Be content in your singleness.

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firework

Guest
#41
#41
Tinkerbell725,
You do not try to change someone else; you only ever try to change yourself and your partner will feel compelled to change as well (to grow). It is like raising a child. You do not force your child to be what you want them to be. You are their role model. If you are patient, loving, forgiving, just, fair, respectful and peaceful then your child, eventually, will wish to follow suit. Be the role model. Focus only on the change of yourself.
 
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Shpadoinkle

Guest
#42
#42
My trip to Wal-Mart today to pick up my needed items for the family dinner on Sunday gave me ample reason to be content in my singleness. A couple was having a loud, crude fight in the meat aisle over a ham. They were being horrible to each other and it made me so uncomfortable to hear that I turned my cart and walked way outside of earshot. All I could do is shake my head. Much better to be single than to deal with something like that.
 
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coby

Guest
#43
#43
Shpadoinkle said:
My trip to Wal-Mart today to pick up my needed items for the family dinner on Sunday gave me ample reason to be content in my singleness. A couple was having a loud, crude fight in the meat aisle over a ham. They were being horrible to each other and it made me so uncomfortable to hear that I turned my cart and walked way outside of earshot. All I could do is shake my head. Much better to be single than to deal with something like that.
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These kind of people always make me feel much more content in my singleness. Just tried to help someone on a forum. Oh my goodness.
Aaaaaah!!! Freedom!!!
 
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skylove7

Guest
#44
#44
Lol Shpa.....
Didn't you know?
Wal Mart is the 'hip' place to shine!
I tell you...there is no such thing as a fashion faux pas at Wal Mart.
It is the only store a woman can shop with sponge rollers in her hair and feel adventurous about the day lol
 
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Shpadoinkle

Guest
#45
#45
When I hear a couple fighting or arguing, it tends to bring up bad memories of things that were said or shouted to me by past girlfriends. A lot of that stuff still hurts because I still can't imagine why a woman would ever say anything like that to me. So, I guess it's my issue that I don't want to hear people fight so I don't get triggered, but it still makes me glad that I am single. Good and bad.
 
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firework

Guest
#46
#46
Shpadoinkle,
In all fairness men are no different with regard to control and name calling. I have been told exceedingly ugly things by those while in relationships from the past. I was married, he passed away, but he was about as cruel as you can get at times with me. No joke, he wanted to be a serial killer-this should give you an idea of the level of 'bad'. Needless to say I dealt with a tremendous amount of violence in multiple ways, verbal, emotional, mental, physical. He would tell other men they could do things to me, like he owned me as a slave. He told me things like "you are so gross I do not even want to look at you", although all of his friends wanted me in a sinful way :p (that is an ick face). He tried to kill me multiple times and almost killed my sister. Please do NOT tell me it is only women or forget to include men in this. I am not a name caller, finding it immature and never really have been. The way I lived affected the way he was. A couple years before he died he had gone from someone who was sickly racist to one who was friends with those of other races. He went from someone who used to mock me for helping others to one who helped others. He became more considerate of others instead of being self focused. This happened because of God working through me to live rightly in spite of what he did to me. I corrected his sinful behavior with respect and let God do the rest. I have experience in marriage, a very difficult one at that. He died being one of my closest friends and a changed man for the better. Your behavior is what affects the behavior of others.
 
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Shpadoinkle

Guest
#47
#47
I was not meaning to single out only women, so please retract your claws. I know men can be cruel, but I was only relating my personal experiences. I was not trying to speak for everyone. I'm arrogant, but even that is beyond my capabilities. As to your last line about my behavior affecting others, I choose to remain silent. Some people are just inherently cruel and nasty people. I certainly was not perfect, but I never did any of the things I was accused of countless times. If anything, my biggest responsibility lies in settling for someone who was willing to settle for me, and that is a mistake I will never make again.
 
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firework

Guest
#48
#48
Shpadoinkle,
Firstly, my claws were not out I was merely adding to your original statement. As for 'your' behavior I was referring to everyone existing not just you.
 
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firework

Guest
#49
#49
I did say "do not forget to include men".
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#50
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#50
firework said:
Tinkerbell725,
You do not try to change someone else; you only ever try to change yourself and your partner will feel compelled to change as well (to grow). It is like raising a child. You do not force your child to be what you want them to be. You are their role model. If you are patient, loving, forgiving, just, fair, respectful and peaceful then your child, eventually, will wish to follow suit. Be the role model. Focus only on the change of yourself.
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That was what I believe I was doing. Guiding him but he drifted away. Idk, maybe it came across as controlling. We did not really fight about it,he just became cold and I was frustrated. Maybe he feared being controlled.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#51
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#51
Shpadoinkle said:
When I hear a couple fighting or arguing, it tends to bring up bad memories of things that were said or shouted to me by past girlfriends. A lot of that stuff still hurts because I still can't imagine why a woman would ever say anything like that to me. So, I guess it's my issue that I don't want to hear people fight so I don't get triggered, but it still makes me glad that I am single. Good and bad.
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Name calling is really bad. Those words really stick. Both have to agree in no name calling when you fight. You have to fight fair because there's also something good that comes out of fighting. When the issue is resolved you will understand your partner better and you will have a deeper connection to each other. Thats the power of vulnerability. Your partner have the power to make you the happiest person at the same time the power to hurt you the most.
 
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coby

Guest
#52
#52
The more I think about it the more happy I am that I'm free. Why would you even do it? Paul warns that it's better to be single. Just the thought of someone with demands who will control you no matter how nice he is, gives me flashbacks that make me think: you were soooo happy when he finally left. Why on earth do that ever again? If I get a 'it will all go totally smooth this time' promise from God okay, but I don't believe it and then I'm rather alone.
 
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Shpadoinkle

Guest
#53
#53
See, that's what is nice about being a casual dater like I am. Every couple of months or so, I get to go out to supper with someone, and we have a pleasant meal and most likely some good conversation. At the end of the evening, I drop her off at her house and I go home. I've had my socialization with a female like I wanted, which is all I care for any more, and neither of us has to worry about being up in each other's business.

Now, that's not to say that I would always be that way, but I'd first have to find a woman I am attracted to, and so far in my life, I have only met one woman who met that standard. Some are pretty, some are smart, some have both, but only one woman ever caught and captured my attention for a little while. I think maybe I am too picky and still too bitter about the past to give the future a fair chance.
 
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firework

Guest
#54
#54
Shpadoinkle said:
See, that's what is nice about being a casual dater like I am. Every couple of months or so, I get to go out to supper with someone, and we have a pleasant meal and most likely some good conversation. At the end of the evening, I drop her off at her house and I go home. I've had my socialization with a female like I wanted, which is all I care for any more, and neither of us has to worry about being up in each other's business.

Now, that's not to say that I would always be that way, but I'd first have to find a woman I am attracted to, and so far in my life, I have only met one woman who met that standard. Some are pretty, some are smart, some have both, but only one woman ever caught and captured my attention for a little while. I think maybe I am too picky and still too bitter about the past to give the future a fair chance.
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I do not mean to sound critical (I was a bit sterile in my first response to you and I am sorry for that) but perhaps the problem is your focus. You only mention looks and intelligence when you should be focusing on the fruit (heart) ....just thought I would point that out peacefully.
 
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Shpadoinkle

Guest
#55
#55
firework said:
I do not mean to sound critical (I was a bit sterile in my first response to you and I am sorry for that) but perhaps the problem is your focus. You only mention looks and intelligence when you should be focusing on the fruit (heart) ....just thought I would point that out peacefully.
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Well, I am going to both agree and disagree with you. I will agree in that a kind heart is a wonderful thing to be the recipient of. I will disagree in that if a woman is unattractive and/or unintelligent, I won't pay her the least bit of attention no matter how kind hearted she is. Shallow? Probably. I'll add it to my list of character flaws.
 
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firework

Guest
#56
#56
Tinkerbell725 said:
That was what I believe I was doing. Guiding him but he drifted away. Idk, maybe it came across as controlling. We did not really fight about it,he just became cold and I was frustrated. Maybe he feared being controlled.
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I find reflecting to be a useful tool because, although you cannot change another, you can change yourself ESPECIALLY with the help of God. Reflecting can show areas where one thinks they are living rightly to be areas where one completely miscalculated. It has been useful for me.
 
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firework

Guest
#57
#57
Shpadoinkle said:
Well, I am going to both agree and disagree with you. I will agree in that a kind heart is a wonderful thing to be the recipient of. I will disagree in that if a woman is unattractive and/or unintelligent, I won't pay her the least bit of attention no matter how kind hearted she is. Shallow? Probably. I'll add it to my list of character flaws.
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I do respect your honesty. :)
 
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coby

Guest
#59
#59
A_Friend_In_Christ said:
Being single can be lonely sometimes...? Discuss: :D
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Lol before this forum I was on another single's forum where married people were forbidden to post. They had their marrieds forum part. We had so much fun and they couldn't post, some really got jealous. Poor things.
 
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