Thank you for what you said. I agree. But problem is this though, how can I help myself and not get emotionally drained from the situation? I've been praying. 2 weeks ago, I was feeling down about this, very down, and I prayed about it asking God if I should talk to my friend about this and tell him how I feel. To me, it seemed like God told me no, not now. So, I let it go, but, God actually helped me out at the same time and allowed me to hang out w/ my friend this one day and it really really helped me but, for me to Wait, and not let it overcome me seeing how other things are happening, that is what I need to work on.
I have never loved someone as much as I love this guy so, this is all brand new to me and difficult and am trying to work things out for myself but need help putting myself in place and not letting this overcome me so much.
Hey. I love your story, but I want to share mine, which identical to yours. Not only do I want to share, but I want to share with you the downs and ups of each moment of it.
The Story:
I left my life for Christ, and moved to live with a youth pastor for full time ministry, while receiving no pay. During a lawn care job on my first day, I heard the Lord voice loud and clear, and he told me to look up at the window of the lady house we were working on. He then proceed to tell me, the daughter of that lady, who lives on this floor, will be your wife one day. I was super exceeding with joy, although I never seen the daughter of the lady before.
Later in time, perhaps 2-3 months after the accident, I was at church with the youth, and of course during this time, I was a youth also, 17-18 years old to be exact. There was a girl who was age 17 at the church whom I never seen before, and instantly, I knew within my soul and spirit, this was the same girl God spoke to me about. Not knowing who daughter she was, only meeting her for the first time, I knew within my heart, this was her, the girl I loved whom I never seen. A month later, it was confirmed to me by friends and church family and seeing her walk with the woman of the house I worked for, I knew instantly, I was correct, she was the daughter of this lady.
We talked, she starts to catch an interest me, and I in her. She came over and we started to somewhat spoke to each other time to time.
The Collapse:
Here where it started to fall. I left the calling God had for my life at this youth pastor house. I couldn't take the heat anymore of working for the church, for the people, I hated that place, and I wanted out. As I left, not only did the woman God had for me left with the calling, it was postponed until I come back and be ready for that specific calling God has on my life.
The return:
I return back to the Church after a great while, perhaps 6-8 months of leaving. After I returned, the girl that was going to be my wife, has already dating another man. I didn't push it, but I was clearly broken and upset. How can the woman God said will be my wife, date someone else, and have done things behind my back and to what God has called for us? Does she not know that I was going to be her husband? Why haven't Christ told her also, and why did He only told me that she was my wife?
The ending of my call:
After a great while pondering, and somewhat giving up on the whole ordeal, but yet, having in my heart the love I had for her. How much I still wanted her to be my wife, because Christ has called us together. 3 years passed, and I held to that promise. She and the boy broke up, and she came back to me. We talked again, we started hanging out after church maybe 15 minutes or so, just to have a conversation.
Christ has come:
I would wait after church to go talk her, and we would just spend time then, but during service, in the middle of the Pastor preaching, Christ came to me. And he spoke to me, and interrupted the preaching of the pastor. He said to me, "Do you want to marry her?" I told him with a cheerful and loving heart, "YES!" And right after this question, he said to me, "If you marry her, it'll be good. But if you don't marry her, you'll be great." And then he proceed to reinforce what he said so I understood clearly, "Both is good, but one is great."
My brokenness:
After what the Lord has spoke to me about, I became shattered because I gave up my life to be great, and to walk with Him. I just don't want to settle for good, I loved Christ with all my heart. And yet, I love this woman also, I wanted to marry her, I wanted her to be my wife. It tore me. And at the end of the service, I gave my answer, I said to the Lord, "I want to be great." And as I turn around to look at her, the woman I love, and wanting to talk to her after church like we usually do, she stared at me back, and walked away without a word. I knew instantly, it was over, I was crushed at the same time.
My conclusion to you:
You see, when we know in our hearts the very person God has called for us. We fall in love with that person instantly. My love for that woman was unconditional, it was like a heaven love the way God wanted us to love each other, and it only came from above. I understand how you feel about this situation, because this love is what God wanted. The problem isn't who he called for us, and how he put us together. It's us, it's you, it's him.
If both are you are not ready, Christ will not put you both together, because you are not in the will and isn't prepared to handle the things he wants for you in your life. You see, it's not on our time when he will put us together, it's on his. Your job is to love Christ, and walk with him. Learn to not give into your heart desire for another person more than you will give to God. If you can learn to trust in him through this process, you are making a claim to the Lord, that you are ready for that husband he has for you.
I don't know when and how He will put you guys together, but it will only be on his timing, and his decision. And if he doesn't put you two together, do not be upset with the Lord. He has plans beyond what we can see. God doesn't force people into feeling things for others against their own will, it will always be their choice.
Your choice should always be, "I am whole with Christ, and I don't need anything else to complete me." Once you come into this spiritual awakening, you learn what it means to abide in Him, and Him in you. Even not having a husband will not bring you down. No circumstances, no event, nothing can rob your joy, because your joy is not in or of this world. I do not know much of the subject, but I give to you my story, and my journey in life with Jesus. Take care.