Single Parents???

HeavenLee · Feb 18, 2009

Would anyone here be ok with dating a single parent? Just wondering because it seems to be really hard to find a good hearted person who doesnt run when you mention kids. Im just wondering if there are people out there who dont mind...we all make mistakes, and I dont think of my daughter as a mistake...she is a beautiful gift from God and I feel anyone should feel lucky to know such a lovely little person. I do. Any thoughts on this? Thanks.

A_N_N · Feb 18, 2009

Well... I can't answer that question firsthand, persay, but I do know of people that have dated and married single parents. So yeah- I'm sure there's guys out there willing..... I'm a single parent too, soooo I know where you're coming from. It's a tough job, and sometimes you just wish (or at least I do) there there was someone else there to help.

vaz · Feb 26, 2009

i have heard of it, in fact someone in my church is getting married to a single dad. But i must say im practically from a single parent family and i want to commend all you mums and dads who do it because you are amazing! but so are the families who stay toegther too. so yeh you guys keep in there and know that wot you do for your kids makes us love you even more!!!

4given30 · Feb 27, 2009

Lee its awsome that you see ure little one as a gift
Personally i wouldnt care-if i met a single mum who loved the lord and there was chemistry that would be enough.We all have a past and no one is amune from that and some of us(not me ) even have kids from that past which makes it more exciting.
So if they be running when they find out you have a child lee let them run regardless of how you feel as they obviously are not the one, unless god calls em back to ya. God knows what you and your little one need and thats the main thing
peace out

DieuMerci · Feb 27, 2009

If you wouldnt mine dating a younger guy, and only if you divorced because there was marital unfaithfullness. Other than that it's up to God sis. but God bless you.

Baptistrw · Feb 27, 2009

It shouldn't be an issue, Jesus loved kids, people should too.

Ancilla · Feb 27, 2009

I don't know a lot about this issue but I'll give it my two cents anyway. First of all, your right to think that your daughter is not a mistake! Having sex outside of marriage was a mistake, but your daughter was God's way of bringing something good out of something bad. Secondly, I think guys are more open in general nowadays to dating single moms, just because there are so many. For me personally, all my friends who are single mothers are now married or in relationships (I mean they're with guys who are not the fathers of their children.) Now, some guys may not like to date single moms because it means that they're not a virgin. Well, the truth of the matter is, whether or not one has children there are many Christians (even those raised Christian) who haven't saved themselves for marriage. I have a few such Christian friends who don't think that's a big deal, but most of my Christian friends who aren't virgins did it in one relationship and then regretted it ever since. That's just the way things are right now.

grace · Feb 28, 2009

Ancilla said:

Here is my take. In order for there to be a single mom, there also has to be a dad (the father of the child/children) out there somewhere. BUT, more focus is put on single moms because they are ussually the ones doing the majority of the raising of the children and the children are living with the mother etc.
This is a LOT for a guy to think about and take on.
Not only are they saying that they will step into her life as a single parent with responsibilities.....but to help her raise her kids and be an influence on them. There is also the other *stuff* that exhists...such as ex spouses etc, every other weekends etc etc etc.
I don't want to say that it is easier for guys with children to date etc.....but in a round about way it is.

Ancilla · Feb 28, 2009

grace said:

You're right. Although I initially misread what you said. I thought you said "there also has to be a single dad... out there." And fathering a child that the woman chooses to raise, doesn't make one a single dad, right? Because the father may or may not be in the child's life. I tend to assume (although I may be completely incorrect) that children born to moms who are teenagers have little or no contact with their fathers by the time the moms are in their 20s. I've worked with one kid (who knows nothing about biology) say that she doesn't have a dad.

I have a friend who's a single mom who had her baby when she was married, but then she got divorced. Her child gets together with his dad every other weekend (or something). It sucks because she'd love to cut off all ties to her ex-husband but she can't because of her son. That, on top of all the responsibilities of being a single mom, you'd think it would be really hard for her to hold onto a guy, but she's had some serious relationships since her divorce and now she's engaged. And I know another girl who got pregnant when she was 15 and got married when she was about 23. Now, this is all anecdotal. I'm not one for anecdotal evidence because I think in terms of statistical likelihood. But what I am saying is that even though it can be [I can find the right word, you know what I mean... I guess "complicated" is the word I'm look for] for a guy to date a single mom, don't assume there aren't guys out there who aren't up to it. Like I said, I've been pleasently surprised at the number of single moms in my life who have been able to find long term relationships. Maybe there are guys that fathered there own children when they were teenagers and want someone who will not judge them for that.

grace · Feb 28, 2009

Sorry if I did not type out my thoughts very clearly.
I am a single mom, and was speaking from my perspective.

Being single, and a parent, and looking to enter into dating is definatly not the same as before you had children.

I can understand how HeavenLee sees a dilemna with dating as a single mom.

It is not a situation to be judged...cause all situations are unique. God wants His best for us all, no matter the circumstances we may have lived in the past or how they affect our current situation.

God bless

Ancilla · Feb 28, 2009

grace said:

That's exactly what you're saying and your right. Because for better or for worse, the reality* is that most children of single parents spend most of their time with their mothers.The only kids I know that spend equal time with each parent are those who's parents divorced when they were in their 30's. But as far as dating single dads: here's my opinion. It is my preception** that children of single dads probably have more baggage. A friend of mine recently married a single dad who has little girl. The mother is out there, but out of the picture. I can't imagine how hard that must be for that little girl. I mean, if your dad doesn't want to have anything to do with you, that's one thing, and that's hard, especially for a boy. But if your mother, who gave birth to you and nursed you doesn't want to have anything to do with you, wow, that would just be unimaginable for me. Or I knew a single dad who's since remarried. His wife was diagnosed with a very serious form of cancer when she gave birth to their second child. Becasue she was pregnant and a bit overweight they didn't notice how big the tumor had become. She died ten months later and in that time the newborn and the three year old spent almost no time with their mother, not enough time with their father, and too much time with an endless string of volunteers from church. The stiuation was unavoidable but at the time I was studying child psychology and I remember thinking "Wow, this is a really bad situation for the kids." Well, the kids ended up adjusting very well to their stepmom, they are 9 and 13 now and they're doing just fine. I've been plesasently surprised by how well they've been doing because you'd think that kids who lost their mom at such a young age would have some serious emotional baggage. Come to think of it, my best friend when I was a kid lost her mom to cancer when she was three and her father's remarriage was also a smooth transition. Maybe it is easier for single dads to remarry...

Ok, but widowed fathers aside. I've never watched the Bachelor, but on a talk show they were talking about how this season, for the first time, the Bachelor is a single dad. And, they said that for the women, that's like hitting the jackpot, because then they know that he loves children. I was surprised, but that's what they said.

Again, like I said, they're out there, you just have to find them. Just keep looking. I recommend you read How to get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. He makes finding the right person sound like a full time job, and as single mom you don't have that kind of time, but there's no reason why you have pursue dating with that kind of intensity.

-Ancilla

*I don't have an actual statistic in front of me, so this is actually an assumption, even tough it's a safe assumption. I just don't like it when people state assumptions as if they were fact which is precisely what I just did.
**Again, this is an assumption, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Ancilla · Feb 28, 2009

Hey you know what's ironic? The only single mom I have on my Facebook friends list who's not in a relationship is actually a virgin. I think she's not dating for the same reason she didn't date before she was a single mom, whatever that reason is. See, what happened was her sister, a single mom with the dad totally out of the picture, was given two weeks to live so she ask my friend to take her daughter. So, she's really not a single mom as much as she's a unmarried custodial aunt. But yea, I'm not a single mom, so I don't know what it's like, I just going by what I see in lives of single moms that I know.

HeavenLee · Mar 12, 2009

Thanks for all the posts. I havent logged on in a bit. Well, what I wanted to add, was that, my daughters father is not in the picture at all. He has chosen other things he believes are better than knowing his own daughter. But thats of no matter. The thing is, God gave me my daughter for a reason beyond mine, or anyone elses understanding. I was asking because it seems as though no one is even willing to know me as a person, due to the fact I am a single mom.

Being a single mom is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It takes away from my income, my time, my friends...basically it takes away from all of my selfishness. Which is a good thing. I took a lot of things for granted, and now I dont. What I guess Im really trying to say is, Im tired of people making me feel low about my past mistakes. As if Im such a bad person. We all make mistakes. (Like I said I dont see my baby as a mistake, but the situation that she came from was) There is not one person here who hasnt done something another would find dissapointing. Even God. If your denying that right now...then thats exactly what you are doing. Denying it. I dont believe in someone not doing something wrong. Even when we try our hardest...there is always room for mistake. Were are not perfect, and Jesus died to prove it. To save us from our inevitable mistakes. I just dont want to be judged because I dont fit the perfect "Godly" profile. I believe he loves me anyway.

But the main reason I posted here, was to see what people thought about all this, because I wanted to know who it bothered and why. It seemed to have bothered her father, because he isnt here to see what a beautiful angel God has blessed us with, and thats a shame for him, and everyone else who runs away...at least thats what I believe. God places people in our lives for a reason, children, friends, family, strangers...everyone. Even if they were only in it for a second. Maybe it was to help guide us, maybe it was to teach us. Whatever reason we cant down them all for being what we arent. Because, if who they are really bothers you then they taught you what not to do...shouldnt you be thanking them? Maybe they are God's example just for you. If people spent less time making people feel like dirt for their mistakes, and a little more time helping them through them, then we would all be just a little closer to what we all need...the Lord.

whiteknite · Mar 12, 2009

HeavenLee said:

Personally, I don't have a problem with the idea of dating a single parent. Of course, it depends on other factors. For example:
1: Would the lady feel comfortable meeting someone she's never met before and having a complete stranger around her child?
2: When we go out, would she want to bring her child along or hire a baby sitter?
3: If the child really likes me, but me & the lady don't work out: how would she handle her child's disappointment and hurt feelings?

I have dated single parents before and the child came along almost all the time. One lady I dated had 2 children. The oldest was 6 and the younger was a toddler. The older one was not well behaved at all. Another lady had 1 child about 3 or 4. But she was not a good parent as she took her frustrations out on her little boy. That really bothered me.
The way I see it: Dating a single parent involves the child(ren) too. Not just a man and woman, so it can be more complicated, which is probably why lots of men "run" as you mentioned in your post. Also, you may not have met a good enough man yet. One who would give you all a chance.
As for me, I think more than one date is needed for that chance to be given. Both for the man and the lady.
Keep your faith and follow the Lord's guidance and you will be fine.

Blessings,
Terry

Compassion · Apr 10, 2009

I would absolutely date a single dad. I mean, how many men in the world actually man up to raise their child if the relationship doesn't work. I think it says a lot about the character of the man.

Elizabeth · Apr 10, 2009

Hi...I am also a single mother raising two boys. It has been my experience that more often than not, men would be willing to deal with the kids. I personally don't want to date a person who would just tolerate them though; nor would I want to just tolerate a man because he would be a good guy to my kids. It is defiantly a different dynamic when dealing with these issues as a parent. A positive is...that you view a person with a different point of view which helps to weed out some pretty strange cats.

.. The blessing about being a christian is that the Lord can be both a father and a husband that is supportive, faithful, honest, compassionate, and genuinely loving. I know I haven't met anyone like him and could not think of a better roll model for my kids. But keep the faith cuz there are some really awesome men with and without kids.

zeromantic · Apr 10, 2009

It's 3:45 in the morning. Let me tell you that your children will always rmember you for the kind things you did for them, and no one will remember the significant other who did nothing.

Chefdoughboy · Apr 11, 2009

I know how you feel it is a lot harder when you have kids I personally am a single dad I have 2 kid a son 5 and a daughter 2. I know that God will bring some one into my life ( I hope lol) that will love me and my kids I just hope it dose not take forever lol
Ryan

Auchin · Apr 12, 2009

You daughter is a gift to you and so is all kids to single parents, but personally im looking for a virgin wife.

jaylynn83 · Apr 13, 2009

Auchin said:

And im looking for a leprachan. Both of those are very rare. So when you meet a woman do you go up to them and say hi....... im looking for a virgin wife................ have you ever been sexually active???
Good luck with that.

Single Parents???

HeavenLee

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A_N_N

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vaz

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4given30

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DieuMerci

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Baptistrw

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Ancilla

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grace

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Ancilla

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grace

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Ancilla

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Ancilla

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HeavenLee

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whiteknite

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Compassion

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Elizabeth

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zeromantic

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Chefdoughboy

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Auchin

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jaylynn83

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