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I've been married for nearly 20 years to a wonderful husband and father to our children.
The problem is my dad. Since day one, he's been in our business, showing up at our house unannounced 4-5 times a week, and will call me seriously 10-15 times a day. I'm not exaggerating! If I don't answer EACH phone call, he gets very angry, and wants to know where I was, what I was doing that was so important I can't answer his calls. If I dare say anything to him, he won't speak to me for weeks or months, but honestly when that happens, it's a relief! He treated my mother this way as well, until she finally divorced him. After 15 years of putting up with this, the phone calls slowed down more & more over time, and the visits have stopped completely. If he can't have ALL, he wants NONE, and then likes to pretend he's the victim.
So fast forward a couple of years - we don't have much of a relationship by this point. He came for a visit, and told my children (while we were not around), that he doesn't like their dad (my husband), and gave detailed reasons of his hate for not only him, but the rest of the family as well. Aunts/uncles/cousins, ect...My kids were 9 & 10 at the time of this conversation. My kids told me about it a few days later, but didn't tell my husband, nor did I. So a month or so goes by, we don't hear from my dad until one day when he invites us out for dinner. I declined via email, but as usual, he won't take no for an answer in order to get his way. I finally emailed him and told him what the kids had told me and he denied it. I talked to my brother & sister about this, and they both told me he had told them the exact same thing about my husband, so I know for a fact my kids aren't lying. In the email, I nicely told him I forgive him, but I am not stupid enough to let it happen again...meaning I don't want to be around him, and the children are certainly never to be left alone with him again. He has never admitted to it, and now I have no relationship with him at all.
He continually asks my sister why I'm mad at him, and acts like he's innocent. She just says she doesn't know, because she doesn't want to be put in the middle, which I can't blame her and I'm glad she says that. Honestly, my life is so much easier without him in it, and I hate that I even think that way! At one time, I was very close to my dad but it seems he couldn't handle me growing up or something. He's controlling, loves to be the victim, and loves for people to feel sorry for him. He's become quiet the liar about many things. I've spent many hours praying over this, and I can hear the Lord telling me, "you have a Father in Heaven" which I know. I just don't want to feel guilty when the day comes my dad is no longer on this Earth, and I know I will.
Any advice? I don't see a way this relationship can heal if he never admits to and apologizes for what he's done, but I also know I can benefit from other's point of views. I'm open to any advice, I just want to know I've done everything possible which I feel I have. Thanks for the listening ear!
The problem is my dad. Since day one, he's been in our business, showing up at our house unannounced 4-5 times a week, and will call me seriously 10-15 times a day. I'm not exaggerating! If I don't answer EACH phone call, he gets very angry, and wants to know where I was, what I was doing that was so important I can't answer his calls. If I dare say anything to him, he won't speak to me for weeks or months, but honestly when that happens, it's a relief! He treated my mother this way as well, until she finally divorced him. After 15 years of putting up with this, the phone calls slowed down more & more over time, and the visits have stopped completely. If he can't have ALL, he wants NONE, and then likes to pretend he's the victim.
So fast forward a couple of years - we don't have much of a relationship by this point. He came for a visit, and told my children (while we were not around), that he doesn't like their dad (my husband), and gave detailed reasons of his hate for not only him, but the rest of the family as well. Aunts/uncles/cousins, ect...My kids were 9 & 10 at the time of this conversation. My kids told me about it a few days later, but didn't tell my husband, nor did I. So a month or so goes by, we don't hear from my dad until one day when he invites us out for dinner. I declined via email, but as usual, he won't take no for an answer in order to get his way. I finally emailed him and told him what the kids had told me and he denied it. I talked to my brother & sister about this, and they both told me he had told them the exact same thing about my husband, so I know for a fact my kids aren't lying. In the email, I nicely told him I forgive him, but I am not stupid enough to let it happen again...meaning I don't want to be around him, and the children are certainly never to be left alone with him again. He has never admitted to it, and now I have no relationship with him at all.
He continually asks my sister why I'm mad at him, and acts like he's innocent. She just says she doesn't know, because she doesn't want to be put in the middle, which I can't blame her and I'm glad she says that. Honestly, my life is so much easier without him in it, and I hate that I even think that way! At one time, I was very close to my dad but it seems he couldn't handle me growing up or something. He's controlling, loves to be the victim, and loves for people to feel sorry for him. He's become quiet the liar about many things. I've spent many hours praying over this, and I can hear the Lord telling me, "you have a Father in Heaven" which I know. I just don't want to feel guilty when the day comes my dad is no longer on this Earth, and I know I will.
Any advice? I don't see a way this relationship can heal if he never admits to and apologizes for what he's done, but I also know I can benefit from other's point of views. I'm open to any advice, I just want to know I've done everything possible which I feel I have. Thanks for the listening ear!