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re: match-making.
I think too often we think God has to work through whizz bam miracles and spiritual highs, and anything else is not of God. But God is also very down-to-earth and often works in and through the most natural and normal down-to-earth ways. So I see nothing wrong with mathematical tools or counselling or something like that in order to possibly choose a partner, and if not choose, assess compatibility. Fortunately God has made us all pretty much the same, and there's only a handful of different personality types. And there's only blondes, brunettes, and red-heads. lol. So mathematical or psychological tools can be very effective. Doing the ground-work first I believe can really alleviate a lot of problems.
Given that the divorce rate amongst christians is thought to be as high as the secular population, merely having God living on the inside is no guarantee for a successful marriage. There's a good reason for this - marriage is essentially a natural, earthly thing. That's why there is no marriage in the next life I guess. That's why marriage is not essential for doing God's work.
I think too often we think God has to work through whizz bam miracles and spiritual highs, and anything else is not of God. But God is also very down-to-earth and often works in and through the most natural and normal down-to-earth ways. So I see nothing wrong with mathematical tools or counselling or something like that in order to possibly choose a partner, and if not choose, assess compatibility. Fortunately God has made us all pretty much the same, and there's only a handful of different personality types. And there's only blondes, brunettes, and red-heads. lol. So mathematical or psychological tools can be very effective. Doing the ground-work first I believe can really alleviate a lot of problems.
Given that the divorce rate amongst christians is thought to be as high as the secular population, merely having God living on the inside is no guarantee for a successful marriage. There's a good reason for this - marriage is essentially a natural, earthly thing. That's why there is no marriage in the next life I guess. That's why marriage is not essential for doing God's work.
I
Well here's my two cents worth for anyone who cares. I met my husband online; in a chatroom in fact, (however, I do believe it was back in the days of free msn chat- rooms). We both lived in the same country, just different states, so it wasn't a huge deal. Anyway, my point is.. you can build real relationships with real people online. I do believe it can work.. and I have quite a number of friends whom have met their spouses in similar circumstances. I have a one very close friend whom I grew up with, who married a guy from America.. they met online and he moved here.. they're as happy as can be (although I think he's strange lol).
Admittedly, if I'm honest with myself I'm not in the best place in my marriage right now and I only say that so as to be perfectly frank.. but the way in which we met or formed our relationship has nothing to do with that. I just felt it necassary to add that in the general context of this thread, because I know there are people reading this, that I have shared with.. and I don't want to blur the line any. I mean I still think absolutely God can work in mysterious and amazing ways and He does each and every day of our lives. So if that means meeting the guy/girl of your dreams on CC- sure - Don't put a limit on Him!!
Admittedly, if I'm honest with myself I'm not in the best place in my marriage right now and I only say that so as to be perfectly frank.. but the way in which we met or formed our relationship has nothing to do with that. I just felt it necassary to add that in the general context of this thread, because I know there are people reading this, that I have shared with.. and I don't want to blur the line any. I mean I still think absolutely God can work in mysterious and amazing ways and He does each and every day of our lives. So if that means meeting the guy/girl of your dreams on CC- sure - Don't put a limit on Him!!
God can use the simple things as much as the wise. I Cor. 1 talks about it.
A
Thank you!!! Widows without children in the Bible, also married their brother-in-laws (and that wasn't something they were just permitted to do, that was commandment. To not do so would be to sin against God.) They also married their cousins, and there's lots of examples of people in the Bible marrying without actually knowing each other. Again, that's all in the Bible, but that doesn't make it a good idea now. Things are too different now.
A
Not so, sometimes with on-line dating you don't have a picture of them, whereas in real life someone's appearance is the first thing you're presented with. And as for the questionnaires, well, I can't speak for all services but eHarmony's questionnaire was done by a guy who's very well qualified and is based on years of research about what makes two people compatible. I've met some great guys on that site. But, you still need to rely on God. You got to pray about who to meet and who to see again and whatnot. But really, those matches on that website, they're not saying "This person you should rush out and marry." They're just saying "This is someone we think you should try to get to know."
See, this I think is a real problem, because I worry that too many Christians who believe that they need to rely on God for their relationship don't get that there's things they need to do to make the relationship work. It's like my friends mom had this sign in her kitchen that said "God blesses this kitchen, but he doesn't clean it." Relying on God is good, but we can't expect him to do all our work for us.
See, this I think is a real problem, because I worry that too many Christians who believe that they need to rely on God for their relationship don't get that there's things they need to do to make the relationship work. It's like my friends mom had this sign in her kitchen that said "God blesses this kitchen, but he doesn't clean it." Relying on God is good, but we can't expect him to do all our work for us.
A
Furthermore, people in the Old Testament are Jewish and we're Christians. The Bible is pretty clear that no matter what, God wants us to be faithful to marriage, and there's all that stuff in Ruth about how she and Boaz had mutually respected each other's character (not that they really knew each other when they got married). But the role of marriage among Christians and Jews is kind of different. I go into detail on another thread, so I won't repeat myself. I'm just saying that, we don't really have a Biblical model for how to find the right person. It sucks, but that's the truth.
I
Ancilla-
i understand what you are saying, but this is just my person opinion.
funny you say that about the sign.
but think about this:
god didnt dirty the kitchen, we did.
why cant we rely on god for everything?
nothing is impossible with god, right?
he will supply us of our NEEDS.
sure we cant be lazy, but we dont want to get into gods way.
his ways are perfect and if we come and mess it up, we should
clean up by turning it over to god and letting him clean out our hearts.
does that make sense?
anyway, just my personal opinions.
dont get defensive because you disagree.
i understand what you are saying, but this is just my person opinion.
funny you say that about the sign.
but think about this:
god didnt dirty the kitchen, we did.
why cant we rely on god for everything?
nothing is impossible with god, right?
he will supply us of our NEEDS.
sure we cant be lazy, but we dont want to get into gods way.
his ways are perfect and if we come and mess it up, we should
clean up by turning it over to god and letting him clean out our hearts.
does that make sense?
anyway, just my personal opinions.
dont get defensive because you disagree.
A
Good point, but I think of it this way: God told Adam "By the sweat of your brow, you will eat your food." Meaning that he then needed to work to get his needs met whereas in the Garden, food was abundant. He still relied on God to make it rain and whatnot, but Adam had to work hard if he was going to survive. Or, to quote the movie Ray "Aint nothing free in this life but Jesus." Or, to put it another way, I once heard someone faced with a monumental challenge say "work as if everything depended on us. Pray as if everything depended on God."
You seem very convinced that God cannot work through someone actively looking for someone to marry, especially if it's through an on-line service. Can you tell me why you have that opinion?
I don't mean to get defensive. Well, technically I can't be defensive because it is I that is attacking* what you wrote, and not the other way. It's just that from what I have learned since I was your age about marriage and I find your ideas a little dangerous. Well, that's not true. I need to be careful that I am not projecting all misconceptions that I have encountered onto you. I mean, when it comes to all this there seems to be two camps. Those (I mean Christians) who think it's wrong to actively look for someone to marry, and those who think it's often necessary. I have to make sure that I don't assume that you hold all the misconceptions I've encountered in the former camp. But consider this: my opinion has been refined by years of listening to the wisdom of those who have gone before me.
*and I don't meant that in a malicious way.
You seem very convinced that God cannot work through someone actively looking for someone to marry, especially if it's through an on-line service. Can you tell me why you have that opinion?
I don't mean to get defensive. Well, technically I can't be defensive because it is I that is attacking* what you wrote, and not the other way. It's just that from what I have learned since I was your age about marriage and I find your ideas a little dangerous. Well, that's not true. I need to be careful that I am not projecting all misconceptions that I have encountered onto you. I mean, when it comes to all this there seems to be two camps. Those (I mean Christians) who think it's wrong to actively look for someone to marry, and those who think it's often necessary. I have to make sure that I don't assume that you hold all the misconceptions I've encountered in the former camp. But consider this: my opinion has been refined by years of listening to the wisdom of those who have gone before me.
*and I don't meant that in a malicious way.
A
Check this out if you haven't already
http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind0618.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/2008/mind0618.html
D
Aye well Praise be to God! Let me show you how prevalent God's grace is! First of all does not proverbs say to go niether left nor right but forward? Indeed it does! So, let us do this--You're both looking at the same thing as seeing it differently are you not? But let us put stress on that you are looking at the same thing. Just because she notices what you didnt about it, and you noticed what she didnt about it are you not both right? I tell you are! For Because of God's love He works miracles, and because of our faith we're able to believe without one.
I say God works in mysterious ways, and we need to be careful to not limit Him.
I met my husband on this site. In our case, God worked it out beautifully. I will not say that this is the way for everyone to find someone, because God works differently for everyone. That's the beauty of how He works... if He was to do it the same way for everyone, life would become boring pretty quick.
Be careful you aren't creating the mystery in your life yourself, but instead be open to having Him surprise you with His plan!
I met my husband on this site. In our case, God worked it out beautifully. I will not say that this is the way for everyone to find someone, because God works differently for everyone. That's the beauty of how He works... if He was to do it the same way for everyone, life would become boring pretty quick.
Be careful you aren't creating the mystery in your life yourself, but instead be open to having Him surprise you with His plan!
B
My momma always jokingly tells me when the discussion of 'marriage' comes up and I whine about not even having options to meet anyone in my day to day life...
"God can't steer a parked car."
Makes sense to me. We don't have the benefits of previous traditional cultures with arranged marriages and match makers. Today, everyone is wandering around with their head stuck in their phones, or iphones, or ipods or blackberries or whatever their poison is and they seriously limit their social experience while out in public! Things are SO different in this day and age from even when I was a kid. Society is not the same and for some the internet is the only viable option...
One size does not fit all... it rarely does in most topics.
(Amazing how your thread got hijacked and is off and running eh Merci!)
"God can't steer a parked car."
Makes sense to me. We don't have the benefits of previous traditional cultures with arranged marriages and match makers. Today, everyone is wandering around with their head stuck in their phones, or iphones, or ipods or blackberries or whatever their poison is and they seriously limit their social experience while out in public! Things are SO different in this day and age from even when I was a kid. Society is not the same and for some the internet is the only viable option...
One size does not fit all... it rarely does in most topics.
(Amazing how your thread got hijacked and is off and running eh Merci!)
S
Just throwing in my 50 cents worth, less taxes comes out to about 2 cents these days...I've had my share of experiences in my wild and reckless youth and trust me, at age 20, you aren't ready to get married yet. Get yourself centered in God and work on your walk with Him. Make sure He doesn't have something else planned for you. Once you get where you know you are supposed to be and established in what you are supposed to be doing, THEN think about marriage. You're young yet. Volunteer for trhe Peace Corps or a mission project through your church. See the world, spread the Gospel. Another good tip, don't look for a mate online. Don't ask me how I know this is not a good thing, just trust me on this one.
When it is time for you to get married, if that time ever comes, God will bring somebody into your life. You might want this really badly, but God might not. If you keep searching for something that isn't in God's plan, then it either isn't going to happen or will end up causing you no end of grief if it does.
When it is time for you to get married, if that time ever comes, God will bring somebody into your life. You might want this really badly, but God might not. If you keep searching for something that isn't in God's plan, then it either isn't going to happen or will end up causing you no end of grief if it does.