Let Me Tell You About My Life (It Sounds Like a Bad Country Song)

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
17,410
6,244
113
#1
Howdy Folks,

First, my apologies to anyone who loves country music :D but I wanted to inject a little humor into this thread. :p

I was in chat some time ago and heard a few people talking about the subject of how women, in particular, supposedly try to reel a guy into a relationship with a sad sob story.

Now, I know it works both ways--both men and women tell and hear plenty of sob stories to and from both sides--but I wanted to know what people's opinions are regarding the difference between a "sob story" and the honest expression of legitimate life experiences and current struggles.

We all know life isn't sunshine and roses, so when does one start to tell a potential date or significant other about past clouds? (Or current ones coming in.)

For instance, maybe you've survived an abusive home life, have ongoing problems with depression, or have a child with special needs like attention deficit disorder... do you tell a potential love interest about all of these things fairly early on or wait a while to "bring all the skeletons out of the closet"? And how do you accomplish this honestly and openly without making it sound like a "sob story" that's fashioned just to gain sympathy?

For myself, if I'm in a situation of mutual attraction, I like to take my time in getting to know that person... but, I will eventually tell him about my history and struggles, whether past, recurring, or current, because I feel that's the honest thing to do, and I encourage him to tell me about his own life as well.

But maybe some would find this too intimidating?

How do you all handle telling someone the true story of your life, and what have your experiences been in hearing someone else's "sob story" as well?

Thanks for your thoughts and God bless!
 
W

Wug

Guest
#2
#2
Well, I see a usefull alegory. I had a black coworker. Now, in my town, the black population is less then 0.01%. I'm not exagerating, it really is that low according to the census. And there's 25,000 people in my town. Thus, if he had put down his ethnicity on the job aplication, he would've easily gotten the job due to affirmative action. However, he didn't want to acquire this job for anything but his credentials, so he chose "unspecified". This way, he knew that he earned his position, it wasn't acquired out of sympathy (so to speak).

The "sob story" is is kind of like affirmative action in this case. It can be a garuntee that you get the relationship you're looking for, but it doesn't mean that you earned it. If you acquire the relationship without the sob story, you know that it's legit. After there's some comfort, and confidence, I think it would be appropriate to let them know the details.

I would say as a dude, that it's important not to just say these right away, because the dude can easily interperate a woman as telling him intimate details as a false sense of intimacy. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but in the literal meaning.

Not like I'm the best person to give advices on relationships...lol
 
S

SeekinHIM

Guest
#3
#3
Wow, Seoulsearch,

Thanks for the humor............that was hilarious................on a more serious note concerning your topic, just let the LORD direct you. Now I don't mean to sound trite here, but seriously, The LORD Knows ALL things, He truly knows the absolute best timing to say whatever you need to say, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WHEN NOT TO..............

Besides, I'm sure he'll have some things to say as well, just relax in the Spirit................The way you communicated your question coupled with humor and candor, I'm sure it will be much easier than you think. Especially, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, if he's the ONE that will honor you no matter what.

REST IN HIM................AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOUL...............

SeekinHIM
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#4
May 5, 2009
2,569
23
38
#4
I would say, keep these things to yourself as long as possible. I think most guys wouldn't want to hear about all the mean things a girl's ex-boyfriends did to her. If he asks, then sure, go for it. If you have to get it off your chest, write it down and mail it to him so he can file it away in his garbage disposal unit.

Other things, like general life stuff, is ok in my opinion. Just not relationship stuff. As the saying goes, no-one likes a sob story.

And someone who tells you about their problems before you know them very well is basically telling you that problems form a significant part of their personality. Run.
 
S

sunshine_debbie

Guest
#5
#5
seoulsearch said:
Howdy Folks,

First, my apologies to anyone who loves country music :D but I wanted to inject a little humor into this thread. :p

I was in chat some time ago and heard a few people talking about the subject of how women, in particular, supposedly try to reel a guy into a relationship with a sad sob story.

Now, I know it works both ways--both men and women tell and hear plenty of sob stories to and from both sides--but I wanted to know what people's opinions are regarding the difference between a "sob story" and the honest expression of legitimate life experiences and current struggles.

We all know life isn't sunshine and roses, so when does one start to tell a potential date or significant other about past clouds? (Or current ones coming in.)

For instance, maybe you've survived an abusive home life, have ongoing problems with depression, or have a child with special needs like attention deficit disorder... do you tell a potential love interest about all of these things fairly early on or wait a while to "bring all the skeletons out of the closet"? And how do you accomplish this honestly and openly without making it sound like a "sob story" that's fashioned just to gain sympathy?

For myself, if I'm in a situation of mutual attraction, I like to take my time in getting to know that person... but, I will eventually tell him about my history and struggles, whether past, recurring, or current, because I feel that's the honest thing to do, and I encourage him to tell me about his own life as well.

But maybe some would find this too intimidating?

How do you all handle telling someone the true story of your life, and what have your experiences been in hearing someone else's "sob story" as well?

Thanks for your thoughts and God bless!
Click to expand...
Well since I have a lot of history, I have always chosen to get it out of the way towards the beginning. But only if I really cared about the guy and thought it might be going somewhere (the relationship). Plus, I have to trust the person enough to be able to tell them certain things.

Just my personal preference. I dont want to get bogged down later with problems that are inevitable due to my past and have the guy feel like he is stuck. I also have been married for almost thirteen years and I told my husband pretty close to the beginning. So he knew what he was getting into and could back out if he wanted to.

Debbie
 
M

mcubed

Guest
#6
#6
My past is no ones business but G-d’s and mine. There may be some things I choose to share but if a man is pressuring me will… I dump him. What does he need that info. for. I just don’t get it. I am who I am in Christ today and I will be who I will be in Him tomorrow and that is what counts. And honestly I really don’t want to know about a mans past. You know Yeshua changes people it just doesn’t matter their past!!!!
 
G

greatkraw

Guest
#7
#7
mcubed said:
My past is no ones business but G-d’s and mine. There may be some things I choose to share but if a man is pressuring me will… I dump him. What does he need that info. for. I just don’t get it. I am who I am in Christ today and I will be who I will be in Him tomorrow and that is what counts. And honestly I really don’t want to know about a mans past. You know Yeshua changes people it just doesn’t matter their past!!!!
Click to expand...
well if i thought of forming a union with someone I would think it important to reveal anything that others do or might know about me and i would expect the same from her
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#8
May 23, 2009
17,410
6,244
113
#8
greatkraw said:
well if i thought of forming a union with someone I would think it important to reveal anything that others do or might know about me and i would expect the same from her
Click to expand...

I can completely respect the stance in seeing the past as the past, but for myself, I have to agree with Greatkraw.

I'm looking forward to the day when God sends me the right person I can tell about my entire life, and I can learn about his as well--the good, bad, and really ugly. For me, and it's just my opinion, that's part of what acceptance and loving someone would be about.

But I also thought Wug made an excellent point as well in using wounds to create a false sense of intimacy without any merit... it really made me think!
 
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