Need help

[ScienceGuy]

Hi. I need some help/suggestions. I have some problems at church I don't know how to handle. We are a small congregation of about 30 so having nursery workers is difficult I know, but we have one couple with four kids. One is not a problem, but one is 4 and the other 2 are just walking. These three are constantly running around, crying, and just a continuous disruption but the parents do nothing and at times seem to promote the behavior. The parents even talk aloud to them during service. They sometimes bring noisy toys for them to play with. I can't even tell you all that goes on. My problem is that our preacher does, and will not do anything about it. How do I handle this? I don't want to leave. I like the church, but I have become very dishearted. Any ideas?

 

[EarsToHear]

A church without discipline is not really much of a church, IMHO. I can only tell you what I would do: find another church.

 

[Ugly]

If you've gone to the pastor and he told you he won't do anything, then you're stuck. If you haven't gone to him, then you're assuming.
Far as the kids behavior, people typically get very defensive when you tell them how to raise their kids. So it rarely works.

 

[Dino246]

Offer to staff the nursery? That's only partially facetious. I understand; I hosted a house church for many months and had a very similar problem.

There are two issues: one is that the parents don't understand that their children are their own responsibility, and that the kids (and the parents) are bothering others. The other problem is that the rest of the congregation isn't helping out. The first issue is the pastor's to deal with; ignoring it is not acceptable (you mentioned a preacher, not a pastor... are there elders?). The second issue is everyone else's. Someone needs to step up, forego hearing the message, and serve the Lord by caring for the kids in another room. Unfortunately we don't get to volun-tell others!

It may not be your calling (or gifting, or interest) to staff the childcare room, but it may be your role to demonstrate the humble servanthood needed so that the person who is called is spurred to action. Take your concern to the elders/preacher/pastor with at least one suggestion of how you might help. Pray about it... I suspect the Lord has a strategy for you.

On a related note, I would highly recommend a training/screening program called Plan To Protect for anyone who will be serving around kids, teens or vulnerable adults.

 

[damombomb]

Try helping them out with the kids and encourage others to do the same.

 

[ScienceGuy]

Offer to staff the nursery? That's only partially facetious. I understand; I hosted a house church for many months and had a very similar problem.

There are two issues: one is that the parents don't understand that their children are their own responsibility, and that the kids (and the parents) are bothering others. The other problem is that the rest of the congregation isn't helping out. The first issue is the pastor's to deal with; ignoring it is not acceptable (you mentioned a preacher, not a pastor... are there elders?). The second issue is everyone else's. Someone needs to step up, forego hearing the message, and serve the Lord by caring for the kids in another room. Unfortunately we don't get to volun-tell others!

It may not be your calling (or gifting, or interest) to staff the childcare room, but it may be your role to demonstrate the humble servanthood needed so that the person who is called is spurred to action. Take your concern to the elders/preacher/pastor with at least one suggestion of how you might help. Pray about it... I suspect the Lord has a strategy for you.

On a related note, I would highly recommend a training/screening program called Plan To Protect for anyone who will be serving around kids, teens or vulnerable adults.

I do the sound/video during service, so offering to staff a nursery is out. I have gone to the pastor. Later during a service when the kids were doing their thing he even stopped and said "we shouldn't let those kids distract us." I am in the back of the room with the sound so I get to see just how distracted people are; however, no one will say anything else because they know it won't help.

 

[coby]

Hi. I need some help/suggestions. I have some problems at church I don't know how to handle. We are a small congregation of about 30 so having nursery workers is difficult I know, but we have one couple with four kids. One is not a problem, but one is 4 and the other 2 are just walking. These three are constantly running around, crying, and just a continuous disruption but the parents do nothing and at times seem to promote the behavior. The parents even talk aloud to them during service. They sometimes bring noisy toys for them to play with. I can't even tell you all that goes on. My problem is that our preacher does, and will not do anything about it. How do I handle this? I don't want to leave. I like the church, but I have become very dishearted. Any ideas?

Is that during the whole service or only with singing?
We had a room where you could go with your kids if they became too noisy, but during the sermon they had their own sermon. It used to irritate me mightily, we had a couple on the front row with 2 kids like that. Lol but now that I have kids I only go to their dad's church where they can also play upstairs if they want. Other churches were horrible when I was alone with them and they were small. All those irritated people and continually keeping them quiet. I didn't go for a long while until I just went to the church of my ex. If the church is too lazy to arrange something for the kids, don't understand the parents don't do that btw and a few others, but if a church is only for old people they don't have to expect that many families with small kids will come.

 

[Dino246]

I do the sound/video during service, so offering to staff a nursery is out. I have gone to the pastor. Later during a service when the kids were doing their thing he even stopped and said "we shouldn't let those kids distract us." I am in the back of the room with the sound so I get to see just how distracted people are; however, no one will say anything else because they know it won't help.

Fair enough; you're already committed. I see your challenge! Keep praying, and keep talking to the pastor. It sounds like he is avoiding the problem rather than dealing with it. Maybe look for a book called "Crucial Conversations" and a companion volume "Crucial Confrontations" both by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler.

 

[Depleted]

Hi. I need some help/suggestions. I have some problems at church I don't know how to handle. We are a small congregation of about 30 so having nursery workers is difficult I know, but we have one couple with four kids. One is not a problem, but one is 4 and the other 2 are just walking. These three are constantly running around, crying, and just a continuous disruption but the parents do nothing and at times seem to promote the behavior. The parents even talk aloud to them during service. They sometimes bring noisy toys for them to play with. I can't even tell you all that goes on. My problem is that our preacher does, and will not do anything about it. How do I handle this? I don't want to leave. I like the church, but I have become very disheartened. Any ideas?

I gather you have responsibilities with the nursery? Speak to the parents privately and tell them they either have to teach their children to behavior better, (which is doable even at those ages), or the children can't return to the nursery. It's not the preacher's job, it's the people responsible for the nursery's job. (And if they choose to keep their kids out of the nursery but bring them to service, THEN it's the preacher's job.)

 

[Depleted]

I do the sound/video during service, so offering to staff a nursery is out. I have gone to the pastor. Later during a service when the kids were doing their thing he even stopped and said "we shouldn't let those kids distract us." I am in the back of the room with the sound so I get to see just how distracted people are; however, no one will say anything else because they know it won't help.

Oops, you're the a/v guy. In which case, tell the pastor you can't do that with the noise from those kids. And don't do it, if he doesn't deal with it. Personally, I don't want to hear a sermon of

. If I want that, I could always babysit again.

(Also wondering how a church with just 30 people can afford recording, but that's a different topic. lol)

 

[Dan58]

Its your preachers responsibility, ask him to address the disruptions, and if he refuses, let him know your leaving. Its a small church, and if he loses enough members, he might do something about it. You can't have noisy and unruly children running around during a church service. Your Pastor should already know this, and the rude parents need a lecture.

 

[coby]

Its your preachers responsibility, ask him to address the disruptions, and if he refuses, let him know your leaving. Its a small church, and if he loses enough members, he might do something about it. You can't have noisy and unruly children running around during a church service. Your Pastor should already know this, and the rude parents need a lecture.

It's his job to just tell some people to give the kids a good sunday school and also to ask them to go to that place if they get too loud during worship. I bet he has a wife, there are 2 parents, go for it. Well that's how my ex does it LOL.

 

[resurrection33]

Hi. I need some help/suggestions. I have some problems at church I don't know how to handle. We are a small congregation of about 30 so having nursery workers is difficult I know, but we have one couple with four kids. One is not a problem, but one is 4 and the other 2 are just walking. These three are constantly running around, crying, and just a continuous disruption but the parents do nothing and at times seem to promote the behavior. The parents even talk aloud to them during service. They sometimes bring noisy toys for them to play with. I can't even tell you all that goes on. My problem is that our preacher does, and will not do anything about it. How do I handle this? I don't want to leave. I like the church, but I have become very dishearted. Any ideas?

If the kids are making so much noise that you can't hear what's going on, then you should complain, and keep complaining until something is done about it. Otherwise, ignore the kids.

 

[Stephen63]

I've been in your shoes, ScienceGuy..... My family & I went to a church where a couple let their child run up & down the isles, laughing or crying. Many people hated it (about 50 in attendance), but nobody would speak up.

Here's the thing: others will encourage YOU to say something 'cuz they don't want to, & if you do, & the couple leaves, they will all blame you. You're between a rock & a hard place. Tell the pastor if he doesn't do something about it, you're leaving. Then leave, because he won't. He's more the problem than the family is.

If you make them mad & they leave, another one will take their place, because there's so little order in your church. Such churches are breeding grounds for these problems.

If a man/woman of God won't control such issues, chances are their ministry isn't that good, either, 'cuz if they refuse to deal with the issues, they're not preaching on it either.

I'm sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's true. No need to sugarcoat the issue, for it sounds like you've put up with too much sugarcoating already with your pastor. I wish you well finding a new church.

 

[Ariel82]

Maybe have a separate room that streams the sermon, so the mom can still watch without the kids distracting from everyone else,

 

[notuptome]

The pastor and one of the deacons should pay these folks a visit at their home. I'm concerned that the pastor doesn't demonstrate more leadership in this matter but it must be addressed.

It is not right to disrespect the house of God. A certain degree of reverence is due the house of worship.

If these folks know and don't care that is one thing but perhaps a bit of guidance will rectify the problem.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Miri]

I would be more concerned about a church that did not have provisions
for children/families etc, than I would about the behaviour of a toddler and
children who are so young that they have only just started walking.


Matthew 19:13-15 AMP
[13] Then little children were brought to Jesus, that He might put His hands
on them and pray; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
[14] But He said, Leave the children alone! Allow the little ones to come
to Me, and do not forbid or restrain or hinder them, for of such as these
is the kingdom of heaven composed. [15] And He put His hands upon them,
and then went on His way.

 

[Ultimatum77]

Hi. I need some help/suggestions. I have some problems at church I don't know how to handle. We are a small congregation of about 30 so having nursery workers is difficult I know, but we have one couple with four kids. One is not a problem, but one is 4 and the other 2 are just walking. These three are constantly running around, crying, and just a continuous disruption but the parents do nothing and at times seem to promote the behavior. The parents even talk aloud to them during service. They sometimes bring noisy toys for them to play with. I can't even tell you all that goes on. My problem is that our preacher does, and will not do anything about it. How do I handle this? I don't want to leave. I like the church, but I have become very dishearted. Any ideas?

I would advise seeking another church. It sounds like your pastor is afraid to ruffle some feathers..... that is poor leadership. If it is possible however another suggestion is since you have a small church, how about one adult a week watch/play with the kids and do it on a rotating basis that way no one gets burned out or dumped with the kids all the time...mostly I would just look for another church, small churches usually wax/wane in numbers and sometimes can get too involved in your business if you know what I mean.....

 

[Depleted]

I would be more concerned about a church that did not have provisions
for children/families etc, than I would about the behaviour of a toddler and
children who are so young that they have only just started walking.


Matthew 19:13-15 AMP
[13] Then little children were brought to Jesus, that He might put His hands
on them and pray; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
[14] But He said, Leave the children alone! Allow the little ones to come
to Me, and do not forbid or restrain or hinder them, for of such as these
is the kingdom of heaven composed. [15] And He put His hands upon them,
and then went on His way.

30 people. What percentage of anyone wants to watch toddlers and babies? Let's be generous and say 10%. And let's say you're part of that 10%. Three people sharing duties to watch toddlers. How long are you lasting and missing the service?

 

[Miri]

Some years ago I did attend a church which only had an average adult
attendance on Sunday of around 20 people, although there were
more than that in the total congregation - not everyone went to
church every Sunday etc.

Yet despite that, we had an active children's ministry.
Every Friday around 15-20 kids from the local estate and a few
of the congregational kids, came to church for the "Friday Club".
They all loved it and so did the adults who ran it, I was one of those
who helped out although I was only 17 myself.


On Sunday's we also had a Sunday school geared for 3-5 year
olds and 6 upward. It only needed 4 volunteers each Sunday and we
were on a rota so it was not every Sunday. Only a handful of
children came on Sunday.

Within a couple of years the congregation had tripled and so had the
children's work. God provided the labourers and you know what, it was
great fun! No one ever felt they missed out by not being in the Sunday
service every week. As the congregation grew we were able to have a
third Sunday school class for older kids.

Families and children are the life blood of a church, without them it dies a
death as the congregation gets older.

We use to have family Sunday's from time to time where there was no
Sunday school and instead the children would do a little presentation
at the front of the church, maybe sing a song they had learned, or put
on a small play. This gave them a sense of belonging and being part of
the church and their parents also came too.

If a church is going to grow it must be inclusive, if the congregation
is unable to provide family/child friendly meetings it needs to ask
itself why and do something about it. A church which excludes children
or does not cater for children is already in big trouble.