Giving up on Marriage

[JoJo22Johnson]

My husband and I have been through alot in a short amount of time. There was adultery on my half but he had forgiven me and we tried to move forward. A year later he won't take his medicine (he is a combat veteren) and we have serious fights everyday. It has been along year of emotional and verbal abuse and I am just coming out of depression. We tried to keep it together but I feel like the damage is done. I want nothing to do with him physically/sexually, and he in return feels unloved. We have tried counceling but it hasnt worked. I am done with the stress and unhappiness. When is enough enough...?

 

[ember]

Hi JoJo

you really do not give any background on yourself...I even looked at your profile to see if you were a Christian or not

would you be able to give us an understanding of your beliefs and your husbands beliefs

I'm truly sorry that you are in this situation

 

[JoJo22Johnson]

I think my profile says christian but I will have to look. We are both believers and are nondenominational. Simply put we believe exactly what the Bible says.

 

[blue_ladybug]

First of all, your marriage vows were "for better AND worse", BUT since you cheated on him, that negates your vows and allows for divorce. Adultery is the only allowable grounds God makes for divorce, and you've tried counseling and it hasn't worked. File papers and end this marriage. It sounds like you both have pretty much given up on this marriage and in that case, there's no sense in trying to hold onto something that ended long ago. Fighting and snubbing each other isn't good for either of you.. Urge him to start taking his meds again. Cut the ties and free both of you to move forward.

 

[JoJo22Johnson]

My fear is that I won't be able to be married in the church if I choose to be. I would rather lose everything I have with my husband and lose the life we have built together if that means happiness and oneness with God.

 

[ember]

I think my profile says christian but I will have to look. We are both believers and are nondenominational. Simply put we believe exactly what the Bible says.

when I checked, the info was not there...which is why I asked?

what kind of meds is your husband on? sometimes people want to quit taking their meds if they think it changes who they are

BUT since you cheated on him, that negates your vows and allows for divorce.

I disagree with this observation as you state your husband did forgive you

your statement:

There was adultery on my half but he had forgiven me and we tried to move forward.

obviously you are here for a different opinon than what you already think, but being short on details, the only I gather from your post is that you are done....I understand that feeling...but a divorce is not always the answer

it seems like not taking meds is a part of the ongoing fights...is that right?

I want nothing to do with him physically/sexually, and he in return feels unloved

most men would likely have that reaction if their wife did not want to touch them...and most wives would feel unloved if their husbands were
treating them as a lessor person

 

[JoJo22Johnson]

I'm not comfortable disclosuring his medication and just because he forgave me doesn't mean he still can't divorce me. I am here looking for biblical advice not for people to disect my post haha.

 

[ember]

well, I will bow out then

however, I was posting from biblical advice..God sees both of your hearts and divorce is not the best choice

however, if both hearts are unwilling then it may what you will do

 

[PeterJens]

My husband and I have been through alot in a short amount of time. There was adultery on my half but he had forgiven me and we tried to move forward. A year later he won't take his medicine (he is a combat veteren) and we have serious fights everyday. It has been along year of emotional and verbal abuse and I am just coming out of depression. We tried to keep it together but I feel like the damage is done. I want nothing to do with him physically/sexually, and he in return feels unloved. We have tried counceling but it hasnt worked. I am done with the stress and unhappiness. When is enough enough...?

Enough is enough when either of you say it is. The hardest thing with love is that you do not stop loving a person after you have parted. On an emotional scale you need to know the answer to what is going on.

I say "you", as in for yourself. In every close relationship there is you and what you bring, how you react, how hurt and out of control you are. There is then the other person who likewise has the same levels of assessment. If both of you are not very functional or coping nothing is going to go well because you will set each other off, like a storm going down a street.

The other trouble is you obviously both need each other. Now what can help is to simplify your interactions, reduce the antagonism, slow down the rages, take time outs, get others to distract you and go out more, do more things apart with others. Another area is to go back to times when it worked and see what worked and why.

Does this help you?

 

[BarlyGurl]

First of all, your marriage vows were "for better AND worse", BUT since you cheated on him, that negates your vows and allows for divorce. Adultery is the only allowable grounds God makes for divorce, and you've tried counseling and it hasn't worked. File papers and end this marriage. It sounds like you both have pretty much given up on this marriage and in that case, there's no sense in trying to hold onto something that ended long ago. Fighting and snubbing each other isn't good for either of you.. Urge him to start taking his meds again. Cut the ties and free both of you to move forward.

WHAT THE???? That is the WORST post you have made EVER!!!

 

[purpose]

We will love and accept one another.
Romans 14:1, 15:7, 1peter 1:22, 1john 4:7

We will Pray for one another.
Phill 1: 3-4, 1 Timothy 2:1, Hebrews 13:7,james 5:16

we will tell the truth to each other.
Ephesians 4:25,colossians 3:12
We will be kind to one another
Zechariah7:9, colossians 3:12
We will bring joy to each other
Proverbs 15:30 17:22 23:25
We will serve one another
Acts 20;35, James1;27
We will be patient with each other
1 Cor.12:12-25
We will comfort one another
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
We will FORGIVE one ANOTHER.
Luke6:36-37, 17:3-4
We will be Generous with each other.
Prov 22:9, Acts2:42-47, 1Timothy 6:17-19
We Will Honor each other.
Mark9:35,Romans 12:10, Phillippians 2:3. ( Basics for Marriage with Scripture)

 

[BarlyGurl]

I'm not comfortable disclosuring his medication and just because he forgave me doesn't mean he still can't divorce me. I am here looking for biblical advice not for people to disect my post haha.

You do not HAVE a biblical reason to divorce... and seem to be looking for an easy feel good answer to go ahead and do it anyway.

A separation (for the purpose of healing and reconciliation) MIGHT be in order... but all I glean from your post is what you did try was unsatisfactory and now you want out.

I suggest you try SOME MORE. Marriage today with pastor Jimmy Evans is a very good teaching and marriage healing ministry based on BIBLICAL PRINCIPALS... try that.

 

[blue_ladybug]

WHAT THE???? That is the WORST post you have made EVER!!!

I'm not re-iterating anything she didn't already say in her OP. She DID cheat on him, which does allow him to divorce her if he so chooses. They HAVE tried counseling, and it didn't work. They fight endlessly every day, which puts them in an even more negative environment. She says there is alot of emotional and verbal abuse. He quit taking his meds, and that may be a contributing factor, but he's not a child, she can't FORCE him to take them again. Her own statement of "we tried to keep it together but I think the damage is done", definitely is spot on. It takes TWO PEOPLE to make marriage work smoothly, and these two seem to have given up on making it work because it's too emotionally draining on both of them to maintain it any further. HE feels unloved, and SHE wants nada to do with him in any way whatsoever. You can't seriously expect them to keep living in this miserable state of marriage? This isn't how God intended marriage to be, and I'm sure if they DO end up divorcing, God will use it to his glory.

 

[blue_ladybug]

You do not HAVE a biblical reason to divorce... and seem to be looking for an easy feel good answer to go ahead and do it anyway.

A separation (for the purpose of healing and reconciliation) MIGHT be in order... but all I glean from your post is what you did try was unsatisfactory and now you want out.

I suggest you try SOME MORE. Marriage today with pastor Jimmy Evans is a very good teaching and marriage healing ministry based on BIBLICAL PRINCIPALS... try that.

​BG, adultery IS biblical grounds for divorce. She cheated on him, and he forgave her but that does not mean he can't still divorce her..

 

[ember]

I did say I was bowing out with regards to giving adivce...one reason I said that, was because I don't necessairly think that is so

The other reason, is that the words 'biblical advice' is not a short cut answer to someone committed adultery so a divorce is good to go now

Here are some observations:

1. The wife is not actually the one who is the injured party...the HUSBAND is the injured party...however, he forgave the wife

2. why is the wife talking of getting married again when she is not even divorced?

3. is your husband changed physically in some way from his injuries? is this the reason you no longer wish to touch him?

4. no one knows who you are so there is no reason not to be forthcoming...are you hiding something here?

coming to a Christian forum means being truthful...it does not mean you come here and we grant you liberty to do the wrong thing

we don't know what the right or wrong this actually is, because you apparently have already made up your mind and do not wish to give any information other than you want out for the marriage

in that case, you don't need permission from Christians

 

[BarlyGurl]

I'm not re-iterating anything she didn't already say in her OP. She DID cheat on him, which does allow him to divorce her if he so chooses. They HAVE tried counseling, and it didn't work. They fight endlessly every day, which puts them in an even more negative environment. She says there is alot of emotional and verbal abuse. He quit taking his meds, and that may be a contributing factor, but he's not a child, she can't FORCE him to take them again. Her own statement of "we tried to keep it together but I think the damage is done", definitely is spot on. It takes TWO PEOPLE to make marriage work smoothly, and these two seem to have given up on making it work because it's too emotionally draining on both of them to maintain it any further. HE feels unloved, and SHE wants nada to do with him in any way whatsoever. You can't seriously expect them to keep living in this miserable state of marriage? This isn't how God intended marriage to be, and I'm sure if they DO end up divorcing, God will use it to his glory.

How about we glorify GOD NOW and counsel the OP to continue to pursue restoration of her broken marriage...EH?

 

[BarlyGurl]

​BG, adultery IS biblical grounds for divorce. She cheated on him, and he forgave her but that does not mean he can't still divorce her..

Well I guess if her divorces her for adultery he didn't really forgive her now did he???? Or is forgiving and then deciding to UNFORGIVE a biblical principal I am unaware of??

 

[ember]

It takes TWO PEOPLE to make marriage work smoothly

I don't know of any marriage, including my own, in which everything runs smoothly, ran smoothly or will run smoothly

That is not a good description of marriage

in a Christian marriage, the NT tells us that Christ is the head of the husband...won't even state the rest of those verses...stop right there and recognize that for some reason, God seems to think His Son has a part in a Christian marriage

Forgiveness and love which forgives, is a practical application for two people who want to have a 'Christian' marriage or heal any marriage for that matter

otherwise, do whatever you want because you will anyway

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well I guess if her divorces her for adultery he didn't really forgive her now did he???? Or is forgiving and then deciding to UNFORGIVE a biblical principal I am unaware of??

There's a big difference between saying he forgave her, and actually DOING the action of forgiving. For all we know, maybe he only SAID he forgave her..

 

[PoetMary]

I think my profile says christian but I will have to look. We are both believers and are nondenominational. Simply put we believe exactly what the Bible says.

Okay...so there may be a disconnect between "believ[ing] exactly what the Bible says" and actually practicing the teachings of the scriptures.

I'm not sure it's useful to compound the sin of adultery with the further sin of divorce.

My suggestion is a separation and MORE COUNSELING. I don't know what kind of counseling you previously experienced (was it with a licensed family therapist, a pastor, or what)? Clearly both of you have issues that you're avoiding. Both of you are engaging in hurtful behaviors. It seems probable that neither of you is stepping up in a self-sacrificial way for the sake of your union. However, if the fighting is constant, that's exhausting, and it creates a kind of "white noise" that makes true communication and compassion impossible.