Processing emotions without the time to do so

[Ugly]

So as some of you are aware, over a week ago my relationship ended. I thought it was pretty serious, apparently I was wrong. Anyways, initially I was too sick to give much thought or time to it ending, and what little I did I just used anger. Now I'm feeling well enough to have all of it start coming to me, but I'm still in the hospital, which isn't an ideal place to work through painful and mixed feelings.
I will likely be here a few more days, minimum, before heading back to the exes for a day or two. Then my brother and his wife will be coming to drive me back, so there's another 12 hours. And getting home will mean visiting with my dad I haven't seen in over two months.
Just feels like forever till I'll have any time alone where I can deal, and I'm not sure how to handle it since things are suddenly hitting me hard today. Anyone have any tips or suggestions on how to cope with not having the time I need alone when I badly need it.

 

[Lynx]

They say time heals all wounds. Bull. Perspective heals emotional wounds. Time can bring perspective but sometimes you don't need time.

Then again sometimes you do need time to get things in perspective and you don't have it. Fortunately most emotions can be put on hold until you have the time you need. Side effects of putting emotions on hold include grumpiness, stress and stomach trouble, but it is possible to put them on hold.

 

[MollyConnor]

Maybe this is a hidden blessing? Like I remember you saying that you were lonely at one point. You just went through a lot physically, emotionally, and probably psychologically as well. In a way, it's good that you are not alone because when you are finally alone, some time will have passed and it won't sting as strongly as it does now.

Sometimes over-thinking and processing everything just makes it worse because you end up dwelling on it and it can lead to depression.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Hope your recovery goes well. May Jesus comfort you.

 

[dalconn]

God knows our end from the beginning and everything in between, He even knows what you will choose to do with this trying time of your life.
Just rest and trust in Jesus, better yet talk to Him about these hurts while meditating upon His Word and I promise He will speak back

Numbers 6:24-26 (NKJV)[SUP]24 [/SUP]“The Lord bless you and keep you;
[SUP]25 [/SUP]The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
[SUP]26 [/SUP]The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’

 

[MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST]

Sounds like you got emotionally involved...

I was emotionally involved in a relationship before and I got really messed up. (God had me end that relationship)

I've since learned not to get emotionally involved in any relationship.

If God decided to have me get married I would definitely be emotionally involved with my partner,

...until then, no emotions from me

(Yes, I am emotional with God)

Blessings!

 

[Tintin]

Aw, man, brother. I'm sorry. It really, really sucks when someone breaks up with you and you've invested so much of who you are. I don't know what to say, but I'll keep you in my prayers. Give yourself time to grieve. That's important. Bless you, mate.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I'm sorry to hear this, Ugly. This sucks, and moreso when you have invested so much in the relationship. I will keep you in my prayers.

In my opinion, it may be a help in disguise to have people around you. I know it is not going to be easy to get along with people when you want to grieve, but sometimes, it may help you to put off the grieving until a later date. Your body requires all your mental strength to recover and that is what you have to do, so make use of any help you can get. After the storm has passed, you can give yourself a few days' time to grieve.

 

[Roh_Chris]

Oops.. I forgot to add something that I wanted to mention in my earlier post.

I was recently going through a personal loss. Unfortunately, I did not have the time to process it because things happened in a whirl and I also had to deal with a very busy, crammed schedule. I have found that writing down your emotions, is a good way to process them. I would recommend using Evernote, if you have a phone that can support it. Use it as a journal to pen down all your thoughts, in whichever form you want - prose, poetry, narration, etc. At a later date, when you do have the time to process your emotions, these notes will come in handy.

 

[Ugly]

Healing is part having the ability to think, process and feel. I'm not saying I need to immerse in them, but I do need solitude to feel them. As some have pointed out, in some ways this may be a help, to which I understand and agree. But losing out on the time to think can be as bad as having too much time. It's like until I can have that moment I'll be lost in limbo, and I'm discovering that's a dangerous place to be as well.
But thanks to all who have helped with advice or encouragement. I could certainly use them at this time.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, Ugly. Especially all at the same time. I do think God may be doing something wise, in keeping you surrounded by people right now and delaying your grieving until later. But I also agree that you NEED that time to come, and the sooner you can grieve, the better you'll feel.

I liked what Roh said about journaling your thoughts on it so that you can come back to those later. Just jotting them down quickly even in short fragments, can help you process and organize your grief, if that makes sense. Also, maybe try to grab some privacy here and there as you're able. Back at the house, you might try retiring into a private area for a few hours of down time alone, and while on the road, maybe sit in the back seat for a while and just tune out the rest of the stuff going on. I'm sure the people who are helping you will understand that you need that time.

*hugs*

 

[Lynx]

I would mention one thing, Ugly. It is a good sign that you do not fill this thread with vituperation toward your ex. Many would.

For whatever my opinion is worth, I think more of you for your restraint.

 

[JeniBean]

As I am rarely alone, I write it in a journal or a poem or a story....it helps me!

 

[cinder]

In addition to the journaling suggestion, with people I know well (like family) I don't mind being a bit rude and just saying directly but as nicely as possible. " I just want to be left alone; I don't want to talk; I'm not really fit for human company at the moment. Etc. Etc." I also do the brutally honest responses to social niceties and have been known to put on fake cheerfulness and say "crappy" when someone asks how I am (even if it's just little annoyances in the day). You've definitely been going through enough recently that people who really care about you should be able to give you some extra grace.

Oh and long car rides I find really good for zoning out and mulling stuff over in my brain. See if they'll let you seclude yourself in the back seat or something and just talk to each other while you try to process stuff internally on your own.

And I know you aren't big on hugs so insert non touchy feel equivalent of a hug here ( a friend told me that's usually a cup of coffee and cake or cookies for him, but feel free to substitute your own thing).

 

[PoetMary]

I'm a bigtime introvert who was raised in a large, very noisy family. So I learned early on that you don't have to actually be alone to get some alone time. There will be opportunities in the days to come for you to stake out some time to be in your own head. You may not have enough privacy to give full vent to your feelings, but you can do a bit of triage while you await that time.

If you have earphones, you need to set up some kind of playlist on your phone or youtube. Music is amazing for helping us connect with our emotions. Personally, I find melancholy music to be cathartic for me when I'm blue. If that doesn't work for you, make a playlist of worship music that moves you, or even those hardcore, grrrr songs. If you don't have earbuds, ask a nurse if there are some you can borrow. Just being able to put on music and shut out the rest of the world will be helpful. While you listen to the music, you can journal or prayer. (As an aside, there are apps out there for contemplative prayer if you're interested in any of that).

The awkward situation of staying with your ex briefly might lend itself to "I'll just chill out over here until my relatives arrive." I mean, it's not like y'all will likely want in-depth conversation. And the long car ride will also allow you some time to be in your own head. (Again, having earbuds will be helpful in both situations).

Also, bathrooms are great for alone time. People generally won't bug you while you're in there. You can take a super-long shower or just sit (under the guise of going). That's a decent 30 mins or so without interruption.

Another thing that works for me is reading. If I'm stressed I'll read something I've read before--I don't have to be super-attentive to the storyline, but it occupies like the surface of my brain so I can do some deeper thinking. I can tune out the world while I read...plus my family will mostly leave me alone if I'm busy with a book.

We'll be praying for you.

 

[Ugly]

No Mary
Thanks for all the suggestions. I've always used music to help me through things.
Last two nights I just tried to keep my mind occupied with things on my computer I've put off doing. Helped some, but i was still able to think in the background.
Part of the problem I've had here is immobility. I was not able to get up and walk to the bathroom or hop in the shower. I was using a bedside commode and if I showered someone had to be in the next room waiting for me and checking on me.
I did get a little chance late last night to think some and get to feel some things, but I had to limit it of course.

But it it seems I'm being released today. I will have to spend a few days staying with my ex, but then it's home. Maybe then I can think more.

Couldnt help but but chuckle at the idea of spending a couple days with a recent ex and thinking there won't be any in depth conversations. She's tried having some In the hospital already. Haha

 

[JeniBean]

No Mary
Thanks for all the suggestions. I've always used music to help me through things.
Last two nights I just tried to keep my mind occupied with things on my computer I've put off doing. Helped some, but i was still able to think in the background.
Part of the problem I've had here is immobility. I was not able to get up and walk to the bathroom or hop in the shower. I was using a bedside commode and if I showered someone had to be in the next room waiting for me and checking on me.
I did get a little chance late last night to think some and get to feel some things, but I had to limit it of course.

But it it seems I'm being released today. I will have to spend a few days staying with my ex, but then it's home. Maybe then I can think more.

Couldnt help but but chuckle at the idea of spending a couple days with a recent ex and thinking there won't be any in depth conversations. She's tried having some In the hospital already. Haha

YEAH you're being released today!!!! Woo Hoo and I will pray for you in regards to staying with the ex a couple days....however you can lock yourself in a bathroom to have that alone time there! Thrilled you're doing better!

 

[Utah]

Parting ways while you're enduring ill health. Not cool if it was on her part.

 

[Ugly]

Yes, Jenni, I'm officially released =D
and now at the exes. Confusing times for sure. But 8 people and 1 bathroom doesn't leave a lot of time to just go chill in the porcelain palace. Brother may not be able to come before the weekend, so I either wait almost another week or try and take off by myself in a couple days.

Utah - whole house had been sick. Ex and I both were getting over a cold when she ended things. She went on to get bronchitis, so just 2 hours in ER. I had to make a few visits to ER before being admitted with pneumonia.

 

[Pipp]

Dang... sorry to hear it all. You've been in my prayers and will continue to be.