Dating Poll

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Should She be dating so soon?

  • YES

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • NO

    Votes: 4 100.0%
  • Total voters
    4
J

JeniBean

Guest
#1
#1
My Best Friend lost her husband of 29 years 6 months ago tragically. She is already dating! She says she can't be alone and I am trying to be supportive, but I have a hard time imagining dating so soon. She wants to know how to tell her grown children and In'Laws, which I feel she shouldn't until it is serious with one of the 4 she is dating. What are you thoughts? So you feel it is okay to date so soon? Any advice on how to be supportive when I feel she needs time?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,925
9,673
113
#2
uh, Jeni, referring to the thread title, where is the poll? :confused:
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#4
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#4
She is just 'dating'. She is not jumping into somebody's bed. She is not popping any questions. She is seeking companionship, trying to fill a recent void. She is NOT 'sinning". She is also gullible at this point...but, give her a little credit and bathe her in lots of prayer...is the best thing that you can do bor your BEST FRIEND!!!!
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#5
#5
pwrnJC said:
She is just 'dating'. She is not jumping into somebody's bed. She is not popping any questions. She is seeking companionship, trying to fill a recent void. She is NOT 'sinning". She is also gullible at this point...but, give her a little credit and bathe her in lots of prayer...is the best thing that you can do bor your BEST FRIEND!!!!
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She is SLEEPING with 4 of them! She is very gullible and I do pray and help her through it daily.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#6
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#6
Ah....more 'truth" is now coming out...therefore, she will also suffer the consequences...since all chosen actions do have results....your prayers are appreciated by GOD, who knows your heart..but, alas..she is a grown adult and she is ultimately responsible..not YOU!!!!...
 
C

CarolSampaio

Guest
#7
#7
Nobody knows what she is going through but her... even those who've lost dear ones... each one is different and reacts differently to situations like this...

If she is ready to date, than I say that you and all her family should support her and be there for her!!

No one can judge her!! And she is not doing anything wrong!! :)

I say go girl!!! ;)
 
C

CarolSampaio

Guest
#8
#8
JeniBean said:
She is SLEEPING with 4 of them! She is very gullible and I do pray and help her through it daily.
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Oooh... this changes things a bit... :)

Yeah... that's not good... just dating would be fine... but this sort of intimacy... that's a bit too much to have so soon and with 4 at the same time...

Talk to her... we still can't judge... but we can try and help them see a better path... ;)
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#9
#9
CarolSampaio said:
Oooh... this changes things a bit... :)

Yeah... that's not good... just dating would be fine... but this sort of intimacy... that's a bit too much to have so soon and with 4 at the same time...

Talk to her... we still can't judge... but we can try and help them see a better path... ;)
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Yes we cannot judge. I am supportive of the fact she needs companionship (especially since I live 2 states away). However I feel she is going about it wrong and that she shouldn't involve inlaws or children unless something was serious.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
You haven't stated whether your friend is a Christian or not, which would affect the way to approach this.

As far as 'dating' goes, we don't know enough for any of us, possibly even you, to know the details of her marriage. Maybe (in secret) her marriage was unhappy and it was a relief to be free of it (i know, i know, you 'know' for a fact this isn't true, because she wouldn't withhold anything like that from you. Reality is people hide such things all the time from close friends and family).

The sex aspect, depends more on if she's a Christian or not. That she jumps into bed with 4 men within 6 months does suggest a leaning towards trying to fill the time, and void left behind, it could, as stated above, be a chance for her to live out what she's been waiting for.

Really it's hard to answer. And as far as taking a poll i won't answer as it's not any of our business to answer it really. You can get all the poll answers you want, but it doesn't change a thing. Just puts her business out there for other people who don't know her, or anything about her or what she's going through, to criticize her.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#11
#11
Ugly said:
You haven't stated whether your friend is a Christian or not, which would affect the way to approach this.

As far as 'dating' goes, we don't know enough for any of us, possibly even you, to know the details of her marriage. Maybe (in secret) her marriage was unhappy and it was a relief to be free of it (i know, i know, you 'know' for a fact this isn't true, because she wouldn't withhold anything like that from you. Reality is people hide such things all the time from close friends and family).

The sex aspect, depends more on if she's a Christian or not. That she jumps into bed with 4 men within 6 months does suggest a leaning towards trying to fill the time, and void left behind, it could, as stated above, be a chance for her to live out what she's been waiting for.

Really it's hard to answer. And as far as taking a poll i won't answer as it's not any of our business to answer it really. You can get all the poll answers you want, but it doesn't change a thing. Just puts her business out there for other people who don't know her, or anything about her or what she's going through, to criticize her.
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She is a christian. She was happily married. Known her 30 years. And the poll is to see others thoughts if dating so soon is good. Not really putting the business out there. Need opinions how to guide her as she is going off her Christian path. Thanks for your input.
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#12
#12
It is not a sin, but even though I believe it is too soon, I dated right after my divorce was final. Everybody handles situations differently, and I know being married that long leaves you with such an empty spot you don't know what else to do with yourself. After dating 4 frankly rotten guys I finally came to my senses and decided I'm honestly not interested in anybody and will wait on the Lord to bring the right one around. I wish I could do it over again and concentrate more on my relationship with the Lord to grow rather than date, but nobody could tell me. I had to find it out for myself. Hopefully she will keep her head on straighter than I did and not go from guy to guy before she finds out.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#13
#13
sassylady said:
It is not a sin, but even though I believe it is too soon, I dated right after my divorce was final. Everybody handles situations differently, and I know being married that long leaves you with such an empty spot you don't know what else to do with yourself. After dating 4 frankly rotten guys I finally came to my senses and decided I'm honestly not interested in anybody and will wait on the Lord to bring the right one around. I wish I could do it over again and concentrate more on my relationship with the Lord to grow rather than date, but nobody could tell me. I had to find it out for myself. Hopefully she will keep her head on straighter than I did and not go from guy to guy before she finds out.
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Thanks Sassy! I have been advising her to take it slower and reach for God. She says God can't hold me. I understand the hole and I know I have to just simply allow her to take her path.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#14
#14
JeniBean said:
My Best Friend lost her husband of 29 years 6 months ago tragically. She is already dating! She says she can't be alone and I am trying to be supportive, but I have a hard time imagining dating so soon. She wants to know how to tell her grown children and In'Laws, which I feel she shouldn't until it is serious with one of the 4 she is dating. What are you thoughts? So you feel it is okay to date so soon? Any advice on how to be supportive when I feel she needs time?
Click to expand...
My husband waited for the divorce before dating. I was the second person he dated. (The first woman lasted about a year.) On our first date, he told me his life story, including the summary -- I'm no good without a wife. I'm looking to marry. A week later were were unofficially engaged. (I had known him as a friend for three months. I didn't really want Buddy Status.) We held off marrying until oldest brother was married, since oldest brother had been engaged for a year before I even met hubby. It seemed fair. (Looking back, it was wasted time.) We were married withing seven months.

If you know what you want, why not?

As for adult kids and boyfriends? We're grownups. We adjust. My Dad has had 5 ladyfriends since Mom died, (one when she was sick, but she did leave him. He wanted to stay married, but she wanted to have the divorce before she died. Didn't make it, but that woman saved my life... well, at least I had a chance being cool at school. Leave it to Dad and I would have always looked like a nerd. She convinced him to let me buy cool glasses and clothes lol), including the one he married for a decade. His latest is a sweetheart. She told him up front they weren't ever getting married, but she's the only one who convince him to eat a real meal now. He has dementia.

It's your best friend's life. Support her. She has adult kids. Apparently she knows what she wants.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#15
#15
JeniBean said:
She is a christian. She was happily married. Known her 30 years. And the poll is to see others thoughts if dating so soon is good. Not really putting the business out there. Need opinions how to guide her as she is going off her Christian path. Thanks for your input.
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How is she going off the Christian path?
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#16
#16
She is going off the Christian path by having sexual relations with 4 different men to "Feel Comforted".
 
L

LiJo

Guest
#17
#17
She's definitely not giving herself time to mourn, she's trying to find comfort in these men. Can be a disaster. praying for her, so sad.
 
crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#18
Nov 24, 2012
30,779
3,681
113
#18
If dating is defined as jumping into bed with four, then what is going steady? I'd say 'no'.
 
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