Hello beautiful ones,
I'm still on milk trying to get to meat and I'm actually crying typing this because I've asked this question so many times to so many people over a period of years and I feel like I'm doomed and forever trapped in my own mind so I'm sorry for the rambling:
I'm 19, I've been raised to be a Christian, I'm not sure how old I was but I think between 14-17 I became born again and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord, Saviour and one true God and have been water baptised BUT I have a problem with addiction, backsliding over and over again and then confessing over and over again, and I slip back into my old ways... I pray to God to soften my heart so I can stop being so sinful, I pray for God to help me because every time I say sorry to God, I can't FEEL the apology within me and I'm aware of this so I'm scared that I haven't been forgiven. When I call Him, I know He hears but it's as if He doesn't want me to go to Heaven because He doesn't help me to stop sinning. I KNOW this is not the case and it's all on my part and I feel ridiculous for even typing that, but I'm SO confused in this walk that I have no idea what conclusion to come to.
If I (God forbid) die today, will I go to His kingdom or to hell? I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to WANT to praise God and have Him be a big part of my life and not sin and it's so hard because it's like I can feel God calling me and calling me every day of my life but I can't reach Him and I can't reach Jesus. I have maybe 1% of mental clarity and the rest of the time I'm on autopilot so it's hard for me to actually think.
Thank you all and Jesus bless you!
The fact that you acknowledge your sins and want to stop them shows you are part of the body of Christ and walking the right path.
Nobody is going to hell who is still continuing to struggle with giving up certain sins, it is only if you continue to do those things willingly with no intent to want to stop that should worry you.
That however is not the case with you as you have mentioned how you want to stop but still struggle, and Apostle John in
1 John 5 talks about this exact situation. He is speaking there of sins that don't lead to death are those that have been repented of, and confessed sins a person still struggling with to stop.
Matthew 7:21-23 please do not listen to the responses that these people trusted in their works to save them........
That is a bad rendering of that passage as it says nothing along that line, a person would have to read into that passage to come away with that, and it also is not against works being done as of works of the faith.
Why Jesus told these to go away "He never knew them" is because these people thought they could serve Him and continue to serve their deliberate sinful lifestyles as well.
In other words they had no intention to give up their old self (sinful deeds), they tried to serve to masters which Jesus says can not be done.
The reason why think this has to do with trusting in works instead of Jesus is because of
verse 22, but the point is these people are pleading with the Lord, not trying to earn salvation by works.
They were wondering why they were being sent away since they served Him, and Jesus gives them the answer and He does not say because they trusted in their works. He said they continued to work iniquity, which is the same as continued to be deliberately sinful !!!
Keep moving forward asking for His strength to overcome your issues, and surround yourself with others who can be strong in helping you as well !!!