Why do children have to leave their parents' homes when they are 18?

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garet82

garet82

Senior Member
#21
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#21
Here in my culture if the children havent married yet they stay with their parents. And ofcourse not being a burden for them. Some of the children choose to live with their parents to take care of them in their old ages so parents can get more love, and attention from the children that live with them.
Some in tribes here youngest child or eldest child even they married they must stay at home to take care of their parents.
I still stay with my parents n im happy coz i hv time ti take care of them even iam busy at work but when im back home i can see them n talk with them n sharing with them so they dont feel lonely :)
 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#22
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#22
In my culture, daughters must leave their parents' homes after marriage, and either live with their in-laws or live separately with their husbands. Sons mostly live in their parents' homes and take care of their parents. The daughter returns to her mother when she is pregnant and till the baby is born. Then she goes back to the in-laws house. If she comes to the mother's house for no reason, people doubt that something may be wrong with her marriage. However, there is no hard and fast rule, and society is evolving. All these traditions are changing in favor of the nuclear family.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#23
Jan 5, 2015
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#23
onlinebuddy said:
I should say you've done a great job. Handling 3 boys is not easy.
How many hours did they work per day, when they were doing part time jobs? I ask because I'm wondering how they could handle work and school at the same time.
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My youngest one is in college now taking a full load and working 45 hours a week at Chick Fil A. It's actually relatively easy for him. Once he has his professors and knows the expectations (everything is posted online) he does his work and gets VERY far ahead on his off days with school work. Then on due dates, he turns in things that were previously done. He has not struggled at all working it this way and has maintained a 3.6 GPA - working towards a criminal justice degree. My older two both worked in college as well .... I would estimate 25 - 30 hours a week for both of them. They wanted spending money and they wanted to be able to do what they wanted to do in college, so they worked. BUT, I can also say that all 3 of them worked little part time jobs once they started driving at the age of 16 -- maybe summer jobs, or laying sod, cutting lawns, etc ... but they have always worked to make money and earn money.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#24
Jan 5, 2015
243
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#24
onlinebuddy said:
I really appreciate all your comments. May God bless your families and keep you happy.

I have a 19 year old son. He lives with us, his parents.
By the grace of God, I am able to pay for his education.
We still feel that he is our responsibility (financially, and especially spiritually),
and is not ready to face life.
Once he completes his education, I would not mind him moving out and fending for himself.
Yes, I would never want him to leave me.
However, someday, when he finds a wife and chooses to stay away, I would respect that.

There are advantages when kids live with the family.
On the other hand, there are also advantages when married kids move out and focus on their married lives.
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Our now 20 yr old son still lives with us while attending college, but he does pay his own way for school (which isnt much at all with scholarships and such), and he works a job. We don't feel totally "financially" responsible for him, because he makes so much money that we don't have to. He invests part of his paycheck every single 2 weeks, and we pay for his medical and dental insurance and medical and dental bills, his car insurance and phone bill. He pays for his college and his entertainment expenses. It all works out pretty smoothly. He's a very responsible kid though. My older 2 are not married, but they do live out on their own now since college and pay their own expenses and do ok. I think living on their own helped them become very mature, responsible adults. But living at home is really advantageous for kids in college for expenses and help from the parents.
 
B

bikerchaz

Guest
#25
#25
Just 'cultural',
 
JasonNosneh

JasonNosneh

Senior Member
#26
Aug 2, 2015
110
4
18
#26
In america they leave home at 18 then realize it is much harder to survive on their own and end up back in their momma's basement for undefined number of years, haha.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#27
#27
onlinebuddy said:
Does this tradition have any biblical basis, or is it purely cultural?
What are the pros and cons?
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Genesis 2:24- For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast onto his wife. If he and his wife stayed, and their children stayed, and their children stay, etc, etc, the house will get severely over populated, and families wouldn't fill towns. Aside from this, how can a man lead his own family if he is still under the roof and authority of his father and mother?
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#28
Jan 5, 2015
243
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#28
Kaycie said:
Genesis 2:24- For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast onto his wife. If he and his wife stayed, and their children stayed, and their children stay, etc, etc, the house will get severely over populated, and families wouldn't fill towns. Aside from this, how can a man lead his own family if he is still under the roof and authority of his father and mother?
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I have to agree with you here. The reason I raised my boys the way I did and made sure they got a good education and good jobs was so they could be maturely and financially independent on themselves without always having to depend on others. My boys are not married yet, but both my 30 and 27 year old live in a nice place, maintain good jobs and live good lives! They enjoy being with other people their age and working and socializing with others. If something happened and they "had" to come back home to live, that would be fine, but personally I enjoy them being independent, responsible young adults who learned to manage life on their own. If something happened to me and their father today, there would be no doubt that they couldn't tackle this world on their own and survive well. It's how I was raised as well, so maybe that's why we did the same for our children.
 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#29
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#29
Cindy12 said:
My youngest one is in college now taking a full load and working 45 hours a week at Chick Fil A. It's actually relatively easy for him. Once he has his professors and knows the expectations (everything is posted online) he does his work and gets VERY far ahead on his off days with school work. Then on due dates, he turns in things that were previously done. He has not struggled at all working it this way and has maintained a 3.6 GPA - working towards a criminal justice degree. My older two both worked in college as well .... I would estimate 25 - 30 hours a week for both of them. They wanted spending money and they wanted to be able to do what they wanted to do in college, so they worked. BUT, I can also say that all 3 of them worked little part time jobs once they started driving at the age of 16 -- maybe summer jobs, or laying sod, cutting lawns, etc ... but they have always worked to make money and earn money.
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45 hours a week would mean approx. 7 to 9 hours a day, right?
Wow! That's a full time job, isn't it?
So he spends more time at work than at college, if I'm not mistaken.
That's probably because his college hours are flexible.
I'm just trying to understand how this works out.
In india, this is not possible. I wish it was.
In india, one must compulsorily attend college for 6 to 9 hours per day.
Also, there are very few part time job opportunities.
 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#30
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
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#30
JasonNosneh said:
In america they leave home at 18 then realize it is much harder to survive on their own and end up back in their momma's basement for undefined number of years, haha.
Click to expand...
I guess it works out well if parents get involved with their children
who are moving out, just as cindy12 mentioned.
I started this thread wondering how it could be possible
for children to leave home at 18 and survive.
Cindy12 is showing me how this is made possible.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#31
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
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#31
onlinebuddy said:
45 hours a week would mean approx. 7 to 9 hours a day, right?
Wow! That's a full time job, isn't it?
So he spends more time at work than at college, if I'm not mistaken.
That's probably because his college hours are flexible.
I'm just trying to understand how this works out.
In india, this is not possible. I wish it was.
In india, one must compulsorily attend college for 6 to 9 hours per day.
Also, there are very few part time job opportunities.
Click to expand...
Yes, correct, he does work 45+ hours a week. He does spend more time at work than college, but college classes don't require as much time as work does. He has 5 college classes. 1 of them he goes twice a week to the campus for 2 hours a day. The other 4 are online classes. He can work at his own pace and emails the professors when ready for taking tests. So, on his 2 off days (Sunday and 1 day during the week) he can spend all day doing college work and be completely caught up, if not ahead, for the week. In fact, his semester ends in the end of December this year, and he has fully completed 2 of his courses and taken the finals already, so he's pretty far ahead! He used to work just part time, but he is full time now because he found that he could do that pretty easily. In the United States, part time opportunities for work and especially for college aged students are a dime a dozen. Easy to find.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#32
Jan 5, 2015
243
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#32
It may be a lot easier in the United States. I find that many people here in the States tend to "coddle and baby" their kids and don't give them the structure of working part time jobs when they are able to drive, then continuing to work part time through college. By the time they are out of college, these kids have learned to cook, clean, make money, pay bills and LIVE independently. That is what we drove our kids to do and they are happy they did that (so are we). Again, if something happened to us, I have all the faith in the world that life would go on fine for them and they would be in good hands because they are independent, young adults who are financially responsible. All 3 of our kids were taught to invest a specific amount of their paychecks with a financial advisor of ours from the age of 18 up. Every paycheck, a certain amount is added to their investment. Dave Ramsey taught us this and it worked for us, and we taught it to them and its working for them. This is money they don't touch, just watch grow. By the time they are 60, they can retire and live the rest of their lives in financial peace without worry AND they can live and give to others in need. We did this for them because we started this later in life, were never taught this, but we wanted to get our kids off on the right foot, because one day, they will be older and not able to work. It can be done here in the United States, opportunities are SO many for kids. Even college is affordable if parents convince their kids that they don't have to go to Ivy League schools, if they go close to home and pay their way as they go. It's all easy to do, if they only want to do it and have the drive and desire. (This is all just my opinion). Many may not agree.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#33
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#33
There's no hard and set rules that make 18 the cut-off point for living home. There's also nothing that says you leave home only when your ready to get married. Consider Jesus and Paul, neither left home to get married; "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I" (1 Corinthians 7:8).

Most leave when they are financially capable of taking care of themselves. In the OT, women usually left when they married because they couldn't make it otherwise. But today, its a completely different atmosphere. Usually when a person gets a good job, they also want to be independent. I think its taking kids longer today (mid-twenties), mainly because it takes a while to get the education or training to land a job where you can support yourself.
 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#34
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#34
Cindy12 said:
Yes, correct, he does work 45+ hours a week. He does spend more time at work than college, but college classes don't require as much time as work does. He has 5 college classes. 1 of them he goes twice a week to the campus for 2 hours a day. The other 4 are online classes. He can work at his own pace and emails the professors when ready for taking tests. So, on his 2 off days (Sunday and 1 day during the week) he can spend all day doing college work and be completely caught up, if not ahead, for the week. In fact, his semester ends in the end of December this year, and he has fully completed 2 of his courses and taken the finals already, so he's pretty far ahead! He used to work just part time, but he is full time now because he found that he could do that pretty easily. In the United States, part time opportunities for work and especially for college aged students are a dime a dozen. Easy to find.
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So, college hours are flexible. That's nice.
Out here, kids finish high school at the age of 15.
They then go to college and have to compulsorily attend college lectures
for a minimum of 6 to 9 hours a day.
6 hours for those who have opted for commerce
and 9 hours for science (which includes practicals).
The standard of teaching in schools is very poor;
therefore students end up going to private coaching classes for another 3 hours per day.
Commuting is done by local trains.
So an average student leaves home at 7 in the morning and returns home
only after 7 in the evening.
So jobs become impossible.

 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#35
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#35
Cindy12 said:
It may be a lot easier in the United States. I find that many people here in the States tend to "coddle and baby" their kids and don't give them the structure of working part time jobs when they are able to drive, then continuing to work part time through college. By the time they are out of college, these kids have learned to cook, clean, make money, pay bills and LIVE independently. That is what we drove our kids to do and they are happy they did that (so are we). Again, if something happened to us, I have all the faith in the world that life would go on fine for them and they would be in good hands because they are independent, young adults who are financially responsible. All 3 of our kids were taught to invest a specific amount of their paychecks with a financial advisor of ours from the age of 18 up. Every paycheck, a certain amount is added to their investment. Dave Ramsey taught us this and it worked for us, and we taught it to them and its working for them. This is money they don't touch, just watch grow. By the time they are 60, they can retire and live the rest of their lives in financial peace without worry AND they can live and give to others in need. We did this for them because we started this later in life, were never taught this, but we wanted to get our kids off on the right foot, because one day, they will be older and not able to work. It can be done here in the United States, opportunities are SO many for kids. Even college is affordable if parents convince their kids that they don't have to go to Ivy League schools, if they go close to home and pay their way as they go. It's all easy to do, if they only want to do it and have the drive and desire. (This is all just my opinion). Many may not agree.
Click to expand...
Wow! Investments too! That sounds great!
But all this would not be possible without the active participation of the parents.
 
onlinebuddy

onlinebuddy

Senior Member
#36
Sep 1, 2012
1,115
24
38
#36
Here's another thing I'm wondering about:
How does moving out of the home affect dating and relationships?

I guess teens get into relationships pretty early,
because for teens it's like the "in thing" to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Some youngsters begin living in with the opposite sex
even before they are financially independent. (correct me if I'm wrong)
It's culturally accepted, if I'm not mistaken.
Then there are teenage pregnancies and drugs abuse.
Could these be some of the downsides?
Do parents sometime wish that their children should not
get involved in relationships at campus or at work, till they are of a particular age?
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#37
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#37
onlinebuddy said:
Here's another thing I'm wondering about:
How does moving out of the home affect dating and relationships?

I guess teens get into relationships pretty early,
because for teens it's like the "in thing" to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Some youngsters begin living in with the opposite sex
even before they are financially independent. (correct me if I'm wrong)
It's culturally accepted, if I'm not mistaken.
Then there are teenage pregnancies and drugs abuse.
Could these be some of the downsides?
Do parents sometime wish that their children should not
get involved in relationships at campus or at work, till they are of a particular age?
Click to expand...
My boys who moved out both date - one has a fairly steady girlfriend, and the other does not have a steady girlfriend and not dating right now. Neither of mine live with anyone of the opposite sex at the moment, but it is culturally accepted here in the United States (in my opinion). I am sure there are plenty of teen pregnancies and drug abuse, I've just been fortunate that none of my children got involved in any of that. My are active in church, youth groups, and one is even leading a church youth group today. They hang around other kids who are Christians and ones who attend churches in their area. My kids never really got serious with any girl until my oldest met someone when he was about 22. They did date during and after high school, but nothing too serious - more as friends. I've been fortunate to not have problems like that with my kids.
 
W

wiggledy

Guest
#38
#38
Everything's okay if say the wife and her in-laws area getting along. But life isn't perfect and a problem that should stay between a husband and wife could create tension with the in-laws when they get involved as everyone lives in close proximity. That just starts drama sometimes. So moving out would be practical and healthier for everyone.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#39
#39
You don't need to leave to home at 18, and (especially for ladies), there is a protection factor with staying in a family unit until marriage. I know a family who's oldest daughter is in her mid 30's, she hasn't had any reason to leave home so she has worked it out with her parents, she eats and sleeps at home, but has a job, car, cellphone, etc. of her own, and pays rent and helps out at home when she isn't working, it is a perfect arrangement for everyone involved.
 
Y

Yosef2

Guest
#40
#40
Matthew 10:34-39New King James Version (NKJV)[h=3]Christ Brings Division[/h][SUP]34 [/SUP]“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. [SUP]35 [/SUP]For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; [SUP]36 [/SUP]and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’[SUP][a][/SUP] [SUP]37 [/SUP]He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. [SUP]38 [/SUP]And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. [SUP]39 [/SUP]He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
 
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