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The first time the Lord spoke to me it was as I sat in a church seeking some semblance of truth. The Truth revealed itself to me, though not in words and yet quite unmistakably, imparting knowledge of God's unconditional love for me and His forgiveness of all I had done. That was a cherished experience, yet I was rebellious toward God at that time in my life. Having been brought up in a religious but lost system, I was running from that God, and from religion, and tradition, and I continued to seek love in the world from those who even rejected and despised me, and those who used and abused me. Yes, I was a fool many times over, but God understood my all and everything, He knew the reasons why and where my seeking escape from the pain and suffering in the world had taken me, and how broken I was because of it. Still He waited for me to turn to Him while I was busy looking elsewhere, looking in the "spiritual but not religious" corner, where I was quite busy for many years, until my very soul was imperiled. Again God extended Himself to me and put a call on my life, this time once more revealing Himself quite unmistakably by speaking to me audibly; I heard Him say to me, "Put this down." Hearing from God while you are denying His existence is quite a shocking experience for the psyche to try to integrate, and yet once again every fiber in my being knew it was God speaking to me even as my mind tried to rationalize the experience elsewise. I wish I could say I was one of the wise ones who never ran from God but the truth of the matter is that I ran from God most of my life, and did not surrender to Him until I was almost fifty years old. God speaks in love to us.