So, why are you still there, then? Okay you have a plan to leave. Cool.. I had a plan to write an essay two weeks ago.. Didn't submit it until 6 days after it was due... Yes I just compared a school assignment to your situation, but the concept remains the same. Having a plan means crap if it's not carried out.. Scripture backs this up in how it says prepare your mind for action... Key last word in that sentence. ACTION! Where's your action?
6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...
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Ummm, I haven't read all the responses, so please forgive me if I repeat someone. but.... RUN! Run far away from him! I see so many red flags here! I see he doesn't respect you, girl! If he doesn't respect you now, he's not going to when you're married. You have heart ache now, just think how much worse it'll be after you're married. Please. Please. PLEASE don't go through with this! He's not treating you the way Christ treats His church. I hope you can "hear" my heart here. Don't do it!
Hello blue. I hope confused finds herself and finds the Lord.
I truly hope she does, also.
What you are saying is hurtful. It is neither true or honouring. You wrote you believed I would be responsible for her death if her partner killed her. Who in your past are you blaming for the choices you made, because there is so much venom there, it has nothing to do with me. Slavery to sin does this to a heart, it sees things that are not there and makes them real.
Peter, at first, you kept telling her to go back and work it out, then you flip-flopped and told her to leave. Then you back-tracked and told her to go back again. Obviously she took your advice and went back, and he fought with her and broke her hand. I am not blaming anyone for the choices I made, because I was wise enough to leave and stay gone. I'm sorry if I offended you, but on this subject, you have no idea what you're talking about. I do, so does AnneNoel and any other domestic abuse survivor here.
I suggested confused thought about what an ordinary relationship was and how extreme her current one had become, and how unhealthy and insane it is. But this idea is obviously way above your head or way of being.
She KNOWS this relationship isn't a normal one. But she's not focused on that right now. She's trying to leave a man who doesn't want to let her go, and would obviously rather kill her than let her leave. She's trying to protect her son, because she's running the risk of losing him over this incident. What I know for certain is she's gonna end up dead if she doesn't disentangle herself from him NOW.
Dear Lord help Blue get healing for the miss-advice she took in the past, for mistakes she finds hard to forgive, for betrayal that took away her innocence. Dear Lord, I cry with her, in her sadness and pain. Lord I know your love and how it transforms situations, how victory through your cross is the power of your gospel, may you bring deep revelation of that love to us today in our world full of sin and frustration, Amen
I truly hope she does, also.
What you are saying is hurtful. It is neither true or honouring. You wrote you believed I would be responsible for her death if her partner killed her. Who in your past are you blaming for the choices you made, because there is so much venom there, it has nothing to do with me. Slavery to sin does this to a heart, it sees things that are not there and makes them real.
Peter, at first, you kept telling her to go back and work it out, then you flip-flopped and told her to leave. Then you back-tracked and told her to go back again. Obviously she took your advice and went back, and he fought with her and broke her hand. I am not blaming anyone for the choices I made, because I was wise enough to leave and stay gone. I'm sorry if I offended you, but on this subject, you have no idea what you're talking about. I do, so does AnneNoel and any other domestic abuse survivor here.
I suggested confused thought about what an ordinary relationship was and how extreme her current one had become, and how unhealthy and insane it is. But this idea is obviously way above your head or way of being.
She KNOWS this relationship isn't a normal one. But she's not focused on that right now. She's trying to leave a man who doesn't want to let her go, and would obviously rather kill her than let her leave. She's trying to protect her son, because she's running the risk of losing him over this incident. What I know for certain is she's gonna end up dead if she doesn't disentangle herself from him NOW.
Dear Lord help Blue get healing for the miss-advice she took in the past, for mistakes she finds hard to forgive, for betrayal that took away her innocence. Dear Lord, I cry with her, in her sadness and pain. Lord I know your love and how it transforms situations, how victory through your cross is the power of your gospel, may you bring deep revelation of that love to us today in our world full of sin and frustration, Amen
Thanks for the prayer, but I don't need it. I let go of my mistakes and anger a long time ago. It is the OP you should be praying for, not me.
What made you leave your partners? What gave you the light that you had to burn those bridges and walk away?
My experience is whatever advice one gives or sharing unless you touch the motivations and makeup of the individual, they dismiss the words like water off a ducks back. Some people are very faithful, they share what they can but expect very little in return, and find most people ignore them. They are often very alone and vulnerable. Others are more open, and one bad sign, and people walk away. Some have been deeply betrayed and find being open and honest too hard so mainly shut down. Depression, low self esteem do not help.
I have found those who are betrayed and who reach out to the Lord find great spiritual communion and strength. In my times of desperation I have also found this experience.
At the end I have realised we are all alone, but in the Lord, we are all together in acknowledging the power of love, its overwhelming beauty and grace. As humans we only give out when we feel safe and expect a good response, but the Lords love in our hearts goes out no matter what.
Maybe it would help to share how you worked through your feelings in this situation and what brought reality home.
Peter, this thread isn't about me and MY story, it's about the OP and what's going on with HER story. Yes, people do get mad on here, it happens every day. I'm trying to save this woman, and that's why I shared part of my story with her in earlier posts. I will say, however, that what brought reality home to me, was the night I told Carl that it was over, and he had to leave. He didn't like that at all, and grabbed me and choked me to the point of nearly passing out. That was MY reality moment. I think the OP's reality moment came when she landed in the ER with a broken, mangled hand that she can't use properly ever again. I reach out to the Lord all the time, you have only to read my threads below to figure that out.
I haven't burned bridges with any of my exes, except for the one who tied me up, gagged me, and raped me. I despise him more than words can express. The others have moved on, and gotten married, and are doing who knows what now. I have moved on also, and that's why I'm here on CC. I never have occasion to run into any of my exes, so I haven't seen or spoken to any of them in several years. I wish them all well, and I've forgiven them all.
I know it's difficult for a person to give advice to another, especially if that person doesn't have personal experience to speak from. That's why I get so frustrated with YOUR responses to the OP. You look at her situation from the viewpoint of a bystander. I am looking at it from the viewpoint of someone who HAS been where the OP is now, and I speak from the same personal feelings that she has right now. YOU have never been through what the OP, myself and others here have been through, so you can't offer the same class of advice that we can. I'm NOT saying that your advice is less valuable than mine, but it certainly is more uninformed. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who posted on here, advised her to leave and dump this guy and not go back. The ONLY person who told her to stay and work it out was YOU. Unfortunately she listened to you and went back and was assaulted.
That's not your fault, or mine or even hers. It's the fault of her wanting to believe he wasn't capable of what he did. Now she knows he means business. Now she's facing reality. She knows her life is in danger and she needs to protect her son. She's had her "aha" moment and is finally doing something about it. I'm just glad she smartened up before it was too late.
Umm, have you read through ALL 15 pages of this thread? Do you even know what the subject topic is? This woman was in a bad relationship with a guy, she tried to leave and he put her in the ER. Now she is making strides to distance herself from him. She doesn't want to change him, only GOD can do that. What she wants is for him to get professional psychiatric help. Please get informed on the topic of domestic abuse, before you make another comment like the one above.. Several people on this thread speak from personal experience, however YOU are speaking from dis-knowledge.
it wasn't just a "bad relationship", she is LIVING with a man outside marriage and against Gods command, you don't expect God to bless that kind of union.
it's getting to the stage now that the average "christians" lifestyle is not different to non-christians, she is in a wrong relationship and really his actions ultimately aren't the factor because even if there was no problems she should not be living with him. from the first page people should have been telling her to leave because it is wrong what she is doing, but they've been more focused on what he is doing
it's getting to the stage now that the average "christians" lifestyle is not different to non-christians, she is in a wrong relationship and really his actions ultimately aren't the factor because even if there was no problems she should not be living with him. from the first page people should have been telling her to leave because it is wrong what she is doing, but they've been more focused on what he is doing
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certain people here got one point right: Living outside marriage with someone (with some understandable exceptions I don't go trough here now) is not what God intended for us. Yes That is a safeguard to prevent bad things to happen.
I agree with others saying here that If you ignore that safeguard and end up trouble you don't need someone to tell that you are ignoring it and are in trouble. You know that already! So that sort of criticism is not constructive.
In general now, if someone have ended up to problems that are caused by anything God is trying to warn us and these people ask help, there seem to be someone who says "repent and do the right thing" "yeah? WHAT right thing? Can you be any more (less)specific?" Sometimes facing the judgement of people is much harder to take than the judgement from God.
The OP asked how she can get out of that trouble she have gotten her and her son into.
I think others have said already what I think so it leaves for me just pray for her.
I agree with others saying here that If you ignore that safeguard and end up trouble you don't need someone to tell that you are ignoring it and are in trouble. You know that already! So that sort of criticism is not constructive.
In general now, if someone have ended up to problems that are caused by anything God is trying to warn us and these people ask help, there seem to be someone who says "repent and do the right thing" "yeah? WHAT right thing? Can you be any more (less)specific?" Sometimes facing the judgement of people is much harder to take than the judgement from God.
The OP asked how she can get out of that trouble she have gotten her and her son into.
I think others have said already what I think so it leaves for me just pray for her.
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Sirk. It is quite simple for me. If I share something it is because I think it is helpful. Do you think to say to someone because they wrote something they have blood on their hands is a loving, encouraging thing to say or sinful, hurtful and coming from a bad place?
We are called to be careful how we deal with people. Any way I can play this it is judgmental, aggressive and intended to hurt. But after having some interactions with people through this media, I realise we have some unstable people here, and suggesting honest communication is now a sin. It makes me wonder when people say blue can be harsh, yep, searing.
And you condemn my handling of this with prayer, obviously you are completely oblivious to the problem of putting blood guilt on another. But hay, I mean the words we share really are just empty vacuous nonsense, or if not, maybe we should be careful how we judge or condemn others.
We are called to be careful how we deal with people. Any way I can play this it is judgmental, aggressive and intended to hurt. But after having some interactions with people through this media, I realise we have some unstable people here, and suggesting honest communication is now a sin. It makes me wonder when people say blue can be harsh, yep, searing.
And you condemn my handling of this with prayer, obviously you are completely oblivious to the problem of putting blood guilt on another. But hay, I mean the words we share really are just empty vacuous nonsense, or if not, maybe we should be careful how we judge or condemn others.
I've never denied that I can be harsh sometimes. In fact, I admit it quite often. But even Jesus was quite harsh sometimes, to the point of "searing" words. He turned over the money tables and threatened to whip the sellers. He even blatantly told Peter and Judas he knew they would betray them. Too many people here tend to gloss over the truth and poo-poo different situations. I DON'T sugar coat anything. I keep stuff real, raw and uncut. Ask Mitspa, Sirk or Utah. They'll tell you.
But even Jesus was quite harsh sometimes, to the point of "searing" words. He turned over the money tables and threatened to whip the sellers. He even blatantly told Peter and Judas he knew they would betray them. Too many people here tend to gloss over the truth and poo-poo different situations. I DON'T sugar coat anything. I keep stuff real, raw and uncut. Ask Mitspa, Sirk or Utah. They'll tell you. Dear reader, if you care about what you write, be ready for others to jump on you and suggest that is totally wrong.
The sting in the tail is anything bad someone might do, whether because of what you shared or not is now your fault.
But step back and think what the enemy is always doing. Condemnation. Do not share this because in this situation you might die or someone else might die, or innumerable other things might happen.
A pastor in Baghdad shared about every young christian who came to the Lord often only stayed alive for 2 years, until someone murdered them. This sharing and gaining faith led to their death. Now does that mean the sharing is wrong or the evil in the situation is so bad, it will lead to death. If we stop sharing life, we abandon our faith. So expect harsh words, accusations of leading people into impossible situations, but share all the same, because that is what love does.
So I say check your heart, and if it speaks love and encouragement, share.
Again many will say, where is the discernment. The kind of discernment I have seen a read, if your heart speaks love in the real sense, that is all the discernment you need. If we had a church were people shared like this from the heart more, so much good would result, you would be surprised.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Prov 3:5-6
I remember years ago I was sharing about love and openness to a lady. She shared about the loss of her husband and how searing the pain was, not as an example, but as a rebuke. In effect they are saying "You share about feelings just to feel nice and cuddly."
Now I understand her intent, I would reply, exactly, this pain is very real, let us bring it to the Lord for His healing. But I took the rebuke and shut up.
Blue accused me of being a bystander, of not understanding. Again judgementalism, hurt and pain. The hurt and pain on this site is enormous, but it distorts who we all are. It is not a badge of honour, or like we are now qualified, it is a wound that often drips into life in a bad way. Jesus's promise is to heal all pain until it is felt no more. Do you believe this is possible? Do you have that kind of faith, that the King of creation can carry you through, change you, overcome and overwhelm you darkest fears with His glorious light. I do. The more you rail against this reality the more you demonstrate how much you need to learn about who Jesus is. So be careful the being you are fighting against could be the one who came to give you life and healing, in the innermost soul.
The sting in the tail is anything bad someone might do, whether because of what you shared or not is now your fault.
But step back and think what the enemy is always doing. Condemnation. Do not share this because in this situation you might die or someone else might die, or innumerable other things might happen.
A pastor in Baghdad shared about every young christian who came to the Lord often only stayed alive for 2 years, until someone murdered them. This sharing and gaining faith led to their death. Now does that mean the sharing is wrong or the evil in the situation is so bad, it will lead to death. If we stop sharing life, we abandon our faith. So expect harsh words, accusations of leading people into impossible situations, but share all the same, because that is what love does.
So I say check your heart, and if it speaks love and encouragement, share.
Again many will say, where is the discernment. The kind of discernment I have seen a read, if your heart speaks love in the real sense, that is all the discernment you need. If we had a church were people shared like this from the heart more, so much good would result, you would be surprised.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Prov 3:5-6
I remember years ago I was sharing about love and openness to a lady. She shared about the loss of her husband and how searing the pain was, not as an example, but as a rebuke. In effect they are saying "You share about feelings just to feel nice and cuddly."
Now I understand her intent, I would reply, exactly, this pain is very real, let us bring it to the Lord for His healing. But I took the rebuke and shut up.
Blue accused me of being a bystander, of not understanding. Again judgementalism, hurt and pain. The hurt and pain on this site is enormous, but it distorts who we all are. It is not a badge of honour, or like we are now qualified, it is a wound that often drips into life in a bad way. Jesus's promise is to heal all pain until it is felt no more. Do you believe this is possible? Do you have that kind of faith, that the King of creation can carry you through, change you, overcome and overwhelm you darkest fears with His glorious light. I do. The more you rail against this reality the more you demonstrate how much you need to learn about who Jesus is. So be careful the being you are fighting against could be the one who came to give you life and healing, in the innermost soul.