Frightened by the evil within...

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DainMorgan

Guest
#1
#1
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.

I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.

I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.

A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."

This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.

I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".

It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#2
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#2
DainMorgan said:
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.

I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.

I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.

A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."

This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.

I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".

It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
Click to expand...
The enemy will often times put thoughts in our minds that are contrary to our hearts, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak and satan knows this.
you are already forgiven you clearly have a repentant heart that thought never existed to begin with in fathers eyes so you must let go and move forward too. But the enemy wants you to despair about it he wants you to keep thinking about it to beat yourself up about it to become upset stressed and worried about it.
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#3
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#3
I don't think you understand grace my friend, God is not a kid with a magnifying glass waiting for you to falter, because of Jesus he no longer sees our sin, when we screw up and fall down which we will as long as we have a repentant heart then in his eyes we are clean spotless as if our sin never existed to begin with. granted this does not mean we can simply do whatever we want but when we do mess up we can get back up and keep moving forward knowing that there is true freedom on his grace knowing that there is not a lightning bolt waiting to strike us when we screw up.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#4
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#4
Once you are a Christian life seems harder in a lot of ways. I think it's because the veil has been lifted to a certain extent and we notice things that we maybe wouldn't notice before we were saved. Jmo
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#5
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#5
Sirk said:
Once you are a Christian life seems harder in a lot of ways. I think it's because the veil has been lifted to a certain extent and we notice things that we maybe wouldn't notice before we were saved. Jmo
Click to expand...
The Sirk has spoken and there is great wisdom in his words:)
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#6
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#6
Blain said:
The Sirk has spoken and there is great wisdom in his words:)
Click to expand...

You're too kind Blain. But thank you for saying that. I'm really not that wise....probably just a hillbilly who thinks about stuff too much. Lol
 
C

Cruisyazz

Guest
#7
#7
I heard this preached and I thought it was good. Relates to this.
The devil takes a risk when he attacks us. What he set out for evil can be turned around for good. We have the opportunity to look Him our saviour and develop a closer relationship with Him through our struggles. Thank Him that it is no longer I that lives but Christ lives through me.
I am beginning to realise that the devils deceptions runs deeper than we can imagine. Your looking at the thought that entered your head and thinking how evil. The devil is hoping that your reaction leads to condemnation and losing the identity you have in Him.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#8
#8
Sirk said:
Once you are a Christian life seems harder in a lot of ways. I think it's because the veil has been lifted to a certain extent and we notice things that we maybe wouldn't notice before we were saved. Jmo
Click to expand...
Very true, dear brother. But the OP isn't a Christian.
 
D

DainMorgan

Guest
#9
#9
Tintin said:
Very true, dear brother. But the OP isn't a Christian.
Click to expand...
Tintin,

For the greater majority of my life, I saw "Christians" as two-faced individuals who were just as bad as the people they criticized; as people who used that title to very arigantly set themselves above others. So no, for a very long time I did not strive to be one.

But, as of late, I have been blessed enough to encounter some people who are actually TRUE Christians...and I do not feel that way anymore.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus is the son of God and that only through him in there be salvation. And though I struggle greatly, I am trying to mold myself in a way that would make him proud...so in a sense... I am a Christian in the works.

But just because I do not carry the title, does not mean that I am incapable of understanding Sirk's statments.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#10
#10
DainMorgan said:
Tintin,

For the greater majority of my life, I saw "Christians" as two-faced individuals who were just as bad as the people they criticized; as people who used that title to very arigantly set themselves above others. So no, for a very long time I did not strive to be one.

But, as of late, I have been blessed enough to encounter some people who are actually TRUE Christians...and I do not feel that way anymore.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus is the son of God and that only through him in there be salvation. And though I struggle greatly, I am trying to mold myself in a way that would make him proud...so in a sense... I am a Christian in the works.

But just because I do not carry the title, does not mean that I am incapable of understanding Sirk's statments.
Click to expand...
Okay, no worries. I apologise. God bless you.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#12
#12
Hi Dain,

As a young person for a while whenever we use to have the communion service in church,
all sorts of swear words and blasphemy use to come into my mind. I had no idea why and
I never ever swore so it was completely random and unexpected. I could not understand where
these thoughts came from, then as soon as I had the bread/wine etc, they went away.

Looking back I think it was due to cross wires and poor advice given out about the
communion service. Older grown ups told me that if I believed in Jesus then I could
join in with the communion service, but they never explained what that meant.
One day I came across the following verses in the bible.

1 Corinthians 11:27-31 NKJV
[27] Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy
manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. [28] But let a man examine
himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. [29] For he who eats
and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not
discerning the Lord's body. [30] For this reason many are weak and sick among
you, and many sleep. [31] For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged.



I worried so much about these verses as I did not know if I was worthy or not and i
think in a twisted manipulative way, Satan took advantage of that to bring thoughts
to my mind during the communion service. As if he was trying to show me I was
unworthy!

But as I grew to know Jesus, the thoughts stopped.


I don't know about your particular circumstances, but could something be bothering you,
some situation or perceived idea, some teaching or a particular set of circumstances,
something seen in your past etc.

If so it could be Satan was twisting it and using it against you. If you can work
out what it is, seek out the truth about it and turn it over to Christ then you will
have disarmed Satan.

I have also heard other people express similar things, thoughts completely out of
character ideas etc.
 
slave

slave

Senior Member
#13
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#13
Hello Dain; Another wise man said, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man; and God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it." This is God's promise of victory that is yours if you are given to Him. Can I ask if you are given to Him? Is the march of your life a walk with God as your step? I ask this because God wants and asks me to let Him work in me to conquer these issues, I must respond to what He asks me to do, but He will fight my thoughts for me if I submit them to Him. He will not need you to ask for His forgiveness if it is just temptation that has knocked at your thoughts door, for temptation is not sin.

God says that in sinful nature bad thoughts regardless of how hard a man fights them off or tries to not dwell on them will in time event sins that man cannot avoid, for "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The term "Fall" means continual, outside of dealing sin a death blow in us. God wants all your torrent thoughts to be tamed by His controlling Spirit, which He promises He will do, if we surrender wholly to Him. To believe and receive the Holy Spirit as our way of life lived on this world. That is a 180 degree turn, not a 90 degree turn however, and only He can procure it to succession.

I pray God gives you what you are asking for: understand in these things in His Word, and I invite you to search the Word earnestly and see how He will open up your mind, as He does me, to all of His understanding about all things. If its any conciliation, I too used to be scared to death of evil within, but now it is scared of the power that rests in me, namely Jesus Christ. Temptation comes my way as well and sometimes in just such a torrent wind, but as I say it is written, and demand Satan to vanquish he must, and does.
 
Last edited:
Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#14
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#14
Tintin said:
Very true, dear brother. But the OP isn't a Christian.
Click to expand...
good catch, I didn't even notice that... of course, the OP is welcome to post here... encouraged, really.
 
Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#15
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#15
Hi Dain,

when I read
DainMorgan said:
And though I struggle greatly, I am trying to mold myself in a way that would make him proud...
Click to expand...
my heart went out to you!


imo, you can't mold yourself in a way that's pleasing to him.

Paul talked about "He who began a good work in you". God started it, only God can continue it.

of course, we can say "Yes, Lord"... and "God please help me, I need your help".
 
T

tinytom

Senior Member
#16
Mar 24, 2016
114
2
0
#16
DainMorgan said:
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.

I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.

I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.

A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."

This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.

I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".

It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
Click to expand...
Dain, you wouldn't believe the darkness inside of me. I have to deal with it everyday. There is seldom a day, where I don't want to wrap my hands around someone's neck, but, I just walk away. It's hard to control so much hate, but it's doable with God,

People say, just let go of the hate, but if it was that easy, then everyone would get along.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#17
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#17
Dain,
I don't know if you are into study, but it might interest you to do some serious reading on René Girard's mimetic theory. He has some thoughts on why we do what you experienced.
 
I

integerlost

Banned
#18
Mar 23, 2016
128
0
0
#18
DainMorgan said:
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.

I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.

I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.

A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."

This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.

I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".

It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
Click to expand...
That was his feelings not yours, because your own feeling don't prick you.

Matthew 7:16 KJV
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
DainMorgan said:
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.

I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.

I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.

A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."

This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.

I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".

It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
Click to expand...
Actually, you let the thought nest. And you gave it a housewarming present when you wrote this post.

I give you a replacement thought to work on so this thought stops dwelling. Where do you think "free will" becomes any part of the gospel message?

I counter your belief in free will with this song that shows we do NOT have free will.
[video=youtube;JOK0v2QYy9Y]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOK0v2QYy9Y[/video]
 
Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#20
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#20
tinytom said:
Dain, you wouldn't believe the darkness inside of me. I have to deal with it everyday.
Click to expand...
I have experienced the same thing, and I'm glad Dain posted the OP.

I think many people have thoughts like that, but are either too embarassed to tell anyone about them, or try to suppress them (hide them from themselves).

jmo, but when people try to suppress them, they simply come out other ways, like depression, headaches, etc.

(not saying that all depression etc is a result of these suppressions.)
 
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