Is there something wrong with me?

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cmarieh

Guest
#21
#21
Ugly said:
There are reasons, you just don't ask why.
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I disagree because there are things that personally need to be changed. Its wrong to have the mindset to change the other person, but in reality the only person you change is yourself and I believe that is what he is trying to do so he can have a successful relationship.
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#22
Mar 18, 2014
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#22
cmarieh said:
I am really sorry. What do you usually tell them when you are talking about yourself and what you say about them?
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I tell them I like anime, music and writing. I ask them what they like to do and they tell me. We'll get done introducing ourselves
and a few messages later....nothing.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#23
#23
Willie-T said:
How about doing something totally strange, and actually go to maybe some church functions, and meet and talk to a real live person.

When our church has their yearly camp (about 250 kids) cell phones and computers are strictly banned. Not even allowed on the property. And this is for a whole week. The kids actually find out what communicating face-to-face is like.
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That sounds like a great idea. So many people live off of their phones and so it would be very refreshing to do that.
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#24
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
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#24
Willie-T said:
How about doing something totally strange, and actually go to maybe some church functions, and meet and talk to a real live person.

When our church has their yearly camp (about 250 kids) cell phones and computers are strictly banned. Not even allowed on the property. And this is for a whole week. The kids actually find out what communicating face-to-face is like.
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I get social anxiety. Im fine talking with them if I met them online and I know a bit about them. But at get together im usually in the back round. Im also extremely awkward in real life due to my autism
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#25
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#25
Monnkai said:
I tell them I like anime, music and writing. I ask them what they like to do and they tell me. We'll get done introducing ourselves
and a few messages later....nothing.
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Well, you ARE kind of limited in what you like to do.... and there is nothing in there that would really include them. What do you tell them you like that would promise a fun time on a date for them?
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#26
#26
Monnkai said:
I get social anxiety. Im fine talking with them if I met them online and I know a bit about them. But at get together im usually in the back round. Im also extremely awkward in real life due to my autism
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Do you work or do something outside of the home? Because once you do something like that you start opening yourself up and may attract some lucky lady.
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#27
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
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#27
Willie-T said:
Well, you ARE kind of limited in what you like to do.... and there is nothing in there that would really include them. What do you tell them you like that would promise a fun time on a date for them?
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I can't offer anything. Maybe if I get a car it might increase the chances but Im not a good driver.
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#28
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
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#28
cmarieh said:
Do you work or do something outside of the home? Because once you do something like that you start opening yourself up and may attract some lucky lady.
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I go to a card shop and do nerd stuff. Not alot of girls there.
 
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bowharp

Guest
#29
#29
Monnkai said:
Yep all the time. No answer. I had one girl who said she was really into me a day later she blocked me on facebook. I emailed her no reason or response
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Doesn't this feel like finding a job?

You send a resume via email.

No reply.

You ring them up.

Sorry, the person's not here to take your call.

You repeat.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#30
#30
Monnkai said:
I can't offer anything. Maybe if I get a car it might increase the chances but Im not a good driver.
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Please read what you just posted. I can't do this, I can't do that, if I did have a car it might help but then again I am not a good driver. That insecurity is probably why. You need to do something to boost your self esteem.

I know I need to do the same thing as I have trust issues from being betrayed by my sister so I question things and I just don't like that about myself and I am working on changing that.
 
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bowharp

Guest
#31
#31
Monnkai said:
I go to a card shop and do nerd stuff. Not alot of girls there.
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You should be yourself. Don't change it for other people.

If someone doesn't like you for who you are, they are simply not right for you and not worth investing your time.

Everyone is unique. So don't become like someone your not, maybe one day, a girl might be interested for who you are, but sadly you became someone else... :(
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#32
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#32
cmarieh said:
Please read what you just posted. I can't do this, I can't do that, if I did have a car it might help but then again I am not a good driver. That insecurity is probably why. You need to do something to boost your self esteem.

I know I need to do the same thing as I have trust issues from being betrayed by my sister so I question things and I just don't like that about myself and I am working on changing that.
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She has a very valid point there. When I was dating, I was pretty certain that they would want to go out with me... that they would find me funny, and that it didn't really matter if I drove a Vega station wagon or a Rambler. (Both of which I did drive at one time.)

Hey, if YOU don't think you are a pretty neat date... who will? Certainly not the girl you are busy convincing that dating you would be a drag.
 
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bowharp

Guest
#33
#33
Monnkai said:
I go to a card shop and do nerd stuff. Not alot of girls there.
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Go with something you are passionate about. If you find a girl who also shares the same passion as you. Well, then you are in good company.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#34
#34
I believe your social anxiety is coming across in your texts to these girls. They're picking up on it and it makes them feel uncomfortable and they don't know what to say. As for your idea that maybe you should be more aggressive: NO! Bad idea. Confidence, yes. :cool: Assertiveness, yes. :D Aggression, NO! :mad:

Also, what kind of girls are you texting? Are they sweet, godly girls who love Jesus? Are they joyful and vibrant in spirit? Or are they flirtatious worldly type girls who just want to chatter about themselves? I like Willie_T's idea about meeting girls in person. Go to church functions and get involved in a youth group. They do a lot of fun things together. You'll learn to overcome your social anxiety. :)

I hope you do give that a try, dear. It's not good for people to be alone in the world with no real live friends. I'll be praying for you, Monnkai.

believe-in-yourself.jpg
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#35
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
#35
cmarieh said:
Please read what you just posted. I can't do this, I can't do that, if I did have a car it might help but then again I am not a good driver. That insecurity is probably why. You need to do something to boost your self esteem.

I know I need to do the same thing as I have trust issues from being betrayed by my sister so I question things and I just don't like that about myself and I am working on changing that.
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That might take awhile. My selfesteem has always been like this. Im very pessimistic.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#37
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#37
If you keep doing what you've always done, you can expect no more than you've always gotten.
 
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Monnkai

Senior Member
#38
Mar 18, 2014
2,740
690
113
#38
VioletReigns said:
I believe your social anxiety is coming across in your texts to these girls. They're picking up on it and it makes them feel uncomfortable and they don't know what to say. As for your idea that maybe you should be more aggressive: NO! Bad idea. Confidence, yes. :cool: Assertiveness, yes. :D Aggression, NO! :mad:

Also, what kind of girls are you texting? Are they sweet, godly girls who love Jesus? Are they joyful and vibrant in spirit? Or are they flirtatious worldly type girls who just want to chatter about themselves? I like Willie_T's idea about meeting girls in person. Go to church functions and get involved in a youth group. They do a lot of fun things together. You'll learn to overcome your social anxiety. :)

I hope you do give that a try, dear. It's not good for people to be alone in the world with no real live friends. I'll be praying for you, Monnkai.

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I have no idea what these girls are like. We never talk long enough for me to learn anything about them. Thank you very much :)
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#39
#39
Monnkai said:
That might take awhile. My selfesteem has always been like this. Im very pessimistic.
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Self-esteem you don't need. Jesus made Himself of no reputation, He didn't esteem Himself. But He didn't have to, He knows Who He is. And you are His child. Christ died that you might have life. Vibrant, abundant, joyful, liberated life.

Pessimistic? What in the world do you have to be pessimistic about? You are free in Christ, dear young man. Nothing is holding you back.

Don't compare yourself with the world. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Be yourself, the man God created you to be. Nobody else is your authority but God. Man, don't let fear keep you back! You spoke boldly on this thread, you can be bold wherever you want in life. :)

By the way, I just peeked at your profile and saw that your favorite verse includes: Be anxious for nothing. That's one of my favorite verses, too! I hope you apply that to this situation, Monnkai.
 
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bowharp

Guest
#40
#40
Monnkai said:
That might take awhile. My selfesteem has always been like this. Im very pessimistic.
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How do you know you are pessimistic? Did someone tell you this? Or has this been something you have been saying to yourself, over and over again?

It's about perspective.
 
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