Silent sinning, The most deadliest. PORN

[DiscipleDave]

Sins that are done in secret, are the most deadliest.

i am talking about porn.

i have an aunt who works in Adams Mark Hotel, we were talking one day and she told me something that surprised me, well not really, i know what time it is and what generation is here. She told me that every year the most porn movies rented is when the Promise Keepers Convention is in town. Promise Keepers is an all men convention, to help men be better dads, better husbands, better Christians. But because there are no kids, there is no spouse, PORN rental are off the charts during that convention.

Many people are looking at porn and can't seem to stop. But because nobody knows, and they are not confessing it to anyone, the problem remains and it is very likely it will continue to remain.

The first thing i tell people when counseling them on this topic, is to
TELL YOUR SPOUSE.
If you do not confess to others, you will always have the problem.

i just started this post, because i know many people struggle with this. Even more women struggle with this then previously thought.

Post advice, post testimonies, give links to help.

 

[blue_ladybug]

There is NO SIN done in secret, that GOD does not know about..

 

[Willie-T]

I would definitely agree with it having to be brought out in the open, but I am very much opposed to involving the spouce before a few goals have been attained.

 

[zoii]

Its like a fungus growing in the community. You cant see it grow when u look at it...but each time you come back it is a fraction bigger - and it grows best in the dark.

I know its thought of as a victimless sin but its not. At the risk of being the annoying teen that repeats herself, this definitely effects the young women (and some young men) who suffer at the hands of criminal elements, who are sometimes trapped in slavery, or who suffer this indignation because they have no other options to survive. They are at risk of unwanted pregnancies and STIs. All too frequently children are involved. The usage fosters an ugly and often extremely violent criminal class feeding off the misery of young men and women. therefore to my mind, porn usage by men (and some women as well) is about preying on those who are trapped in demeaning ugly and often violent curcumstances.

For the user it hard-wires their brain into images that change sexual perceptions and their relationships.
Ty to the OP - I think its important to raise this time n time again - If you did a poll here about porn use, and it was answered honestly, what do u think the results would be?
*repetitive teen comment ended*

 

[Dino246]

It's a good idea to use filtering and monitoring software. My prayer buddy gets the reports which CovenantEyes generates on my web usage. There is a modest cost to use it, but the cost of not using it could be much higher.

It's also a good idea to be in relationship with at least one person who has your permission to ask you the hard questions. Regularly.

 

[Antoaneta]

The first thing i tell people when counseling them on this topic, is to
TELL YOUR SPOUSE.

Yes, right!

Even though my husband is a Christian but not "truly" in faith, I could say that from my experience, being married for 17y, if wives keep their husbands sexually satisfied and they are opened to talks about their desires, the husband would not seek any other ways for fulfilling his desires. And as in Bible:
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7)

What is the husbands' opinion about this?

 

[tourist]

There is NO SIN done in secret, that GOD does not know about..

Well said.

 

[shotgunner]

Yes, right!

Even though my husband is a Christian but not "truly" in faith, I could say that from my experience, being married for 17y, if wives keep their husbands sexually satisfied and they are opened to talks about their desires, the husband would not seek any other ways for fulfilling his desires. And as in Bible:
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7)

What is the husbands' opinion about this?

I agree with complete openness in the marriage about sexual desires. A good marriage consists of an open and enjoyable sex life for both partners. How better to be close to someone then sharing your most hidden desires with them?

I would however like to add that a porn addiction isn't necessarily any negative reflection on a healthy and enjoyable married sex life. No spouse should feel in any way responsible for the other's addiction to porn. Good sexual relations in a marriage can certainly help curb outside desires, but porn is an addiction that effects even healthy relationships.

 

[DiscipleDave]

I would definitely agree with it having to be brought out in the open, but I am very much opposed to involving the spouce before a few goals have been attained.

To hide it from your spouse, is this not deception? And is deception of God or satan? It is written you are no longer twain but one flesh. If there is a problem with one half of the body, does not the other half of that same body need to know there is a problem? Telling the spouse opens a person who looks at porn to accountability. A person who has problems looking at porn needs to be held accountable, so the problem can be addressed. Porn problems are RARELY if EVER fixed solely by the person who has the problem. In EVERY one of my counseling with people on porn issues, the problems are abated by the help of others being involved. Especially from the Spouse. i have found that hiding it from spouses causes a great deal more problems if they find out about it, without the one with the problem coming clean with them, then you have trust issues, on TOP of the porn issue.

So if anyone who is now having a porn issue, that is to say, you want to stop looking at porn, but just can't seem to do it, tell your spouse, for which is better, to tell her the Truth, or for her to find out some other way? Remember the Word of Jesus

Luk_8:17 For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.

So just tell your spouse. Whatever the outcome of telling your spouse the Truth is, will be better than if your spouse finds out some other way.

Responding to post # 3

 

[Willie-T]

To hide it from your spouse, is this not deception? And is deception of God or satan? It is written you are no longer twain but one flesh. If there is a problem with one half of the body, does not the other half of that same body need to know there is a problem? Telling the spouse opens a person who looks at porn to accountability. A person who has problems looking at porn needs to be held accountable, so the problem can be addressed. Porn problems are RARELY if EVER fixed solely by the person who has the problem. In EVERY one of my counseling with people on porn issues, the problems are abated by the help of others being involved. Especially from the Spouse. i have found that hiding it from spouses causes a great deal more problems if they find out about it, without the one with the problem coming clean with them, then you have trust issues, on TOP of the porn issue.

So if anyone who is now having a porn issue, that is to say, you want to stop looking at porn, but just can't seem to do it, tell your spouse, for which is better, to tell her the Truth, or for her to find out some other way? Remember the Word of Jesus

Luk_8:17 For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.

So just tell your spouse. Whatever the outcome of telling your spouse the Truth is, will be better than if your spouse finds out some other way.

Responding to post # 3

Absolutely not.

To begin with, in most cases, the man is fooling himself if he thinks the wife doesn't already know there is something wrong, even if she is not completely aware of the details. And, until he gets a degree of grip on the addiction, that is really ALL she should know or even attempt to know. Just that he has issues with porn that he needs to work through.

After a point, then "Yes" the wife can, and should be involved. But until that point is reached, you are playing with a very dangerous kind of fire to have the wife sitting on his shoulder.

 

[DiscipleDave]

Absolutely not.

To begin with, in most cases, the man is fooling himself if he thinks the wife doesn't already know there is something wrong, even if she is not completely aware of the details. And, until he gets a degree of grip on the addiction, that is really ALL she should know or even attempt to know. Just that he has issues with porn that he needs to work through.

After a point, then "Yes" the wife can, and should be involved. But until that point is reached, you are playing with a very dangerous kind of fire to have the wife sitting on his shoulder.

Those who continue to look at porn, and do not cease from looking at it, will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. As i said before, MOST people who have a porn issue, NEVER cease to have the issue on their own. It the the wife sitting on the persons shoulder that HELPS that person STOP looking at porn and save their souls from Hell fire.

Looking at porn is EVIL, it is wicked, it is NOT of God. If you have a problem with porn, that is you can't seem to stop viewing it, you better do whatever you can to cease from it, telling your spouse is the easy part. Getting rid of the computer out of your house, if you can't cease from looking at porn is MUCH harder to do. Telling your spouse is the RIGHT thing to do. The Godly thing to do.

Does not Scriptures teach the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Tell me, if your wife was having some issues that were sinful in nature, would you or would you not want her to tell you about it? If she was having thoughts of having a sexual relationship with someone at her work, tell me, would you want her to talk to you about it? Practice the Golden Rule. If you would want her to tell you problems that she is having, then you do the same for her.

Is it not written in the Word of God to:

Jas_5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Tell me, a person who has a porn problem, and NOBODY knows they are having that issue, WHO then is praying for that person? NOBODY!!!

If a person deals with their own porn addiction problem, how can this verse be fulfilled?

Mat_18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

it is a tool of satan to tell people they can deal with this problem on their own, all the while they continue to look at porn, without ever ceasing from it.

Those who have problems with porn addictions, need to DO what the Scriptures instructs, confess your faults, and Both pray concerning the matter. Or you can continue to believe the lie satan tells and continue to try to cease from viewing porn on your own, and thereby continue to view porn.

Please note what i have said above is not specifically to Willie-T, but is said to only those who have problems with porn. Tell your Spouse. How bad do you want to cease? If you want to cease bad enough, you WILL tell your spouse. The problem is, This generation does not want to cease looking at porn, but make excuses for it, or because of it. Oh My, telling your spouse, well you may never be able to look at porn again, can't have that, don't want that. TELL YOUR SPOUSE!!!

^i^ responding to post #10

 

[didymos]

... She told me that every year the most porn movies rented is when the Promise Keepers Convention is in town. Promise Keepers is an all men convention, to help men be better dads, better husbands, better Christians. But because there are no kids, there is no spouse, PORN rental are off the charts during that convention...

Porn rental? What's this? The 90's?

 

[PoetMary]

Yes, right!

Even though my husband is a Christian but not "truly" in faith, I could say that from my experience, being married for 17y, if wives keep their husbands sexually satisfied and they are opened to talks about their desires, the husband would not seek any other ways for fulfilling his desires. And as in Bible:
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7)

What is the husbands' opinion about this?

And if wives cooked better meals and ironed more shirts then men wouldn't be alcoholics or drug users either. If a man is engaging with porn, it is not his wife's fault. He is making a choice to sin. To me, the above statement is no different than Adam blaming his wife at the Fall. You may remember that God booted them both out of the Garden.

 

[pwrnJC]

That was my impression also. I used to attend the Promise Keepers conventions..and I undertstand they have not had on in over 10 years now....or longer...I had the privilege of attending the Washington DC Promise Keepers Convention and it was totally awesome. The police officers and subway attendents told us that crime decreases during those weekends.

 

[PoetMary]

Porn rental? What's this? The 90's?

Hahahaha...I thought the SAME THING! Seriously, who pays for porn at hotels when all you'd need to do is connect your laptop to the free wifi and watch on the internet for free? They're not only engaging with porn, but they clearly lack frugality as well.

 

[PoetMary]

Absolutely not.

To begin with, in most cases, the man is fooling himself if he thinks the wife doesn't already know there is something wrong, even if she is not completely aware of the details. And, until he gets a degree of grip on the addiction, that is really ALL she should know or even attempt to know. Just that he has issues with porn that he needs to work through.

After a point, then "Yes" the wife can, and should be involved. But until that point is reached, you are playing with a very dangerous kind of fire to have the wife sitting on his shoulder.

I've never been married, but I do see that it could be dangerous to make your spouse your "accountability partner" in this issue. It sets up a kind of power structure that might not be healthy. It makes more sense to me for a person to seek a spiritual mentor outside the marriage that help with accountability.

 

[Lynn68]

PoetMary, I've been married for 17 years, and have been faithful to my husband-and have fulfilled his desires in bed. But that did not stop him from having an affair and moving in with a lady we both know in 2012. That didn't stop him from continuing the affair with her after he came back. That didn't stop him from going to dating web site for married people in 2014 and creating an account there. That hasn't stopped him from lying to me, even though I know he is lying. My husband has a heart problem. He has a hole in his heart that is in the shape of Jesus. My husband is trying to fill this hole with other things-and failing because it will never be filled that way. Jesus is the answer, in ALL things.

 

[Willie-T]

I've never been married, but I do see that it could be dangerous to make your spouse your "accountability partner" in this issue. It sets up a kind of power structure that might not be healthy. It makes more sense to me for a person to seek a spiritual mentor outside the marriage that help with accountability.

Actually, the very idea of an "accountability partner" is self-defeating. Just like "blockers" on your computer or TV, this is only a band aid stop-gap. If you develop the habit of needing someone to slap your hand, or take the video away when you pick it up, you are defeating NOTHING.... And you are handcuffing yourself to dependency upon that external measure.

There are Spiritual ways of approaching this that help you develop a new mind set. (sound familiar? It's Biblical... "renewing of your mind"... right believing) God does not tell us to go find someone to keep us from doing wrong. He tells us to bring our own minds into alignment with His ways..... not to have someone to be there, swatting us like a child.

Yes, we almost always need human help in learning to control our own feelings and actions. But this is entirely different from the worldly concept of a 12-step sponsor. I urge, most vehemently, not to make yourself a slave to needing someone or something that you will become dependent upon to keep you from acting out what you have still done nothing to keep yourself from thinking about.

 

[Willie-T]

I hate to hurt Dave's feelings, but I cannot stress enough that you should NOT involve your spouse in your addiction until you have achieved a certain level of control over it. I say it again, DO NOT DO IT!!!

You are often asking for more trouble than you ever imagined possible. I can't count the marriages I've seen trashed because of this fool-hearty mistake. There is so much wrong with this concept that it would take weeks (maybe months) to explain the complexities of the minefield you would be blundering into.

It is, frankly, quite common, in our weakness to want to let our wife shoulder some of the responsibility for our problem, and of solving it. She's not your Mommy. The relationship is not the same, and you often might as well aim a loaded gun at her vulnerable heart, and pull the trigger.

 

[DiscipleDave]

Actually, the very idea of an "accountability partner" is self-defeating. Just like "blockers" on your computer or TV, this is only a band aid stop-gap. If you develop the habit of needing someone to slap your hand, or take the video away when you pick it up, you are defeating NOTHING.... And you are handcuffing yourself to dependency upon that external measure.

There are Spiritual ways of approaching this that help you develop a new mind set. (sound familiar? It's Biblical... "renewing of your mind"... right believing) God does not tell us to go find someone to keep us from doing wrong. He tells us to bring our own minds into alignment with His ways..... not to have someone to be there, swatting us like a child.

Yes, we almost always need human help in learning to control our own feelings and actions. But this is entirely different from the worldly concept of a 12-step sponsor. I urge, most vehemently, not to make yourself a slave to needing someone or something that you will become dependent upon to keep you from acting out what you have still done nothing to keep yourself from thinking about.

Are you suggesting that it is Good to hide sinful things from your spouse?

Is it not written that the husband and the wife are no longer twain, but they are ONE flesh. Secrets between the Husband and the wife are NEVER a good thing, nor a Godly thing. satan is all about deceit. Tell me. Do you think it is deceitful to not tell your spouse that you are having problems with porn? Do you think it is deceitful to EXCLUDE your spouse from having that information? Do you think that most wives would WANT to know their husband is having a problems with porn?

Have you never heard HONESTY is the Best policy. But you seem to advocate hiding things from your wife, and such things that can, and does, cause many to seek adultery. Also i have plainly said that telling your wife is the first thing to do IF you have a porn problem, which you CAN'T seem to cease from. If then a person CAN'T cease, then they should tell their spouse, which seems you adamantly disagree with, you are in error.

^i^ responding to post #18