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JoJo22Johnson, please feel free to contact me PM , my advise is that you seek the Lord with all your heart, and ask the Holy Spirit his guidance, problems, violence in marriage can be devastating, physically and spiritually. The counseling is really depend on many factor, do you have children?, do you love him? do you want to keep the marriage? has been Jesus the center of the marriage?
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Dearest JoJo22Johnson,
Just a suggestion perhaps a small getaway together may be nice.! I know when things get tight here ay home that is what the husband and i do! Even if its a just a couple of days. Sometimes we talk upon how we might how we fell in love, Why we got married and what we love about one another. Sometimes we have done it just to get away from reality awhile. I mean we dont have major issues we disagree at times . Who Doesnt! Just a Thought!!!!!!
Just a suggestion perhaps a small getaway together may be nice.! I know when things get tight here ay home that is what the husband and i do! Even if its a just a couple of days. Sometimes we talk upon how we might how we fell in love, Why we got married and what we love about one another. Sometimes we have done it just to get away from reality awhile. I mean we dont have major issues we disagree at times . Who Doesnt! Just a Thought!!!!!!
G
OP; please take a step back and analyze. We aren't sure if you have children and if so; it's important to become mature and practical with words spoken. Keeping family together is extremely paramount! Your internal dialogue of discontent towards your husband isn't helping heal the situation, possible praise of his good traits would help. He did forgive you considering you unfortunately broke the trust formed between a marriage.
Pray about this A LOT and if God (your Holy Spirit) doesn't answer for you to dissolve the marriage; I would take that as a sign to continually work on the marriage and work on yourself spiritually by reading scripture of hope and healing. Story of Bathsheba might relate to you?? But until you have permission in your heart from God to leave or your husband files; this is your lesson to learn. What-ever that lesson is, is for you to figure out. Honestly if you leave your husband, that sin within yourself will still follow you; and from what I read OP those aren't words of love or admiration.
Pray about this A LOT and if God (your Holy Spirit) doesn't answer for you to dissolve the marriage; I would take that as a sign to continually work on the marriage and work on yourself spiritually by reading scripture of hope and healing. Story of Bathsheba might relate to you?? But until you have permission in your heart from God to leave or your husband files; this is your lesson to learn. What-ever that lesson is, is for you to figure out. Honestly if you leave your husband, that sin within yourself will still follow you; and from what I read OP those aren't words of love or admiration.
G
For some reason I felt I wasn't done with this message:
It is not your husband's fault you cheated. You are solely responsible. There is no-one to blame for your actions except yourself. Even if he was mean, even if he was gone working over-seas, even if he didn't give you enough attention or love enough; it is not your husband's fault. You were led by temptation and you acted upon it. Sorry; but I felt you needed to hear that bit of truth.
It is not your husband's fault you cheated. You are solely responsible. There is no-one to blame for your actions except yourself. Even if he was mean, even if he was gone working over-seas, even if he didn't give you enough attention or love enough; it is not your husband's fault. You were led by temptation and you acted upon it. Sorry; but I felt you needed to hear that bit of truth.
how about some grace round here eh? someone just came here for some advice and with what motives she came with is not our business, but our business is to direct them into a godly path if we can.
also forgiveness and trust are 2 very different things. forgiveness is absolutely possible without the restoration of trust. that would be her responsibility to gain back and if those efforts havent or arent being made then the marriage will never work and the other person will continue feeling stuck or unable to be productive in the relationship where the trust is gone. forgiveness is wonderful and beautiful but there are always consequences to sin and we all have to work through those in our own lives.
Also if you've had biblical councel from christians or pastors then i think you should take their councel and as God has put them in your life as your authority for this time, be obediant in what they suggest. Hopefully they are Biblical. Ultimately the choice is yours and your partners and can't be validated elsewhere, the choice you make is still fully your responsiblity. Remember you are covered by Gods grace and are very much loved.
also forgiveness and trust are 2 very different things. forgiveness is absolutely possible without the restoration of trust. that would be her responsibility to gain back and if those efforts havent or arent being made then the marriage will never work and the other person will continue feeling stuck or unable to be productive in the relationship where the trust is gone. forgiveness is wonderful and beautiful but there are always consequences to sin and we all have to work through those in our own lives.
Also if you've had biblical councel from christians or pastors then i think you should take their councel and as God has put them in your life as your authority for this time, be obediant in what they suggest. Hopefully they are Biblical. Ultimately the choice is yours and your partners and can't be validated elsewhere, the choice you make is still fully your responsiblity. Remember you are covered by Gods grace and are very much loved.
Jojo, please do not focus on your past sin. As Christians we are not called to dwell on sin but to restore God's world to its former glory by making it a better place. Both of you should first acknowledge two things:
1. If you are going to try to be married, then you want the best marriage possible. That requires love and forgiveness. Hostility has no logical place.
2. If you choose not to be married and nothing can change your mind, then there's still no reason for hostility.
Yes, adultery is biblical grounds for divorce. That's what the old testament says. However the predominant reason it is justification for divorce is because the adulterer would be executed, and that - being the death of the spouse - would nullify the marriage.
In the new testament we are told that marriage ends with the death of the spouse and that God hates divorce. So if we are to follow the law, let's follow it to the letter. If we want forgiveness, then let's forgive.
I encourage both of you to read the book of Hosea if you haven't. Love is not a feeling. Love does not require trust. We don't need to trust someone to show them love. We only need to trust God to protect us in order to let down our own defenses and start loving them. And we should realize that God loves the repentant sinner. God could have told Hosea to execute his adulterous wife, but instead he told him to buy her back. Hosea's act and obedience to God was a symbol of God's love for Israel and, through relation, his love for all sinners.
Love is a duty. Love is a living sacrifice. Love can simply be a service. If the feelings are not there, they will come after love has been practiced. Jesus did not need to FEEL love for the Pharisees. He just needed to say, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" in order to show them love.
Love is simply a conscious effort to do things that work for the good of those you love. And in this regard it is far more lasting and profound than emotion. Make love a ritual or a habit if you have to. There are worse habits to have than acts of loving kindness, and none of them has as profound of results.
And lastly, don't forget communication. Men and women have vastly different perspectives on life and approaches to problems. This is where misunderstandings abound. But both usually mean well, so let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.
1. If you are going to try to be married, then you want the best marriage possible. That requires love and forgiveness. Hostility has no logical place.
2. If you choose not to be married and nothing can change your mind, then there's still no reason for hostility.
Yes, adultery is biblical grounds for divorce. That's what the old testament says. However the predominant reason it is justification for divorce is because the adulterer would be executed, and that - being the death of the spouse - would nullify the marriage.
In the new testament we are told that marriage ends with the death of the spouse and that God hates divorce. So if we are to follow the law, let's follow it to the letter. If we want forgiveness, then let's forgive.
I encourage both of you to read the book of Hosea if you haven't. Love is not a feeling. Love does not require trust. We don't need to trust someone to show them love. We only need to trust God to protect us in order to let down our own defenses and start loving them. And we should realize that God loves the repentant sinner. God could have told Hosea to execute his adulterous wife, but instead he told him to buy her back. Hosea's act and obedience to God was a symbol of God's love for Israel and, through relation, his love for all sinners.
Love is a duty. Love is a living sacrifice. Love can simply be a service. If the feelings are not there, they will come after love has been practiced. Jesus did not need to FEEL love for the Pharisees. He just needed to say, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" in order to show them love.
Love is simply a conscious effort to do things that work for the good of those you love. And in this regard it is far more lasting and profound than emotion. Make love a ritual or a habit if you have to. There are worse habits to have than acts of loving kindness, and none of them has as profound of results.
And lastly, don't forget communication. Men and women have vastly different perspectives on life and approaches to problems. This is where misunderstandings abound. But both usually mean well, so let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Nobody but you alone know what you are dealing with. I do know that the Holy Spirit is the solution to this situation, even if you two former love birds do divorce....I do know a two local married couples who, after divorce became such good friends and harbored no guilt or blame that they ended up as powerful friends, including the two spouses that each got remarried to. Of course, they were both CHRISTIAN. IT was so strange to see former husband and wife meet at their grandchildren's homes with their new spouses, in harmony, joking and laughing with each other and even sharing past experiences. The former wife and new wife became good friends and would shop and meet for coffee. Each actually talked about their husbands and would laugh because each instantly understood what the other was going through. This would make for a good reality TV show today along the lines of "The Hamiltons and the Stewarts"...a real life drama with George Hamilton and Rod Stewart who swapped wives in real life.
S
Here's my take on it. You cheated on him. Even though it does take effort from both parties in the restorative process, the burden is now on you to show him that you are remorseful and repentant. Your attitude should be such that you are willing to do anything to restore the marriage. A couple of places I'll cite: Psalm 51 - he needs to see a broken and contrite heart. 2 Corinthians 7 - An earnestness and eagerness to make things right. He does have grounds for divorce, as has already been stated in previous posts. It has also been stated that forgiveness and trust are separate ideas. Your husband could divorce you and still forgive you, but not trust you. This is the reason that Jesus provides a biblical "out" for divorce: forgiveness can always occur, but trust, once broken, cannot always be recovered. However, I'll encourage you to try your hardest, and would encourage your husband to do the same. I believe that, while God allows divorce in select situations, it's never His heart.
You said it best in the original post when you said..."when is enough enough?" Now that was in reference to your Husband but God is waiting too to see when the crisis' will have you turn to Him and say that as a statement of purpose. "Enough is enough!" I will surrender my life to God, You may not get God altogether yet, but what you do know in the bible you can go with, what other option can work? That go with statement I made means only one thing to me: surrender to God and believe Jesus not only died on a cross for mankind but for you personally, and then the response of confession and receiving Him into your life wholly.
Now if you still think there are other options you may have to try them until they fail miserably. Some chose to do that. But God would have you stop now and listen to Him, He wants to fight for your relationship with your husband. But do you? Will your conclusion be found in the results of the question to be a divorce? You have already seen the grass greener on the other side, maybe it is real green there right?!! It is not. God will let you spin any wheel you chose. But He will come and help supernaturally in your life because He loves you if you say, "Enough is enough God I am in!" "I surrender it all!" Show me what you would have me do and help me to have joy and peace in my life. Help my marriage, but if it goes awry anyway help me to honor you thru it and be my refuge.
You have your life in a control vacuum still, God says only your surrender to Him will make any sense of any of your life. But He sits quietly waiting.I pray God will continue to show Himself to you and your Marriage. To your husband and your church to be partnered with God to advise you wisely. I don't know you well enough to be too personable, but I pray you find victory in it all. And my whole life has shown me only one option deserves credit for that: a relationship with Jesus Christ first before all things. It's not following the bible it's following the person in it, who will then turn you back to the bible; the person who is God in it:Jesus Christ. will it come to pass in your life?...."Enough is enough!" This is not a husband thing I speak of.
Now if you still think there are other options you may have to try them until they fail miserably. Some chose to do that. But God would have you stop now and listen to Him, He wants to fight for your relationship with your husband. But do you? Will your conclusion be found in the results of the question to be a divorce? You have already seen the grass greener on the other side, maybe it is real green there right?!! It is not. God will let you spin any wheel you chose. But He will come and help supernaturally in your life because He loves you if you say, "Enough is enough God I am in!" "I surrender it all!" Show me what you would have me do and help me to have joy and peace in my life. Help my marriage, but if it goes awry anyway help me to honor you thru it and be my refuge.
You have your life in a control vacuum still, God says only your surrender to Him will make any sense of any of your life. But He sits quietly waiting.I pray God will continue to show Himself to you and your Marriage. To your husband and your church to be partnered with God to advise you wisely. I don't know you well enough to be too personable, but I pray you find victory in it all. And my whole life has shown me only one option deserves credit for that: a relationship with Jesus Christ first before all things. It's not following the bible it's following the person in it, who will then turn you back to the bible; the person who is God in it:Jesus Christ. will it come to pass in your life?...."Enough is enough!" This is not a husband thing I speak of.
That is a very real genuine statement, but makes for a horrible conclusion.
If I choose to commit to loving my partner by choice in an unconditional manner to say to myself, I am going to serve and honor Him regardless of the fights. regardless of my current feelings and He does the same, how did that getting along factor just change?
The fight to show our rightnesses is not a fight that will win anything. It will be void of joy if you do win it. Pride and conceit will be it's trailing vapors. But to be right and use it to love your partner anyway makes for joy and victory as trailing vapors. That is if pride wasn't your main purpose of gain. Lack of getting along comes from lack of loving unconditionally.
Now it takes two to tango, I get that. To have an ongoing growing relationship with Him would take his side too. But peace can be in it regardless of that even. Joy comes from even procuring exhortation in that walk with your husband, where you may not agree but love prevails a compromise on both parties..
Love comes from a placement of your heart, not a result of loveliness, borne from loveliness itself. For love must be nurtured and fed and watered and cultivated and taught and rebuked and corrected and trained. Love is efforts residue, not compatibility residue. Even the most compatible must keep the flame alive.
The question is simply where you are in your mindset right now. What will you do? Now there are two questions to that , that I can discern. One is what will your life do in way of God in your life, and two, what will you do in way of what God wants in your Marriage?
If I choose to commit to loving my partner by choice in an unconditional manner to say to myself, I am going to serve and honor Him regardless of the fights. regardless of my current feelings and He does the same, how did that getting along factor just change?
The fight to show our rightnesses is not a fight that will win anything. It will be void of joy if you do win it. Pride and conceit will be it's trailing vapors. But to be right and use it to love your partner anyway makes for joy and victory as trailing vapors. That is if pride wasn't your main purpose of gain. Lack of getting along comes from lack of loving unconditionally.
Now it takes two to tango, I get that. To have an ongoing growing relationship with Him would take his side too. But peace can be in it regardless of that even. Joy comes from even procuring exhortation in that walk with your husband, where you may not agree but love prevails a compromise on both parties..
Love comes from a placement of your heart, not a result of loveliness, borne from loveliness itself. For love must be nurtured and fed and watered and cultivated and taught and rebuked and corrected and trained. Love is efforts residue, not compatibility residue. Even the most compatible must keep the flame alive.
The question is simply where you are in your mindset right now. What will you do? Now there are two questions to that , that I can discern. One is what will your life do in way of God in your life, and two, what will you do in way of what God wants in your Marriage?
I understand you are trying to be kind here, but it does not represent the gospels message: How have you discerned there not to be need to see anything not becoming of God in this person?
"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy." Proverbs 28:13.
Why is it when a Saint speaks of sin only to paint a picture of God's grace in a more meaningful and powerful way, I see the , "Where is the grace?" comments fly? Good counsel is in realizing the truth in it's entirety. The value of grace is seen in where we came from, or are still in.....
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:10.
We all want a victorious answer here. For both of the members of the marriage and for the marriage to have joy brought back to it. And for each individual to have the victory of Salvation as individuals thru Jesus Christ our Lord.But we must not compromise the breath of God in getting there.
"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy." Proverbs 28:13.
Why is it when a Saint speaks of sin only to paint a picture of God's grace in a more meaningful and powerful way, I see the , "Where is the grace?" comments fly? Good counsel is in realizing the truth in it's entirety. The value of grace is seen in where we came from, or are still in.....
"We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:10.
We all want a victorious answer here. For both of the members of the marriage and for the marriage to have joy brought back to it. And for each individual to have the victory of Salvation as individuals thru Jesus Christ our Lord.But we must not compromise the breath of God in getting there.