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Right. I totally get this. Most of the relationships I've had with men had underlying issues of power dynamics. For the longest time in my 20s and early 30s I was completely naive about this stuff. I do think there is likely a sizable number of people out there who approach relationships with the attitude of "what will I get out of it?" In fact, society trains people to be that way. Even within the church, there are lots of people who embrace interpersonal philosophies that are not remotely Christian. (I once had a PASTOR tell me that relationships are about what people "bring to the table." He looked askance at me when I questioned the Godliness of this idea).
I do think it's possible to have both romantic relationships and friendships that aren't power-based. Probably there will always be moments when there are power struggles (because aren't we always constantly struggling within to either submit to God or do our own will?), but I know of lots of marriages where the core of the marriage is serving the other. Obviously, if both people are working hard to serve the other person, then everyone's needs will be met.
I have also experienced rather cruel behavior in romantic relationships.
I'm a HUGE believer in self-determination. If someone wants to pursue a particular train of philosophical thought or live a certain way, I'm all for live-and-let-live. The only problem I have with MGTOW is the idea it being compatible with Christian thought.
I do think it's possible to have both romantic relationships and friendships that aren't power-based. Probably there will always be moments when there are power struggles (because aren't we always constantly struggling within to either submit to God or do our own will?), but I know of lots of marriages where the core of the marriage is serving the other. Obviously, if both people are working hard to serve the other person, then everyone's needs will be met.
I have also experienced rather cruel behavior in romantic relationships.
I'm a HUGE believer in self-determination. If someone wants to pursue a particular train of philosophical thought or live a certain way, I'm all for live-and-let-live. The only problem I have with MGTOW is the idea it being compatible with Christian thought.
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Attempting to get this thread somewhat back on topic, not that I haven't enjoyed the tangent it took since it was still relevant, however...
I've noticed over the years that people in general have a much worse reception to someone saying they are celibate than, say, if they proclaimed they were gay or bi-sexual or something else. Celibacy runs so contrary to "normal" societal behavior, that most people when they hear the term "celibate", their mind start going off in all kinds of odd directions to try and make sense of it according to their world view. Things I've heard or been accused of in the past include, but are not limited to:
1. You're lying, because it's impossible to be celibate
2. You're lying and you're really gay but just ashamed and in denial
3. You're lying and just saying that to get attention
4. You're lying and just saying that because you "can't get any"
5. You're lying and just saying that because you don't work "down there" or it's "too small"
6. You've just never been with the "right" woman
7. You're doing it wrong
8. You need some serious counseling. Were you molested as a kid or something?
I understand that it is "typical" human nature to seek out the companionship of others and that often those encounters can lead to intimate relations. I'm an educated man and I have a good idea how the process works. For me though, it is just an activity I've never understood the rationale for or the motivation to keep doing it time after time after time. In high school when all my friends were absolutely single-minded about having sex the first time, I wasn't. I didn't have sex the first time until I was 18, and my reaction to it was "Really? This is what people get so excited about?". Nearly every encounter I had after that first one over the next 15 or so years, I felt an emptiness afterwards, not elation. Sure, there were the typical physiological responses a male body has to sexual intercourse, but spiritually and emotionally, I felt empty inside and a sense of guilt as though I had done something "wrong" or improper by indulging in that activity. Never; not once; not one single time did I ever initiate the encounters. It was something I just never bothered to ask about. If the gal I was involved with wanted to, I might oblige, but then again I might not. It was up to her to ask because I never would.
I realize this doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and that their knowledge of celibacy comes from an extended "dry spell" or they can cite the words of the Apostle Paul and his feelings on the matter. Point is, this is who I am, and whether people want to believe it or not is entirely up to them. What other people think of me is none of my business. It's a burden to bear to be different from most everyone else - to not see the world the same way as others. Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to relate to my own gender? Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to relate to women...especially when NONE of them can understand how a guy like ME can possibly be celibate? My sexual preference of "NO" puts me on the fringe of not only society but of humanity as a whole.
I've noticed over the years that people in general have a much worse reception to someone saying they are celibate than, say, if they proclaimed they were gay or bi-sexual or something else. Celibacy runs so contrary to "normal" societal behavior, that most people when they hear the term "celibate", their mind start going off in all kinds of odd directions to try and make sense of it according to their world view. Things I've heard or been accused of in the past include, but are not limited to:
1. You're lying, because it's impossible to be celibate
2. You're lying and you're really gay but just ashamed and in denial
3. You're lying and just saying that to get attention
4. You're lying and just saying that because you "can't get any"
5. You're lying and just saying that because you don't work "down there" or it's "too small"
6. You've just never been with the "right" woman
7. You're doing it wrong
8. You need some serious counseling. Were you molested as a kid or something?
I understand that it is "typical" human nature to seek out the companionship of others and that often those encounters can lead to intimate relations. I'm an educated man and I have a good idea how the process works. For me though, it is just an activity I've never understood the rationale for or the motivation to keep doing it time after time after time. In high school when all my friends were absolutely single-minded about having sex the first time, I wasn't. I didn't have sex the first time until I was 18, and my reaction to it was "Really? This is what people get so excited about?". Nearly every encounter I had after that first one over the next 15 or so years, I felt an emptiness afterwards, not elation. Sure, there were the typical physiological responses a male body has to sexual intercourse, but spiritually and emotionally, I felt empty inside and a sense of guilt as though I had done something "wrong" or improper by indulging in that activity. Never; not once; not one single time did I ever initiate the encounters. It was something I just never bothered to ask about. If the gal I was involved with wanted to, I might oblige, but then again I might not. It was up to her to ask because I never would.
I realize this doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and that their knowledge of celibacy comes from an extended "dry spell" or they can cite the words of the Apostle Paul and his feelings on the matter. Point is, this is who I am, and whether people want to believe it or not is entirely up to them. What other people think of me is none of my business. It's a burden to bear to be different from most everyone else - to not see the world the same way as others. Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to relate to my own gender? Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to relate to women...especially when NONE of them can understand how a guy like ME can possibly be celibate? My sexual preference of "NO" puts me on the fringe of not only society but of humanity as a whole.
Btw, there's a documentary called (A)Sexual that's about people who have no desire for sex (which is not the same as being celibate). The movie is available on Amazon to rent or download. It's a good film. Plus, it might give you a sense of how you're not alone in your feelings or approach to this issue.
Sweet! Personally, I know it may FEEL isolating or like you're on the fringe of society. I don't know that it actually does, however. I mean, it's not like most people are going to be up in your business to that degree. Plus, it sounds like you're interested in close relationships...just not romantic ones. Jesus, after all, was celibate.