D
Something happened to me today, that made me feel both very ashamed and frightened at the same time.
I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.
I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.
A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."
This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.
I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".
It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!
I was walking out of my apartment building when I noticed a couple of new tenants struggling to take some large boxes to the dumpster; naturally I went over to assist them. It was a young couple, and the woman's extreme beauty caught my attention almost right away. As soon as she smiled and spoke, I had a thought that was...nearly automatic...a thought of me either hurting or killing her boyfriend so that I could have her! I dismissed the thought as soon as it came; realizing how bad it was, finished helping them and walked away without looking at the young woman again.
I did not act upon the thought in even the slightest way, I did not flirt or even speak to the woman; but the fact that I would even think such a dark thing really frightened me. I seriously had a strong urge to bash the guy's face in (though he was almost twice my size) and force myself upon his woman. I have had many bad thoughts in my lifetime...many bloody and violent thoughts, but never in a situation such as that. It made me consider the things that OTHER men might think when they see MY fiancé and I together. I did nothing wrong...but the shame I felt was almost overwhelming.
A wise man once told me: "you can't stop the birds from flying over your head; but you CAN stop them from making a nest in your hair."
This quote simply means, that in our sinful nature, some bad thoughts may come to our minds; but as long as we don't DWELL upon the thoughts, they do not have the opportunity to become sinful, or turn into sinful action.
I wiped the thoughts from my head, and asked for forgiveness, but I am almost angry that I even had the thought in the first place. This is one of the things that REALLY makes me DESPISE life. To wake up...day in day out...struggle with the many many MANY hurtles of life, day in day out struggle with MANY temptations....and then be EXPECTED by our God to never falter; despite being almost constantly surrounded by theses things! And if we do fall, then it is our own fault, because then everything once again falls into the realm of "free will".
It really bothered me. I don't want these feelings...I want them to just go away!