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coby, rather than worrying whether you're presenting yourself with subtlety, i would encourage you to forget about the overall impression and just be sincere in your intentions and feelings about the guy. people deserve the genuine expression of your feelings, rather than a contrived message.
also, instead of putting him on the spot, you'll express your interest in a far more effective, and authentic way by engaging him using the means of contact/relationship you currently have. the following actions are all pretty clear ways of expressing genuine interest:
+taking the onus of initiating conversation, rather than simply waiting for him to engage with you.
+like a tennis match, show reciprocity in actions and effort. don't make him take all the effort, and you shouldn't be the one who is always "serving", when he isn't playing back.
+communicate with him in a more active and present way. for example, ask him questions about himself and when he shares about himself, be an attentive listener. one of the most effective things you can do to show interest and care for a person is simply by giving them your undivided attention--ignore your phone, stop scanning the room, don't fidget with every distraction. you send a mixed message when you ask someone a question or show interest in them and then acknowledge every single person or distraction that comes your way when he is talking to you.
further, as a side-note: i have learned that few people are regularly on the receiving end of listening that says, "there's nothing happening in my world that matters more than listening to you and hearing what you have to say". it's pretty powerful. it's also a sincere form of respect and appreciation. it's a vitally important thing to do for people who matter in your life.
+finally, one thing i've seen men especially respond to is enthusiasm. a lot of folks' overall affect is nearly identical whether they are happy, perturbed, or bored. if you are more reserved in nature, i'd make an effort to express some enthusiasm IF you are feeling enthusiastic about someone. and if you like a guy, geez, make sure that he can tell you're happy to see him rather conveying wild indifference.
after you've gone to the extent of making clear your interest in spending time with him, and that you enjoy his company through actually ENJOYING his company, i'd leave the ball in his court. plenty of women like to pursue men, and if that works for them, that's great. i personally have never found it to be necessary, worthwhile, or anything short of counter-intuitive.
also, instead of putting him on the spot, you'll express your interest in a far more effective, and authentic way by engaging him using the means of contact/relationship you currently have. the following actions are all pretty clear ways of expressing genuine interest:
+taking the onus of initiating conversation, rather than simply waiting for him to engage with you.
+like a tennis match, show reciprocity in actions and effort. don't make him take all the effort, and you shouldn't be the one who is always "serving", when he isn't playing back.
+communicate with him in a more active and present way. for example, ask him questions about himself and when he shares about himself, be an attentive listener. one of the most effective things you can do to show interest and care for a person is simply by giving them your undivided attention--ignore your phone, stop scanning the room, don't fidget with every distraction. you send a mixed message when you ask someone a question or show interest in them and then acknowledge every single person or distraction that comes your way when he is talking to you.
further, as a side-note: i have learned that few people are regularly on the receiving end of listening that says, "there's nothing happening in my world that matters more than listening to you and hearing what you have to say". it's pretty powerful. it's also a sincere form of respect and appreciation. it's a vitally important thing to do for people who matter in your life.
+finally, one thing i've seen men especially respond to is enthusiasm. a lot of folks' overall affect is nearly identical whether they are happy, perturbed, or bored. if you are more reserved in nature, i'd make an effort to express some enthusiasm IF you are feeling enthusiastic about someone. and if you like a guy, geez, make sure that he can tell you're happy to see him rather conveying wild indifference.
after you've gone to the extent of making clear your interest in spending time with him, and that you enjoy his company through actually ENJOYING his company, i'd leave the ball in his court. plenty of women like to pursue men, and if that works for them, that's great. i personally have never found it to be necessary, worthwhile, or anything short of counter-intuitive.
C
Yes, I don't leave it up to him, but a deep conversation is quite impossible when you work with 13 man in one room, all behind your computer. It's mostly just jokes and stuff yelling through the room or just saying a few words. This is the first time we could just talk. I'm not reserved, only when I got no response I just gave up on it and also got shy lol. Since he responded on Facebook I have a bit of hope again. I don't put him on the spot. Just changed my profile pic lol. As if anyone knows it's meant for him.
S
If I found out a woman was romantically interested in me and she spent a ton of time looking at pictures of me hoping I'd notice her, I'd be incredibly frustrated. At the very least if things went somewhere, they could have gone there sooner if she'd just spoken up. But honestly I'd wonder why on earth she was so painfully shy, and if she's going to have trouble opening up in a relationship.
If a guy is interested, he won't necessarily show it. In fact he might not even put two and two together. It's really easy to misinterpret a woman's signs. I've faced more than a few situations in my life where I was truly unsure of whether or not a woman was attempting to flirt with me. If she'd been a bit more direct I probably would have done something about the situation.
Once upon a time, if I didn't know someone that well but they indicated interest to me, I'd have asked them out on a date.
That once upon a time is over, I'm engaged. But there are other men who would fit that description.
This gets bandied around on the forums on occasion, and I always just say the same thing. If you're interested in someone else then just talk to them.
Don't forget to have a man with a shotgun handy too. You know... to stand behind the groom. Some guys really appreciate this gesture. That is of course assuming you want a traditional man. But that's probably a topic for another thread to derail right?
I'm not going to lie, I was mildly let down when my fiance told me we couldn't have a shotgun wedding. Although apparently the woman needs to be pregnant for it to be an official shotgun wedding, so it was never going to be a possibility.
If a guy is interested, he won't necessarily show it. In fact he might not even put two and two together. It's really easy to misinterpret a woman's signs. I've faced more than a few situations in my life where I was truly unsure of whether or not a woman was attempting to flirt with me. If she'd been a bit more direct I probably would have done something about the situation.
Once upon a time, if I didn't know someone that well but they indicated interest to me, I'd have asked them out on a date.
That once upon a time is over, I'm engaged. But there are other men who would fit that description.
This gets bandied around on the forums on occasion, and I always just say the same thing. If you're interested in someone else then just talk to them.
Don't forget to have a man with a shotgun handy too. You know... to stand behind the groom. Some guys really appreciate this gesture. That is of course assuming you want a traditional man. But that's probably a topic for another thread to derail right?
I'm not going to lie, I was mildly let down when my fiance told me we couldn't have a shotgun wedding. Although apparently the woman needs to be pregnant for it to be an official shotgun wedding, so it was never going to be a possibility.
S
Do the mating dance. If he or she joins you, then they like you. If they don't, that just means they're playing hard to get...so try harder!
But if the mating dance involves fire, do it outdoors, unless your potential date likes arson.
Arson is traditional though, so you're probably still safe with arson. But it's really a second date kind of thing you know?
