Do You Believe in Keeping Ties or Burning Bridges?

[seoulsearch]

Hey everyone,

Oddly enough, the holidays have me thinking about something we don't talk about as much... That time of year when a lot of people have to put on a good show and face a lot of people they'd rather not face.

When it comes to relationships with people, do you tend to:

* Keep ties, no matter what, and no matter how difficult it may be?

* Burn bridges, and never look back?

* Are you more likely to hold tight or let go when it comes to your family, church, work, or friends?

Being adopted, I had a time in my life where I held on tight to people, no matter what and no matter how bad it got, because I was always afraid of loneliness and abandonment.

After going through times of having no choice but to let important people go, I've almost become the opposite. I hold on tight to people I truly come to trust, but if things go bad and seems unlikely to change, I might struggle at first, but eventually, it's not nearly as hard for me to let them go as it once was. Time has taught me that something--work, new people, ministry--will fill the void, and peace (even if it seems numbingly boring sometimes) can be a lot better than nonstop conflict.

However, I try very hard not to burn bridges if at all possible. A few times I've written a letter to explain the reasons, but in most cases, if a friendship/situation is unhealthy... I neglect to maintain the bridge (rather than blowing it up), and it eventually crumbles on its own.

An "old time" CC user once used a signature that I really liked: "May the bridges I burn... light the dark road ahead."

How do you feel about keeping ties vs. burning bridges with others?

 

[mochi]

with friends and family.. I always try the best to keep ties with them..
I really hate to think yesterday we're friend but today we act like stranger.. I hate people come and go in my life.. even its unevitable.. I try to maintain the relationship the best i can do.. even its just asking hello how are you..

with romantic interest i must burnt the bridge so i can move on with my life..

 

[Lynx]

If I want to keep a bridge I keep it. If I don't want to keep it I let it get old and crumble.

It helps that I have a terrible memory for people, especially for names.

 

[seoulsearch]

One of my inspirations for this thread was remembering a co-worker who had worked their way up to a solid position within the company, but was unhappy with some of the politics that went on (as is the case in any field of work.)

When this person found out about another job opportunity through a relative, they excitedly told us that they would be getting paid twice as much to sit and read books (it was a safety control position that consisted of looking at screens all day.) The last week this person was supposed to still be with us, they were a no-call no-show and left us in a very tight position without any notice. We all knew this was their way of trying to get back at the management.

Ironically, I later heard that this person's new job was a a total bust--there was a mandatory safety procedure involving lifting something that this person was physically unable to move, and so they didn't get the job.

And so, this person put themselves in a very awkward position: the supposed high-paying, gloriously easy job didn't work out, and because of a bridge that had blown to smithereens, there was no going back to their old job or even getting a decent recommendation towards a new one.

This example taught me an unforgettable lesson in being very careful when considering how to handle work relations, no matter how strained.

 

[Faithful_Fay]

When it comes to personal relationships, I'm in the burn bridges camp. If a person has shown that they are either deceitful or have a liking for too much drama, I tell/show them that a continued friendship isn't something I'm willing to invest in. I live such a peaceful, quiet life that it doesn't seem logical to invite people who've shown you that they desire the opposite back into your life.

I know it'll seem cold to some folk but I see it as simple. I had a friend a few years ago, we were fairly close and I thought that I could trust her. Long story short, it came to my attention that she'd been bad mouthing me to another person. I brought everything up to her and asked her to stop. Cue the dramatics and tears and apologies. I told her I forgave her but would rather we discontinue the friendship. To me, it seemed simple; this person showed that they weren't trustworthy and obviously had a dislike for you so why go on?

 

[Lynx]

Ah, THAT kind of bridge burning! Yeah, I may let a bridge crumble but I'm not going to actively blow it up. If you let it get old you can always reinforce it later. If you take action to destroy it the person on the other side of the bridge probably won't want you to rebuild it.

And no-call, no-show is a good way of packing that bridge with dynamite all the way around. We have a guy did that last week, all week. I got some overtime because of it - which is a personal yay - but even I couldn't really be happy about the situation. Sure hope for his sake that his new job works out, cause he ain't NEVER coming back here.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Hey everyone,

Oddly enough, the holidays have me thinking about something we don't talk about as much... That time of year when a lot of people have to put on a good show and face a lot of people they'd rather not face.

When it comes to relationships with people, do you tend to:

* Keep ties, no matter what, and no matter how difficult it may be?

* Burn bridges, and never look back?

* Are you more likely to hold tight or let go when it comes to your family, church, work, or friends?

Being adopted, I had a time in my life where I held on tight to people, no matter what and no matter how bad it got, because I was always afraid of loneliness and abandonment.

After going through times of having no choice but to let important people go, I've almost become the opposite. I hold on tight to people I truly come to trust, but if things go bad and seems unlikely to change, I might struggle at first, but eventually, it's not nearly as hard for me to let them go as it once was. Time has taught me that something--work, new people, ministry--will fill the void, and peace (even if it seems numbingly boring sometimes) can be a lot better than nonstop conflict.

However, I try very hard not to burn bridges if at all possible. A few times I've written a letter to explain the reasons, but in most cases, if a friendship/situation is unhealthy... I neglect to maintain the bridge (rather than blowing it up), and it eventually crumbles on its own.

An "old time" CC user once used a signature that I really liked: "May the bridges I burn... light the dark road ahead."

How do you feel about keeping ties vs. burning bridges with others?

"Just hold on loosely," *du-na dow now* "but don't let go!" *bum bum dow now* "If you cling to tightly," *du-na now now* "You're gonna lose control!"

yeah... *sigh* I dunno. I'm a mix. I try no to completely burn a bridge, *unless those Nazi's be better left unable to cross over...*, but there are also relatively few people I'm 'clinging' to.

God is the most important of all, and after Him, there are about 5 people who are most important, cherished, etc... to me.

After that, I've learned throughout my life and experiences the nature of brevity in reality. Few things last. I expect people the come and go in my life like I expect season, or fads, or kings and kingdoms to come and go. Honestly, God's probably the only constant in our experience of existence. I can't even say death, because Elijah and Enoch were taken up without ever dying, and there was a time before taxes, too! *shrugs*

So anyway...

[video=youtube;PYJYhKWkDSQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYJYhKWkDSQ[/video]

 

[wisebeardman]

burn that bridge to the ground burn burn burn

 

[seoulsearch]

Something else I meant to ask is whether or not people keep ties with exes...

I admire those who say they're "still friends" with an ex but it's something I've never been able to manage, as my relationships weren't all that healthy to begin with, and I'm kind of an "all-or-nothing" person.

 

[Lynx]

That one I have no idea. No exes. Not even ones in Texas, despite that old country song.

 

[Sirk]

Blowing things up is more fun than simply burning them. I always say...go big or go home.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Ironically, I later heard that this person's new job was a a total bust--there was a mandatory safety procedure involving lifting something that this person was physically unable to move, and so they didn't get the job.

And so, this person put themselves in a very awkward position: the supposed high-paying, gloriously easy job didn't work out, and because of a bridge that had blown to smithereens, there was no going back to their old job or even getting a decent recommendation towards a new one.

This example taught me an unforgettable lesson in being very careful when considering how to handle work relations, no matter how strained.

This is why you make sure you are already across the bridge before you burn it if thats what you want to do.

 

[p_rehbein]

With regards to the OP Title:

Yes.........uh, and, ......... Yes

 

[zeroturbulence]

I prefer pontoons. That way I can blame the tide if it mysteriously disappears one day.

 

[Willie-T]

I'm mostly a bridge burner.

 

[Roh_Chris]

If it a professional relationship, I usually burn bridges but I do not do anything extreme. I offer to keep in touch, exchanged LinkedIn invitations and then drop off the radar. That way, I am keeping the door open for any recommendation or introduction, in the future.

If it is a romantic relationship, I usually burn bridges. Except for one who turned out to be a friend, I have burnt all the other bridges and severed all contact with them.

Friends and family - I do my best to keep ties.

 

[blueorchidjd]

Mutual goodbye.
But to everything else in this life I hope it all burns to the ground.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I try to, but it's hard. You inevitably grow apart...until you become strangers again... Video Time!!:

[video=youtube_share;tSdELZxEnHY]http://youtu.be/tSdELZxEnHY[/video]

 

[Pipp]

Some people in life I've had to burn the bridges and never look back , but most of the time that's not the case.

 

[WadeWilson14]

I keep ties when I can, and if there's mutual benefit, but I'll let my bridges crumble from neglect. Almost a year ago, I sat down with my former pastor and told him why I needed to move on from his church. We had an excellent conversation and it ended on a positive note.
A few days later, he dynamited that bridge with a sermon-length email listing how I more or less hadn't been all that committed.
I took it well, and responded with much grace, but not even the foundation's left of that bridge.