Dating - Feels Wrong

  • Thread starter Thread starter AChildoftheKing
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
A

AChildoftheKing

Guest
I am in a pickle, and have become increasingly discouraged over the past few weeks regarding what I should do.

I am currently dating a girl in college. She is a Christian, and I have been born again as well. (my age on my profile says 30 something but I am 19)

My problem is: I love her, but I don't think we were meant to be together.

She is my best friend, and I love her to death. When we started dating we were pretty far from where we should have been as walking with God but have grown a lot closer since then. The more I have drawn closer to God the more I realize that we are not meant for each other. I always try to convince myself that we are fine but I can not escape the feeling that it is wrong. We do not act towards each other in wrong ways and are not physically involved with each other, so it is not a feeling of guilt or anything.

I am not asking for advice on whether I should break up with her or not, because I know that God is leading me to do that.

My question is: How do you break up with some one you love? How do I tell her it is not God's will?

There is no doubt that I love her, and she is my best friend. How in the world do I bring it up and explain to her why?
I am un-happy, depressed.. I shouldn't be, and do not want to be, so I need to get this behind me before I really start hindering my serving God any more.

I am not looking for sympathy, but advice and prayer is appreciated!
 
AChildoftheKing said:
How do I tell her it is not God's will?
Click to expand...
How do you know it isn't? I believe that if you're going to throw God under the bus, you need to be able to explain that conviction to her.
 
God has a way of letting you know something is not in His will, but he may not always reveal why.
I am not trying to throw God under a bus, but I do realize that just saying "Oh it is just God's will for us not to be together" sounds like I am trying to shift the blame and responsibility unto God.

When I look at her I realize that despite my loving her I would not want her raising my kids. How do I tell her that?
I feel like any way I try to word what I want to sayI just make it sound like she is not good enough and that I am to good for her, which is not my intention at all.
 
Who says you have to tell her everything? Don't tell her what doesn't need to be said. You don't need to tell her you don't want her raising your kids. There is no such thing as an easy way to break up with someone. She's going to be hurt. Period. All you can do is try to minimize it by how you approach it and by what you say (and don't say).
Don't be harsh, but be honest and direct. Don't patronize her. Treat her like an adult. Share what needs to be said, and leave it at that. Let her decide how things will go after.
Maybe she'll understand or even agree with you. Maybe she'll never want to talk to you again. They are both ways this could go. Just have to do it.
 
This is not based on experience, but what I've read. Like others are saying, even if you feel it is not God's will, don't tell her that. Maybe try telling her that you don't see a future with her anymore. And then maybe reassure her that there's nothing that she did wrong, that she's a great girl.

I've never broken up with anybody (yet), but I'm about to and after a lot of research (I like to research EVERYTHING) this is how I'm going to break it to my current significant other tomorrow.

Best of luck to you, it's gonna be tough for a while but it will get better.
 
If you feel it's wrong, don't do it. That's generally the Holy Spirit trying to tell us something. Don't ignore it. It's in us for a reason.
 
AChildoftheKing said:
I am in a pickle, and have become increasingly discouraged over the past few weeks regarding what I should do.

I am currently dating a girl in college. She is a Christian, and I have been born again as well. (my age on my profile says 30 something but I am 19)

My problem is: I love her, but I don't think we were meant to be together.

She is my best friend, and I love her to death. When we started dating we were pretty far from where we should have been as walking with God but have grown a lot closer since then. The more I have drawn closer to God the more I realize that we are not meant for each other. I always try to convince myself that we are fine but I can not escape the feeling that it is wrong. We do not act towards each other in wrong ways and are not physically involved with each other, so it is not a feeling of guilt or anything.

I am not asking for advice on whether I should break up with her or not, because I know that God is leading me to do that.

My question is: How do you break up with some one you love? How do I tell her it is not God's will?

There is no doubt that I love her, and she is my best friend. How in the world do I bring it up and explain to her why?
I am un-happy, depressed.. I shouldn't be, and do not want to be, so I need to get this behind me before I really start hindering my serving God any more.

I am not looking for sympathy, but advice and prayer is appreciated!
Click to expand...
If she is a Christian like you say then she will understand. Any kind of relationship between two people must have God as the base he has to be first in everything especially in relationships, I can see you put God first and it's clear that you know in your heart what to do and why you have to do it. It is refreshing to see one who knows and listens to his voice so well, to tell her that you feel it isn't God's will for you two to be together obviously you have to be brave as it is not going to be easy and you need to be honest with her as well, also ask God to give you the words to speak.

She may even feel the same way but is afraid to tell you or I could be wrong and she may take it the wrong way but trust in God and hand him the situation no matter what the outcome is it is the trust in him you have that will bring you through
 
AChildoftheKing said:
God has a way of letting you know something is not in His will, but he may not always reveal why.
I am not trying to throw God under a bus, but I do realize that just saying "Oh it is just God's will for us not to be together" sounds like I am trying to shift the blame and responsibility unto God.

When I look at her I realize that despite my loving her I would not want her raising my kids. How do I tell her that?
I feel like any way I try to word what I want to sayI just make it sound like she is not good enough and that I am to good for her, which is not my intention at all.
Click to expand...
I'm proud of you for realizing this. :)

It's not going to be an easy talk no matter how you approach it. Your intent will likely come across how you intend for it to come across, but she will take it however she chooses to take it. With that, all I can really say is give yourself some time to mentally and emotionally prepare for the delivery, and when/if she reacts, wear your kid gloves.

Best of luck to you!
 
Bro, I understand you very well. And i praise the lord you have the sensitiveness to listen. Like jsr said, it's holy spirit talking to you. I know also that it's terrible feeling when you have to turn someone like her down in matter of relationship. I had to do that to my one of the best female friends, and I felt towards her the same feeling as you described. I thank Lord for the decision because she's now one of best friends for both me but specially to my wife. So as a word of encouragement, It MAY not be the end of your friendship if you tell how you feel.
As it's said in Bible: Love never disappears.
I don't have wisdom to put right words for you so for that I think you have to ask from God and pray to have courage to say those. Finally trust God that he will carry you trough whatever you will face when you have spoken with her.
Someone said that don't hide behind the God. Maybe for now but be honest and if time is right you can tell her that also.
If no one else fits the example think Abraham who God told to sacrifice his son and how it turned up.
 
AChildoftheKing said:
God has a way of letting you know something is not in His will, but he may not always reveal why.
I am not trying to throw God under a bus, but I do realize that just saying "Oh it is just God's will for us not to be together" sounds like I am trying to shift the blame and responsibility unto God.

When I look at her I realize that despite my loving her I would not want her raising my kids. How do I tell her that?
I feel like any way I try to word what I want to sayI just make it sound like she is not good enough and that I am to good for her, which is not my intention at all.
Click to expand...

I think this is why God doesn't want you to be with this lady. You wouldn't want her to raise your kids. There must be a serious reason for that and I think God has already revealed that to you.

I would be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Just lay it all out there. Maybe if you do, she would change and then God would be happy for you to be with her? I dunno.

Sorry, brother, but I hope it goes okay.
 
You are both Christians and love each other. Why then do you feel that it is wrong to have a relationship with her. If you want to break up with her, fine, but then don't go saying that it is the will of God.

My advice is a temporary separation to see if what you both feel is really love and then, where to go from there.

Personally, I don't understand where you are coming from.
 
tourist said:
You are both Christians and love each other. Why then do you feel that it is wrong to have a relationship with her. If you want to break up with her, fine, but then don't go saying that it is the will of God.

My advice is a temporary separation to see if what you both feel is really love and then, where to go from there.

Personally, I don't understand where you are coming from.
Click to expand...

God have many ways to tell things and warnings for people and with all of them we have to be very careful about their interpretations.

In my case I felt exactly same way wrong to pursue relationship to a certain girl. She had a crush on me, greater one than I had to her in fact. But every time I thought about family with her or was chatting with her I got that uneasy feeling about her as my wife. Finally I told her that it may not be best for us to keep pressing relationship on for now and she was devastated. We kept our friendship up though. That was 10 years ago.

Some years later I heard she got married and last summer my wife told that her good friend (this same woman) is going trough of trouble of not having children her own.

For me children are very dear and God knew that. He also knew that the problem she had would been very difficult for me to handle and therefore warned me not to get too close to this otherwise wonderful young lady and great friend.

That's the reason in my case for the feeling when its meaning got revealed. For others the reason may be different but what OP said he is feeling the exact same warning, so I'd take it seriously and pray for wisdom.
 
The Bible tells to overcome evil with goods.
i will pray God give you and the girl understanding and know the will of God and follow His paths.

God bless!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back