6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...

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soconfused2

Banned
#341
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#341
I had my surgery but yesterday my doctor called the police. The police showed up at the door and questioned us both. They did not arrest him but took pictures of my injury and said they were going to talk to the DA. He is now a mess. He says that his career and life are ruined and that I will be fine! I will walk away looking like "a queen" when he will be made to look like a shi$. He says that he's sorry about my finger but we were both arguing so it was partly my fault. Even though he was yanking MY make up bag out of my hand.

He's crying. Sobbing. Vomiting. He says he is terrified and he doesn't know what to do. He loves me and wants to start fresh and have a wonderful life together.
 
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soconfused2

Banned
#342
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#342
I have left the house. FYI. I am not with him. He was acting so unstable ... It scared me. He says if the police come back he plans to run and he doesn't care if he is shot.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#343
Feb 21, 2014
70,940
9,691
113
#343
soconfused2 said:
I have left the house. FYI. I am not with him. He was acting so unstable ... It scared me. He says if the police come back he plans to run and he doesn't care if he is shot.
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Don't fall for his lies and fake tears. He's scared to lose everything, but you know what? HE SHOULD. HE brought this on himself by assaulting you. Now he's paying the piper. He's scared to be made to look like s@it? He already does!! Him saying he'll run and doesn't care if he gets shot, is just a ploy to scare you into staying with him. Don't fall for it.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#344
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#344
soconfused2 said:
I had my surgery but yesterday my doctor called the police. The police showed up at the door and questioned us both. They did not arrest him but took pictures of my injury and said they were going to talk to the DA. He is now a mess. He says that his career and life are ruined and that I will be fine! I will walk away looking like "a queen" when he will be made to look like a shi$. He says that he's sorry about my finger but we were both arguing so it was partly my fault. Even though he was yanking MY make up bag out of my hand.

He's crying. Sobbing. Vomiting. He says he is terrified and he doesn't know what to do. He loves me and wants to start fresh and have a wonderful life together.
Click to expand...
He cares about his career more than you. How is that love? Quit being blind idiot... Yes. You are being an idiot right now.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#345
Feb 21, 2014
70,940
9,691
113
#345
jsr1221 said:
He cares about his career more than you. How is that love? Quit being blind idiot... Yes. You are being an idiot right now.
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She's not an idiot. If you had read her next post, you'd see she said she's left the house and is NOT with him anymore..
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#347
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#347
soconfused2 said:
I had my surgery but yesterday my doctor called the police. The police showed up at the door and questioned us both. They did not arrest him but took pictures of my injury and said they were going to talk to the DA. He is now a mess. He says that his career and life are ruined and that I will be fine! I will walk away looking like "a queen" when he will be made to look like a shi$. He says that he's sorry about my finger but we were both arguing so it was partly my fault. Even though he was yanking MY make up bag out of my hand.

He's crying. Sobbing. Vomiting. He says he is terrified and he doesn't know what to do. He loves me and wants to start fresh and have a wonderful life together.
Click to expand...
He loves you and wants to start fresh and have a wonderful life together ... TRANSLATED ... means ... He wants you to believe this was a mistake, tell the cops the same, drop the charges and he can go back to being who he was to you right from the start. He is looking out for number one - himself. You have to remember that he made these choices himself. If his life and his career are ruined, its all because of what "he" chose to do. If he had chosen to NOT break your finger, he would not be in the mess he put himself in. And, if they didn't arrest him, its probably because you didn't tell them the entire truth. Because if you had, they would have taken him then if you'd agreed to press charges on him for abusing you.
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#348
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#348
soconfused2 said:
I have left the house. FYI. I am not with him. He was acting so unstable ... It scared me. He says if the police come back he plans to run and he doesn't care if he is shot.
Click to expand...
The problem with this cascade of emotion is no one is in control.

It does not appear your being with him brings peace or support, but rather confusion and possessiveness. You know as sad as this is it leads to emotional abuse and now violence. Someone like this has to live alone and find stability, because whatever is going on it does not make any sense. When you have a nervous breakdown, you fall apart. No one can help until it can be seen a point of stability is reached and things become predictable. Long term relationships only work when that predictability and trust exist. You appear to have none of these ingredients and so should walk away.

I hope you manage to not talk with him for a long period of time, so you can get focus and find out where you are.
To date it sounds like you have not succeeded more than a couple of days, which is not a good track record.

If he gets desperate, and guns are involved, the idea of topping himself and also those around him may not be far from his mind. It would be a small emotional jump to blame you for his position, and you just do not want to be around if this comes about. So please stay away, just do something else, anything else.
 
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soconfused2

Banned
#349
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#349
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#350
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#350
soconfused2 said:
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
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Continue staying strong.. If you feel you're starting to go back in the opposite direction, immediately come here for support or do something else. Like I've said and what others have said, he only cares about himself. You break the law, you deserve to be punished. I'm glad you were able to get out when you did, and continue to pray you seek Jesus and let Him guide you out of that mess. Your fiance blaming you and trying to guilt you... That's the devil talking. Don't buy a second of it.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#351
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#351
soconfused2 said:
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
Click to expand...
Block his phone number, his email addresses, and any other means he has of contacting you. If he can't get a hold of you, then he can't ply you with false promises and hopes.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#352
Feb 21, 2014
70,940
9,691
113
#352
soconfused2 said:
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
Click to expand...

Don't fall for his pitiful words. He cares only about his own ascot right now. HE committed the ultimate betrayal by assaulting you. He SHOULD be arrested and found guilty. He doesn't love you, he never did. Stop worrying about him and worry about yourself and your kid. He's sowing what he reaped and that's his own dang fault.
 
P

Pilkington

Senior Member
#353
Jan 13, 2015
640
101
28
#353
I am really glad that your doctor reported him. It is time he faces the consequences of what he did. He is still trying to blame you and it just makes me so angry. He needs to take responsibility for what he is done and I am sorry I hope he is convicted and hopefully then gets the help he needs. He is a danger to you and any other person he is involved with. Please stay strong and let things take there cause. I personally feel God has intervened as you weren't strong enough to take action.

I find it interesting that in the UK a doctor would not report a crime unless it was perpetrated against a child or vonurable adult. So if an adult came in with an injury and the person didn't say how it was sustained and didn't want anything done about it our hands in healthcare are tied. I know this as I am trying to be a Physician Associate in the UK.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#354
#354
PeterJens said:
The problem with this cascade of emotion is no one is in control.

It does not appear your being with him brings peace or support, but rather confusion and possessiveness. You know as sad as this is it leads to emotional abuse and now violence. Someone like this has to live alone and find stability, because whatever is going on it does not make any sense. When you have a nervous breakdown, you fall apart. No one can help until it can be seen a point of stability is reached and things become predictable. Long term relationships only work when that predictability and trust exist. You appear to have none of these ingredients and so should walk away.

I hope you manage to not talk with him for a long period of time, so you can get focus and find out where you are.
To date it sounds like you have not succeeded more than a couple of days, which is not a good track record.

If he gets desperate, and guns are involved, the idea of topping himself and also those around him may not be far from his mind. It would be a small emotional jump to blame you for his position, and you just do not want to be around if this comes about. So please stay away, just do something else, anything else.
Click to expand...


Quote "You appear to have none of these ingredients and so should walk away."

Seriously,tell me you aren't blaming her after all this. No one should be in a relationship with this mess. He needs help and a boot in the tail end might help too.


 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#355
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#355
Do NOT go back. He is just trying to pull you back into the honeymoon stage, and it is up to you to make his pitiful cries fail.

By the way, did you ever say why his first marriage failed?
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#356
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#356
soconfused2 said:
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
Click to expand...
What baffles me most right now is that he has a way to contact you to inform you about anything. What about your son? Are you not afraid that he is going to get angry enough to do something next to your son to get to you?? Why would he want you by his side when he is arrested? To do something to you BEFORE they arrest him? And, if he is so scared to be arrested, why doesn't he just go turn himself in and tell them what he did to you? Isn't he man enough to face the truth? He's man enough to physically hurt you, but not man enough to face the police?? Why does this man who you are NOT married to even have a way to contact someone he just put in the hospital to have surgery?? I'm honestly baffled. Honest to goodness this man has literally no idea what love is, so how can he say you never loved him? He hasn't a clue what love is --- but I can tell you what it isn't ... it isn't threatening to hurt you, putting you in the hospital with a broken hand/finger ... and even your son is afraid of this man ... if you want to love someone, love your son right now and make a better life for him and yourself - let his man deal with his own problems ... they are, in fact, his problems. Not yours. You didn't beat him or break his fingers. HE committed the ultimate betrayal when he put you in the hospital due to being abusive! Thats betrayal!
 
T

tjogs

Senior Member
#357
Jun 28, 2009
323
18
18
#357
soconfused2 said:
He just informed me that his attorney called and warned him that he's about to face felony charges over this. He is freaking out and begging me to come be by his side when arrested. The attorney is telling him to stay in hotels until they know when the warrant is issued. This is very difficult because I don't want him to be harmed in any way and he feels if I don't come ...I never loved him. He says I am commitinf the ultimate betrayal.

I am trying to stay strong.
Click to expand...
That man sound like narcissist abuser. He can be very skillful for manipulating people but his words and his actions are in great contradiction.


RickyZ said:
Block his phone number, his email addresses, and any other means he has of contacting you. If he can't get a hold of you, then he can't ply you with false promises and hopes.
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If you ever loved him don't hold grudge for what he did, BUT also cut him completely out of your life.
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#358
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#358
kaylagrl said:

Seriously,tell me you aren't blaming her after all this.
Click to expand...
It is unhelpful to talk about blame. What we are talking about here is safety, and the safe response is to stay away, as long as possible.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#359
#359
If he gets arrested.. he first of all....deserves it and second of all...he will live. He will be charged with partner family member assault and will likely be required to attend classes to help with his anger. In the end it will be good for him if he works hard at it. Don't let him fool you into thinking his life is over.
 
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tjogs

Senior Member
#360
Jun 28, 2009
323
18
18
#360
Sirk said:
If he gets arrested.. he first of all....deserves it and second of all...he will live. He will be charged with partner family member assault and will likely be required to attend classes to help with his anger. In the end it will be good for him if he works hard at it. Don't let him fool you into thinking his life is over.
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Unless the best happens and after all mentioned above his life without Lord would be over.
 
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