Manipulating by using Scripture

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Jami7

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So I have a " friend" separated from her husband who is addicted to the internet and is talking to other women on dating sites.. she Caught him sending some inappropriate pictures to other women and had hundreds of messages asking girls to meet up with his phone #.When she confronted him,he denied it and tried to convince her she was crazy.Months went by she found out he was doing it again.He told her that every guy does it and it's not cheating because there's no physical contact and if she was a real help mate she would forgive and get over it.
He also breaks out the Bible and tells her if she leaves she's bailing out on the marriage instead she needs to cover up his offense or she's not a real Christian...
This has emotionally drained and tortured her being with him.
So I need your opinion
is it cheating? Is covering up something like that enabling his behavior? Is it true that every guy acts like this ? Doesn't the Bible say if a man lust after a women he has committed adultery?
 
Hi Jami, and welcome to CC! Thanks for sharing your concern. I'll respond here, but I would encourage you to post this in the Family forum as well; it is more likely to get several responses there.

Emotional connections with other women are just as harmful as physical. It sounds like your friend would do well to find a quiet time and watch some of Patrick Doyle's videos... he is a solid Christian counselor and a regular guest on the Dove TV. The shows are on youtube. I've watched many of them and learned a lot. I would encourage her to go to a Christian counselor herself... Maybe to support her you could invite her over and watch a couple of the videos with you?

When the offender is using Scripture to tell another person about their sin, it is manipulation and abuse. Patrick D. addresses this in the 'Religious Denial' video. This looks like a clear case of emotional abuse, and your friend will likely need to get away for a while. Separating is not giving up on the marriage, it is setting a boundary, which is a loving thing to do. It sounds like the husband needs some tough love so that the Holy Spirit can speak to him.

To answer your questions directly, it is not adultery in the way the courts would define it, but it is cheating in the way Scripture might define it. Covering it will enable it. Not every guy acts like this, though sadly many do until they are convicted by the Holy Spirit. And yes, the Bible is clear on this matter in Matthew 5:28. This is sinful behaviour. It sounds like it might be narcissistic as well, but that analysis is best handled by professionals. :)
 
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Jami7 said:
So I have a " friend" separated from her husband who is addicted to the internet and is talking to other women on dating sites.. she Caught him sending some inappropriate pictures to other women and had hundreds of messages asking girls to meet up with his phone #.When she confronted him,he denied it and tried to convince her she was crazy.Months went by she found out he was doing it again.He told her that every guy does it and it's not cheating because there's no physical contact and if she was a real help mate she would forgive and get over it.
He also breaks out the Bible and tells her if she leaves she's bailing out on the marriage instead she needs to cover up his offense or she's not a real Christian...
This has emotionally drained and tortured her being with him.
So I need your opinion
is it cheating? Is covering up something like that enabling his behavior? Is it true that every guy acts like this ? Doesn't the Bible say if a man lust after a women he has committed adultery?
Click to expand...
Well if he wants to go by scripture, here's one for him:
Matt. 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery:28 but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
 
atwhatcost said:
Well if he wants to go by scripture, here's one for him:
Matt. 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt not commit adultery:28 but I say unto you, that every one that looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Click to expand...
I Was just about to post that very scripture:)
 
Bible says husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. How does his behavior reflect the love of Christ towards his wife?
 
He's an ungodly carouser. Tell her to bail so that she may have peace and joy with someone else.
 
You are right about the nature of the offense, but the issue is also the relationship too, and the individuals in it, in relationship to their personal relationship to God.. and in as much as there are many things involved here now, the guilt, the recognition of sin, the hurt,and then theres your role in all this: The Friend. It's already complicated right?!!

The Scriptures tell us there is a way and a truth and a life to the right answers but only one. When i see the complicated messes relationships go thru even temporarily, I am glad there is only one person and God I need to go to to get my answers, of coarse I am speaking of Jesus Christ right?!! The quick answer is the Scriptures answers, helpful suggestions etc etc. directly, but the real problem lyes deeper in him and the relationship as a whole. This will not be an easy fix. This will take Jesus' interaction to make straight the paths of these two, and even you as you show empathy for them.. You have been a great friend to be so personally involved, showing him scriptures will begin God's work, Jesus Christ is the finisher of all the answers yet , unseen. There will be more need to answer questions, we all, find the right one's in here, by His Word, the bible and His Spirit , thru the Holy spirit that lives within a surrendered person to God thru Christ Jesus. I will be in prayer, as a friend I suggest being in prayer and reading and delivering the Word as well. God bless you all in this. I'm sorry personally.
 
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