Hey just need to vent and some positive words

[monique]

I am a single mom who is having health issue sometimes I have to cancel appointments because I have no one to watch my son. I hate his dad he moved to another state without as much as one word. when I called he never answered. Later I found he left the state. he has cut off all contact with his child. I just found he even got married last month. He can leave the state and then marry but not take care of his child or even ask how he is doing. I have no man in my home. my other children are grown and have a life of their own this has left me with no child care. I can't do much of anything because I do not believe in taking children to doctor appointments. Its as if something is always wrong. Now it seems I am having shortness of breath in which I need to get that checked out due to me having other issues. I can't do that because that means I will have to take my son to the ER with me and you know there will be tests and maybe a stay. I am so hurt right now. I bent over backwards for others and Now that I need help I have none. I love my child but if I could do it all over again knowing how hard it was going to be a another decision would have been made. My child's father made all these promises to my family and me as well then he went back on his word. I am glad he moved on because his wife just took another sorry man off the market. He was the mistake not my child. I am just flustered and do not know what to do. I am also out of work and looking for a job. I am I school for my second degree. It is so frustrating. I lost my brother a year ago my father was just in the hospital. I was in charge of my brother's care and he died and now I am living with the guilt of that. I thought I was saving his life. now I am dealing with my father. I was even in charge of my mom's care. An ex who walked out on me 6 years ago wants to return. we had 15 years in. I am thinking maybe allow him to return that way I will have a babysitter and extra money. I know that's wrong and the way the break up went was horrible I would have never done what he did. I know god removed him and my child's father for a reason and I know I should keep it that way. I need some words of encouragement and prayer. I feel I can no longer do this.. thanks.

 

[Angela53510]

First, I am sorry you are struggling so much.

As far as not taking your child to doctor's appointments, I confess I have never heard such a strange idea. I had 4 children. They all ended up in the doctor's office with me, sooner or later. If your child is a preschooler, they probably won't even remember you took them.

Besides, why do you have to hide the truth from your child? If you are sick, it is good he knows there are doctors who can help. I would advise you to get your lungs looked after, because adult onset asthma can be a serious thing. I do hope you are not a smoker. If you are, then you need to quit immediately. God does not want our bodies to be polluted with poisons.

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20

Second, you keep referring to your ex as "the child's father." Does this mean you were not married to him? And if you were married to him, or even if you were not, you need to go after him for child support. Men cannot just walk away from their obligations and forget about them. I am sure there is some kind of legal aid that can help you find him and take him to court to get his wages garnisheed.

As for you, I am also wondering what your walk with God is like. Do you have a bible believing church you attend? Is there any possibility of getting help from the older teens in your church with regards to babysitting? Fellowship is a very important part of being a Christian.

Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying? We need to communicate with God, in order to grow and be transformed. Reading the Bible is God speaking to us. Praying is us speaking to God, and often he will also answer!

Praying you can adjust your attitude about taking you child with you to doctor's appointments. I promise you, it will not hurt them. My sons and daughters are all grown, and they are emotionally healthy and happy, with good careers, homes marriages and children.

God bless!

 

[blue_ladybug]

Wow, you are in quite a pickle here. Why can't you take your son with you to appointments? Good babysitters are hard to find, but don't take back your ex for the sole purpose of using him as a babysitter and source of money. Your relationship with him ended badly and you do NOT need that back in your life at the moment. I'm sure your brother's death wasn't YOUR fault. People die, no matter how well they're being taken care of. Just keep trusting God to bring you through all this. He will work it all out for your good.

Also, your OP here is a solid wall of text. I have bad eyes and it was hard for me to read your post. Could you please use paragraphs the next time you post a long reply?

 

[Dino246]

Hi Monique,
Praying for you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 comes to mind: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Also Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 

[monique]

I do not believe in taking a 4 year old to my doctor's appointments. I never had to do this in the past. No I was not married to my child's father and yes I have taken him for child support but that's not what this venting was about, its beyond me what that had to do with it and the fact I am not married to him either I did not ask for anyone to judge me. what is my 4 year old going do while they are testing me? Get now? now wish I never vented at all.. thanks..

 

[monique]

Hi Monique,
Praying for you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 comes to mind: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Also Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

thanks for praying instead of asking about child support or was I married to the man..

 

[monique]

Wow, you are in quite a pickle here. Why can't you take your son with you to appointments? Good babysitters are hard to find, but don't take back your ex for the sole purpose of using him as a babysitter and source of money. Your relationship with him ended badly and you do NOT need that back in your life at the moment. I'm sure your brother's death wasn't YOUR fault. People die, no matter how well they're being taken care of. Just keep trusting God to bring you through all this. He will work it all out for your good.

Also, your OP here is a solid wall of text. I have bad eyes and it was hard for me to read your post. Could you please use paragraphs the next time you post a long reply?

thanks I appreciate it, when I wrote this is was upset and crying,

 

[monique]

First, I am sorry you are struggling so much.

As far as not taking your child to doctor's appointments, I confess I have never heard such a strange idea. I had 4 children. They all ended up in the doctor's office with me, sooner or later. If your child is a preschooler, they probably won't even remember you took them.

Besides, why do you have to hide the truth from your child? If you are sick, it is good he knows there are doctors who can help. I would advise you to get your lungs looked after, because adult onset asthma can be a serious thing. I do hope you are not a smoker. If you are, then you need to quit immediately. God does not want our bodies to be polluted with poisons.

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20

Second, you keep referring to your ex as "the child's father." Does this mean you were not married to him? And if you were married to him, or even if you were not, you need to go after him for child support. Men cannot just walk away from their obligations and forget about them. I am sure there is some kind of legal aid that can help you find him and take him to court to get his wages garnisheed.

As for you, I am also wondering what your walk with God is like. Do you have a bible believing church you attend? Is there any possibility of getting help from the older teens in your church with regards to babysitting? Fellowship is a very important part of being a Christian.

Are you reading your Bible? Are you praying? We need to communicate with God, in order to grow and be transformed. Reading the Bible is God speaking to us. Praying is us speaking to God, and often he will also answer!

Praying you can adjust your attitude about taking you child with you to doctor's appointments. I promise you, it will not hurt them. My sons and daughters are all grown, and they are emotionally healthy and happy, with good careers, homes marriages and children.

God bless!

you took this into left field I did not ask you to judge me but thanks anyway.. and no I never smoked no drugs and or alcohol..

 

[kaylagrl]

I do not believe in taking a 4 year old to my doctor's appointments. I never had to do this in the past. No I was not married to my child's father and yes I have taken him for child support but that's not what this venting was about, its beyond me what that had to do with it and the fact I am not married to him either I did not ask for anyone to judge me. what is my 4 year old going do while they are testing me? Get now? now wish I never vented at all.. thanks..

You need to slow down and breathe. Miss Angela is a pastor and a gentle soul.She was not judging you at all. You said you needed help.The logical thing to ask is "are you getting child support" There are lots of mothers that are single and must take their child with them everywhere they go. They have no choice. My sisters husband drives for a living and is away much of the time,she takes her kids with her wherever she goes. Dont attack people trying to be helpful

 

[Angela53510]

you took this into left field I did not ask you to judge me but thanks anyway.. and no I never smoked no drugs and or alcohol..

I had severe asthma and I never smoked either. But lots of people do. So I apologize if you thought I was attacking you. As far as you not being married, that is a totally different ball of wax.

This is a Christian website, and if you are a Christian, you will honour God by marrying a man before you start living together and having sex together. There is lots of support in the Bible for that. And the Bible is our standard, not the world.

Anyway, I'm sorry, if I upset you. I really do not have a clue where you got the idea you cannot take children to doctor's appointments. I have a lot of things wrong with me, and my kids came along, when my husband was out of town with work, or unavailable to babysit. None of them were ever hurt by it. You should phone the doctor's office and see if you can bring them, and have someone watch over them while you are in the doctor's office. But your call, of course.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Bible verses.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

 

[JeniBean]

Monique,

As a SOLO Parent who has dealt with the loss of a brother, father very ill, no child support, etc. I can understand your frustration. And I applaud you for not wanting to take your child to certain appointments with you. However there comes a time where you simply must look after yourself for the betterment of your child. If that means taking your child to accomplish this, then please do so. Your child will be grateful that you do look out for yourself, as you will then be around longer. So that the child doesn't hear things in which you do not want them to hear. You put an audio book on with headphones and then you can freely talk to the doctor. Also I suggest checking with your church, many churches have families and groups who can help out in these situations.

As to taking back an ex! My only question is do you miss him at all and can you forgive what he has done? Is he a good godly man now that you would want your child around? Though it can be tempting to get back for financial support and a babysitter...would you be happy?

My prayers and thoughts are with you!

 

[Depleted]

I do not believe in taking a 4 year old to my doctor's appointments. I never had to do this in the past. No I was not married to my child's father and yes I have taken him for child support but that's not what this venting was about, its beyond me what that had to do with it and the fact I am not married to him either I did not ask for anyone to judge me. what is my 4 year old going do while they are testing me? Get now? now wish I never vented at all.. thanks..

Your four year old will color on a pad or in a coloring book, read, be told many times not to touch that, look at whatever is on the other side of that window, (whether the window is to the outside or to the hallway -- better yet another room with people in it so he can eavesdrop), sigh, tell someone he's bored, tell the person he is bored again, just in case he wasn't heard the first time, see if his feet are the same length, check if his fingers are the same length, color some more, see if he can weave his fingers, pace, look out the window again, get tired of being told to "be good," get really happy when Mom's face poke in the doorway, and then go home where he has a ruler so he can truly find out if his hands and feet are the same length.

Experience talking. I spent two years of my childhood waiting in a hospital waiting room until my brother or my brother and I got our allergy shots. (My brother needed a shot every day. I only needed one two days a week.) And then a year or two later, (because, by then, Mom would send us to a neighbor's house, because she was a retired nurse who gave us our shots), I spent my time after school with Mom visiting my dying aunt in the hospital.

None of that was traumatic. (Well, Aunt Weazy dying was, but I wasn't there when she did die.) It just was. I wasn't really bored as much as I can always think of "funner" things I could do at home or with my friends. Oddly enough, I also remember doing all the same things -- including trying to weave my fingers. Never could do that -- in my bedroom, in my living room, and outside with my friends. Which probably explains why there was no trauma about going to the hospital every day for years.

Your 4-year-old is much more resilient than you are.

You, on the other hand, are really going to have to let go of your set ways. When life changes there is no choice but to change with it. It sounds like this is the first time in your life you are a single mom to a four-year old. Adjust, because all the wishing in the world isn't going to change that... until you become a single mom with a five year old. lol

One thing I didn't see in your post -- God! Where is God to you in all of this?

 

[Depleted]

you took this into left field I did not ask you to judge me but thanks anyway.. and no I never smoked no drugs and or alcohol..

So, you judge her for judging you?

I've got news for you. This is a site for Christians. We're all wondering the same thing. On the other side of the story, since I'm 59 I'm also thinking there comes a time as a woman when you know the chances of getting pregnant are so low that it's a relief. And yet, dang! It wasn't low enough, huh?

Still, one wonderful four-year-old (or, usually wonderful, I'm sure he has his moments too lol) makes it worth it.

 

[Depleted]

Monique,

As a SOLO Parent who has dealt with the loss of a brother, father very ill, no child support, etc. I can understand your frustration. And I applaud you for not wanting to take your child to certain appointments with you. However there comes a time where you simply must look after yourself for the betterment of your child. If that means taking your child to accomplish this, then please do so. Your child will be grateful that you do look out for yourself, as you will then be around longer. So that the child doesn't hear things in which you do not want them to hear. You put an audio book on with headphones and then you can freely talk to the doctor. Also I suggest checking with your church, many churches have families and groups who can help out in these situations.

As to taking back an ex! My only question is do you miss him at all and can you forgive what he has done? Is he a good godly man now that you would want your child around? Though it can be tempting to get back for financial support and a babysitter...would you be happy?

My prayers and thoughts are with you!

As for taking back an ex goes, the Bible is clear about not remarrying an ex. I think this is good advice for the following reasons:
1. God doesn't want us to take marriage lightly.
2. If it didn't work out the first time, it's more likely not to work out the second time.
3. We're setting ourselves up for a world of hurt we didn't know we could feel even greater than the last time.

 

[monique]

I had severe asthma and I never smoked either. But lots of people do. So I apologize if you thought I was attacking you. As far as you not being married, that is a totally different ball of wax.

This is a Christian website, and if you are a Christian, you will honour God by marrying a man before you start living together and having sex together. There is lots of support in the Bible for that. And the Bible is our standard, not the world.

Anyway, I'm sorry, if I upset you. I really do not have a clue where you got the idea you cannot take children to doctor's appointments. I have a lot of things wrong with me, and my kids came along, when my husband was out of town with work, or unavailable to babysit. None of them were ever hurt by it. You should phone the doctor's office and see if you can bring them, and have someone watch over them while you are in the doctor's office. But your call, of course.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite Bible verses.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

like i. Said child support and whethet not i am married to him had nothing to do with why i vented and yes you are judging and its way more people on this sites with stories worse than mine and i do not see them being judged. So what you are a pastor big deal. You are not god so who are you to judge me and take this post about venting into the realm of child support and marriage thats not what i am here for. If i want to be judged i can go to the facebook evangelists for that. I came here because it i thought was a breath of fresh air. It seems to me there are those who act like they are holier than thou or that they never sinned and no you do not take toddlers to important events like a doctor's appointment. There are places children do not need to be and one is an adult doctor's appointment. Then you got the nerve to mention living together before marriage. None of that had a thing to do with my post i wanted to vent and hear a few words of encouragement because thats what it says when you clink the link or whatever it is. My child is here so whether not i fornicated is neither here or there. There is no woulda shoulda coulda now.

 

[monique]

So, you judge her for judging you?

I've got news for you. This is a site for Christians. We're all wondering the same thing. On the other side of the story, since I'm 59 I'm also thinking there comes a time as a woman when you know the chances of getting pregnant are so low that it's a relief. And yet, dang! It wasn't low enough, huh?

Still, one wonderful four-year-old (or, usually wonderful, I'm sure he has his moments too lol) makes it worth it.

what??? You people are horrible i asked for encouragement not none of your opinions. This is sick. None of you above sin so stop acting like it and i am a psychology major i see what you tried to do here. It won't work hon. None of you are holier than thou. I don't see people who have had worse stories than mine being judged. I did not expect to see this here. He who is without sin cast the first stone. None of you can cast a peeble. Its just too many opinions ones i did not ask for.

 

[monique]

And this here is why some people don't attend church because there are those like some of you in it. Hiding behind a keyboard making assumptions.

 

[monique]

Please most of you were not being helpful you were more like prying into my life and trying figure out why i would write such a post. Again thats not what i am here for i guess some people have to think they are better than someone. I thought i was going to be encouraged or inspired but i was not i was asked questions that was frankly no ones business. I will say it again some of you are why others do not go to church.

 

[kaylagrl]

like i. Said child support and whethet not i am married to him had nothing to do with why i vented and yes you are judging and its way more people on this sites with stories worse than mine and i do not see them being judged. So what you are a pastor big deal. You are not god so who are you to judge me and take this post about venting into the realm of child support and marriage thats not what i am here for. If i want to be judged i can go to the facebook evangelists for that. I came here because it i thought was a breath of fresh air. It seems to me there are those who act like they are holier than thou or that they never sinned and no you do not take toddlers to important events like a doctor's appointment. There are places children do not need to be and one is an adult doctor's appointment. Then you got the nerve to mention living together before marriage. None of that had a thing to do with my post i wanted to vent and hear a few words of encouragement because thats what it says when you clink the link or whatever it is. My child is here so whether not i fornicated is neither here or there. There is no woulda shoulda coulda now.

Quote "Hey just feeling down and not happy. Too much to talk about. Just feeling so alone. Some of it is the fact that i chose the wrong person to be my child's father. Today i told my child how sorry i was for the choice i made. Pleasr pray for me."

These are your words from another post. You said you made a wrong choice,the fact is,you did. Ive seen your posts since you've joined CC and you have had plenty of people that have listened to you and said they were praying for you. So you have benefited from people taking the time out to hear your issues. So stop attacking people.

Quote "like i. Said child support and whethet not i am married to him had nothing to do with why i vented"

Child support is an obvious question to the issues you presented.

Quote "yes you are judging and its way more people on this sites with stories worse than mine and i do not see them being judged."

She asked you a question about child support and said you could get it if you are married or not. Apparently you dont know what the word judging means.

Quote " So what you are a pastor big deal. You are not god so who are you to judge me and take this post about venting into the realm of child support and marriage thats not what i am here for. "

She wasn't judging you. You're being dramatic. And ignorant on top of that.


Quote "It seems to me there are those who act like they are holier than thou"

Angela didnt say she was a pastor,I brought it up first. Now you are the one who is judging.


Quote " There are places children do not need to be and one is an adult doctor's appointment. "

Well thats your opinion and your child so do what you want. All people were doing was encouraging you that you shouldn't feel bad taking your child as many parents have no choice but to take their kids along.


Quote "My child is here so whether not i fornicated is neither here or there. There is no woulda shoulda coulda now."

You made bad choices,you said so yourself. Why you're so up on your high horse is beyond me. No one is judging you,thats all in your mind. Life could be worse. I have two different friends on FB,one has leukemia and one bone cancer. The one with leukemia has two daughters and a baby on the way. Hes taking chemo and his wife cant be with him because she is pregnant,he is fighting pneumonia in his lung tonight. The other friend has two little ones and is trying to survive bone cancer. And you're up in here arguing and attacking people that are trying to give advice. There are others going through worse things than you are. Maybe think of that the next time you vent over not taking your child to a doctors appointment with you. Utter nonsense.

 

[blue_ladybug]

To the OP, these ladies aren't judging you. Angela asked about child support because BY LAW you ARE entitled to receive it until your son is 18. You are having money problems right now, so you should at least look into getting support from your ex. Then you will be able to afford a babysitter and not have to keep canceling appointments with your doctor. In the meantime, do you have ANYONE you could leave your son with while you go to dr's appointments? A friend, relative or neighbor? Every time I am at the doctor's office, I see parents with their small children with them. So it IS possible to take him with you. Just maybe bring some toys, or a couple books for him to read while you talk to the doctor..