blue_ladybug]

Before the internet, how did couples seek help with their marriage? Was it that long ago that there was an accepted way that marriages could be discussed, helped, etc.? Does the entire internet (world) actually need to know my personal inward feelings and my spouses'? Is this actually helpful or, in the long run, harmful? Only time will tell, but as for me, I would not care to air my dirty laundry in public. Now, we are moment by moment bombarded with all sorts of personal info from total strangers. Do we need to add this to our daily list of things we need to take care of? Uh, perhaps GOD Himself needs to hear and let it rest on HIM, in HIM and through HIM, and have faith that HE knows us better than the internet. I am not so sure that when the BIBLE said "Confess ye one another's sins" that GOD meant "Thou shalt type thy troubles and transgressions in cyber space".

Stop being so darn rude to people!! No one made you click on this thread, and no one forced you to read and reply to it.. If you don't want to hear about a person's troubles, then why do you even bother reading their posts? You get a kick out of being rude, sarcastic and obnoxious.. I think that you need to pray to God about an attitude adjustment, because your attitude is horrible.. If you don't want to hear about troubles, then don't read about it..

 

[hoss2576]

I agree with being honest, but as you said, there's a time and a place.. When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to pick your battles carefully. The wife seemed to be coming around until he told her that he nearly cheated on her. Probably not what she needed or wanted to hear at that time? It served no purpose but to hurt her and drive her away. And the bottom line is that he didn't cheat on her, but just the fact that he was thinking about it was enough to send his wife packing. You tell a person the truth when they are in a position to handle it, not in the midst of a fragile marriage that's disintegrating. But who knows, she may have reacted the same way even if he had waited a year? It just seemed insensitive to me for him to tell her that he nearly cheated on her during their brief separation. That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary.

The OP said he did not fornicate with the woman; he did say he did some things that were unfaithful and that things went too far For a lot of people this is still going to seem like cheating. Also, some people are going to view withholding that information as a problem. It will actually be even harder to disclose at a later time when things are better, because who wants to risk it at that point? Now they will know if they are truly able to work toward forgiveness or not.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Yes, God can handle our confessions, but his wife obviously didn't take it very well. They were separated when this incident occurred, so it seemed counterproductive to bring up this negative happenstance while trying to mend a marriage. I suspect 'Brody' is somewhat controlling? To paraphrase, he wrote; "I was shocked and hurt when she wanted to talk to whomever she pleased, not what I had in mind..She was indeed talking with another gentleman.. I lost it one night and went out..because I was angry". He wanted to get even and teach her a lesson (controlling). Imo, his confession was for the same purpose, not to be honest, but to demonstrate the consequences of "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". He didn't like her talking to other guys, so what's fair is fair, retribution was in order and he made sure she knew that he wasn't just waiting on the sidelines while she played the part of a cougar. It was just my impression that it was not so much an apology, but a "You did that, well I did this scenario".



I agree with being honest, but as you said, there's a time and a place.. When your marriage is on the rocks, you need to pick your battles carefully. The wife seemed to be coming around until he told her that he nearly cheated on her. Probably not what she needed or wanted to hear at that time? It served no purpose but to hurt her and drive her away. And the bottom line is that he didn't cheat on her, but just the fact that he was thinking about it was enough to send his wife packing. You tell a person the truth when they are in a position to handle it, not in the midst of a fragile marriage that's disintegrating. But who knows, she may have reacted the same way even if he had waited a year? It just seemed insensitive to me for him to tell her that he nearly cheated on her during their brief separation. That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary.

"That was cold, mean spirited, and unnecessary."

Im not sure thats where he was coming from. Did he say that or is this your opinion?
I took it as just coming clean. Whats cold, mean hearted and unnecessary is omitting truth. God sees it as calculated continual ongoing sin because there will always be a secret between the one whom is to him as the church is to Christ. !