What would you do about this???

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Newlymarried2

Banned
#1
Dec 20, 2015
4
0
0
#1
I am married and my 10 year old son is hot and cold on my DH. Somedays things are okay....others my son is rude and tough.
My DH recently started fighting with me in front of my son. It wasn't good. He threatened to leave me in front of my child. My son was very upset.
Well, fast forward to last week. My son has been rude and difficult. I have punished him and told him he is disrpectful. He apologized.
My husband started holding me tight at dinner and rubbing my shoulders knowing that bothers my son and makes him jealous. My son started getting upset.
My DH asked him if he likes being a bully. That made my son cry. (at dinner in restaurant). Then my son started calling him names. I told them both to stop. Then my son said he was going to elbow my husband in the chest. My DH laughed and made a fist and said he would grab my son's heart and squeeze it and hand it to him!.
I yelled STOP. They stopped for a short time but then my son asked my DH, who speaks spanish, how to say AAAHOLE in spanish. My DHanswered by saying ASshole is (insert my son's name) in spanish.
I could not believe....what I was hearing!!!
What would you do? My son is fine many times w this man..and I am a wreck!!


 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
25,791
13,949
113
#2
Welcome to CC! Thanks for sharing.

Your profile says that you are 'male, married, Christian' yet you speak here of your 'husband'. Was this an error? Or are you in fact a male legally married to another male?
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#4
Jun 30, 2015
25,791
13,949
113
#4
Ah good. Thanks for clarifying!

I'll ask the Moderators to make that correction. :)

Now to your post... I presume that "DH" is your husband?

It sounds like both your son and your husband (not his father, I'm guessing?) are both feeling jealous. That is manifesting in the tension between them. Both need to know their place with you, but your husband has much greater responsibility to act his age. His words to your son were completely inappropriate, and if I were in your shoes, I would set a very clear boundary with very clear consequences. Unfortunately, verbal abuse of that sort only gets worse, unless the guilty one welcomes God's conviction on the matter.

It might be wise to seek some family counseling with a qualified Christian counselor. It might also be good to make clear to your husband what his role in this is... to edify, support and encourage your son.

Similarly your son needs to know that you love him unconditionally, and that he does not need to compete for your attention. He has a reasonable expectation of the same from your husband. I'm no specialist on the subject, but I suspect that punishment may backfire with your son at this time. Clear boundaries, with clear consequences, put the choice in his hands, and free you to love and support him. It also sounds like your son is feeling uncertain about the stability of the family. If he has already experienced losing one father to divorce (I'm guessing... feel free to correct me!) he may be acting out of fear of a repeat.

Another thought... with regard to any tension between you and your husband, it is reasonable to set a boundary not to discuss around your son. If your husband can't respect that boundary, (and this is not nice to say!) you may be better off without him.

If you have not read the book "Boundaries" by John Townsend and Henry Cloud, I highly recommend it. They are Christians and their advice is solid. :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Sounds like your husband is an immature d-bag who needs to be told to grow up or get out. Your son should come before your husband in this case. Sounds like you son is rebelling against your husband, not just being a jerk in general.
 
B

blondieindahouse

Banned
#6
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
37
0
#6
Your son is 10. He KINDA has an excuse. Its called being a child. What excuse has your husband to be antagonistic towards a child? Sounds to me like you have two children!
 
R

RememberTheSabbathDay

Banned
#7
Nov 30, 2013
682
10
0
#7
Newlymarried2 said:
I am married and my 10 year old son is hot and cold on my DH. Somedays things are okay....others my son is rude and tough.
My DH recently started fighting with me in front of my son. It wasn't good. He threatened to leave me in front of my child. My son was very upset.
Well, fast forward to last week. My son has been rude and difficult. I have punished him and told him he is disrpectful. He apologized.
My husband started holding me tight at dinner and rubbing my shoulders knowing that bothers my son and makes him jealous. My son started getting upset.
My DH asked him if he likes being a bully. That made my son cry. (at dinner in restaurant). Then my son started calling him names. I told them both to stop. Then my son said he was going to elbow my husband in the chest. My DH laughed and made a fist and said he would grab my son's heart and squeeze it and hand it to him!.
I yelled STOP. They stopped for a short time but then my son asked my DH, who speaks spanish, how to say AAAHOLE in spanish. My DHanswered by saying ASshole is (insert my son's name) in spanish.
I could not believe....what I was hearing!!!
What would you do? My son is fine many times w this man..and I am a wreck!!
Click to expand...



NewlyMarried,


I think u picked a baaaaaaddddddd apple. Honestly I don't believe that he was given to you by God. This is the work of the devil. God is not the author of confusion. You have a choice to make, go immediately and see a Christian Counselor and settle this disruptive behavior that is happening in your family...or pay the price with you son and husband becoming totally out of control that could cause injuries to your son or your son could hurt your husband and even resent you for not being his protector, which God calls you to come up to a higher standard as a parent. Your husband if not desiring to seek counseling and make some serious immediate changes in his behavior, you will have no other choice but to separate from him. The longer that you allow this to continue, the worse it will become. The ball is in your courts. God expects you to act. This also affects the salvation of the whole family. God says, we are our brother's keeper.

You're going to have to get over your lust of this demonic flesh. and kick him to the curb. Could very well take out your whole family. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy. But God came that you may have life and have it more abundantly. You can't serve two masters, you either love one or hate the other.
 
D

dalconn

Guest
#8
#8
Sounds like your house need Jesus really, really bad
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#9
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#9
Before I can comment, I'd like to know what DH is..?
 
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Newlymarried2

Banned
#11
Dec 20, 2015
4
0
0
#11
I'm still learning too but I believe it means "dear husband".

Abd to to respond to the other comments, last night I felt a need to get a plan to leave him...

but today...things have been terrific. We had a great day and my son was very happy.

Thats when I lose motivation.

I I just don't know what to do... And while he has said he would do therapy... He never has.

Anytime he's agreed to it, he has said I can't wait for the therapist to tell you how wrong and ungrateful you are...and how I should have left you a long time ago.


dalconn said:
probably divorced husband
Click to expand...
 
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Newlymarried2

Banned
#12
Dec 20, 2015
4
0
0
#12
I should also say... I have tried leaving him a couple times. I have packed up a few belongings... Gotten in the car... And left. So he is scarred by that fear of abandonment. But it was usually after bad bad fights.


Well now he goes through my clothes and tries to count my underwear etc to see if I'm hiding anything... As he thinks I'm going to leave again.


Tonight my son is w me and he is texting me from the other room that he suspects some of my clothing is missing. He just went through the laundry.., trying to count my underwear.
 
R

RememberTheSabbathDay

Banned
#13
Nov 30, 2013
682
10
0
#13
Newlymarried2 said:
I should also say... I have tried leaving him a couple times. I have packed up a few belongings... Gotten in the car... And left. So he is scarred by that fear of abandonment. But it was usually after bad bad fights.


Well now he goes through my clothes and tries to count my underwear etc to see if I'm hiding anything... As he thinks I'm going to leave again.


Tonight my son is w me and he is texting me from the other room that he suspects some of my clothing is missing. He just went through the laundry.., trying to count my underwear.
Click to expand...




The ball is in your court. Don't you see how Satan is trying to destroy you by making you believe that this man is so fearful of you leaving..this is his problem and not your problem..you problem is your son having to go through this because you refuse to get a back bone and leave this demonic spirit. This is going to back fire if you don't heed the call to get out. God did not give you this man..so why are you not leaving him? Why keep giving us a report when you already know what has to be done. Don't be deceived by the enemy of souls. We have given you great council from what I have read others say. What else do you want from us..Yes, we pray that you will heed the red flags that are so close. You have no power to overcome this evil without leaning on Jesus and walking by faith.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#14
Jun 30, 2015
25,791
13,949
113
#14
Newlymarried2 said:
I'm still learning too but I believe it means "dear husband".

Abd to to respond to the other comments, last night I felt a need to get a plan to leave him...

but today...things have been terrific. We had a great day and my son was very happy.

Thats when I lose motivation.

I I just don't know what to do... And while he has said he would do therapy... He never has.

Anytime he's agreed to it, he has said I can't wait for the therapist to tell you how wrong and ungrateful you are...and how I should have left you a long time ago.
Click to expand...
Wow. Judging by this you need to get away from him, the sooner the better. This is already sounding like you are in the cycle of abuse. Counting your clothes is clear evidence of controlling, manipulative behaviour. Sadly, it WILL get worse unless you leave. He is not yet convicted by God of his own wrongdoing, and until that happens, he will become more dangerous to you over time.

We Christians have a nasty habit of exalting marriage over personal safety. Don't make that mistake. Put the marriage in God's hands and get yourself to safety. A godly man doesn't (continue to) do such things. A godly woman doesn't tolerate them.

This does not mean your marriage will end in divorce. Pray for your husband, that he would welcome God's conviction. That is the only means to true resolution. And while you're at it, ask the Lord if there is anything which you need to deal with! :)

A side note: as to your error in checking the gender in your profile, you can report your own post and ask the Admins to make that change for you. Select the small black triangle underneath your first post and type in your explanation in the box which comes up. Unless of course you choose not to change it, but that will probably confuse people!
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#15
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#15
This is abuse, clear and simple. Trying to control your underwear is an absolute sign of abuse. Trying to control you, to manipulate your son in a restaurant. I shudder to think what else is happening.

Please call a woman's shelter. Don't worry about HIS abandonment issues, worry about your own safety and the safety of your son.

Read on Kindle "A Cry For Justice" by Jeff Crippen. It is about abuse, and how to recognize it and how to get away. If you are newlywed, you need to to it now. It will just get harder and harder as he gets more control, and undermines who you are.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But this is not going to work out, especially if he is pretending to get counseling when he has no intention of getting it. Another bad sign he is never going to carry through on changing and being a godly and kind husband and step father.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#16
Feb 21, 2014
70,940
9,691
113
#16
This dude is bad news. He obviously doesn't love you, and he obviously doesn't trust you. HE doesn't even sound trustworthy himself. Stop fooling yourself, he isn't gonna go to counseling.. Cut your losses, take your son and leave..and STAY GONE..
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#18
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#18
blue_ladybug said:
This dude is bad news. He obviously doesn't love you, and he obviously doesn't trust you. HE doesn't even sound trustworthy himself. Stop fooling yourself, he isn't gonna go to counseling.. Cut your losses, take your son and leave..and STAY GONE..
Click to expand...
Is it just me, or does this sound like someone else here recently????????
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#19
#19
Cindy12 said:
Is it just me, or does this sound like someone else here recently????????
Click to expand...
You're right, it does sound awfully familiar. I hope we're not being played. And I hope to God she didn't marry that cretin. I still don't know what a DH is though.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#20
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#20
Tintin said:
You're right, it does sound awfully familiar. I hope we're not being played. And I hope to God she didn't marry that cretin. I still don't know what a DH is though.
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I have heard on some other message forums (one marriage one I know of) it does mean Dear Husband. DW is dear wife, etc ... but this is so so so familiar and I have a hunch.
 
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