Can we still be friends?

[setapartgirl]

Can you still be friends with the person or people who hurt you?

A lover who rejects and cheated on you.
A friend who bullied you and treated you like a garbage.
A suitor who leds you on then dump you.
A bestfriend who stabbed your back.
A relative that never treated you a family.


I haven't experienced it all..just some of it.

But when a person told you, i hope we can still be friends??
You think it's a crappy line??
Or just for them to look good and satisfy there ego?
And most of the people didn't mean it at all.
A true friend will never hurt you intentionally.
But for me making friends with these people will only delayed the healing process.
I don't know about the others but for me i can't afford to make friends with that people it will just make me remember what they did and the anger will come back, so better forgive and forget, then maybe after a year or so, if you are destined to be really friends , if all the hurt were gone, but based on experienced it will never be the same again, it is like a broken glass you will try to put it together, even if you will buy the most expensive glue or tape, the crack will still be visible, i know as a christian we should forgive but there are relationships that resuscitation is not needed, and its better leave it as it is Just forgive and let go.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I can forgive and let things go easily. But can someone who does that expect things to be the same as before? I will try personally very hard, but to be honest I dont think I have ever experienced true repentance from someone who has wronged me in such a way. If I had, I think it would be more than possible. But usually, I don't even get a fake half hearted apology.

 

[Shouryu]

Can you still be friends with the person or people who hurt you?

A lover who rejects and cheated on you.
A friend who bullied you and treated you like a garbage.
A suitor who leds you on then dump you.
A bestfriend who stabbed your back.
A relative that never treated you a family.

Why, though?

I'm not saying one shouldn't forgive. But you are constantly staring at the remind of the pain and hurt you felt, it's much easier to relapse into hurt and anger. It's more difficult to let go.

Sometimes, in order for us to let go, we REALLY NEED TO LET GO. Wounds don't heal if you're constantly picking at them.

 

[maxwel]

Why would you SEEK to be friends with the very people who have already PROVEN to be terrible friends?

That seems... backward.

: )

This hinges on a common misconception.

There is a difference between "forgiveness" and "trust".

The bible DOES teach us to forgive everyone.
The bible DOES NOT teach us to trust everyone.

Sometimes people need to be forgiven, and then kept at arm's length until they "prove" they have become trustworthy.

Every person, and every situation, is a little bit different, and requires us to have some discretion.
That's why God tells us to read the book of Proverbs to gain "subtlety".

 

[mochi]

No, i cant it will need time for me to forgive..
I have experienced friend stab me from behind.. Its really hard.. i dont even want to smile at her...
but after sometimes (after i'm completely heal) i found myself to act normally like we used to be..

 

[Elisabet]

Someone from my church once said, "if we remember the love and forgiveness Christ had given to us, forgiving anyone won't be that difficult anymore."

Forgiveness is like letting go all of your burdens. Probably you cant immediately act as you used to be to him/her, but at least you dont hate that person anymore and you dont have a feeling to take revenge on that person.

Talking about trust, the best way probably is to let her/him go for some moments. I mean like, if that person doesnt respect you and not willing to change,, whats the point of keeping relationship with him/her?
If you still keep the relationship going, probably you will have to forgive again, which is not an easy thing at all. But if you keep a distance between them and you at least for a moment, it will be easier for you to forget what they did before and finally are able to forgive them. Then again, it depends on the situation as well. There are some moments where that person really needs us and are very dependant on us, therefore we cannot let her/him go.

And also, from what they did in the past, we can still see the crack. But if that person is meant to be with us in any kinds of relationship, God will heal the crack and those cracks will even make you closer to this peeson, and understand him/her more.

 

[cmarieh]

Yesterday I got into a verbal altercation with a friend and she began ripping me apart starting from every little detail of my life to saying that I was a very selfish person and never cared about anyone else. It left me physically shaken and in tears because I try so hard to put others before myself. I mean I have put my life on hold to take care of my mom and excuse me in asking for prayer for myself just once. I usually have a long fuse, but she lit it and I let her know it. A couple hours later we both apologized for allowing our anger and frustration to get the better of us. She was going through something and I was in a lot of pain from an injury and we have talked periodically throughout the day like nothing happened. The trust will take time, but I knew I did something wrong and had to take responsibility for my actions. I told her that I can't stay angry at someone for very long because I love them too much.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I've come to a friendly sort of arrangement with my ex-husband. He comes in when he picks up our daughters, chats a while, asks how we're doing, etc. I wouldn't choose to hang out with him just for fun or anything, but I don't feel any anger or resentment when I see him. It's... comfortable. Which is a good thing since we share kids.

I'm not sure how we got to that. It had to do with complete forgiveness, which took a lot of time and prayer. But it also probably had to do with the fact that I have joy in my life regardless of him. If I were unhappy and miserable I am sure I would battle resentment more. It also helped to want the best for my kids, and holding grudges is definitely not the best - for anyone. Forgiveness is much more freeing.

I don't think it's a good idea to remain friends with toxic people, or with people that just continue to make you unhappy or angry over and over. There's just no sense in it. Make sure, if you decide to continue a friendship, that it is a healthy one and not a toxic one.

 

[chancer]

Can you still be friends with the person or people who hurt you?

A lover who rejects and cheated on you.
A friend who bullied you and treated you like a garbage.
A suitor who leds you on then dump you.





I haven't experienced it all..just some of it.

But when a person told you, i hope we can still be friends??
You think it's a crappy line??
Or just for them to look good and satisfy there ego?
And most of the people didn't mean it at all.
A true friend will never hurt you intentionally.
But for me making friends with these people will only delayed the healing process.
I don't know about the others but for me i can't afford to make friends with that people it will just make me remember what they did and the anger will come back, so better forgive and forget, then maybe after a year or so, if you are destined to be really friends , if all the hurt were gone, but based on experienced it will never be the same again, it is like a broken glass you will try to put it together, even if you will buy the most expensive glue or tape, the crack will still be visible, i know as a christian we should forgive but there are relationships that resuscitation is not needed, and its better leave it as it is Just forgive and let go.

Yeah to say that "lets be friends" ... is very manipulative in my view ... having experienced something similar when I was much younger. Sometimes the person wants the fun and good feelings of hanging out with you, without the commitment. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to 'still be friends'. It's about letting go and moving on, and that often takes time (its a process even when we say and mean "I forgive you", often takes time for our hearts to catch up, per say). I would say 'hanging out' with someone that you have feelings for, is a sure way to mess with your emotions. I believe the best thing to do is to stay out of each others way. That's my experience of things.

 

[Addison]

Can I still be friends with the people who hurt me?



S̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶.̶

 

[Chris516]

Forgiveness is the key. But sometimes that forgiveness is palpable.

I say that from experience.

1. (ex)wife

When my developmentally disabled (ex)wife asked me out, after we had known each other only two months. Figuring since she came from a Christian home. That my three (physical)health issues would be accepted. I even tried showing my Christian (ex)wife what she needed to know about my lifelong health issues. Then, Six months after she left me, she begged me not to divorce her. I relented until she told me something. My (ex)wife told me after the separation that she had always wanted my health problems' "to just go away". During our 13yr. relationship, I had two seizures due to my epilepsy. Since the first one was while we were dating. I forgave her. Like a Christian should do. The second one she already had time to learn about. But she chose to run again. This year she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. But I have adamantly not communicated with her in years. Because her denial about my lifelong health issues. Cut so deep, emotionally. That I will not try to reach out to her about her cancer.

2. (ex)fiance

My mentally ill (ex)fiance n' I, were together for four years. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, and two of the same physical health problems I do. Both times I had a seizure in front of her. She didn't stand around and twiddle fingers n' thumbs about what to do. She immediately called 911 without question. Even with her thirteen (emotionally abusive)mental/physical health diagnoses of me(she isn't a health professional). I still think about her from time to time, and hope her health is okay. She even made false accusations against me, publicly. But I am still able to find it within me. To forgive her. I don't communicate with her. But I can still forgive her.

 

[setapartgirl]

I can forgive and let things go easily. But can someone who does that expect things to be the same as before? I will try personally very hard, but to be honest I dont think I have ever experienced true repentance from someone who has wronged me in such a way. If I had, I think it would be more than possible. But usually, I don't even get a fake half hearted apology.

Oh i can feel you!! Lol..didn't even said sorry...just said i don't want you to give a hard time, i want you to be well, fit and healthy, i respect you..and we are still friends... and i was like...wow...that person's word didn't match the action!! And maybe just saying this to prove himself he isn't bad afterall? Cause hey!!!i said we are friends!!! You should be happy about it!! Well thank you! (Note the sarcasm) but yeah let's forgive for our own sake...they said forgiving is for yourself to free your self from that bandage that binds you to that person!

 

[setapartgirl]

Can I still be friends with the people who hurt me?



S̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶.̶

What if that person didn't even treated you right even before? Lol

 

[setapartgirl]

Yeah to say that "lets be friends" ... is very manipulative in my view ... having experienced something similar when I was much younger. Sometimes the person wants the fun and good feelings of hanging out with you, without the commitment. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to 'still be friends'. It's about letting go and moving on, and that often takes time (its a process even when we say and mean "I forgive you", often takes time for our hearts to catch up, per say). I would say 'hanging out' with someone that you have feelings for, is a sure way to mess with your emotions. I believe the best thing to do is to stay out of each others way. That's my experience of things.

TRUE!!the No contact rule!is important! Maybe if you are healed, then let the time decide for it, because making friends with the person who treated you bad, disrespects you is hard, you are just fooling each other if ever. And most people just say that to lessen their guilt.

 

[setapartgirl]

Forgiveness is the key. But sometimes that forgiveness is palpable.

I say that from experience.

1. (ex)wife

When my developmentally disabled (ex)wife asked me out, after we had known each other only two months. Figuring since she came from a Christian home. That my three (physical)health issues would be accepted. I even tried showing my Christian (ex)wife what she needed to know about my lifelong health issues. Then, Six months after she left me, she begged me not to divorce her. I relented until she told me something. My (ex)wife told me after the separation that she had always wanted my health problems' "to just go away". During our 13yr. relationship, I had two seizures due to my epilepsy. Since the first one was while we were dating. I forgave her. Like a Christian should do. The second one she already had time to learn about. But she chose to run again. This year she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. But I have adamantly not communicated with her in years. Because her denial about my lifelong health issues. Cut so deep, emotionally. That I will not try to reach out to her about her cancer.

2. (ex)fiance

My mentally ill (ex)fiance n' I, were together for four years. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, and two of the same physical health problems I do. Both times I had a seizure in front of her. She didn't stand around and twiddle fingers n' thumbs about what to do. She immediately called 911 without question. Even with her thirteen (emotionally abusive)mental/physical health diagnoses of me(she isn't a health professional). I still think about her from time to time, and hope her health is okay. She even made false accusations against me, publicly. But I am still able to find it within me. To forgive her. I don't communicate with her. But I can still forgive her.

I am sorry, you've been through so much...but claim the healing brother! God will heal you!physically, mentally!emotionally! And yeah let's forgive for our own sake, they said, unforgiveness is like a posion that kills us slowly. Yeah our hatred towards them is normal, but lingering too much on that emotion will just destroy us, even me, the anger inside me keeps coming back from time to time, but i need to remind my self that this emotion won't help me, i need to free my self from it, hatred, unforgiveness and revenge are like toxin we injecting to our self, wishing people they will die from it, but it is us who is dying... i hope you are fine now...because you've been through so much,,i will pray for you,

 

[setapartgirl]

Someone from my church once said, "if we remember the love and forgiveness Christ had given to us, forgiving anyone won't be that difficult anymore."

Forgiveness is like letting go all of your burdens. Probably you cant immediately act as you used to be to him/her, but at least you dont hate that person anymore and you dont have a feeling to take revenge on that person.

Talking about trust, the best way probably is to let her/him go for some moments. I mean like, if that person doesnt respect you and not willing to change,, whats the point of keeping relationship with him/her?
If you still keep the relationship going, probably you will have to forgive again, which is not an easy thing at all. But if you keep a distance between them and you at least for a moment, it will be easier for you to forget what they did before and finally are able to forgive them. Then again, it depends on the situation as well. There are some moments where that person really needs us and are very dependant on us, therefore we cannot let her/him go.

And also, from what they did in the past, we can still see the crack. But if that person is meant to be with us in any kinds of relationship, God will heal the crack and those cracks will even make you closer to this peeson, and understand him/her more.

True... we should forgive, but making friends to that person is difficult when they didn't even treated you right even the first time! And the irony of it is...you let them that to you!

 

[setapartgirl]

Why would you SEEK to be friends with the very people who have already PROVEN to be terrible friends?

That seems... backward.

: )

This hinges on a common misconception.

There is a difference between "forgiveness" and "trust".

The bible DOES teach us to forgive everyone.
The bible DOES NOT teach us to trust everyone.

Sometimes people need to be forgiven, and then kept at arm's length until they "prove" they have become trustworthy.

Every person, and every situation, is a little bit different, and requires us to have some discretion.
That's why God tells us to read the book of Proverbs to gain "subtlety".

And True friends will not hurt you intentionally! Will not hurt you with words purposely! Sometimes there are people that we need to let go because they bring the worst of us, not healthy for us!

 

[setapartgirl]

Why, though?

I'm not saying one shouldn't forgive. But you are constantly staring at the remind of the pain and hurt you felt, it's much easier to relapse into hurt and anger. It's more difficult to let go.

Sometimes, in order for us to let go, we REALLY NEED TO LET GO. Wounds don't heal if you're constantly picking at them.

It's like pouring a salt, pepper, vinegar in your open bleeding wounds...will delay the healing process...