Dear Husband

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ThePottersClay

Guest
#1
#1
Dear Husband

I'm broken, I was broken since the first day someone decided that I was theirs to touch inappropriately at the age of 8, I broke more as the years went on. Fragments of me lay scattered across the universe of life, each piece trying to find its own worth. Each piece miscommunicating with the other leading to complete desolation, like rolling tides in a stormy sea, my emotions, feelings and thoughts are tossed around being shaped into uneven pebbles finally to be washed out on the shore of some deserted island of nothingness.

Yes. This is me. Broken.

But aren't we all broken?

As many mistakes as I have made, and as imperfect as I am, you have made the same mistakes, but not once did I sweep your mistakes up only to throw them at your face, and constantly remind you of them, so why do you do this to me? Why am I constantly on trial, waiting to be convicted of my crimes?

Does this ever end. Or is this the end?

Broken or not, fragmented perhaps, but still just a girl, hoping that somehow love can prevail...but then again... its an idealistic dream in a world where sins are not forgiven, animosity prevails and hatred strips the love once harbored and casts it out into darkness for the demons to hack apart.

Your loving, judged, convicted Wife.
 
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AquaLady331

Guest
#2
#2
Tears rolled down my face as I read this, sister. They were not tears of pity but instead tears of familiarity. I could have written this myself. Word for word, I have felt all of it. I was 8, too. I felt this way when I was married, but sadly, I am 3 years divorced now, because I couldn't communicate my pain to a man who thought I didn't understand his while he constantly convicted me for my poor choices. I left when he threw my poor decisions into my daughter's face and judged her for them. I'm praying now for that miracle, for you to hang on, for God to piece you back together in His way and hold you tight and appropriately, like so many men have failed.

I love you, sister. Even your sharp edges are beautiful. I was meant to read your words today and I'll keep praying over them.
 
A

AquaLady331

Guest
#3
#3
Tears rolled down my face as I read this, sister. They were not tears of pity but instead tears of familiarity. I could have written this myself. Word for word, I have felt all of it. I was 8, too. I felt this way when I was married, but sadly, I am 3 years divorced now, because I couldn't communicate my pain to a man who thought I didn't understand his (everyone Is broken in one way or another) while he constantly convicted me for my poor choices. I left when he threw my poor decisions into my daughter's face and judged her for them. I broke again then and crumbled. God hates divorce. I struggled with that. It's not the answer but it does happen. Thankfully, God loves me more than he hates divorce.

I'm praying now for that miracle, for you to hang on, for God to piece you back together in His way and hold you tight and appropriately, like so many men have failed.

I love you, sister. Even your sharp edges are beautiful. I was meant to read your words today and I'll keep praying over them.
You are so not even close to being alone.
 
R

ramx2016

Guest
#4
#4
ThePottersClay said:
Dear Husband

I'm broken, I was broken since the first day someone decided that I was theirs to touch inappropriately at the age of 8, I broke more as the years went on. Fragments of me lay scattered across the universe of life, each piece trying to find its own worth. Each piece miscommunicating with the other leading to complete desolation, like rolling tides in a stormy sea, my emotions, feelings and thoughts are tossed around being shaped into uneven pebbles finally to be washed out on the shore of some deserted island of nothingness.

Yes. This is me. Broken.

But aren't we all broken?

As many mistakes as I have made, and as imperfect as I am, you have made the same mistakes, but not once did I sweep your mistakes up only to throw them at your face, and constantly remind you of them, so why do you do this to me? Why am I constantly on trial, waiting to be convicted of my crimes?

Does this ever end. Or is this the end?

Broken or not, fragmented perhaps, but still just a girl, hoping that somehow love can prevail...but then again... its an idealistic dream in a world where sins are not forgiven, animosity prevails and hatred strips the love once harbored and casts it out into darkness for the demons to hack apart.

Your loving, judged, convicted Wife.
Click to expand...

...:(

Please stay strong ! I can't even imagine such deep pain... so sadly all I can offer are my prayers and say I'm truly sorry for what you have are are going through...

May Jesus bless you!

Alex
 
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ThePottersClay

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you AquaLady - I'm at that cross road now.
Stay or Go - its easy for people to always say Divorce is not an option, or that God forbids it, but sadly right now it is my only option. I'm tired of asking God for guidance and simply hitting a brick wall each time, I'm tired of being the only one at fault, when the fault lies with us both. I keep trying to convince myself to try and fight harder, but sadly the fight has left me and all that is left is an empty shell, even the pain has left.
 
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ThePottersClay

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you, I appreciate the prayers.
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#7
#7
ThePottersClay said:
Thank you, I appreciate the prayers.
Click to expand...
That's what we do young lady!! ...:)

Nice Avatar change....:) If I were to guess you just may be feeling a tiny bit more blessed this morning?

A
 
S

skylove7

Guest
#8
#8
Lifting you in prayer PottersClay!
I am so sorry you are going thru this sad and confusing time.
The Lord truly knows the situation...He will lead to what is best if you just give it all to Him
Do not let others judge your decisions...
knowone knows what really is going on inside but you
I was divorced 21 years ago....
I will not share the reasons, but yes, I assure you I am forgiven for the divorce
I will keep praying for you sister.
Love
Skylove7
 
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ThePottersClay

Guest
#9
#9
My attempt to feel better I guess. But thanks.
 
T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#10
#10
I do appreciate it SkyLove, thank you :)
 
A

AquaLady331

Guest
#11
#11
Oh, do I know that feeling well. I left with no regrets at that point. Message me privately. What I was trying to explain is only going to be understand by u and anyone who has been right there where you are. I can't figure out how to. Lol.
 
A

AquaLady331

Guest
#12
#12
Well said, Sky. I know I was forgiven, too. In my message, reflecting only what I heard and knew to be true. It certainly helps to know we can make it out and still be in His light, once we have layed it all down for Him to sort out. That's when the pain stops and you start to see hope again.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#13
#13
ThePottersClay said:
Dear Husband

I'm broken, I was broken since the first day someone decided that I was theirs to touch inappropriately at the age of 8, I broke more as the years went on. Fragments of me lay scattered across the universe of life, each piece trying to find its own worth. Each piece miscommunicating with the other leading to complete desolation, like rolling tides in a stormy sea, my emotions, feelings and thoughts are tossed around being shaped into uneven pebbles finally to be washed out on the shore of some deserted island of nothingness.

Yes. This is me. Broken.

But aren't we all broken?

As many mistakes as I have made, and as imperfect as I am, you have made the same mistakes, but not once did I sweep your mistakes up only to throw them at your face, and constantly remind you of them, so why do you do this to me? Why am I constantly on trial, waiting to be convicted of my crimes?

Does this ever end. Or is this the end?

Broken or not, fragmented perhaps, but still just a girl, hoping that somehow love can prevail...but then again... its an idealistic dream in a world where sins are not forgiven, animosity prevails and hatred strips the love once harbored and casts it out into darkness for the demons to hack apart.

Your loving, judged, convicted Wife.
Click to expand...


Im sorry for what happened to that little girl.It had to be very frightening.I hope you have had help and counseling for that.
As far as being broken,you're not broken. God can and will heal all of that situation.Whatever mistakes we have made,He can heal it all. And when we ask He throws all our mistakes,all our sins,into the sea of forgetfulness,never to be remembered again. So it doesn't matter who holds it against you,your husband or anyone else. You are forgiven,you are whole and you need to start walking in that truth sister. Your only Judge,judges you no more. If you husband can't see that then perhaps you will have to divorce. But even if that happens remember you are broken no longer,you are convicted no longer,you are judged no longer. Your accuser has been silenced,your Judge has forgiven your sin, your lawyer has set you free at the Cross.
I hope things will get better and better for you from here on. Blessings on you.
 
A

AquaLady331

Guest
#14
#14
Well said, Sky. I know I was forgiven, too. In my message, reflecting only what I heard and knew to be true. It certainly helps to know we can make it out and still be in His light, once we have layed it all down for Him to sort out. That's when the pain stops and you start to see hope again. Hope where he wants us to see it. If it's not in the marriage, it won't be there. God shows us what we need to see when we ask.
 
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AquaLady331

Guest
#15
#15
My messages are double posting as I edit them. Sorry.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#16
Mar 13, 2014
42,726
17,190
113
70
Tennessee
#16
I really don't see that you have anything to be sorry about or in need of forgiveness. Your husband is apparently grossly insensitive in regards to your feelings and emotions.

You should never had been on trial because you have committed no crime.

I have said a prayer for God to soften your husband's heart and to give him some understanding of what you went through. God Bless You.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#17
#17
One thing I have learned in life is people may say they forgive and forget but the truth is they never forget...most like to use past scars/hurts to weaponize it and hurt those who confide in them....

I have had pastors even do this which is a shameful thing when you expressly tell them not to tell others your pains but to just pray for you and they spread it around to make themself feel good....

Take your pain to God and let him heal you.....I know how it feels to carry shame about something you could not control but has marred your life.....carrying the burden is really tough and to put up a "im doing fine" facade is even harder is what I have found....as the songs says Take Your Burden to the Lord and leave it there.....I dropped my burden a while back after carrying it for quite a while and the healing has completed, I suggest you pray for the Holy Spirit to heal your broken spirit and restore all that you have lost....there is no friend like Jesus...God Bless....
 
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AquaLady331

Guest
#18
#18
As long as He forgives, it doesn't matter. God does and will, if we ask and keep him close. That's what we are saying here.
 
Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#19
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#19
ThePottersClay said:
Dear Husband

I'm broken, I was broken since the first day someone decided that I was theirs to touch inappropriately at the age of 8, I broke more as the years went on. Fragments of me lay scattered across the universe of life, each piece trying to find its own worth. Each piece miscommunicating with the other leading to complete desolation, like rolling tides in a stormy sea, my emotions, feelings and thoughts are tossed around being shaped into uneven pebbles finally to be washed out on the shore of some deserted island of nothingness.

Yes. This is me. Broken.

But aren't we all broken?

As many mistakes as I have made, and as imperfect as I am, you have made the same mistakes, but not once did I sweep your mistakes up only to throw them at your face, and constantly remind you of them, so why do you do this to me? Why am I constantly on trial, waiting to be convicted of my crimes?

Does this ever end. Or is this the end?

Broken or not, fragmented perhaps, but still just a girl, hoping that somehow love can prevail...but then again... its an idealistic dream in a world where sins are not forgiven, animosity prevails and hatred strips the love once harbored and casts it out into darkness for the demons to hack apart.

Your loving, judged, convicted Wife.
Click to expand...
Hi ThePottersClay,

I want to acknowledge the very deep pain that you have, and I am so sad to hear about things that happened to you growing up.

I want to say some things, and I hope they will help. if they don't help, just toss them aside. if all you wanted really was just to be heard, just skip the rest of this post.

***************************************


I noticed you said "not once". that probably isn't true. other things like "never" "always" also usually aren't true.

even if you don't remind your spouse of things he does, there's probably other things you do that hurt him. why? because this is how relationships usually work.

oftentimes, when someone is hurt as a child, they think that if they keep their pain just inside themselves, others around them aren't affected. again, often not so.

hurt people often carry around significant defense mechanisms that affect their relationships, and they may not be aware of how.

childhood things can often come back later on when a person marries (if they feel secure enough that the memories can surface), or when their children reach the age they were at the time of abuse.

if you haven't already, you may want to ask yourself why you picked a spouse that seems so insensitive to your needs.

if you find yourself divorced and contemplating remarraige, you might want a nice long engagement period, so that issues from the past of both you and your potential spouse can come up.



and Blessings upon you!
 
T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#20
#20
Dan_473 said:
Hi ThePottersClay,

I want to acknowledge the very deep pain that you have, and I am so sad to hear about things that happened to you growing up.

I want to say some things, and I hope they will help. if they don't help, just toss them aside. if all you wanted really was just to be heard, just skip the rest of this post.

***************************************


I noticed you said "not once". that probably isn't true. other things like "never" "always" also usually aren't true.

even if you don't remind your spouse of things he does, there's probably other things you do that hurt him. why? because this is how relationships usually work.

oftentimes, when someone is hurt as a child, they think that if they keep their pain just inside themselves, others around them aren't affected. again, often not so.

hurt people often carry around significant defense mechanisms that affect their relationships, and they may not be aware of how.

childhood things can often come back later on when a person marries (if they feel secure enough that the memories can surface), or when their children reach the age they were at the time of abuse.

if you haven't already, you may want to ask yourself why you picked a spouse that seems so insensitive to your needs.

if you find yourself divorced and contemplating remarraige, you might want a nice long engagement period, so that issues from the past of both you and your potential spouse can come up.



and Blessings upon you!
Click to expand...
Once I realized our marriage was in serious trouble, because of things I've done, because of things he has done, (takes two to tango) I decided on councelling. He decided against it, but I pursued. As councelling went on, I started to realize things about myself things that became a part of me directly related to the abuse and rape I sufferred in my childhood. It's called Co-dependency. Co-dependents are inclined to match up with Narcissistic spouses, which is where I now find myself.

Yes I have faults, and my list is endless, just to name a few. I leave the cupboard doors open, I leave the taps running, I am disorganized (beautifully chaotic) but in my chaos I thrive. I start to clean the kitchen, spots a shirt on the floor, leave the kitchen and then go to the room to pack the shirt away, get there, see the beds are not made, I start to make the beds, find a cup, run back to the kitchen, take up where I left off, midway through dishes, I realize I was still making the bed, run back to the room, start to make the beds. You get my drift.

In the beginning when we first met, I hated going to bed angry, or with unresolved issues. But instead, he shut me out. Eventually I adopted his attitude, by shutting my own heart and mind to his needs and his demands. I started doing exactly what he did to me, in the end, I have done more damage to myself than to him.

I shut down my emotions, I closed off my heart. And because I did that, he felt unloved and uncared for. I threw all my effort and devotion into the kids, and left him on the side. Because of this, he had a string of affairs, blaming it on my inability to show emotion, love and care. And so the years rolled by... with me having to deal with the fact that I cause him to have affairs, I caused him to feel unloved. It just doesn't stop.

So yes, I have mistakes, plenty. Any man who thinks he can stand next to me and live a happy life is sadly mistaken because apparently I'm just THAT broken.
 
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