So... I'll start things off with a song:
[video=youtube;zzh-buZbYNg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzh-buZbYNg[/video]
Tonight, I've had this profound (maybe) sense of guilt, internal struggle, and a mix of other things I've yet to fully analyse and name.
I know some of the reasons why... I made a mistake or two at work that I'll have to deal with momentarily, and it's also usually pretty slow (so I only work about 4 or 5 of my 8 hour shift). The problem is, until this job, I've normally been a very hard worker. Honest, almost working like a dog for little pay and no benefits, but sincere and enjoyable to a degree...
Yet now, I'm earning more than I ever have, doing less than I ever have, with full benefits. I'm sure there's more I could do, but I work alone overnight. It'll be busier in the summer, but until then... I've started getting bored at work. I brought my PlayStation up here to game for two hours with my best friend.
We did, and have once or twice before, but I feel really wrong about it. So that's something I'll have to stop...as well as the videos and everything else that is not work, yet time I'm clocking in.
I want to be a good man who does the right thing. I want to live up to the Christian standard, like I have several times before, but I also seem to often fail...and in several ways, did so today.
Honestly, it hasn't been anything most people would feel was of great significance, but I feel like it's been one wrong choice after another lately. I've been selfish and foolish, diving into a pit of escapism through movies, games, anime/manga...locking myself away whenever I get any free time at all.
This is going (and feeling like it's already done so) to come across more negative and depressing than I intended it to be, but I wanted to share/confess a few things. Sometimes the only way to deal with something is to own up to it/tell the truth in talking about it to others.
I don't to call it venting, and I'm not necessarily asking for help or advice or anything... I just needed to say it, and take/live with whatever the consequences of those actions/decisions are.
*sigh*
#adultlife =/