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Maddog
Guest
Is it "flipping mad" or "hopping mad" or "barking mad?" hehehe
I really hope you're not contemplating suicide.
On and off. I don't believe I would ever actually do it, but I certainly think about.
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On and off. I don't believe I would ever actually do it, but I certainly think about.
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oopsies
Guest
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Maddog
Guest
World getting to you?
Yes. I've been suffering with depression over the last year. Now I'm stuck where I am, on the dole, no ambitions, no optimism about the future, not even able to visualise a future any more and regretting waking up every morning. To cap it all off, I've run out of scotch.
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MaryR
Guest
Oh, Maddog. You depress me. I definitely wish you the best.
Anyway, I voted for the 16-20 category because I moved out to go to school. I'm several hours away from home but plan to go back in the summers. I got pretty lucky with my circumstances though.
As for me, I'm one of those people who'd rather live with my mom. I love being home because I feel like that's where I belong. I have my Mom and my brother and all my animals and tons of space.
I don't want to do that forever though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do after school because I want to do a lot of traveling and I'd like to save a bit of my extra money for that. I do want to build a house eventually, but for now, I'm content being a college student away from home who has the freedom to travel and is more than welcome to move back in with Mom in the summer!
Anyway, I voted for the 16-20 category because I moved out to go to school. I'm several hours away from home but plan to go back in the summers. I got pretty lucky with my circumstances though.
As for me, I'm one of those people who'd rather live with my mom. I love being home because I feel like that's where I belong. I have my Mom and my brother and all my animals and tons of space.
I don't want to do that forever though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do after school because I want to do a lot of traveling and I'd like to save a bit of my extra money for that. I do want to build a house eventually, but for now, I'm content being a college student away from home who has the freedom to travel and is more than welcome to move back in with Mom in the summer!
Although the kicker for me wasn't because I ran out of scotch... some of us do understand. Some of us have tried, and lived to tell about it as well.
Hang in there, Maddog. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.
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oopsies
Guest
Well, I don't know about you but for me, it was understanding why I was here and a bit about myself that made the change. For you, it will probably involve something similar. Though, if you look deep enough inside you, you will probably see something a little... surprising. Quite the opposite of what you're imagining. But don't let me tell you, find out for yourself. The digging is hard but that's only because we naturally resist it.
BTW, go on a vacation - road trip, backpacking, whatever. Go alone or go with a friend. It will help you see things clearer.
As always, knowing is not the same as feeling it. I think that should be my new sig lol Sharp, what do you think? A new avatar should go with a new sig, right?
You can always take him to Disneyland!
BTW, go on a vacation - road trip, backpacking, whatever. Go alone or go with a friend. It will help you see things clearer.
As always, knowing is not the same as feeling it. I think that should be my new sig lol Sharp, what do you think? A new avatar should go with a new sig, right?
Agreed X 2.
Although, I'd recommend Maddog to go holidaying alone. Firstly because you can decide what you want to do every day and there's no-one there to make you do stupid stuff like shopping and secondly because groups of british backpackers are really annoying.
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oopsies
Guest
That sent shudders down my spine. I still don't understand how they can manage it. Their species is quite... intriguing.
You can always take him to Disneyland!
Disneyworld is even better!!
I was just talking with someone about that the other day... along with the theme parks, they also have water parks... Maybe a slip down a huge waterslide would cheer Maddog right up! While he's wearing a set of mouse ears, of course. 
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lighthousejohn
Guest
Just curious to know what peoples thoughts are on the time to move out of the family home and how strongly people associate it with being an 'adult' and 'independent'.
I ask this because in my life the message that's come across is that you should be off and out the door as soon as you are able and at 18yrs you should be stepping up and standing alone and that you aren't so much of a respected adult until you've taken this step.....and that you have a duty to remove the burden of yourself from your parents who have 'done their part'.
In brief I disagree with that mainly because it is a message that makes no allowance for the harsh realities of actually maintaing a residence, regardless of the method chosen to accomplish it, massive debt and severe financial struggles being the big ones, although there are many others.
I have always believed there are things in life a person should do only once, marriage being one of them, and leaving home is another, but so many people who push away young end up coming back needing to recover the situation, mainly in a financial sense and then they go off and do it correctly a little wiser for the mistake they made.
Opinions please + don't forget to vote
I believe that the family dynamic is always impacted by economics. If the times are good; kids leave earlier. If times are bad, they stick around longer.
I graduated in 1964 and had no interest in college, so I moved out and went to work that same summer. I did move back in with my parents for two and a half years while they were stationed in France and England, but I found a job in both places. I have been on my own ever since.
Right now, times are bad economically and I am now 64 and have three adult children living here with me for different reasons. One is on disability, one is unemployed, and the other is pregnant.
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Matthew
Guest
Yes I understand the economic conditions play a very big part in the decision, it impacts all the financial concerns involved and that's obviously the big factor.
But it has been my experience in recent times that despite being unable to make the move for that reason many young people, around 18, still have a big resentment towards having to stay at home and continue to crave the freedom of being in their own residence, I never had a big desire to move out although I never really enjoyed being in the family home, it's all just a place to sleep for me.
I know most times with youngsters it is just a desire to be away from their parents and what seem like petty restrictions on behaviour, but sometimes I witness quite prejudicial attitudes from people who moved out young and think it is kind of pathetic to remain with the parents, the narrow minded nature of that view irritates me because as you have clearly shown, there can be many reasons why it's the case and many of those can be beyond our control.
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lighthousejohn
Guest
I also think as a parent of grown children that I have a parental responsibility to do what I can for them if I am able to. I provide food and lodging and I put certain restrictions on them but I allow them to live their lives on their own as much as they are willing to. Unfortunately, many parentsforce their kids out and I feel that that contributes to the gangs and criminal lifestyles of so many young people today.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA did you say mormons... or did you mean morons? tooooo funny. drug dealers or mormons. K i'm gonna laugh at that all nite! once i'm done laughing about the book on how to find a jewish wife.
I have a different perspective perhaps because of where i live & social & economic climate. I left home at 17. I got a min wage job shared a house with 5 others and made my way in this world. I was proud. Proud to never ask my parents for a dime, proud to make my way and a sence of accomplishment. I didnt require the nicest house or even a couch. I joyed the freedom of knowing that I will be ok. I can take care of me. I will encourage my boys to leave and go be who they are going to be. As they grow up we will teach them to work hard, know who they are and focus on their strengths. My oldest son wants to be a pastor if pastor Christian needs to live in my house, well he can pull a trailer on the property & do his own cooking & laundry, I'll invite him over every few days but he's on his own otherwise. I think mothering our children in their 20's is a mistake & we do them no favours, they are adults. Unless they are disabled they should be responsible and not enabled to the point where they are comfortable to just hang out. Also, I see in our family that the grown kids live with mom & dad & the mom buys all the food still while they work and give nothing to the household, just buying cool snowboards & trinkets for the truck and video games... its like entitlement or something. It is your parents responsibility to raise you up. once they are done it is your turn to start repaying. I'm thankful and proud that I only ever asked my mom for money once and that was $20 and guess what... she said no!!!! My brother however was still living at home in his mid 20's and my parents finally sold the home & moved away to a 2 bedroom house with no room for him. mom said he wouldnt leave so they had to. (it was a joke but it forced him to take responsibility for his walk on this earth & get a place to live & keep his job.) actually it forced me to find him a place and to find him a better job as he has certain social issues where he needs assitance sometimes. I suppose we are so blessed here cause it is a safe place to live so I look at things differently than if i were raising my kids in the city. I will be like my mom and always encourage my kids to get out of dodge and see other places that they will love it here so much more when they return... if they return. It wont however be INSIDE my house as we have lotsa property. If we didnt then I suppose i'd be a softy & give em a place to stay...
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Matthew
Guest
That is a view I encounter a lot when I talk with people, the idea that there is a cut-off point where parents push their kids if they aren't prepared to jump so to speak, and that it is basically tough love because it forces the kids to grow and be responsible.
It makes me wonder if it is just different personalities or a result of upbringing that makes some youngsters need that kind of treatment.
See I was doing my own cooking when I was a teenager and I have done my own laundry since further back than I can recall, I paid rent and I did everything I do now, which is everything a mature adult should do and so the idea of needing to be pushed away from the family home to learn these things is a bit beyond me.
I may see it a different way but I don't think a child should ever have to repay, though I don't understand how a child would once an adult short of paying back money, parents should raise the children up and they should then seek their independence at some point, but to me that's where it stops.
My parents expect nothing from me by way of repayment, except to hold to the standards they set for me but even then I know I can count on their support and they'll have a room waiting should the worst occur.
I suppose I probably worded this wrong. What I mean was once we have grown... we should no longer require the financial support of our parents. We need to take responsibility & financially support ourselves & not pay back our parents but start to treat them. I'm just speaking to my own experience with my parents as my children are 9 & 5. You are very responsible and I'd probably keep you at my place too! I just see alot of loafing around in my friends/family houses where no ones looking for jobs, everyones playing video games and eating the food and asking whens dinner and whats for dinner. they are 22 & 19 respectively. Now if it were me, I'd say dinners whenever & whatever you are making. so like i said, I'd keep you around :0). No I dont expect my boys to repay me for raising them & i have an education fund for them both & savings already. I will give them all I can and then encourage them to get out & JOY the prime of their lives!
Oh I could easily live with a moron!
Its the mormon I couldn't live with,,, with all his wives and children visiting it would be unbearable
I've been thinking about this over the last couple days & was reflecting on a couple of other situations that I know of where it is a mutually good situation to have kids living at home. One is a friend of mine who lives with her mom, she is in her mid 30's & her kids are teens & her mom is an unbeliever. It is so valuable and important for her to be there for her mom and as our parents get on in age it is mutually beneficial to live together as you can support one another. I also have a cousin who's never left home but it works out ok, he pays his way & now he is able to assist his mom & dad in their elder years. I suppose there are no cut & dry situations & different people are called to different purpose in life. I was mainly speaking to the belief that the people in their early 20's should be getting out and joying the prime of their lives and experiencing the satisfaction of being self sufficient.
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Matthew
Guest
I understand that and I agree it is definetly the preferable situation, I doubt many people that don't manage it stay at home because they really want too, in my experience it is more neccesity than anything else.
But I generally encounter two main attitudes toward this issue and neither make allowance for the independent and responsible adult who stays at home but doesn't take the opportunity to basically abuse the privilege, it's one of the many negative assumptions that seems to get made and I was wondering how other people here saw it.
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oopsies
Guest
On the repayment of parents issue - in first and second generation Asian culture, you're expected to take care of your parents and not just drop them off at a care home. My parents and their siblings do it and as the eldest, I'm expected to do so as well.
Not sure about other cultures...
Not sure about other cultures...