Spouse cheated

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
B

Broken2

Guest
#1
My husband cheated on me and wants to stay married, but shows no remorse or guilt. He gets angry if I try to talk about it. I don't feel like God has convicted him about it. He has no empathy or compassion towards me about the pain he has caused me. I keep praying that God will soften his heart but it just isn't working.
 
W

wiggledy

Guest
#2
It seems like there's much more that you want to say but either you're not used to speaking up or you're currently in a semi-confused state. I hope writing will help you process your feelings as you maybe take the time to put into more words what you think/feel about what you're going through.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#3
I'd just offer the same advise that I generally give to everyone with a cheating spouse... SPLIT..

Once trust is broken, its difficult to repair, especially when there's no remorse or regret from the cheater. And no, if he had any convictions towards God or you, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. He probably shows no empathy or compassion because he doesn't care how it hurt you. He wants his cake and ice cream too, let him have his ice cream, but keep your cake... jmo
 
T

thatgirl29

Guest
#4
I have to agree with above, the way he is getting mad and doesn't care about your feelings, he will continue cheating because he has already shown that he just does not care. What is his reason for wanting to stay married? Do y'all have children together?
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#5
It's heartbreaking to see this but you must decide what is best for you. If you and he cannot agree on counseling as a means of restoring the marriage then what is there? What is the up side for you? You cannot do it all for yourself.

Know ahead of time if you separate after some time there will be an offer to reconcile but it may be for selfish reasons and not a contrite heart if he has not received lots of good biblical counseling.

You need good biblical counseling as well so get to a good pastor who can help you.

1 Cor 7:10 ¶ And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

verse 12 is Paul's advice not commandment of God.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#6
Of course he wants to stay married, for the sole reason of having you at home and his mistress on the side. :/ If he doesn't seem remorseful, that's probably because he isn't. He's just sorry that YOU caught him. Cheaters rarely ever stop cheating, so don't delude yourself into thinking he will.
 
P

P1LGR1M

Guest
#7
My husband cheated on me and wants to stay married, but shows no remorse or guilt. He gets angry if I try to talk about it. I don't feel like God has convicted him about it. He has no empathy or compassion towards me about the pain he has caused me. I keep praying that God will soften his heart but it just isn't working.
Are you both professing Christians?

God bless.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,722
17,183
113
70
Tennessee
#8
My husband cheated on me and wants to stay married, but shows no remorse or guilt. He gets angry if I try to talk about it. I don't feel like God has convicted him about it. He has no empathy or compassion towards me about the pain he has caused me. I keep praying that God will soften his heart but it just isn't working.
God can soften his heart but that does not lessen the fact that he cheated on you and the lack of remorse. A husband that truly loves his wife would not even think about cheating on her let alone actually do it. I would seeks the counsel of a divorce lawyer. Welcome to CC.
 
R

ritelec

Guest
#9
I've been learning one thing in life about asking people for advice……. You might want to take advice from people with experience and not take advice from peoples opinions.

Sorry you're going through this,

It's interesting how in a Christain chat room where I believe the Bible reads you stay, you work on it, Married till death…… ( I think unless you are getting beat up.Physically), that people are telling you to split..

It's a sad thing you weren't "one yoke"
If he cheated, that's on him with God.
If you cheat or split to divorce then thats on you with God as I see..


I have never been there (the cheating, though the way things are going, you never know), but my "Opinion" is that you get help, find out where the break down was and work on it…

Sorry, but Bible say's you stay. So you work on it. Or you draw a line down the center of the house and you stay on one side and he on the other (I'm there, not fun (experience)).


Google, research, therapy,….. stay away from people that egg you on to through him to the curb and get another man..



all the best
 
P

P1LGR1M

Guest
#10
I've been learning one thing in life about asking people for advice……. You might want to take advice from people with experience and not take advice from peoples opinions.

Sorry you're going through this,

It's interesting how in a Christain chat room where I believe the Bible reads you stay, you work on it, Married till death…… ( I think unless you are getting beat up.Physically), that people are telling you to split..

It's a sad thing you weren't "one yoke"
If he cheated, that's on him with God.
If you cheat or split to divorce then thats on you with God as I see..


I have never been there (the cheating, though the way things are going, you never know), but my "Opinion" is that you get help, find out where the break down was and work on it…

Sorry, but Bible say's you stay. So you work on it. Or you draw a line down the center of the house and you stay on one side and he on the other (I'm there, not fun (experience)).


Google, research, therapy,….. stay away from people that egg you on to through him to the curb and get another man..



all the best
You have a line drawn through the middle of your house?

I would agree opinions are not a good idea, and encouraging divorce is also not a good idea, but...adultery justifies divorce according to Christ.

Matthew 5:32

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5:32&version=KJV

But while we might feel justified, I would point out one member presented 1 Corinthians 7, which is a detailed chapter dealing with marriage. Verse 12 is pretty clear.

We would also consider forgiving as well, which in this particular issue is a tough one.


God bless.
 
R

ritelec

Guest
#11
You have a line drawn through the middle of your house?

Funny !!!!!!!

No, I think that was in a 60's sitcom...

It's more like an invisible cone of silence.

[h=1]Matthew 5:32King James Version (KJV)[/h][SUP]32 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.



this is saying you can can divorce for Adultry??

I "think" if she committed adultery she got stoned to death..

Am I reading this right?
Whoever divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery (because she might get lonely I guess) and if you're a guy you can be with her but it's not adultery? It's only adultery if you marry her then are with her???

Looking at it again, I think it's saying whoever wants to get divorced.(That whosoever shall put away his wife)because they are tired of that relationship and wants "to "be" with another" (saving for the cause of fornication)… will cause her to commit adultry or be with another..


It doesn't say you can get a divorce if someone cheats...

I think alot of wording is bent from people who get a divorce because lets face it, a person wouldn't want to live every day "in sin" and justifies the divorce..
 
P

P1LGR1M

Guest
#12
Funny !!!!!!!

No, I think that was in a 60's sitcom...

It's more like an invisible cone of silence.

Matthew 5:32King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]32 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.



this is saying you can can divorce for Adultry??

I "think" if she committed adultery she got stoned to death..

Am I reading this right?
Whoever divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery (because she might get lonely I guess) and if you're a guy you can be with her but it's not adultery? It's only adultery if you marry her then are with her???

Looking at it again, I think it's saying whoever wants to get divorced.(That whosoever shall put away his wife)because they are tired of that relationship and wants "to "be" with another" (saving for the cause of fornication)… will cause her to commit adultry or be with another..


It doesn't say you can get a divorce if someone cheats...

I think alot of wording is bent from people who get a divorce because lets face it, a person wouldn't want to live every day "in sin" and justifies the divorce..
Thanks for posting the Scripture, I'm out of town and just have a tablet (I call it a taplet... Tap...tap...tap..and an hour later I have a post ready...lol).

Yes, that is what the Lord is saying: all divorce with the exception of that due to fornication causes those remarrying to be adulterers.

The point is divorce is not God's will, but at the same time...marriage is. Most of us naturally have a need for a spouse. Been that way from the beginning. We recognize Eve's contribution to the fall, but, we would be lost without them too, lol.

Paul presents marriage as the solution for that need, but deals with some issues that can arise. An unbelieving spouse that wants to remain married suggests the believing should do so. But, when sexual sin gas been committed, according to Christ, the burden of remaining is not there. Idolatry is a common theme in Scripture, and often described in terms familiar to relations between husband and wife. Israel played the harlot, for example.

If anyone understands the pain of infidelity...its the Lord. This is a tough, probably the toughest situation we could be faced with. This is a betrayal that, in my view, is only surpassed by idolatry. So then we consider what God has forgiven us and struggle with whether we could find it in ourselves...to do the same.

I would suggest it, but that has to ultimately be decided by the one betrayed, and an unrepentant spouse would make forgiving all the harder.

But...probably no better way to heap coals on someone's head.

God has called us to peace, so my hope for the
OP is that she might find the strength to deal with this in the Lord, rather than in the flesh.

I will be praying for her to that end.

And for you. Sorry to hear of that cone, and I hope things will improve for you as well.


God bless.
 

epostle

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2015
660
15
18
#13
I recommend a weekend away.

[h=1]RETROUVAILLE[SUB]™[/SUB]
... A LIFELINE FOR MARRIAGES™[/h]
A program to Help Couples Heal and Renew their Marriages.

  • Do you feel lost, alone or bored in your marriage?
  • Are you frustrated, hurt or angry with your spouse?
  • Are you constantly fighting? Or, do you simply shut down?
  • Have you thought about separation or divorce?
  • Does talking about it only make it worse?

    ... Retrouvaille provides marriage help!
Do I have to be Catholic?
Retrouvaille is Catholic in origin. Couples of all faiths and those with no faith tradition are welcome and encouraged to attend. Christian Multi-Denomination (CMD) weekends may also be available in some areas. On CMD weekends, a Christian minister and spouse take the place of the priest on the presenting team.
Will someone try to convert me?
The program is not designed to promote a specific religion. Atheists, agnostics and those of various religions are respected for their beliefs and encouraged to attend for the benefit of their marriage.
No attempt is made to convert anyone to a religion. Saving a marriage is our focus. The ultimate goal of Retrouvaille is solely to help save marriages.

please please read more here.
 
W

wiggledy

Guest
#14
How could you all know what to do in her situation when you don't even know the whole story? Do they have kids? What's their current financial situation? Can she just up and leave right now? I bet if she could she wouldn't be posting here in the first place. What if she can't and she's verbalizing her situation because she's stuck? Aren't you all making her feel worse by telling her to do something she really can't right now? As if hearing how she won't be able to mend her broken marriage will make her life at the moment more bearable. I wouldn't know what to tell her except girl, if it makes you feel better, talk, I'll listen.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#15
I recommend a weekend away.

RETROUVAILLE[SUB]™[/SUB]
... A LIFELINE FOR MARRIAGES™


A program to Help Couples Heal and Renew their Marriages.

  • Do you feel lost, alone or bored in your marriage?
  • Are you frustrated, hurt or angry with your spouse?
  • Are you constantly fighting? Or, do you simply shut down?
  • Have you thought about separation or divorce?
  • Does talking about it only make it worse?

    ... Retrouvaille provides marriage help!
Do I have to be Catholic?
Retrouvaille is Catholic in origin. Couples of all faiths and those with no faith tradition are welcome and encouraged to attend. Christian Multi-Denomination (CMD) weekends may also be available in some areas. On CMD weekends, a Christian minister and spouse take the place of the priest on the presenting team.
Will someone try to convert me?
The program is not designed to promote a specific religion. Atheists, agnostics and those of various religions are respected for their beliefs and encouraged to attend for the benefit of their marriage.
No attempt is made to convert anyone to a religion. Saving a marriage is our focus. The ultimate goal of Retrouvaille is solely to help save marriages.

please please read more here.

Umm, no..Just no. This is a catholic-based program, AND to do this weekend thing, they have to give a donation (PAY) for a program that claims it's "not a miracle cure". In other words, if it doesn't work for the OP, she's out of a lotta money.. :/ This is a very bad idea indeed. Hubby refuses to even TALK about his infidelity, so what makes you think he'd want to go on some weekend retreat with her?
 
K

Kefa54

Guest
#16
Thank You. I was just going to ask. What does God say about this?


You have a line drawn through the middle of your house?

I would agree opinions are not a good idea, and encouraging divorce is also not a good idea, but...adultery justifies divorce according to Christ.

Matthew 5:32

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5:32&version=KJV

But while we might feel justified, I would point out one member presented 1 Corinthians 7, which is a detailed chapter dealing with marriage. Verse 12 is pretty clear.

We would also consider forgiving as well, which in this particular issue is a tough one.


God bless.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,722
17,183
113
70
Tennessee
#17
Umm, no..Just no. This is a catholic-based program, AND to do this weekend thing, they have to give a donation (PAY) for a program that claims it's "not a miracle cure". In other words, if it doesn't work for the OP, she's out of a lotta money.. :/ This is a very bad idea indeed. Hubby refuses to even TALK about his infidelity, so what makes you think he'd want to go on some weekend retreat with her?
I agree completely. The guy cheats on her, shuts her off emotionally, and shows no remorse. He could not care less about the hurt he has caused. He then gets angry at her when she wants to discuss it. A weekend retreat to resolve these issues? I really don't think so.
 
K

Kefa54

Guest
#18
I agree. If you don't play the game (marriage). You can't make the rules..:)


Umm, no..Just no. This is a catholic-based program, AND to do this weekend thing, they have to give a donation (PAY) for a program that claims it's "not a miracle cure". In other words, if it doesn't work for the OP, she's out of a lotta money.. :/ This is a very bad idea indeed. Hubby refuses to even TALK about his infidelity, so what makes you think he'd want to go on some weekend retreat with her?
 
K

Kefa54

Guest
#19
You can read all about football and know all the rules. But until we get on the field....we don't know the whole lot of it.


Kefa
 
K

Kefa54

Guest
#20
Sorry, I got off track. Is there a way you can get marriage counseling?

You can read all about football and know all the rules. But until we get on the field....we don't know the whole lot of it.


Kefa