Giving up on Marriage

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E

ember

Guest
#21
I have a feeling the wife does not like the shape her husband returned in after he served
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#22
I did say I was bowing out with regards to giving adivce...one reason I said that, was because I don't necessairly think that is so

The other reason, is that the words 'biblical advice' is not a short cut answer to someone committed adultery so a divorce is good to go now

Here are some observations:

1. The wife is not actually the one who is the injured party...the HUSBAND is the injured party...however, he forgave the wife
EXACTLY
2. why is the wife talking of getting married again when she is not even divorced? Hmmm, because she is an adulteress in her heart??? There is someone BETTER for her out there waiting for her??? Good question Ember.

3. is your husband changed physically in some way from his injuries? is this the reason you no longer wish to touch him?
Maybe? But it musta been recent cuz it seems like the OP said NOW she doesn't want him... as in recently... could be that she still hasn't cut the "ties" in her mind and body from having another lover... now there is a "comparison" going on???

4. no one knows who you are so there is no reason not to be forthcoming...are you hiding something here?


coming to a Christian forum means being truthful...it does not mean you come here and we grant you liberty to do the wrong thing Seems like some are looking for exactly that sometimes tho... hope this OP changes her mind about the direction she seems to want to go.

we don't know what the right or wrong this actually is, because you apparently have already made up your mind and do not wish to give any information other than you want out for the marriage

in that case, you don't need permission from Christians
Right! We can pray for them tho!:)
 
E

ember

Guest
#23
we may never know...we can hide from others, but in reality, we cannot hide from our own hearts and the ensuing guilt that may not show up until many years later

you know, there is that old expression

'to thine own self be true'
 
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JoJo22Johnson

Guest
#24
I didn't know him before he serves
 
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JoJo22Johnson

Guest
#25
My husbands meds don't need to be discussed period. And please..if you do t have anything helpful to say...
 
E

ember

Guest
#26
My husbands meds don't need to be discussed period. And please..if you do t have anything helpful to say...

well why did you bring them up then?

see, we can only go by what you state
 
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JoJo22Johnson

Guest
#27
Why do u want his med names so bad. All I will say is its for ptsd
 
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ember

Guest
#28
Why do u want his med names so bad. All I will say is its for ptsd
I didn't ask for the names...you stating that it is for ptsd is all and that is helpful

that shows that he may be difficult to get along with and of course taking the meds would be helpful

I suffered from a little ptsd myself after a very abusive first marriage

I remember sitting beside someone in a car and all of a sudden it was though I was somewhere else and my ex was going to hit me...it just lasted a few seconds, but it was very real

this is a very hard thing to deal with as I am sure you know

I was thinking your husband may have lost a limb or something disfiguring as you stated you didn 't want to even touch him
 
J

JoJo22Johnson

Guest
#29
The lack of intemacy stems from lack of getting along
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
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#30
There's a big difference between saying he forgave her, and actually DOING the action of forgiving. For all we know, maybe he only SAID he forgave her..
How does oneforvie without bringing up the subject again, whether it's counseling or working through it through prayer and what not? Not asking you specifically, Blue, just in general.
 
Feb 24, 2015
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#31
How does oneforvie without bringing up the subject again, whether it's counseling or working through it through prayer and what not? Not asking you specifically, Blue, just in general.
You are very young. At your age I was not very mature, and I would have buckled under the load.
Counselling is not a one off, tried it, failed. You need to involve people who know you, who have good intentions.
There are veteran groups who support ptsd cases but it is a long road.

Have you got a close friend or someone you connect with? You need somehow to find yourself. Some have found help from 60+ aged couples who know the struggles people of your age often go through and can help just giving you the space.

Unfortunately this is 100% not the place to find help. You need face time with people who can listen and be there for you. If you change things too quickly it is just going to get worse unless that is the only option.

Unfortunately ptsd can be a life long problem, and change how you react and work. Without being there no one is in a position to say anything, I am very sorry.
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#32
You are very young. At your age I was not very mature, and I would have buckled under the load.
Counselling is not a one off, tried it, failed. You need to involve people who know you, who have good intentions.
There are veteran groups who support ptsd cases but it is a long road.

Have you got a close friend or someone you connect with? You need somehow to find yourself. Some have found help from 60+ aged couples who know the struggles people of your age often go through and can help just giving you the space.

Unfortunately this is 100% not the place to find help. You need face time with people who can listen and be there for you. If you change things too quickly it is just going to get worse unless that is the only option.

Unfortunately ptsd can be a life long problem, and change how you react and work. Without being there no one is in a position to say anything, I am very sorry.
I wasn't the one that created the thread or was looking for marriage advice. It was just a question in response that I saw Blue posted.
 
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ember

Guest
#33
The lack of intemacy stems from lack of getting along
ok...you know, you might take this to the woman's forum...as a woman, I think I would prefer the privacy of tht forum compared to this one where everyone can see it

you don't have to of course...just for your own comfort if you want
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#34
I'm not comfortable disclosuring his medication and just because he forgave me doesn't mean he still can't divorce me. I am here looking for biblical advice not for people to disect my post haha.
Here's the Biblical advice on marriage. It will take effort to understand what it means, and please check out the footnotes to do that, but that's it -- one reason for divorce -- adultery. The spouse's adultery. Since he forgave you, then that's off the table.

No where did God say life was to be easy and the goal is your happiness. You complain because he's feeling unloved? Yeah, well, that is reasonable, since you don't love him. You've got one option, take this to the Lord and work with him to restore your love for your husband. It's doable. Remember what you love about him, instead of constantly running through what you don't love about him. It takes two to argue. If you stop, he runs out of ammunition to fight you. When you love him, he's got nothing to argue about.

It is hard to live with a spouse with disabilities. It is possible to love the spouse enough to want to. That is what God's will is and what he gives us to do. I pray in letting your husband know and truly showing him that you love him, he will go back on his meds and fight the good fight against PTSD with the added strength of a wife who loves him.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#35
How does oneforvie without bringing up the subject again, whether it's counseling or working through it through prayer and what not? Not asking you specifically, Blue, just in general.
Often forgiving is an ongoing fight within ourselves. Many people I've forgiven over and over again -- not because they keep doing the same thing over and over again, but because I forgive, un-forgive, and then have to forgive again. If the person stops doing that which was so hard to forgive in the first place, there's less of a tendency to take back my forgiveness. Trust is definitely an issue afterward. And given JoJo has left him mentally, even if she hasn't had sex with anyone else, that one is as much desertion as adultery. It's really hard to forgive someone for deserting you, when they keep deserting you.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#36
Enough is enough when either of you say it is. The hardest thing with love is that you do not stop loving a person after you have parted. On an emotional scale you need to know the answer to what is going on.

I say "you", as in for yourself. In every close relationship there is you and what you bring, how you react, how hurt and out of control you are. There is then the other person who likewise has the same levels of assessment. If both of you are not very functional or coping nothing is going to go well because you will set each other off, like a storm going down a street.

The other trouble is you obviously both need each other. Now what can help is to simplify your interactions, reduce the antagonism, slow down the rages, take time outs, get others to distract you and go out more, do more things apart with others. Another area is to go back to times when it worked and see what worked and why.

Does this help you?
No. Enough is enough when GOD says it is. This ain't Pop Culture 101. This is a Christian site with God leading our beliefs.
 
Dec 18, 2013
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#37
My husband and I have been through alot in a short amount of time. There was adultery on my half but he had forgiven me and we tried to move forward. A year later he won't take his medicine (he is a combat veteren) and we have serious fights everyday. It has been along year of emotional and verbal abuse and I am just coming out of depression. We tried to keep it together but I feel like the damage is done. I want nothing to do with him physically/sexually, and he in return feels unloved. We have tried counceling but it hasnt worked. I am done with the stress and unhappiness. When is enough enough...?
If your husband has forgiven you then you ought be more affectionate and loving with him as you were once before, even moreso because he did not divorce you for this thing. The affection and the forgiveness be better medicine than whatever various powders and liquids called medicines be. Do not lose hope, try being more affectionate as you say it's lack seems part of the problem. I hope the best for you and your husband.

Whole of the chapter is good for the consideration, but for sake of somewhat brevity on the forum, the chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is good for the consideration.

1 Corinthians 7:1-11

1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.[SUP]
2
[/SUP]Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
[SUP]4 [/SUP]The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
[SUP]8 [/SUP]I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
[SUP]9 [/SUP]But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
[SUP]10 [/SUP]And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
[SUP]11 [/SUP]But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
 
Last edited:
Feb 24, 2015
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#38
No. Enough is enough when GOD says it is. This ain't Pop Culture 101. This is a Christian site with God leading our beliefs.
At the foot of the cross we find ourselves, hurt, alone, needing comfort and reassurance. We look up and see the Lord of All hanging on a cross because He wanted us to know, we are never alone, we can always find comfort and His love is eternal.
He puts love in our hearts, guides us in the ways of the Holy Spirit. And in this place we can learn how to care, how to comfort, how to love again.

If you are giving simple life advice to someone it does not have to have pray etc. I have no reference point that either of these people have a clue about Jesus. Or if someone comes to ask you for a loaf of bread you will give them a few words and send them away?
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#39
At the foot of the cross we find ourselves, hurt, alone, needing comfort and reassurance. We look up and see the Lord of All hanging on a cross because He wanted us to know, we are never alone, we can always find comfort and His love is eternal.
He puts love in our hearts, guides us in the ways of the Holy Spirit. And in this place we can learn how to care, how to comfort, how to love again.

If you are giving simple life advice to someone it does not have to have pray etc. I have no reference point that either of these people have a clue about Jesus. Or if someone comes to ask you for a loaf of bread you will give them a few words and send them away?
You gave her a rice cake and sent her away. Maybe not even that, since you have no idea if they have a clue about Jesus when she said what she believed.
 
Dec 18, 2013
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#40
My husbands meds don't need to be discussed period. And please..if you do t have anything helpful to say...
It is true no one needs know what such and such drug is. However since in the OP you have mentioned a concern for your husband not taking a medicine, consider some wisdom. A medicine that you feel you or your beloved must take, but that is bitter to the taste can be remedied with a bit of honey.