I messed up with god

[NoRedemptionBeyondRepair]

I let things go to far with my neighbor. I go over there sometimes when he needs help. He's much much older then me and I never thought about him in inappropriate ways. But tonight I let things happen. I didn't feel ready, but he was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways. It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort, but I wasn't assertive enough. If I pushed his hands away from me, he would just wait a minute and do it again. Eventually I gave in.
He made sure i was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean... but I wasn't ready and I made a mistake by letting him wear me down until I just had sex with him.
I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen. But I let it. I don't know why I let it.. I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again. I feel so regrettably awful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be used for sex or anything... How do I talk to him about this with him anyways? I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

I did something stupid. I made an immature decision and I would do anything to take it back because it feels like this has ruined everything. I hate feeling like this- I can't sleep or eat, I'm depressed. I know I did something stupid, but now I need help.
I recently started exploring and trying to learn about god and I'm new to a lot of Christianity and beliefs and what's right and what's isn't. But after I left I felt a way that I never ever felt before. I can't explain it except it feels like god is straight up mad at me and I disappointed him. Especially being new to him. I really disappoint him and messed up and that weight feels so overwhelming. I don't know how else to describe this feeling of shame I feel. I never felt this way before when doing a "sin". I'm just so so sorry. I really messed things up even for a god.

Please don't say anything rude, you don't know how difficult this is for me already. I just want advice.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I didn't want to be the first to respond , but I do have some things that I feel are very important for you to hear. Don't worry, not judging you at all. In fact, the opposite...

It's not your fault. He took advantage of you. It sounds like he tried to seduce you and when things didn't go his way he just kept trying until you gave up. What he did is very wrong. You didn't give him consent (you didn't want sex with him) If so, that's technically rape (sex without consent) even though he wasn't physically abusive.

Your age isn't displayed so I'll just say that if you're under 18 and he is 18 or older then he broke the law and it would be your responsibility to report it. I know that's harsh, but its for the best because it might prevent him from doing it to other girls.

I don't know how far it went, but if there's a chance you might be pregnant you should get help right away (Im not sure where though, but you should at least tell your parents).

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I will pray for your healing and protection. God bless.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Also, you can PM me for any reason. I promise not to judge you.

 

[Tintin]

It's not your fault.

 

[cmarieh]

I can understand you thinking God may be mad at you, but you also have to remember that he sent his son to be born of a virgin and live a perfect life only to die for your sins. He is a merciful God and all you need to do is ask for forgiveness and all is forgiven. He loves you so much and don't you ever forget that. We all make mistakes, but nothing is too big for him to forgive. Once he forgives you, he forgets it. Although, I wish it was easy for us to forget.

But in regards to this man, he did take advantage of you and if I were you I would avoid him like the plague. No matter what happened you are beautiful and deserve God's very best. Why put yourself in a compromising position by trying to talk to him? He will only hurt you and make you feel guilty and you deserve better.

I apologize if I sound judgemental in any way and my inbox is open to you as it may be easier to talk to a woman about what happened.

PS. GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU, HE LOVES YOU!!!!!!

 

[psychomom]

I let things go to far with my neighbor. I go over there sometimes when he needs help. He's much much older then me and I never thought about him in inappropriate ways. But tonight I let things happen. I didn't feel ready, but he was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways. It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort, but I wasn't assertive enough. If I pushed his hands away from me, he would just wait a minute and do it again. Eventually I gave in.
He made sure i was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean... but I wasn't ready and I made a mistake by letting him wear me down until I just had sex with him.
I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen. But I let it. I don't know why I let it.. I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again. I feel so regrettably awful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be used for sex or anything... How do I talk to him about this with him anyways? I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

I did something stupid. I made an immature decision and I would do anything to take it back because it feels like this has ruined everything. I hate feeling like this- I can't sleep or eat, I'm depressed. I know I did something stupid, but now I need help.
I recently started exploring and trying to learn about god and I'm new to a lot of Christianity and beliefs and what's right and what's isn't. But after I left I felt a way that I never ever felt before. I can't explain it except it feels like god is straight up mad at me and I disappointed him. Especially being new to him. I really disappoint him and messed up and that weight feels so overwhelming. I don't know how else to describe this feeling of shame I feel. I never felt this way before when doing a "sin". I'm just so so sorry. I really messed things up even for a god.

Please don't say anything rude, you don't know how difficult this is for me already. I just want advice.

sweetie, i'm not so sure that wasn't rape. and this momma would like to have words with that man.

that sense of shame you feel is, imo, a sign God is drawing you to Himself.
look to Christ, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.
see Jesus hanging on the cross, beaten and bloody, humiliated and naked, exhausted and gasping for breath.
He did that for you... because of the great love with which God loves you.
He did that so all God's children might be forgiven of every sin.
Jesus took the wrath of God against sinners so we would be reconciled to God.
that's the Gospel.... the Good News.
if you want to talk about it, please feel free to PM me, too. ♥

that part i put in bold? you cannot possibly mess things up for the Most High God.
we are mere creatures, and He has all power.
look to Jesus.... trust in the finished work of Christ, if you haven't already done so.
He's not waiting to judge you, but rather forgive you.

do you have a Bible? read the Gospel of John and Romans, if you can.

i'm so, so sorry this happened to you, my dear one.
i am praying for you. ♥
-ellie

ps-- you probably don't need to hear this, but please stay away from that neighbor.
he used you... your youth and innocence... the fact you were alone and unprotected...
he knew what he was doing. i admire your willingness to accept personal responsibility and that's important,
but i agree with ZT here... statutory rape is serious, and there are organizations like Crime Victims that will help you. my daughter works there and you will NOT be judged. please think about getting in touch with them. they'll do everything they can to help you.

 

[Abing]

I let things go to far with my neighbor. I go over there sometimes when he needs help. He's much much older then me and I never thought about him in inappropriate ways. But tonight I let things happen. I didn't feel ready, but he was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways. It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort, but I wasn't assertive enough. If I pushed his hands away from me, he would just wait a minute and do it again. Eventually I gave in.
He made sure i was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean... but I wasn't ready and I made a mistake by letting him wear me down until I just had sex with him.
I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen. But I let it. I don't know why I let it.. I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again. I feel so regrettably awful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be used for sex or anything... How do I talk to him about this with him anyways? I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

I did something stupid. I made an immature decision and I would do anything to take it back because it feels like this has ruined everything. I hate feeling like this- I can't sleep or eat, I'm depressed. I know I did something stupid, but now I need help.
I recently started exploring and trying to learn about god and I'm new to a lot of Christianity and beliefs and what's right and what's isn't. But after I left I felt a way that I never ever felt before. I can't explain it except it feels like god is straight up mad at me and I disappointed him. Especially being new to him. I really disappoint him and messed up and that weight feels so overwhelming. I don't know how else to describe this feeling of shame I feel. I never felt this way before when doing a "sin". I'm just so so sorry. I really messed things up even for a god.

Please don't say anything rude, you don't know how difficult this is for me already. I just want advice.

We've all done something similar. The feeling of guilt taking over your entire being can get overwhelming. And yes, echoing what everyone says here, it is not your fault. Say that out loud, it is not your fault. Do you have someone you trust irl (in real life) that you can tell about this, someone from church (an older female who you trust, or pastor's wife)?

 

[mailmandan]

Shame on him for being much much older than you and taking advantage of you. I am lifting you up in prayer to the Lord for emotional and spiritual healing. So sorry this happened to you.

 

[pwrnJC]

JESUS....Your new daughter is suffering..is embarrassed and feeling ashamed, yet, she has reached out into this CHRISTIAN forum and asked for advice and help from other brothers and sisters. I pray for her mental and physical healing and deliverance to be so powerful, so refreshing that she instantly knows that only GOD can move in the way that she begins to look upwards towards YOU! Intervene in her life, as many are presently praying on her behalf. Give her strength, a sound mind and draw closer to her, JESUS...so that she can feel your sweet blessed presence in a way that she's never known before. May she be of help to others and begin a new awesome journey with YOU this very moment. Thankyou Lord for hearing these many prayers and we give YOU the Victory, honor and glory forever! Amen!!!!

 

[jennymae]

I let things go to far with my neighbor. I go over there sometimes when he needs help. He's much much older then me and I never thought about him in inappropriate ways. But tonight I let things happen. I didn't feel ready, but he was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways. It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort, but I wasn't assertive enough. If I pushed his hands away from me, he would just wait a minute and do it again. Eventually I gave in.
He made sure i was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean... but I wasn't ready and I made a mistake by letting him wear me down until I just had sex with him.
I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen. But I let it. I don't know why I let it.. I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again. I feel so regrettably awful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be used for sex or anything... How do I talk to him about this with him anyways? I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

I did something stupid. I made an immature decision and I would do anything to take it back because it feels like this has ruined everything. I hate feeling like this- I can't sleep or eat, I'm depressed. I know I did something stupid, but now I need help.
I recently started exploring and trying to learn about god and I'm new to a lot of Christianity and beliefs and what's right and what's isn't. But after I left I felt a way that I never ever felt before. I can't explain it except it feels like god is straight up mad at me and I disappointed him. Especially being new to him. I really disappoint him and messed up and that weight feels so overwhelming. I don't know how else to describe this feeling of shame I feel. I never felt this way before when doing a "sin". I'm just so so sorry. I really messed things up even for a god.

Please don't say anything rude, you don't know how difficult this is for me already. I just want advice.

Reading this was sad, but sometimes one just need to carry on. Way I see it, talking wont help matters here, you will just be putting yourself in a situation where things can escalate again, and he apparently knows how to get his way with girls, which isn't a good sign at all. Bad things happened, and from how it looks, he most likely has taken advantage of you...but if he wants to talk or whatnot again, let him get to know the fighting side of you. Love you, darlin.

 

[Blessing208]

Your body is the temple of the Lord and you fornicated. You feel guilt because you love God and you will never feel right doing something wrong to someone you love. However, I have great news for you.God is true to his word. He won't leave you nor forsake you. God forgives! I think the hardest part is usually forgiving ourselves and that's what you may have to deal with, but when it comes to the sin God is faithful and just to forgive our sins. You are being prayed for. Please don't feel condemned, its usually what the enemy will try and use against the children of God. You are called for a purpose, continue to seek God. You are not forgotten! We don't always get things right the first time around, don't give up on yourself God hasn't.

 

[PartyOf3]

Aaawwww, bless your heart, I have done things I feel guilty for as well, everyone has, continue to pray through this time, GOD is forgiving. Every time you begin to think about what happened I want you to raise your hands and say"devil get thee behind me! I rebuke you in the name of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ!!" The devil has to obey, then I want you to pray thanking and praising GOD for being forgiven and washed in the blood. You don't need to apologize again you have already been forgiven. Do stay away from him. The bible says if your hand causes you to steal cut it off, sounds extreme but if you can't control your impulses then by all means cut off what causes you to sin, so cutting him out of your life is like cutting off your hand. Give it time and these feelings will pass. And always remember the evil one doesn't just want to cause you some trouble he is out to DESTROY you, stand firm and strong my sister in CHRIST...

 

[PennEd]

I let things go to far with my neighbor. I go over there sometimes when he needs help. He's much much older then me and I never thought about him in inappropriate ways. But tonight I let things happen. I didn't feel ready, but he was so forceful that it just kind of happened anyways. It's not that it was rape or anything of the sort, but I wasn't assertive enough. If I pushed his hands away from me, he would just wait a minute and do it again. Eventually I gave in.
He made sure i was enjoying it and everything if you know what I mean... but I wasn't ready and I made a mistake by letting him wear me down until I just had sex with him.
I feel emotionally damaged because I didn't want it to happen. But I let it. I don't know why I let it.. I feel the most sickening feeling I ever felt. Since he is my neighbor I feel like I can't even face him ever again. I feel so regrettably awful. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be used for sex or anything... How do I talk to him about this with him anyways? I'm so scared he's going to brag or tell one of my neighbors and word is going to get out.

I did something stupid. I made an immature decision and I would do anything to take it back because it feels like this has ruined everything. I hate feeling like this- I can't sleep or eat, I'm depressed. I know I did something stupid, but now I need help.
I recently started exploring and trying to learn about god and I'm new to a lot of Christianity and beliefs and what's right and what's isn't. But after I left I felt a way that I never ever felt before. I can't explain it except it feels like god is straight up mad at me and I disappointed him. Especially being new to him. I really disappoint him and messed up and that weight feels so overwhelming. I don't know how else to describe this feeling of shame I feel. I never felt this way before when doing a "sin". I'm just so so sorry. I really messed things up even for a god.

Please don't say anything rude, you don't know how difficult this is for me already. I just want advice.

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you, BUT, YOU CANNOT SURPRISE GOD! God knows everything about you, and everything you have done, are doing, and will do. It is clear you have confessed and repented. Have NO fear that God doesn't love and forgive you. I pray in Jesus name that His peace will envelope your heart.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

I wanted to bring up something here. There are a few people here who are saying things like "its not your fault", and other similar things. And Im not trying to say theyre totally wrong or anything, but I dont want you to get the wrong message here. You did sin against God, even if you didnt really wanna do it, and even if you regret it, you did do the act. So there is definitely a need to repent of your sin.

Do not take this the wrong way, though! I am not telling you this in order to "cast judgement" on you, or to make you feel ashamed or anything. In fact, I come from this exact same experience. I was with a guy, and he did start pushing himself on me. I did not really want to do the act, I even went as far as praying to God that I wanted it to stop when it was happening, and I deeply regretted it when it was done. But, in the end, I did not stop him, I did not say no, and I did let it continue, I let him do it, and I was there doing it too. I may have wished I hadnt done it, but I let it happen. So I know that I had sinned against Him, and I know that I have failed Him 100%.

It is wonderful that you feel this shame, though. I mean it, you know the world we are in. It is a world that will tell you that you shouldnt be ashamed, that theres nothing wrong with getting what you want in life, and that those who would encourage you to restrain yourself for doing whats right are the evil ones. But you do know better, you do know that you did wrong, and you feel the need to repent of what you have done. Haha, thats exactly what God tells us to do! The Gospel was not "Hey, you guys are okay, youre totally worth being with God", it wasnt anything close to this It was that despite being a fallen world of wicked beings, God has decided that it is more pleasing to Him for the wicked to repent of their sins and follow Him, rather than totally destroying the wicked. You feel right now that you are undeserving of Gods love. Well, you are Both you and I are very undeserving But He loved us so much that He came for us anyways, that all we have to do is truly repent on His name in order to be with Him. You are a sinner, but so is every single person who has responded to you on this thread



You should not look for comfort and a feeling of guiltlessness for what happened, even if someone led you to it. That is now what Christ came to do. We should accept that we have failed Him, and that we are unworthy, because we are unworthy. It is His love that saves us, not the way we rationalize how we feel into sin. There is no condemnation for those who are with Christ. You clearly seem to have the desire to be with Him, and this is the greatest choice you will ever make :3 All you have to do is repent of what you have done, and follow Him. Just like every one of us has had to do

 

[Willie-T]

No, you should NOT feel shame and guilt if you believe Romans 8:1. Yes, you should feel regret and be sorry for hurting God. But shame and guilt are not God's way... they are tools of Satan. It is exactly what Satan influenced Adam and Eve to feel in the Garden. But God, came looking for them to cover their shame and to draw them back to His love.

 

[Jesus4ever]

Very sorry to know that this happened, sister. Praying for you!

God bless you!

 

[jillwings]

I will add you as a friend. I can talk to you about it in private. God's grace is sufficient for us in times of trouble. When we fall, we can repent when we feel we have fallen short. Talk to God about it. Pray. There is nothing that God can't redeem you from. Jesus handled the spiritual consquences for sin at the cross but there are still physical and emotional and other consequences as well. We live in a time where we are constantly pressured to do more than we feel ready for and that is one reason you have to take some extreme steps to protect yourself from being in vulnerable situations. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Read Romans 8. So pick yourself up the best you can and move on but learn from it so it does not happen again and again and again. Love you sister!

 

[passing_through]

I would call that rape! Your not a minor ('till 21) are you? Adult or not I would call rape.

No, of course, it is no angry with you, go to him, he's waiting for you - run to the Father.
Ask God to cleanse you in the blood of Jesus and he will, I pray that often for me.
Ask God to restore your conscience, and forgive your self. [Christian side-hug]

 

[BADDOG]

Hi sister
i have read what you wrote and my heart goes out to you i wish i could give you a brotherly hug
here are a few things that may help you get your head round what God is seeing Romans 8 says :-- There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ,,,, yes sure you messed up hun but you are my sister in Christ so that makes you family ,,,not some stranger
We all fall sometimes big sometimes small but we all do it ,,,, i fall as well ,,, hers the trick sis :--- Satan wants you down and out that way you will never reach who you can be in Christ !!!
yes you made a mistake and a big one BUT we all make them all of us Christians make mistakes ,,,So learn from this ,,,, dust your self off sis and try again !!! of all of your Blog you posted many have offered to help take them up on there offer these Ladys love you and want to be your friend
let them help you over some of the bumps in the road ,,, and soon you will be helping others over there bumps in the road as well ,,, Satan want to keep you down !!! YET God wants you to soar like an Eagle ,,sister let God be God in your life and soon you will grow and fly in your faith

Ive been a Christian for over 40 years now and in that time i have messed up so bad yet God takes me back even though i should know better i still mess up !!
Now here comes the tuff part ok so get your seat belt ready ,,, there will be some christian's who will want to throw there stones and hurt you more than you all ready are ,,,i'm not one of those people
so smile hun GOD loves you and sees your heart and in your blog you have shown us all your heart so chin up and keep your eye on the Lord cause he will never leave you nor forsake you !!

God bless you richly sister hugsssssssssss

BADDOG

 

[NoRedemptionBeyondRepair]

I thank you all so extremely much for your kind and encouraging words. I feel thankful I even stumbled upon this site by accident. I don't have anyone else to talk to or turn too and as far as church or other Christian people they are not around for me to get to know yet go too. So all of you, are my help. and im most thankful for it.

I want to clarify some things just to make sure there's no misunderstanding for readers. Im not looking for sympathy in the least. It's just as much my fault as it is my neighbors. I let it happen. I wasn't held against my will, I wasn't threatened. I just didn't let myself out the door and I don't know why. I didn't want it. And I think that's where I am hating myself so much for letting things happen the way it did. I failed myself. My mind kept saying to get out or walk away but I just didn't. For that I am so sorry to myself. I let myself down. I should have seen it coming in the first place. Despite my pushing him away my mind gave up so easily. It makes me question myself.

Is there some stories or other people in the bible I could read about that messed up and god didn't leave them? Or scriptures saying he isn't mad at me and really does forgive how you guys are encouraging me he does? How do I walk in forgiveness? I can ask for forgiveness but I feel exactly the same.

thank you guys a lot and for all the kind encouragement things will be ok. it means more then you know.