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N
I think the bigger issues here are the trust and communication errors.
I don't particularly want my fiance getting lap dances the night before exchanging holy vows either. It may not be as big of a deal for me if it did happen, but I think the real issue is he knew you were strongly against this and allowed it to happen and DID NOT TELL YOU before marrying you. Plus others kept it from you.
Those issues to me are much worse than getting a lap dance at a bachelor party. You have to respect your partners boundaries even if you don't share them.
Also to ignore you and joke about marrying the stripper?!? Wow. Please consider counseling, and do not contemplate children until you can rebuild trust and a godly relationship.
Take care dear and God bless~
I don't particularly want my fiance getting lap dances the night before exchanging holy vows either. It may not be as big of a deal for me if it did happen, but I think the real issue is he knew you were strongly against this and allowed it to happen and DID NOT TELL YOU before marrying you. Plus others kept it from you.
Those issues to me are much worse than getting a lap dance at a bachelor party. You have to respect your partners boundaries even if you don't share them.
Also to ignore you and joke about marrying the stripper?!? Wow. Please consider counseling, and do not contemplate children until you can rebuild trust and a godly relationship.
Take care dear and God bless~
K
Sorry,I disagree here. My husband had no desire to do such a thing before we married,nor did I. Its vulgar and the same as cheating on your partner. You have lusted after someone you are not committed to and seen them with little or no clothes.A real man who honors his wife would never do such a thing. If I found out my husband had done such a thing behind my back I would feel anger and betrayal,I would have a hard time trusting his word again when he knew how strongly I felt about the situation. She would feel better I think if he would man up and say "I was a louse,I disrespected you and our commitment and I will do my best to win your trust back.Im sorry I hurt you,I was wrong" I think the OP would feel very differently. His being a jerk about it isnt helping at all.
K
Quote " I don't think its nearly as big of a deal to him as it is to you."
Of course it isnt as big a deal to him! He's the one that betrayed HER trust.He has no honor.A stripper is a big deal. He dishonored her and his commitment to her.Now he's acting like a massive jerk about it. Sounds like he needs a good kick in the pants.
N
Going outside of your partners boundaries is a form of cheating and involves deceit. Now do I think it should end their marriage? No but this is a huge breach of trust.
My boyfriend and I are promised (not yet engaged and planning a wedding but moving towards engagement soon) and we have discussed this. I told him I would not want strippers nor him to have them. He's in agreement. Now I wouldn't be able to stop his friends from getting one/some nor would it hurt me as deeply, but this is something she was very clear on in not wanting.
And yeah how he is reacting isn't helping mend the problem.
To the OP its OK to feel how you feel. Please be kind to yourself and seek Gods wisdom. I would say to try to do all you can to rebuild this trust for the sake of your vows, but don't be afraid to feel how you feel and seek counseling. Don't let anyone feel you are overreacting or have no right to feel what you're feeling.
My boyfriend and I are promised (not yet engaged and planning a wedding but moving towards engagement soon) and we have discussed this. I told him I would not want strippers nor him to have them. He's in agreement. Now I wouldn't be able to stop his friends from getting one/some nor would it hurt me as deeply, but this is something she was very clear on in not wanting.
And yeah how he is reacting isn't helping mend the problem.
To the OP its OK to feel how you feel. Please be kind to yourself and seek Gods wisdom. I would say to try to do all you can to rebuild this trust for the sake of your vows, but don't be afraid to feel how you feel and seek counseling. Don't let anyone feel you are overreacting or have no right to feel what you're feeling.
K
Yep if I had a husband like that he'd be feeling the back end of a frying pan,those iron ones 
My husband joked we could only have Teflon pans in our house. All joking aside he really does need a kick in the pants. I mean strippers,really? What was he,16? Cant control himself? Grow up and be a man. He looks at a naked stranger and has her grinding in his lap the night
before he marries his "beloved".He sleeps with his wife the next night with no guilt? Class act there,class act.
My husband joked we could only have Teflon pans in our house. All joking aside he really does need a kick in the pants. I mean strippers,really? What was he,16? Cant control himself? Grow up and be a man. He looks at a naked stranger and has her grinding in his lap the night before he marries his "beloved".He sleeps with his wife the next night with no guilt? Class act there,class act.
1 & 1a - So before the wedding he promised that there would be no stripper at the bachelor party and there was one? Usually, the best man controls such "entertainment." Maybe it wasn't something he planned but just kind of "went with it" to be a good sport. If he says nothing happened at the party, has he given you any reason not to believe him?
2 - Have you discussed with him why this was important to him? If you don't care about something that means a lot to him, then why are you getting upset that he is not caring about something that means a lot to you? Keep in mind, I am NOT defending the stripper decision. I am just seeing here that disregard for the other's feelings/opinions seems to be going both ways.
3 - You left out everything that you said in the fight.
Please believe that I am not trying to pick on you. If you come here to a Christian site where most everyone has the same sense of morality and share your story, then you will find many that will be outraged with you. And I am right there with you.
I don't like that the family knowingly went against your wishes.
I don't like that this has been a secret for four years and that you may have been the butt of their jokes.
I don't like your husband's lack of concern for your feelings in this.
However, we don't have his side. Only yours.
My advice would be to seek marital counseling. If he won't go, then you go yourself. And I would not have the in-laws who participated in this deception welcome in my house until they have given you an apology.
2 - Have you discussed with him why this was important to him? If you don't care about something that means a lot to him, then why are you getting upset that he is not caring about something that means a lot to you? Keep in mind, I am NOT defending the stripper decision. I am just seeing here that disregard for the other's feelings/opinions seems to be going both ways.
3 - You left out everything that you said in the fight.
Please believe that I am not trying to pick on you. If you come here to a Christian site where most everyone has the same sense of morality and share your story, then you will find many that will be outraged with you. And I am right there with you.
I don't like that the family knowingly went against your wishes.
I don't like that this has been a secret for four years and that you may have been the butt of their jokes.
I don't like your husband's lack of concern for your feelings in this.
However, we don't have his side. Only yours.
My advice would be to seek marital counseling. If he won't go, then you go yourself. And I would not have the in-laws who participated in this deception welcome in my house until they have given you an apology.