6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...
- Thread starter soconfused2
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Do not worry about what he writes to your aunt, if she knows you she will know what he is saying is lie. You are fortunate that you have caught a glimpse of what he is like before it is too late. Just make sure he doesn't know where you are and I would go as far as changing your job so he doesn't know where you work. Get legal advice about the money. Just make sure you and your child are safe.
When ever a relationship ends however dysfunctional it was it will be painful and it will be tempting to return to it.
You are worth so much more. God loves you so much and has a plan for your life.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29v11
Can I encourage you to focus on the Lord. Also please do not rush into another relationship as you are in a very vonurable place at the current time.
You are worth so much more. God loves you so much and has a plan for your life.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29v11
Can I encourage you to focus on the Lord. Also please do not rush into another relationship as you are in a very vonurable place at the current time.
You have a real need but you also need to respect yourself. There are many men who could help meet that need, but it needs to be in a loving caring environment, and your x partner is not that place. Is there some friend or maybe going to be with your family for a short while that might help?
The pain should remind you need protection not manipulation. In a real way Jesus can meet us in the place we feel most alone. The cross was a painful place, but He went there, because He loves us all. We are not alone, for all eternity.
Intimacy has to be earnt and gained over time, slowly, because so many abuse the power it gives.
Lord help soconfused to reach out and find that peace and love she needs, that acceptance and place of rest to move on.
Thankyou Lord so many times you have given this to me, may you bless this sister today, Amen
The pain should remind you need protection not manipulation. In a real way Jesus can meet us in the place we feel most alone. The cross was a painful place, but He went there, because He loves us all. We are not alone, for all eternity.
Intimacy has to be earnt and gained over time, slowly, because so many abuse the power it gives.
Lord help soconfused to reach out and find that peace and love she needs, that acceptance and place of rest to move on.
Thankyou Lord so many times you have given this to me, may you bless this sister today, Amen
K
Quote "I am so scared to be alone." "I miss this disfunction"
I understand where you are coming from.I had a relationship with a guy I "thought" I loved for a little over a year. He was wrong for me on all levels. But everyone was married around me,even women younger than me.I was in my late 30s and thinking it may be the last train out. Coming from a dysfunctional family I,of course,found someone dysfunctional. He took off on me,lucky me,and moved away with another women. He left her too btw. The problem is you get on a crazy cycle and you get addicted to that. It feels horrible,you're always keyed up,always ready to run and ready for a fight. I totally understand.But that is not good for your happiness or your health.You're addicted to it.
I met my now husband not long after the "other guy" left. He's very steady,no drama,very calm,quiet and sensible. He joked before we got married and said "What are you going to do when we marry and there's no drama? I bet you'll miss it." I laughed but I tell you it has been the best thing in the world. I was so ill,mentally and physically and didn't realize it until I got rid of all the drama makers. Im the happiest I've been in my life. Please give yourself that gift.Let this addiction go and get healthy. You will be so very glad you did.
He's been divorced twice before. No violence that I know of but he is a fighter for money. He is all about the cash. He Tried to stop payment on the check I cashed! Thank God I was smart about it.
He claims that since I took so much (my tax money for my biz) that I'm leaving him in a major lurch.
To answer your questions ...I have a PR company. He is a surgeon. He makes more than me but he took all the client payments I've had and spent the gross sum...instead of setting aside for taxes. So I took my tax money only. Not my fault he spent it.
He claims that since I took so much (my tax money for my biz) that I'm leaving him in a major lurch.
To answer your questions ...I have a PR company. He is a surgeon. He makes more than me but he took all the client payments I've had and spent the gross sum...instead of setting aside for taxes. So I took my tax money only. Not my fault he spent it.
Do you honestly think he loves and cares for you? Addiction to abuse is what I see. He may be dysfunctional but your addiction to it is something only you can deal with, and you certainly will not be able to control his controlling behaviour. Exploring the underlying reasons within your own self can help get to the root of it, beyond your desire to be loved and cared for. I agree with those who say to get some kind of restraining order. At the very least, this will begin a chain of official evidence about him that -God forbid- may be needed in some future scenario.
There is an observation made by someone in the sales/pr game. Those who create images for people often easily fall for people who equally create images, which in business sell a product, but in life sell a person, but like all good sales people the product may or may not live up to the billing.
You would think a person earning £300k+ a year would not fall for the I want a house bigger than I can afford and always be in debt, but it appears your x may be too good at aspiring and too bad at limiting his ambitions.
Others have observed it can take up to 2 years to realise you fell for the image rather than the person, and it is always far too easy to project ones needs and fulfillment on to someone you fall for, before checking if it is real.
Maybe this may help you, just some observations I have picked up on the way.
You would think a person earning £300k+ a year would not fall for the I want a house bigger than I can afford and always be in debt, but it appears your x may be too good at aspiring and too bad at limiting his ambitions.
Others have observed it can take up to 2 years to realise you fell for the image rather than the person, and it is always far too easy to project ones needs and fulfillment on to someone you fall for, before checking if it is real.
Maybe this may help you, just some observations I have picked up on the way.
Find a counselor now. You have enough money to do this for yourself. You need to talk to someone who is a professional about this situation. Please do not self destruct and go back to him....get help now....You must do this if you want to get out of the cycle that is contributing to a low self esteem....Get help now please.
He sent me an email telling me that I have trashed real love. That he worships me. And to a degree I think that's true. He does whatever he can (at times) to make me happy. Buying things...trips. But then he realizes the price of what he's done and he gets angry that I get manicures.
The problem is he wants me to put all my life with him public on social media etc. he wants to shows that I am his. And I am more private, especially since we have been so unstable.
I think he will be broken without me and it saddens me terribly to live without him. I agree that I had a terrific image of him in my head and it's taking a lot to let go of it.
I am feeling weak today and wanting to run back to him. I made an appt with a therapist this week. I know I need it.
How do I stay strong? Thank you for letting me come here and vent. I miss him despite the problems. And I know that just sound stupid.
The problem is he wants me to put all my life with him public on social media etc. he wants to shows that I am his. And I am more private, especially since we have been so unstable.
I think he will be broken without me and it saddens me terribly to live without him. I agree that I had a terrific image of him in my head and it's taking a lot to let go of it.
I am feeling weak today and wanting to run back to him. I made an appt with a therapist this week. I know I need it.
How do I stay strong? Thank you for letting me come here and vent. I miss him despite the problems. And I know that just sound stupid.
He is telling you what you want to hear. He controls and manipulates you, basically runs your life like your in prison. He treats you like crap. I know it's hard to hear, but that is NOT love. And he is NOT a TRUE christian. He's playing on your sympathies and you're enabling him to sucker you back in. Let go and be done with him once and for all. He buys you things to keep you by his side, he figures that if he gives you enough stuff you'll never leave him. You've made the first step toward freedom, you left. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. God has so much better in store for you, and it does NOT include this controlling, manipulative man.
Thank you. I know you are right. It's just hard to stay strong when I miss him and some of our life. But I have a son to worry about and he sees him as a threat. As hard as this is...I need to get angry. Think about the bad
Last week before my son's soccer game he said, "remember the only thing that matters is winning.."
And he gets super angry that my ex and I are cordial.
The truth is I have to face the pain of my bad choices. Someone who loves me and really wants me back wouldn't be threatening to sue me.
Thanks for this. It helps me.
Last week before my son's soccer game he said, "remember the only thing that matters is winning.."
And he gets super angry that my ex and I are cordial.
The truth is I have to face the pain of my bad choices. Someone who loves me and really wants me back wouldn't be threatening to sue me.
Thanks for this. It helps me.