To loosely quote Bugs Bunny: Her don't know me vewwy well, do she?!
GBU, Sbg, but I've had many a moment of shame here,
railing back at those who've railed at me,
instead of recognizing the source and responding
the way Jesus would. There are times where I felt
I was justified, it got to where I needed to document
and record some things, if for no other reason,
just to prove to myself I wasn't crazy.
(Yeah, good luck with THAT).
And if you knew of some the things said, gossip,
things said in pm or by ppl jumping threads,
bringing in others to gang up or bully,
combined with rejection and ignoring
I've had to go through here, it would make your head spin.
Not to mention the Flat Out Lies, not misunderstandings,
which there's been plenty of them, too, but complete lies
told about me, well, there's so much I could take
before I dish it back, I guess. Even though I expressed
over and over that anyone should please feel free to pm me
in order to have a dialogue to reason together,
pray with each other, do things as Jesus would have us.
That's almost Never happened, which speaks volumes to me,
the ppl just ignore you or continue with their tactics.
And when you feel it's coming at you from diff angles,
the lashing back, when it happens, can seem extreme
and uncalled for by others looking in, and then they
tend to get involved just to make peace, but by then,
things have heated up, and being told to calm down
by a neutral party just feels like more ganging up.
Now, we all make mistakes, and there's some truth to the saying,
'Hurt people hurt people'. And there are a lot of hurt,
hurting, and hurtful ppl here. That's one reason we need,
and thank God HAVE, a Saviour. Thank you Jesus!
But that's no excuse for some of my behavior.
Though I don't just go about to attack or be spiteful,
(thank you for saying that about me,
bc I've been accused of that, and it feels good to hear
someone say that I'm not that way,
sincerely, Thank You, Savedbygrace,
you don't know how much it means to hear you say that)
no, I don't make plans to attack, or have some hidden
agenda, but I've engaged at times with some rather
unkind tit-for-tat (can you say that here? Tat. Yeah, I guess so)
you know, just back and forth that I'm sure made our Lord
cringe and did more harm than good for the body of Christ,
let alone a non-believer who may be looking in.
I also need to remember that even after things may settle,
those things may be picked up and read by others in the future,
and perhaps be turned off from Jesus as a result,
and that's the biggest shame on me.
But I can only try to grow in grace,
much of this is pretty new to me,
b4 I came here 7 months ago,
I was really really lost and hurting,
and had no friends, fellowship,
or any relationship with God to speak of.
And there's been a lot of disappointment,
disillusionment, and pain since joining.
My fault for being naive and expecting more
out of ppl than is realistic, the fact that we're ALL
sinners saved by grace and at various stages of growth
escapes me sometimes.
I'm in an ongoing situation right now that has
yet to be resolved as christians,
and my heart is so heavy from it, it's tearing me apart,
and time passing is making it worse.
I've had to move on, but not from the person,
I've never had a desire to do that,
perhaps move on is a poor choice of words...
just had to keep moving, but still hoping love wins out,
The point is, we all come up short at times,
and I often am guilty of that in the
personal interactions department,
God's got ALOT of work to do in and through me,
I just don't have the ppl skills or the experience
that most ppl have, and it shows up here alot.
I apologize for this long post, I just wanted to thank
Stunnedbygrace for the kind words but also let her know
I've got a long way to go to live up to them on a consistent basis.
I've made many mistakes, I'll make more,
but hopefully less and less as time goes on,
and I thank the Lord for His long-suffering towards me.
Jesus is a great God and Saviour,
and I pray Everyone here is saved and keeps in the love of God,
and lets that love grow even in the midst of contending for the faith.
As one who has many 'down' times,
I DO like to kid around, sometimes it's
a way to thwart pain, most times it's just intended
to bring a smile to someone that maybe
hasn't had one in a while, ... laughter
doeth good like a medicine, right?
But that sometimes gets taken the wrong way.
I apologize that it's misplaced, sometimes,
and just for maybe not knowing
how to communicate more clearly,
for that I'm sorry and hope to improve.
Oh, And I wear pants on my head for the
same reason all us gals do...Fashion silly!
(And it's VERY freeing, and btw,
you breathe through the buttonhole

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