Does Romance Die Off (or Go Extinct!) as We Get Older?
- Thread starter seoulsearch
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There are times when romance fades but it can be rekindled. My friend told me whenever she and her husband experience a dry spell in their marriage they make an effort to bring back the spark like they go on dates, listen to love songs, get a couple massage etc. Some couples don't get past that dry spell and end up with divorce because they dont make an effort to make their spouse feel special anymore.
Some of the sweetest and most romantic are usually the players and the cheaters. They love flirting and had so much practice playing the field. My idea of romance is anything no matter how simple but can make me feel special. A valentines card is sweet. Me and my ex used to exchange songs with sweet messenges on music messenger. He also used to sing for me. He was such a sweet talker who wants to say I love you everytime he had the chance. Now I would prefer someone who shows his love more than just say it.
Some of the sweetest and most romantic are usually the players and the cheaters. They love flirting and had so much practice playing the field. My idea of romance is anything no matter how simple but can make me feel special. A valentines card is sweet. Me and my ex used to exchange songs with sweet messenges on music messenger. He also used to sing for me. He was such a sweet talker who wants to say I love you everytime he had the chance. Now I would prefer someone who shows his love more than just say it.
C
Yes, when I was married romance didn't die off. I don't understand people who say I first was in love but now I just love.
I was always in love. God says it too in regard to Him: return to your first love.
When someone rejects your love you can either let it die or give it to God and ask Him to turn it into His Love. That's what the father of Corrie ten Boom said when she dated a guy and they were planning their future, but she was too poor and his mother didn't approve, so all of a sudden he stood at their front door to introduce his new fiancee to her. She was heartbroken but then her dad said that and she did so she just loved him with His Love. Have a great life with your wife. She said it enabled her to love the unlovable like the nazi's in a concentration camp that killed her sister.
I was always in love. God says it too in regard to Him: return to your first love.
When someone rejects your love you can either let it die or give it to God and ask Him to turn it into His Love. That's what the father of Corrie ten Boom said when she dated a guy and they were planning their future, but she was too poor and his mother didn't approve, so all of a sudden he stood at their front door to introduce his new fiancee to her. She was heartbroken but then her dad said that and she did so she just loved him with His Love. Have a great life with your wife. She said it enabled her to love the unlovable like the nazi's in a concentration camp that killed her sister.
U
Ah, well, i feel like God sent me in that direction, so i'm not on great terms with Him at the moment either.
Yeah, i feel that way. Taken for granted.
Your post reminded me of the song Too much love will kill you. 
Maybe you are an endagered specie.Those who love too much are usually taken for granted. What cruel and mad world this is. Good luck with never, never means you can never tell the next thing that will happen.
Maybe you are an endagered specie.Those who love too much are usually taken for granted. What cruel and mad world this is. Good luck with never, never means you can never tell the next thing that will happen.
Hey Everyone,
Does the idea of "romance" die off or become less important as we get older? Or, does it simply change? What was "romance" to you when you were 16... 25... 30... 40... 50... and beyond?
I understand that some people are not into society's idea of "romance" to begin with because it's mostly commercialized, and that's perfectly understandable.
But if you do believe in "romance", have your ideas about what it is and how to express it changed as you've gotten older?
Although I've had my share of relationship woes, I also have to say that I had some pretty romantic exes. My high school boyfriend spent hundreds of hours making me a huge, Mickey-Mouse themed hand-stitched quilt one year for Christmas, and it became my most prized possession (NOTHING was warmer or more comforting than that quilt on a snowy--or teenage angst-ridden--night.)
My ex-husband once threw me a surprise birthday party at our favorite restaurant, and on our second wedding anniversary, he had a special cake delivered that was an exact replica of one of the tiers from our original wedding cake.
On the flip side, there was a time when I used to have a very active romantic side as well. One of my favorite things was to take a guy shopping (to places he actually liked to go), see what caught his eye, and then go back later and get it for him. I was married the first year the Playstation came out, and I was secretly putting aside money every week to buy one for my then-husband. I tried to hide it in our apartment (waiting for Christmas), but I was SO excited that I couldn't even wait 3 days before I gave it to him.
My ex also had a deep-seeded interest in Asian culture, so for Valentine's Day one year, I bought him a miniature bonsai tree, decorated it with bows and hearts, and took it to him at his workplace (along with a video game to save his manhood, because what guy is going to want to be presented with just a cutesy little tree as a gift.)
Keep in mind, I was in my teens and 20's when these things occurred.
As I now approach my mid-40's, I can't help but think: what do people in their 40's, 50's, 60's... and well beyond... consider romantic? If I presented a guy in his 50's with a dolled-up adorable little plant in front of other people... Would he claim not to even know me??!! I would like to think I still have a few shreds of romance buried somewhere in this cold black heart of mine that haven't died. But would they be any different now than when I was 20? I've dated both younger and older guys, and I can't help but wonder now if men in their 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond would see my expressions as annoying childish gestures rather than cherished memories. This is especially true because I'm more practical now and probably wouldn't spend as much money as I did in the past--my ideas would be more towards hand-crafted, inexpensive, but heartfelt and very personalized things.
Although the last time I was in a relationship was when I was 29 years old, I HAVE tried to keep my "reminding someone they're special" skills from getting too rusty. One year I attempted to make a guy friend a birthday cake with his favorite sports team's logo and, uh, let's just say... My friend was very gracious in his reaction (especially since his family is filled with professional bakers and my idea of baking is tearing open a boxed cake mix.)
I had also mentioned this in another thread, but this past Valentine's Day, my Dad took a score card from a round of golf, tore it (much more manly than scissors) into the shape of a heart, wrote, "I love you" on it and left it for her to find on her car seat. I thought it was very sweet, but I also wondered what "romantic" things I would do for someone when I got to be their age.
Has your idea of romance changed over the years? And do you think it will change in the future? (Do you see your parents/grandparents being "romantic"? How do you see yourself as expressing "romance" when you get to be their age?)
*Disclaimer* -- The stories I present are only intended to give the reader some examples--they are NOT intended to make my life the center of the thread at all. Rather, I always intend the focus of my threads would be YOUR answers instead.
Does the idea of "romance" die off or become less important as we get older? Or, does it simply change? What was "romance" to you when you were 16... 25... 30... 40... 50... and beyond?
I understand that some people are not into society's idea of "romance" to begin with because it's mostly commercialized, and that's perfectly understandable.
But if you do believe in "romance", have your ideas about what it is and how to express it changed as you've gotten older?
Although I've had my share of relationship woes, I also have to say that I had some pretty romantic exes. My high school boyfriend spent hundreds of hours making me a huge, Mickey-Mouse themed hand-stitched quilt one year for Christmas, and it became my most prized possession (NOTHING was warmer or more comforting than that quilt on a snowy--or teenage angst-ridden--night.)
My ex-husband once threw me a surprise birthday party at our favorite restaurant, and on our second wedding anniversary, he had a special cake delivered that was an exact replica of one of the tiers from our original wedding cake.
On the flip side, there was a time when I used to have a very active romantic side as well. One of my favorite things was to take a guy shopping (to places he actually liked to go), see what caught his eye, and then go back later and get it for him. I was married the first year the Playstation came out, and I was secretly putting aside money every week to buy one for my then-husband. I tried to hide it in our apartment (waiting for Christmas), but I was SO excited that I couldn't even wait 3 days before I gave it to him.
My ex also had a deep-seeded interest in Asian culture, so for Valentine's Day one year, I bought him a miniature bonsai tree, decorated it with bows and hearts, and took it to him at his workplace (along with a video game to save his manhood, because what guy is going to want to be presented with just a cutesy little tree as a gift.)
Keep in mind, I was in my teens and 20's when these things occurred.
As I now approach my mid-40's, I can't help but think: what do people in their 40's, 50's, 60's... and well beyond... consider romantic? If I presented a guy in his 50's with a dolled-up adorable little plant in front of other people... Would he claim not to even know me??!! I would like to think I still have a few shreds of romance buried somewhere in this cold black heart of mine that haven't died.
But would they be any different now than when I was 20? I've dated both younger and older guys, and I can't help but wonder now if men in their 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond would see my expressions as annoying childish gestures rather than cherished memories. This is especially true because I'm more practical now and probably wouldn't spend as much money as I did in the past--my ideas would be more towards hand-crafted, inexpensive, but heartfelt and very personalized things. Although the last time I was in a relationship was when I was 29 years old, I HAVE tried to keep my "reminding someone they're special" skills from getting too rusty. One year I attempted to make a guy friend a birthday cake with his favorite sports team's logo and, uh, let's just say... My friend was very gracious in his reaction (especially since his family is filled with professional bakers and my idea of baking is tearing open a boxed cake mix.)
I had also mentioned this in another thread, but this past Valentine's Day, my Dad took a score card from a round of golf, tore it (much more manly than scissors) into the shape of a heart, wrote, "I love you" on it and left it for her to find on her car seat. I thought it was very sweet, but I also wondered what "romantic" things I would do for someone when I got to be their age.
Has your idea of romance changed over the years? And do you think it will change in the future? (Do you see your parents/grandparents being "romantic"? How do you see yourself as expressing "romance" when you get to be their age?)
*Disclaimer* -- The stories I present are only intended to give the reader some examples--they are NOT intended to make my life the center of the thread at all. Rather, I always intend the focus of my threads would be YOUR answers instead.
[video=youtube_share;iGdDC8y6Q4k]http://youtu.be/iGdDC8y6Q4k[/video]
My idea of romance has changed a bit over the years, and I do think it will change in the future. However, the core idea of romance has never changed and will continue to remain unchanged - that a truly romantic relationship for me should be a blend of extroversion and introversion, playful and serious, bonding and personal space, and connection on all 4 spheres - physical (including sexual), intellectual, emotional and spiritual. It is also important that both partners make sure that they are on the same page with regard to the evolution of their relationship.
I don't agree with those who think that the relationship between a couple would evolve over time. While it is true that the relationship may grow to take up additional responsibilities, a change in the core idea could lead to walls cropping up between the couple. One commonly used argument among couples who fight/break up is that one of them had changed. What that means is that, over time, the person who was accused of having changed, got caught up with the new responsibilities thrust upon him/her, and lost sight of the basic responsibilities that got the relationship going in the first place.
I don't agree with those who think that the relationship between a couple would evolve over time. While it is true that the relationship may grow to take up additional responsibilities, a change in the core idea could lead to walls cropping up between the couple. One commonly used argument among couples who fight/break up is that one of them had changed. What that means is that, over time, the person who was accused of having changed, got caught up with the new responsibilities thrust upon him/her, and lost sight of the basic responsibilities that got the relationship going in the first place.
It's impossible to truly experience love without allowing for the possibility of pain. Even if the relationship is a perfectly compatible meeting of the minds, there is the ultimate pain of death that will be experienced. The pain of loss (or of being misunderstood, or ignored, or abandoned, or not loved back) is part of the deal.
So, it is possible to distance ourselves from people (and love) in order to avoid the pain. Unfortunately, we also lose out on all the good stuff as well. Personally, I'm not willing to make that sacrifice.
So, it is possible to distance ourselves from people (and love) in order to avoid the pain. Unfortunately, we also lose out on all the good stuff as well. Personally, I'm not willing to make that sacrifice.
I think romance is rooted in having a deep appreciation of the other person. Its one of those things that one has to work at to keep it fresh and genuine.. because its just too easy to take the other person for granted after awhile. You have to often remind yourself what you love about that person, how special they are.. Love and romance need to be nurtured to keep them alive or else they will wither and die.
R
Just because its adorable and encouraging...
Working my way through college I worked at the church cafe for a while. A couple time per week a couple in their 90s would roll up. She in her chair, and he pushing her along.
They would sit at their table and act like school kids on a date. Holding hands, laughing, talking fondly the whole time and just playful and joyful in their engagement with myself and every at the cafe.
So one day I asked how long they'd been married (70 years) and what their secret to such a happy marriage was, because they clearly were still so happy and in love.
They said they still say I love you every day, and never stopped doing the little things that the other liked so much.
Working my way through college I worked at the church cafe for a while. A couple time per week a couple in their 90s would roll up. She in her chair, and he pushing her along.
They would sit at their table and act like school kids on a date. Holding hands, laughing, talking fondly the whole time and just playful and joyful in their engagement with myself and every at the cafe.
So one day I asked how long they'd been married (70 years) and what their secret to such a happy marriage was, because they clearly were still so happy and in love.
They said they still say I love you every day, and never stopped doing the little things that the other liked so much.
K
I certainly hope it doesn't go away. If you truly love someone and don't get caught up in the busyness of the world, I think that your love can only get stronger and the romance will stay alive, just as much as the initial romance in the beginning of the relationship.
I'm not into big gestures that involve lots of people knowing, but rather the little, everyday, "secret" things between only the couple that take place. These things shouldn't go away or even fade.
I'm not into big gestures that involve lots of people knowing, but rather the little, everyday, "secret" things between only the couple that take place. These things shouldn't go away or even fade.
Just because its adorable and encouraging...
Working my way through college I worked at the church cafe for a while. A couple time per week a couple in their 90s would roll up. She in her chair, and he pushing her along.
They would sit at their table and act like school kids on a date. Holding hands, laughing, talking fondly the whole time and just playful and joyful in their engagement with myself and every at the cafe.
So one day I asked how long they'd been married (70 years) and what their secret to such a happy marriage was, because they clearly were still so happy and in love.
They said they still say I love you every day, and never stopped doing the little things that the other liked so much.
Working my way through college I worked at the church cafe for a while. A couple time per week a couple in their 90s would roll up. She in her chair, and he pushing her along.
They would sit at their table and act like school kids on a date. Holding hands, laughing, talking fondly the whole time and just playful and joyful in their engagement with myself and every at the cafe.
So one day I asked how long they'd been married (70 years) and what their secret to such a happy marriage was, because they clearly were still so happy and in love.
They said they still say I love you every day, and never stopped doing the little things that the other liked so much.