Love Languages in Friendships

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arielthegazelle

Guest
#1
#1
I've recently become interested in the Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. Which ones are the most important to you? And why?

For me it would be:

Quality Time - I just love being in the presence of my favorite people. To just sit and talk and laugh is so special to me.
Gifts - I'm always hesitant to admit it out of fear it will sound superficial, but I promise it's not. It is fact that a friend remembers you and he or she takes the time out to figure out what would make you smile.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
26,730
8,969
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#2
Hmmm... reminds me of a song.

"Love in any language
Straight from the heart
Pulls us all together
Never apart
And when we learn to speak it
All the world will hear
Love in any language
Fluently spoken here"
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#3
#3
I give all five to friends and family to show how important they are to me. I expect nothing in return and am a giver and that makes me happy. It's simply me! I've never been about me, but what I can give to others to lift their spirits. That is what makes me happy, giving unselfishly to these people in my life.
 
BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#4
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#4
For me, quality time is easily at the top. Physical touch would probably be second. Gifts are blah. I've never cared about getting gifts. It's awkward lol. Even for my birthday, all I really wanted was to spend time with that one person. :p
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#5
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#5
JeniBean said:
I give all five to friends and family to show how important they are to me. I expect nothing in return and am a giver and that makes me happy. It's simply me! I've never been about me, but what I can give to others to lift their spirits. That is what makes me happy, giving unselfishly to these people in my life.
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You're a cool chick, Jenibean. God bless you. :cool:
 
C

coby

Guest
#6
#6
arielthegazelle said:
I've recently become interested in the Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. Which ones are the most important to you? And why?

For me it would be:

Quality Time - I just love being in the presence of my favorite people. To just sit and talk and laugh is so special to me.
Gifts - I'm always hesitant to admit it out of fear it will sound superficial, but I promise it's not. It is fact that a friend remembers you and he or she takes the time out to figure out what would make you smile.
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likes and time I get from my online friends LOL, guess that's most important otherwise I'd look for real life friends.
Collegues: same thing, drink coffee, talk, joke and laugh about each others jokes
I really appreciate it if someone informs if I missed the bus too or something.
Kids: kisses, hugs or stomps because kissing your mom is not cool, they love it when I clean up their mess. The middle one finds my keys and stuff and closes a door or something, really appreciate that. Quality time of course. Words of affirmation LOL mostly I get the opposite as a joke which I love, I love when they insult me to express their love. That's a Dutch thing maybe.
I could say I don't care about gifts but I really love my dad who gives us money so I can work 3 days and we don't have to live in poverty and picks us up and drives when we go there so we don't have to take the train.
They're all great, everyone expresses themselves differently, but I love it the most that the youngest one still wants hugs and the other 2 too, but not too much lol.
Oh and my sister buys toys for the kids once a year and sometimes asks us all to go to a zoo or something, don't see her much but every day we like each other's Facebook posts.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#7
#7
Words or affirmation are definitely on the top

Quality time is important to keep the friendship alive. It doesn't have to be something huge,
just hanging around in the corner of a bar reading books is nice :D

if it is a close friendship, physical touch is also natural, but I've had a few bad experiences there with people crossing limits repeatedly, so I don't like it as much as I did.

Acts of service is nice if one is able to make it work both ways, but I it is one sided, it gets weird, no matter which side one is one, same goes for gifts.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#8
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#8
arielthegazelle said:
I've recently become interested in the Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. Which ones are the most important to you? And why?

For me it would be:

Quality Time - I just love being in the presence of my favorite people. To just sit and talk and laugh is so special to me.
Gifts - I'm always hesitant to admit it out of fear it will sound superficial, but I promise it's not. It is fact that a friend remembers you and he or she takes the time out to figure out what would make you smile.
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I'm not a gift person. However, I began to understand this kind of expression of love when I became friends with a woman from church years ago. She would often give spontaneous little gifts to people--oh, I saw these earrings and thought of you, or I knew this would be perfect for you, or I spent nine months making this for you because I knew you'd love it.

To me, this isn't remotely superficial. It's having someone on your mind and letting them know with something concrete. It's not my way, but I completely understand how it's a true expression of love.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#9
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#9
Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Quality Time are my top ways of receiving love. I try to give love in all of the five ways, though Physical Touch and Affirmation are still close to the top.

I love learning how other people like to receive and give love as well. I want my love for them to make the most impact possible, so I want to try to love them in ways that they most need to be loved. I have a friend who is definitely into gifts as a love language, so I try to reciprocate this for her, knowing that it's important. I know another who really needs to hear words of affirmation.

Oddly, the people who tell me that their love language is physical touch are often people who send out "don't touch me" vibes. They are not natural "huggers" and seem uncomfortable and awkward being touched. But so far two of these women have openly acknowledged that touch is their top love language. Any thoughts on that? I'm not sure whether to bust through their reserve and touch them anyway, or respect the invisible boundary they have unknowingly put up around themselves.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#10
Aug 12, 2011
10,460
2,683
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#10
quality time is first on my list.
gifts is last on my list.

i don't know how to rank the other 3.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#12
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#12
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Oddly, the people who tell me that their love language is physical touch are often people who send out "don't touch me" vibes. They are not natural "huggers" and seem uncomfortable and awkward being touched. But so far two of these women have openly acknowledged that touch is their top love language. Any thoughts on that? I'm not sure whether to bust through their reserve and touch them anyway, or respect the invisible boundary they have unknowingly put up around themselves.
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In one of the books (probably the original), he addresses this issue. He talks about how people can be touch-starved, so they'll proclaim that physical touch is one of their primary ways. However, he is quick to add that we can know what our top two are by how we naturally express love to others. So, he said that people who do have physical touch as a true love language will naturally expresses their love to others via touch--they'll reach out to hug, or pat someones shoulder, or hold a hand, etc., when they are expressing love.

My best guess is that it may not actually be one of their top two. However, it doesn't matter because if they're so touched-starved that they are identifying it as one, then they need a lot of hugs. So, I say, ignore the vibes and hug away.

(As an aside, I'm not a physical touch person, but if someone goes to hug me, I appreciate it and am not offended).
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#13
Nov 25, 2014
942
44
0
#13
melita916 said:
quality time is first on my list.
gifts is last on my list.

i don't know how to rank the other 3.
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Technically, we're not necessarily meant to self-rank because people will often misidentify themselves. There's an inventory in the books to help sort out what are your languages. You can take the inventory here:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#14
May 23, 2009
16,245
5,212
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#14
When sitting next to someone, if I show an interest in "sharing" some of their food, I am expressing love... for the food. :cool:
 
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Lost_sheep

Guest
#15
#15
seoulsearch said:
When sitting next to someone, if I show an interest in "sharing" some of their food, I am expressing love... for the food. :cool:
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JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#16
Aug 12, 2011
10,460
2,683
113
#16
PoetMary said:
Technically, we're not necessarily meant to self-rank because people will often misidentify themselves. There's an inventory in the books to help sort out what are your languages. You can take the inventory here:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Click to expand...
i read the book a while back and knew mine was quality time. i took the quiz shortly after, and i was correct lol :eek: i don't remember the list, but i do remember that gifts was the last on the list :)
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#18
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#18
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Quality Time are my top ways of receiving love. I try to give love in all of the five ways, though Physical Touch and Affirmation are still close to the top.

I love learning how other people like to receive and give love as well. I want my love for them to make the most impact possible, so I want to try to love them in ways that they most need to be loved. I have a friend who is definitely into gifts as a love language, so I try to reciprocate this for her, knowing that it's important. I know another who really needs to hear words of affirmation.

Oddly, the people who tell me that their love language is physical touch are often people who send out "don't touch me" vibes. They are not natural "huggers" and seem uncomfortable and awkward being touched. But so far two of these women have openly acknowledged that touch is their top love language. Any thoughts on that? I'm not sure whether to bust through their reserve and touch them anyway, or respect the invisible boundary they have unknowingly put up around themselves.
Click to expand...
Physical touch is one of mine, but that's only in context to a romantic partner. I'd really prefer not to be touched too much by anyone else, so I think this actually makes sense.

A question, perhaps, in this regard is whether or not we sexualize most physical contact, and also, if there's a difference between introverts and extroverts in this department. Perhaps an introvert only wants certain people to touch them, while an extrovert would be happy to hug, high five, cuddle with...etc...whoever. *shrugs*
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#19
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#19
AsifinPassing said:
Physical touch is one of mine, but that's only in context to a romantic partner. I'd really prefer not to be touched too much by anyone else, so I think this actually makes sense.

A question, perhaps, in this regard is whether or not we sexualize most physical contact, and also, if there's a difference between introverts and extroverts in this department. Perhaps an introvert only wants certain people to touch them, while an extrovert would be happy to hug, high five, cuddle with...etc...whoever. *shrugs*
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Very insightful, thanks Reece. The two women I had this conversation with seemed to be trying to tell me that they loved affection from others in general. One was married and one was single and had never dated. I mentioned to each of them that I actually didn't hug them much because they seemed not to want it, but they assured me that they loved hugs. Maybe they were just being nice. Ha.

I'm an introvert (I am!) in my soul, but I like affection. However, there's a limit to it. I don't want to be touched ALL the time. I might be weirded out if someone kept putting their hand on my shoulder while talking to me, etc. But I definitely do feel loved when being hugged or patted. (I do not go around hugging and touching everyone I see, just FYI. :rolleyes: )

Also, I wonder if the need or comfort levels people have with physical touch have much to do with the amount of affectionate touch they received as a child from parents or loved ones.
 
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Lost_sheep

Guest
#20
#20
I count my friends on one hand, and all I can provide to them is my time. Whether an ear to listen when they need someone to talk to (or at), or to spend an hour or two away from our hectic lives to have a nice supper someplace, all I can give is my time. Time is what is most valuable to me, so I spend it rather wisely and frugally.
 
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