Hang in there sister -- I know you have a sensitive heart.
Here's the best way I can find to explain this:
I was a part of a local church group for a period of near 20 years (yes, even recalling from childhood).
Not once, did I ever witness anyone speaking in tongues.
In fact, the ONLY time I have ever seen anything that could be referred to as speaking in tongues was when I went on a two-week trip to the island of Hispaniola. I can't remember if I was in Haiti or the Dominican Republic -- but I travelled there with my youth group. We spent time working there and also teaching. I recall meeting at a local church, this local church had a guest speaker (preacher) who was a Baptist (Southern, I think) missionary -- pretty charismatic, if I recall. Anyway, at least two or three of the "Blancos" (white people) who were with that Baptist Mission group began to supposedly "speak in tongues" -- to me (and nearly everyone who was with my group) it sounded like utter nonsense -- almost like a chant -- and none of us saw any purpose or benefit. We simply "wrote it off" or ignored it -- not as a condemnation, but more or less the same as you would if a parent was disciplining their child in public; something that did not go unnoticed, but was none of our business.
I am not one to judge these Baptist Mission people who were supposedly speaking in tongues.
I also did (do) not see how the Church was edified by those actions.
Does this help, a bit, with understanding why one might come to the conclusion that some "tongue-speaking" today might not be from God?
Hi WW, you have a gift for asking the right questions
Try this in 1 Cor 2:
1 And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God.
2 For I determined
not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.
3 And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling.
4 And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom,
but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:
5 That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
6 Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought:
7
But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory:
8 Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
10 But God hath revealed them unto us
by his Spirit:
for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so
the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.
12 Now we have received,
not the spirit of the world,
but the spirit which is of God;
that we might know the things that are
freely given to us of God.
13 Which things also we speak,
not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth,
but which the Holy Ghost teacheth;
comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
14 But
the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God:
for they are foolishness unto him:
neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
15 But
he that is spiritual judgeth all things,
yet he himself is judged of no man.
16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But
we have the mind of Christ.
Praise God.
I hope that helps WW, it is all so important, and is the only explanation of the difficulty that I can see.