But God, I Did Everything Right (So I Deserve to Marry a Super Model/Movie Star.)

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
20,584
10,399
113
Hey Everyone,

A friend and I were talking today about some of the single people we knew and whether we knew anyone we might be able to introduce them to.

I mentioned one person and my friend said, "I don't know, Kim, I doubt he'd be very happy with anyone we tried to fix him up with." He went on to tell me that this person is expecting to meet a woman who is exactly 5'5" (he'd want someone taller if he weren't 5'6" himself), certain color hair, certain color eyes, certain lifestyle (she must have never drank alcohol--at all), and look like a model.

This completely baffled me, seeing as this person does not take the best care of himself at all, has no career, is around 30 years old and lives with his parents, works only about 20 hours a week (oh, that's another thing, he wants a woman with a high-paying job so he can live off her income), and has no interest in eating right or working out for himself. Apparently, this person turns down any possibilities or mentions of dates with women who do not meet these standards (as you can imagine... he hasn't had many dates, if any, I'm not sure.)

Now, I am NOT trying to say there is no importance or value in looks or a career--we've had several threads here in which we have discussed the fact that even as Christians, looks and responsibilities do matter to us.

BUT, I asked my friend why on earth this guy would feel such a woman would fall madly in love with him and want to marry him when he has no interest in being or doing such things for himself... then I paused, thought about it a minute, and said, "Wait, I bet he thinks that because he's done the right thing all his life, is heavily involved in church and is part of the regular Sunday team... he feels as if God owes it to him, right?" "Bingo," my friend said.

That made me think a bit.

Yes, the Bible clearly says there are rewards for obedience. BUT, we know God doesn't always give us what we want.

Still, how many times are we guilty of thinking that God "owes" us certain characteristics in a significant other or relationship because we've tried to be the best possible Christian we could be?

I myself am guilty of this. When my husband left and divorced me, I felt God "owed" it to me to keep the marriage together and change my ex's mind because 1. I'd tried to live the best Christian life I thought I could... sure, I made mistakes, but I thought God would "go to bat" for me this one time; 2. I was raised in church and Lutheran schools all my life and was always told to have FAITH because WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE so I was SURE God would turn things around; and 3. God hates divorce, so I was convinced, God would never let this happen.

Obviously, things did not work out the way I thought, and as the years go by, I am thankful He brought me through but also recognize my own errors of feeling I was somehow "entitled" to certain miracles or events in my life. I consider this now as well as I hope to one day find the person God has for me.

What about you? Have you, or do you ever feel that you are "owed" something or entitled to it as a Christian, and how has that gone for you? What have you experienced and learned?

Mucho gracias for your thoughts. :)
 
I want a good looking girl, but I doubt she'll look like a super model or anything close and I'm fine that.
 
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

A friend and I were talking today about some of the single people we knew and whether we knew anyone we might be able to introduce them to.

I mentioned one person and my friend said, "I don't know, Kim, I doubt he'd be very happy with anyone we tried to fix him up with." He went on to tell me that this person is expecting to meet a woman who is exactly 5'5" (he'd want someone taller if he weren't 5'6" himself), certain color hair, certain color eyes, certain lifestyle (she must have never drank alcohol--at all), and look like a model.

This completely baffled me, seeing as this person does not take the best care of himself at all, has no career, is around 30 years old and lives with his parents, works only about 20 hours a week (oh, that's another thing, he wants a woman with a high-paying job so he can live off her income), and has no interest in eating right or working out for himself. Apparently, this person turns down any possibilities or mentions of dates with women who do not meet these standards (as you can imagine... he hasn't had many dates, if any, I'm not sure.)

Now, I am NOT trying to say there is no importance or value in looks or a career--we've had several threads here in which we have discussed the fact that even as Christians, looks and responsibilities do matter to us.

BUT, I asked my friend why on earth this guy would feel such a woman would fall madly in love with him and want to marry him when he has no interest in being or doing such things for himself... then I paused, thought about it a minute, and said, "Wait, I bet he thinks that because he's done the right thing all his life, is heavily involved in church and is part of the regular Sunday team... he feels as if God owes it to him, right?" "Bingo," my friend said.

That made me think a bit.

Yes, the Bible clearly says there are rewards for obedience. BUT, we know God doesn't always give us what we want.

Still, how many times are we guilty of thinking that God "owes" us certain characteristics in a significant other or relationship because we've tried to be the best possible Christian we could be?

I myself am guilty of this. When my husband left and divorced me, I felt God "owed" it to me to keep the marriage together and change my ex's mind because 1. I'd tried to live the best Christian life I thought I could... sure, I made mistakes, but I thought God would "go to bat" for me this one time; 2. I was raised in church and Lutheran schools all my life and was always told to have FAITH because WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE so I was SURE God would turn things around; and 3. God hates divorce, so I was convinced, God would never let this happen.

Obviously, things did not work out the way I thought, and as the years go by, I am thankful He brought me through but also recognize my own errors of feeling I was somehow "entitled" to certain miracles or events in my life. I consider this now as well as I hope to one day find the person God has for me.

What about you? Have you, or do you ever feel that you are "owed" something or entitled to it as a Christian, and how has that gone for you? What have you experienced and learned?

Mucho gracias for your thoughts. :)
Click to expand...

For me on some level appearance does matter, but that doesnt mean first impression, several times have i first seen a person and didnt find them attractive, but then their personality made them attractive, adn vice versa very attractive guys can be unattractive to me by their personality.

I dont think God "owes" us and is going to give us those types of desires. He gives us what we need everytime though, putting to many limitations on waht God has planned means you culd be missing out in my mind. God has someone planned for you, and whether you think so or not they are the right one even if they dont meet the standards you have set.

From experience, I've only had one relationship, so its difficult to say, but going through the break up I know there someone better out there but I dont know, what that person looks like, or who they are....
 
I think we as people do tend to place a lot of impossible standards on others and ourselves, in many areas. With Christians, this presents another problem, because some of these attitudes seep into our relationship with God as well. The fact that God "doesn't owe me anything" is a concept which I'm actually wrestling with at the moment, since I've often sunk into depression and loneliness. It's so easy to believe that God doesn't love you, when you don't love yourself.

As for my current situation, here goes: I'm 29 years old, living on my own through Supplemental Security and a reduced-cost housing program. My last job was 3 years ago, and it lasted about 2 months (Christmas help at a GameStop store). I spend a great deal of time every week alone, usually in front of my computer or reading. I don't go outside very much, except when visiting my family, or attending my weekly sessions with a Christian counselor. I know I need to be working, but looking for a job feels so depressing, and to be honest I'm not even sure what kind of job I want. I know all kinds of things I don't want to do, but I can't think of many careers that would make me happy. I don't usually think of myself as a habitually lazy, though I'm sure some would disagree. Emotionally, I feel conflicted a lot of the time, and I often lapse into a general sense of being "stuck in a rut". In all, I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life; I feel "trapped" in a circular way of living, for lack of a better explanation. Combine all of this with a raging sex drive and all the confusion connected with trying to live a God-honoring life and not drive myself crazy...well, I think you get the idea.
 
Moviefan2k4 said:
I think we as people do tend to place a lot of impossible standards on others and ourselves, in many areas. With Christians, this presents another problem, because some of these attitudes seep into our relationship with God as well. The fact that God "doesn't owe me anything" is a concept which I'm actually wrestling with at the moment, since I've often sunk into depression and loneliness. It's so easy to believe that God doesn't love you, when you don't love yourself.

As for my current situation, here goes: I'm 29 years old, living on my own through Supplemental Security and a reduced-cost housing program. My last job was 3 years ago, and it lasted about 2 months (Christmas help at a GameStop store). I spend a great deal of time every week alone, usually in front of my computer or reading. I don't go outside very much, except when visiting my family, or attending my weekly sessions with a Christian counselor. I know I need to be working, but looking for a job feels so depressing, and to be honest I'm not even sure what kind of job I want. I know all kinds of things I don't want to do, but I can't think of many careers that would make me happy. I don't usually think of myself as a habitually lazy, though I'm sure some would disagree. Emotionally, I feel conflicted a lot of the time, and I often lapse into a general sense of being "stuck in a rut". In all, I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life; I feel "trapped" in a circular way of living, for lack of a better explanation. Combine all of this with a raging sex drive and all the confusion connected with trying to live a God-honoring life and not drive myself crazy...well, I think you get the idea.
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I know exactly how you feel. It took 7 years after college to find work, and it isn't the field I went to college for. Not even close. Living off my mom's dime for 7 years got real frustrating. By the end I thought we were going to kill each other before long. That being said I've been working for two years and a dozen mistakes later I'm finacially right back where I was when I started. Although I'm still living on my own, things are very tight. As for the itch, I'm finding it easier to ignore it as the years go by. I don't get out much myself, and quite frankly I'm not sure I'm fit for any woman any more. A friend of mine describes it as being on the dark side. Sure feels that way without someone lighting the way.

That's my two cents.
 
That is insane and extremely selfish. This guy is going to be single all his life. Mayhaps he's afraid of commitment altogether and his impossible standards is a way for him to avoid real relationships with women who will judge him on his inferior priorities.
 
Dread_Zeppelin said:
That is insane and extremely selfish. This guy is going to be single all his life. Mayhaps he's afraid of commitment altogether and his impossible standards is a way for him to avoid real relationships with women who will judge him on his inferior priorities.
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I agree completely. What woman would date this guy? For a 'Christian' guy it pisses me off that his standards for women are based on looks and income. For a 30 year old he sounds very immature if he hasnt figure out that this is not what being a Christian is about when it concerns relationships. I hope God teaches him to be more open and humble when it comes to his standards.
 
Super models and movie stars are over rated. I want a kind, sweet. intelligent girl who is modest and has faith in God. 99% of supermodels are b#$%#@

I don't care about looks. I want someone who is not like all the other girls I see. Someone who has stood up to society and said NO. Like I have. At the expense of being friendless and unhappy. Someone with principles.
 
Jacob favoured Rachel over Leah because she had curves. Do you know he was also about 70 years old at the time? Going with someone based upon looks alone is certainly biblical. Even if you're ugly.
 
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

A friend and I were talking today about some of the single people we knew and whether we knew anyone we might be able to introduce them to.

I mentioned one person and my friend said, "I don't know, Kim, I doubt he'd be very happy with anyone we tried to fix him up with." He went on to tell me that this person is expecting to meet a woman who is exactly 5'5" (he'd want someone taller if he weren't 5'6" himself), certain color hair, certain color eyes, certain lifestyle (she must have never drank alcohol--at all), and look like a model.

This completely baffled me, seeing as this person does not take the best care of himself at all, has no career, is around 30 years old and lives with his parents, works only about 20 hours a week (oh, that's another thing, he wants a woman with a high-paying job so he can live off her income), and has no interest in eating right or working out for himself. Apparently, this person turns down any possibilities or mentions of dates with women who do not meet these standards (as you can imagine... he hasn't had many dates, if any, I'm not sure.)

Now, I am NOT trying to say there is no importance or value in looks or a career--we've had several threads here in which we have discussed the fact that even as Christians, looks and responsibilities do matter to us.

BUT, I asked my friend why on earth this guy would feel such a woman would fall madly in love with him and want to marry him when he has no interest in being or doing such things for himself... then I paused, thought about it a minute, and said, "Wait, I bet he thinks that because he's done the right thing all his life, is heavily involved in church and is part of the regular Sunday team... he feels as if God owes it to him, right?" "Bingo," my friend said.

That made me think a bit.

Yes, the Bible clearly says there are rewards for obedience. BUT, we know God doesn't always give us what we want.

Still, how many times are we guilty of thinking that God "owes" us certain characteristics in a significant other or relationship because we've tried to be the best possible Christian we could be?

I myself am guilty of this. When my husband left and divorced me, I felt God "owed" it to me to keep the marriage together and change my ex's mind because 1. I'd tried to live the best Christian life I thought I could... sure, I made mistakes, but I thought God would "go to bat" for me this one time; 2. I was raised in church and Lutheran schools all my life and was always told to have FAITH because WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE so I was SURE God would turn things around; and 3. God hates divorce, so I was convinced, God would never let this happen.

Obviously, things did not work out the way I thought, and as the years go by, I am thankful He brought me through but also recognize my own errors of feeling I was somehow "entitled" to certain miracles or events in my life. I consider this now as well as I hope to one day find the person God has for me.

What about you? Have you, or do you ever feel that you are "owed" something or entitled to it as a Christian, and how has that gone for you? What have you experienced and learned?

Mucho gracias for your thoughts. :)
Click to expand...


I relate to your views -- when we really have God search our hearts -- we see we don't deserve anything besides death. It actually leads you to pray for His Mercy for the life your choices have brought you. Quite interesting when it comes to relationships as well -- I see I'm not ready and I need God to do a major work in my heart. I could never love someone until I see how much God loves me. Seems so basic, but it is so deep. The issue is me -- as with the man you mentioned --he is so focused on others -- he really isn't living his life --his life is not his own.

I'm attractive and take care of myself -- but I see more than ever a man who truly knows God's love -- He will love me more than anyone I could ever choose on my own. I'm done choosing or waiting -- I'm having God search my heart -- that is the part that isn't attractive.
 
The prophets and chosen people throughout the bible were special because God chose them and nothing more. Stop using their acts as excuses to act the wrong way!

Abraham was special because God chose him to be the father of a nation, but he was still a fallible human being; lying about his wife to avoid death, having a child with his wifes servant instead of waiting for God to give him a son with his wife, but Abraham was a pretty great guy.

Lot offered a sex craved mob his virgin daughters to have sex with, and later allowed himself to get so drunk that his daughters had sex with him to get pregnant, but Lot was a pretty great guy.

Jacob bought his brother's firstborn birth-right for a cup of soup while Esau was weak and allowed his mother to dress him up like Esau to falsely receive a blessing, but Jacob was a pretty great guy.

Joseph, well Joseph WAS a pretty great guy.

David fell in lust with some chick he saw bathing on a rooftop and had her husband killed so he could be with her, but David was a pretty great guy.

Pete,r who Jesus loved and spoke so highly about, denied and cursed Him three times, but Peter was a pretty great guy.

All these men were exceptional men (because of God) and were much greater than I ever could dream about being, well except maybe Lot, but you still can't use their human qualities that keep them from being exceptional, that God had to ultimately forgive, and say it is biblical like that makes it OK.

Are you going to start spying on your neighbors wife in the tub and plot his death so you can go console her and make her yours? Let's get real people!
 
Not only does he sound like a good date, he doesn't sound like a good friend. I hope I'm wrong, but he sounds quite entitled.
 
lol, if we received everything we deserved for who we are, we wouldn't get much from God haha.We deserve very little but he provides abundantly in His own ways. What we get is what we get and thats that. I like how Jesus said it " Do you deserve thanks for doing what you were supposed to as a servant?" or something like that. i forget where it is.

I'm just happy to have what I have from God. if he give me a "super model" type woman then that would be fine obviously. But I'm, not going to shake my hand at the heavens if that does not fall through. If anyone did, that would be pride in assuming they actually DID something. Any form of obedience we do is magnified by the grace he provides and would be thankful to have that.

My two cents.
 
Moviefan2k4 said:
I think we as people do tend to place a lot of impossible standards on others and ourselves, in many areas. With Christians, this presents another problem, because some of these attitudes seep into our relationship with God as well. The fact that God "doesn't owe me anything" is a concept which I'm actually wrestling with at the moment, since I've often sunk into depression and loneliness. It's so easy to believe that God doesn't love you, when you don't love yourself.

As for my current situation, here goes: I'm 29 years old, living on my own through Supplemental Security and a reduced-cost housing program. My last job was 3 years ago, and it lasted about 2 months (Christmas help at a GameStop store). I spend a great deal of time every week alone, usually in front of my computer or reading. I don't go outside very much, except when visiting my family, or attending my weekly sessions with a Christian counselor. I know I need to be working, but looking for a job feels so depressing, and to be honest I'm not even sure what kind of job I want. I know all kinds of things I don't want to do, but I can't think of many careers that would make me happy. I don't usually think of myself as a habitually lazy, though I'm sure some would disagree. Emotionally, I feel conflicted a lot of the time, and I often lapse into a general sense of being "stuck in a rut". In all, I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life; I feel "trapped" in a circular way of living, for lack of a better explanation. Combine all of this with a raging sex drive and all the confusion connected with trying to live a God-honoring life and not drive myself crazy...well, I think you get the idea.
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I don't know what to do with my life either and I'm not interested in any job or career.
 
Tegelik said:
I don't know what to do with my life either and I'm not interested in any job or career.
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I fell into a blue collar job after I dropped out of uni
when I was 21 I finally decided I knew what I wanted to do with my life
from that point it was 16 years before I was trained and working in the industry I wanted

I am now using that as a springboard to engage on yet another career
 
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