Should a Traditional Man Be Expected to Provide For His Entire Household?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#1
Hey everyone,

"Traditional" seems to be a big word in the Singles forum these days... lots of talk about people wanting a "traditional" spouse, but what exactly does that mean?

From what I've read in the forums, most people define "traditional" as having old-fashioned manners and wives who look to men as the head of the household in a Godly union.

But one thing I never see clearly defined, as I've asked this question before in the traditional threads but never seemed to get an answer...

Do two people who want a "traditional" spouse and marriage also expect to carry out the "tradition" of men going to work and women staying at home to raise the kids? I am genuinely curious about this.

I come from, what many are describing in these threads, a very "traditional" family, with the dad working and the mom staying at home to raise the kids, and that is how my siblings went on to raise their own families as well (dad providing for the entire household; but when the kids were older, the moms went to work again.)

I realize that in today's world, this kind of "tradition" often isn't possible due to economic standards and hardships.

So when people talk about "tradition" today, do they mean they want traditional "values", but NOT traditional roles when it comes to work and income?

* Ladies, do you expect your "traditional" man to provide for yourself and the children? Do you want to stay at home and raise the kids while he goes to work?

* Gentlemen, do you want your "traditional" wife to stay at home with the kids? Or do you feel that in today's world, a "traditional" woman should work outside the home as well?

* In past eras, the definition of "traditional" meant that it was unheard of (and practically forbidden) for women to work. In today's modern definition of the term "traditional", is it now just expected that men will be the head of the household but not its sole provider?

I hope we can have a peaceful discussion about this and NOT a heated debated.

A young teenage co-worker asked me about my parents and when I told her about my family, she said, "Wow, what's it like to have parents who are actually married?" I felt really sad that broken families so often seem to be what's "normal" to most people.

I am genuinely interested in what people today see as a "traditional family unit" and what it looks like.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#2
Oh seoul PLEASE NOT ANOTHER TRADITIONAL THREAD
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
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#3
Oh seoul PLEASE NOT ANOTHER TRADITIONAL THREAD
Sorry to disappoint you, Siberian. :)

But as I said, I never seem to get an answer to this question... and since another thread about finding a traditional man seems to be so well-received (Not a single person has mentioned this isn't a dating site! That has to be a record!), it seemed like an appropriate question to ask.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,243
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#4
Scanning the Singles front page, I get an overload of "Traditional" in the thread titles. My computer has begun complaining...

At any rate - it would depend on many variables. Is she raising kids? Does he have health problems? There are too many factors in any given relationship to allow a one-size-fits-all answer here.

For me it's a lot more simple. At my age I don't see having kids, so what would the wife do all day? Watch soap operas?

On the flip side, if my (hypothetical) wife has a job do I demand she also do all the housework?

This goes back to being equally yoked. But if she's not willing to pull her share of the load I probably won't marry her anyway. And if I'm not willing to pull my share I hope she would be smart enough to not marry me.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
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#5
well I supposed the traditional way is for the man to work and to be the spiritual leader of the house hold however this is not always how it is even in a traditional house hold. I see nothing wrong with the women working and the man taking care of the house and kids, marriage is an equal partnership neither spouse is more important than the other and so if they feel that switching roles will help better the family life then by all means I say go for it.
 

mailmandan

Senior Member
Apr 7, 2014
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#6
This man is starting a new tradition. :p

123814_5.jpg
 
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Sirk

Guest
#7
Traditions can be stifling and can be used to control people. It doesn't allow for new things to emerge. Although I think some traditions are good they can also become a person or group of peoples golden calf.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#8
Another offensive thread :(
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,379
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#9
Another offensive thread :(
Definitely not meant as something offensive, but rather, an honest question, which is how it's meant to be taken.

After all, as I said, I grew up in a traditional (in pretty much every way) household myself.

Asking for someone traditional is certainly not offensive; nor should it be to ask what people's definitions of traditional means. Everyone's answer is welcome, but of particular interest are those who want traditional relationships themselves.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#10
Ok ill give a honest answer...I think the traditional concept of the children being raised by both parents and mom being the main caregiver is the best for the child and the family... I think tradition had it right and the traditional idea should be followed as much as possible.... As far as money...God blesses those that obey and trust in Him. Money is not the first concern, God and the health of the family unit should be the first concern.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#11
Ok ill give a honest answer...I think the traditional concept of the children being raised by both parents and mom being the main caregiver is the best for the child and the family... I think tradition had it right and the traditional idea should be followed as much as possible.... As far as money...God blesses those that obey and trust in Him. Money is not the first concern, God and the health of the family unit should be the first concern.
Except that all those traditions you speak of came after the fall.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
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#12
Except that all those traditions you speak of came after the fall.
This is a really fascinating point--we don't have a Biblical model of marriage or the family unit that existed before the fall... (It's only said that Adam and Eve walked and talked with God in the garden on a regular basis.)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,379
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#13
Ok ill give a honest answer...I think the traditional concept of the children being raised by both parents and mom being the main caregiver is the best for the child and the family... I think tradition had it right and the traditional idea should be followed as much as possible.... As far as money...God blesses those that obey and trust in Him. Money is not the first concern, God and the health of the family unit should be the first concern.
Except that all those traditions you speak of came after the fall.
Mitspa,

I appreciate your sincere answer. I have to tell you that because I was someone raised in a traditional family, I wish it were possible for every child to be raised in a stable home with two loving parents who stay together. But as Sirk pointed out, I also believe (and this is only my opinion) that this is not always possible and in fact, in today's world, it seems quite rare.

I've met all kinds of people from many different families: single parent; raised by a grandparent, aunt & uncle, or older sibling; adopted by a parent who chose to never have a significant others, etc. I've known some people whose parents' marriages were so terrible, they actually wished their parents would separate or divorce just to maintain some kind of stability.

Despite all the sin and brokenness in the world, I truly believe God understands this and blesses those who follow Him regardless of whether their family was able to hold to cultural traditions or not. I highly respect any family, traditional, single, or otherwise, that can provide a loving environment while living according to God's will.

After all, as the First Family on Earth, Adam and Eve's family life was far from "normal" or "traditional"--the first Biblical account of their family was of their firstborn son killing his younger brother.
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#14
I mean my education is in political science. If I were to meet and marry a doctor, well it would probably make more sense for her to work if we went with a one income household. I'd be okay taking care of kids all day.
 

JonahLynx

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
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#16
I mean my education is in political science. If I were to meet and marry a doctor, well it would probably make more sense for her to work if we went with a one income household. I'd be okay taking care of kids all day.
Yup. Completely depends on her occupation imo. I don't care either way as long as the whole family is together for some part of the day or night.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#17
Yea, def. If your going to be truly traditional. Besides a few of the lucky old timers still around that grew up in more moral times, I have never seen a traditional couple of the younger age bracket. Maybe in their early 40's once in a blue moon but never any younger. One side usually wants all the benefits of a traditional relationship, but none of the responsibilities. Like you hear a lot of people talking how the Woman should be obedient and all that. Thats all good and well I guess, but I don't often see men willing to accept their own responsibility in that kind of deal. Such as Love your wife as Christ loves the Church and take care of all of her needs. Treat her as you would yourself because she is your own flesh, etc. Some people seem to just want an excuse to have power over someone else.

Same thing with women, a lot of women want to be materially taken care of without working but they don't want to treat their husbands with respect or do any traditional duties such as keeping the house clean or any of that good stuff. Im not thinking of any individuals when I say this, it's just a general trend I have observed. Though this is just American society I am speaking of, i have no idea what the general state of affairs is for you people in Brazil, India, etc. I like to think that other countries have not gone as far down the tubes as we have in this regard.
 
Nov 25, 2014
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#18
I think if there is an expectation that a woman will be a stay-at-home wife/mother, then there's a corresponding expectation that the husband will be the sole financial provider.

However, IMO, "traditional" isn't a particularly useful word. Ultimately, a marriage should be biblical, and a couple should be wedded to serving God more than maintaining certain cultural traditions. What a couple negotiates together about work and family life is a private affair between them and God. This, btw, is what makes the marital relationship so powerful...the two become one in a way that cannot be pierced by outsiders. This means that government cannot dictate the private dealings of a marriage, nor can society, your neighbors, or even extended family, unless the couple allows.

This is also why there is much attack to the family, and why maintaining strong marriages and families is so valuable.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
25,404
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#19
Being past the usual child-rearing stage, I think that there is more wiggle room in terms of roles.

To answer your question more directly... I grew up in a mostly-traditional family, by your definition. My Mom stayed at home until I was a few years into grade school. She worked in the school system after that, so was home when I was home. My Dad worked all through.

When I was married, I worked consistently, and my ex worked less consistently, but she was home with the kids. That worked until the kids were teens, and things went horrid around that time, so I'll spare you all the whining.

My opinion on the matter is this... I have no problem with either spouse staying home if that is the arrangement which both accept completely. Personally I don't think I would not work unless I were studying. However, I think that if (for example) the wife is going to stay home (and there aren't small kids to care for) then it is reasonable that she takes on the bulk of the work at home. That way, when hubby gets home, he is not still needing to cook, clean, tend the garden, etc. Her watching Oprah does not fit the profile. Or if it were him at home, playing video games and watching sports reruns.

After all, weekends are for video games and sports... :p
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#20
We should just change the name to "Traditional Discussion Forum"...