Does this tradition have any biblical basis, or is it purely cultural?
What are the pros and cons?
What are the pros and cons?
Why do children have to leave their parents' homes when they are 18?
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Biblically, one leaves the family home when one gets married. In some cultures and in biblical times, this was often before the age of 18.
In the U.S., the legal age of adulthood is 18. By then, one is either done with high school or finishing up their senior year. Many that continue their education in college do so at a college away from their family home, maybe even out of the state.
Many that go to college also do so locally. Some may opt to move out of the family home to declare their independence. They may even see it as a rite of passage. Some stay with their families while they may work, go to school, or do a bit of both.
I see nothing wrong with any of this. It's really about what kind of relationship one has with the family. If they are staying at home, are they contributing to the family household by paying rent, doing chores, etc.? Some have the agreement that they can stay with mom and dad as long as they are a full time student and are earning satisfactory grades. To me this is a bit controlling, but then again, many who are legally an adult are really not ready for all the responsibilities of adulthood, and if it works, so be it.
This was probably more info than you wanted.
In the U.S., the legal age of adulthood is 18. By then, one is either done with high school or finishing up their senior year. Many that continue their education in college do so at a college away from their family home, maybe even out of the state.
Many that go to college also do so locally. Some may opt to move out of the family home to declare their independence. They may even see it as a rite of passage. Some stay with their families while they may work, go to school, or do a bit of both.
I see nothing wrong with any of this. It's really about what kind of relationship one has with the family. If they are staying at home, are they contributing to the family household by paying rent, doing chores, etc.? Some have the agreement that they can stay with mom and dad as long as they are a full time student and are earning satisfactory grades. To me this is a bit controlling, but then again, many who are legally an adult are really not ready for all the responsibilities of adulthood, and if it works, so be it.
This was probably more info than you wanted.
Its partly culture onlinebuddy and partly necessity. Here in America for the most part, parents raise their children to be independent of them which is good because it helps children become adults, independent thinkers and problem solvers. Also on the other hand, if children are not taught to be independent thinkers, and problem solvers in the home, they will fall prey to unscrupulous acquaintances in which they will allow their acquaintances to think for them.
Children who remain at home as adults can help aid in the caring for the household, family, finances, moral ,emotional support if they are respectful and loving. If they are not respectful, can be a burden to parents as well as could cause the parents to lose their homes, death to the parents by way of stress and even taking the lives of their parents because the children feel entitled to what the parents have.
Children are not entitled to that which belongs to their parents. If the parents desire to give to the children or allow the children to reside with them, then its their choice. Now a days, children the world over have become disrespectful to their parents and parents are disrespectful to their children more so than any time in history as been seen across the news.
Many children in third world countries who watch TV and see how Americans live and behave have adapted the way in how they conduct themselves in their parents homes even moving out and cohabitating with the opposite sex which was taboo in many third world countries.
If the love and respect is not present in the home for either children or parents then its best that all part ways for the sanity and safety of all parties.
Parents should respect their children decisions to leave the home if so desired even when there is love and respect in the home.
It is cultural. Biblically we're not supposed to leave until we get married. Lol definitely not something Americans want to hear, but that's what it is. So if you want your kid out, better help look for a good husband or wife for them. Which actually is a pretty genius principle as marriages arranged or at least condoned by the parents have a vastly higher success rate.
Thanks RememberTheSabbathDay,
That's an important point. Parents have lives of their own, and should not be taken for granted.
In India, parents tend to lose their identity as couples. Providing for children becomes the priority in their lives. Having spent their entire savings on the child, by the time the child is ready to stand on his or her feet, parents become dependent on their children. But that's slowly changing.
It is a tradition for girls to live with their parents till they are married; or else they are looked down upon. But society is evolving, and that's changing too.
The growth of the BPO industry in India has created many job opportunities for both boys and girls. Therefore youngsters are becoming independent at a much early age than before. Moving out of parents' homes is no longer a taboo, but living with the opposite sex is.
I have heard that churches in America encourage teenagers to go in dates. So, no sooner than the child finishes his high school, he or she is sent on dates arranged by church leaders. Is that true?
True, although most children would love to find their own spouses.
Okay this isn't the BDF, but it is still appropriate to give scripture references to support alleged scriptural statements. So please, what is your reference for this statement?
I think he is referring to Gen 2:24 where the verse first appears....and Eph 5:31 and Mt 19:5 where a reference is made to the OT verse.
CORRECTION:**
I have heard that churches in America encourage teenagers to go in dates. So, no sooner than the child finishes his high school, he or she is sent on dates arranged by church leaders. Is that true?
True, although most children would love to find their own spouses.
I have heard that churches in America encourage teenagers to go ON** dates.
I have heard that churches in America encourage teenagers to go in dates. So, no sooner than the child finishes his high school, he or she is sent on dates arranged by church leaders. Is that true?
True, although most children would love to find their own spouses.
Not sure on whether churches here do this or not. Frankly I wouldn't mind, that would be very helpful. The church I been visiting lately, I am pretty much the only one for my age group, so I suppose there's not really any matchmaking opportunities for me there even if it were so though lol.
@Dino Well in the OP it mentioned whether this were Biblical or Cultural. Just my take on both. The scriptures Sir Onlinebuddy pointed out are pretty much exactly my thought. Another good Bible example for the ponderance is Isaac and how Abraham sent out to fetch him Rebekah. Says Isaac was about 40 when he took Rebekah to wife. Esau and Jacob is another good example, particularly Jacob and how he left home to go get him a wife from Laban. Though of course seeing as Jacob had to serve another 7 years for Rachel, perhaps a good example of the downside to arranged marriage if the in-laws be shifty dealers like Laban.
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Fair enough, I can see where you're coming from. I would like to (gently) challenge your conclusion though. There are examples of many behaviours in Scripture, but not all of them are things which are right for believers to do. I take examples, in the absence of clear, overt directives, to be informative but not normative. The Holy Spirit might use such a passage to teach a particular principle to a particular person, but without the clear direct instruction, I would not take this as a "supposed to" teaching. I welcome your thoughts.
Fair enough, I can see where you're coming from. I would like to (gently) challenge your conclusion though. There are examples of many behaviours in Scripture, but not all of them are things which are right for believers to do. I take examples, in the absence of clear, overt directives, to be informative but not normative. The Holy Spirit might use such a passage to teach a particular principle to a particular person, but without the clear direct instruction, I would not take this as a "supposed to" teaching. I welcome your thoughts.
My thoughts would be it is not necessary, but it seems to me what is supposed to be done. Of course in this terrible world what is supposed to be and what actually happens are very different things. It seems to me the Bible is full of examples of both the pros and cons of both departing and remaining. From Israel and his 12 sons that dwelt with him and even how God did reunite the family of Israel with Joseph. To of course the departure of Elisha to follow after Elijah to shows the pros of staying and departing from mother and father. Then to the converse, there is of course the problems in trying to keep the family together such as with David and Absalom. Or for departing, the first son to leave his family was Cain, driven forth out of the land for killing his brother.
Perhaps it is naiveté on my part, being a single man. If it is so then forgive me. I would think it is ideal for any man that marries to want a beautiful wife and to want to prosper and have an army of children, even his own race, and to have them dwell with him all his days and live together happy and in harmony. I believe the will of the good Father is to have his children love him and love each other and dwell with him for eternity.
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None of my 3 boys left at age 18. All 3 stayed while they completed their college education; and then they got places for themselves with the good jobs they got after college. They all respected our home and rules, and we never had a problem with them, so it worked out well for all of us. They had responsibilities at home, just as they did in high school, and they were not told they had to keep good grades, they just did this on their own because they always put forth good effort with school. Staying at home helped with all 3 of their college expenses/costs, because they commuted to local schools. This way, no one graduated with student loans or debt for school. We were able to pay for it as we went along, and they worked part time jobs while attending school as well. All 3 worked over 20 hours a week and took full loads, and all kept their scholarships and grades up. Boys are easy! Or, they were for us. Now they are on their own and doing well.
In this I wholeheartedly agree with you.
My own experience with a broken family informs this; I would love for my kids to live with me, and continue until they are ready to marry, and even then to be close relationally if not physically. That's not my reality though. But I would never try to get them to conform to my views. Rather I would say they are welcome to live with me (given certain boundaries and requirements) until they are ready to live on their own. I like what Cindy12 shared; that was more my experience as a young man. My folks couldn't help with tuition, but they helped with a roof. That was a huge blessing for me.
In this I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I like what Cindy12 shared; that was more my experience as a young man. My folks couldn't help with tuition, but they helped with a roof. That was a huge blessing for me.
We could not afford tuition either, but we paid for their food, their home to live in, their car insurance and cell phones while they worked and went to school. Fortunately in the state of Georgia, we have HOPE scholarship which pays 80 percent of their tuition if you maintain a 3.0 GPA, and they all did. Additionally, they got some other scholarships that helped pay some tuition and none had to come out of pocket for much at all but books, which we often rented or bought used. We got very creative in order to get them through school the most inexpensive way possible. Another reason they worked so hard on grades, because they knew good grades meant college was pretty much paid for when commuting!
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BarlyGurl
Guest
Purely culture... and has been responsible for the fragmentation of the family value regarding biblical principals. In the US, only has been the norm for about 50 years... yet prior to that... sometimes children were sent away from home as early as 12, especially from impoverished families so that they could perhaps find service work and be better cared for and the YOUNGER siblings would have the little resources available.
My own grandfather left home at 16 <from a single mother home>... rode a bicycle about 500 miles and lied about his age to join the merchant marines. He started several companies and became a very successful business man.
There is no such requirement. A child may remain with parents until the parents die if that choice is acceptable to both clild and parents. This actually happens often when a disabled parent or child needs extended care.
The thing that makes age 18 important is that in most states that is the youngest age a child may enter into a contract (i.e. a lease).
I really appreciate all your comments. May God bless your families and keep you happy.
I have a 19 year old son. He lives with us, his parents.
By the grace of God, I am able to pay for his education.
We still feel that he is our responsibility (financially, and especially spiritually),
and is not ready to face life.
Once he completes his education, I would not mind him moving out and fending for himself.
Yes, I would never want him to leave me.
However, someday, when he finds a wife and chooses to stay away, I would respect that.
There are advantages when kids live with the family.
On the other hand, there are also advantages when married kids move out and focus on their married lives.
I have a 19 year old son. He lives with us, his parents.
By the grace of God, I am able to pay for his education.
We still feel that he is our responsibility (financially, and especially spiritually),
and is not ready to face life.
Once he completes his education, I would not mind him moving out and fending for himself.
Yes, I would never want him to leave me.
However, someday, when he finds a wife and chooses to stay away, I would respect that.
There are advantages when kids live with the family.
On the other hand, there are also advantages when married kids move out and focus on their married lives.
I should say you've done a great job. Handling 3 boys is not easy.
How many hours did they work per day, when they were doing part time jobs? I ask because I'm wondering how they could handle work and school at the same time.