My relationship with my future wife

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Braintilt

Guest
#1
#1
My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#2
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#2
Time for some serious pre-marital counseling. Not knowing the entire story, that's about all I can offer, but the pre-marital counseling my hubby and I had helped us immensely.

Do it now before you put the wedding band on her finger.
 
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AuntieAnt

Guest
#3
#3
arrow10 - Copy.jpg What santuzza said!
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#4
#4
I think you should talk to someone else about it. Someone wiser, older, and trustworthy. Maybe your dad or a Pastor?

Then I would talk to her too. See you have things to tell her about how this is making you feel, but I suppose you haven't mentioned it at all? If not, you need to realize that open communication is a key in marriage. You need to be able to tell her how you feel about everything, even if it makes you uncomfortable bringing it up.

Marriages that have good communication skills are good marriages and give you a higher chance of success. I hope it goes well, brother! And kudos for saving yourself for marriage!
 
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coby

Guest
#5
#5
Braintilt said:
My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.
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She doesn't want that. Get set free from it or do it but then not marry her, because she will also say it when you're married.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#6
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#6
She probably thinks she's helping you, by changing and molding you into who she wants you to be, but you've got to tell her she's getting on your nerves. Its no big deal, you don't need counseling for something so trivial. Just kindly tell her to stop preaching at you. Text her back; "Judge not, that ye be not judged" (Matthew7:1). Communication is key, so straighten it out now, because if you think she's annoying now, wait until she brings out the big guns post marriage. :) jmo
 
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coby

Guest
#7
#7
Dan58 said:
She probably thinks she's helping you, by changing and molding you into who she wants you to be, but you've got to tell her she's getting on your nerves. Its no big deal, you don't need counseling for something so trivial. Just kindly tell her to stop preaching at you. Text her back; "Judge not, that ye be not judged" (Matthew7:1). Communication is key, so straighten it out now, because if you think she's annoying now, wait until she brings out the big guns post marriage. :) jmo
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She thinks it is a big deal. I would break it off for that. Better listen to what she says or you will hear it the rest of your marriage. If you don't care about that and don't want prayer don't bother her with it, but look for a wife who also thinks it's no big deal. It's the same as these guys watching porn. There are women who watch porn too. Watch it together, have fun, no big deal, I hope, since His Word says something else.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#8
#8
Braintilt said:
My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.
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Are you so sure you get the point? Because I see another reason she's doing that entirely. It has very little to do about you, although she needs you to be part of that answer. I'm not sure, because I'm not there, but because I don't know until someone straight up tells me why she/he is doing something, I'll never have all the facts to be sure. Ask her why and then really listen to her answer.

As for making her do something? You know what I'm hearing?

"She's trying to make me change, and I don't like that, so tell me how to change that about her."

Neither one of you are ready to marry until you accept the other for who he/she really is, not who you think you can change him/her into. The first step is to really listen instead of trying to guess what is being said. And if listening doesn't help, ask the questions you need to ask until you get an answer.

And yes, I do think we're all in agreement you both need premarital counseling.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#9
#9
coby said:
She thinks it is a big deal. I would break it off for that. Better listen to what she says or you will hear it the rest of your marriage. If you don't care about that and don't want prayer don't bother her with it, but look for a wife who also thinks it's no big deal. It's the same as these guys watching porn. There are women who watch porn too. Watch it together, have fun, no big deal, I hope, since His Word says something else.
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You're a woman. You really think someone who has never met you, never talked to you, or never listened to you can sum you up this quickly? Assuming not, why think you can guess what a woman you don't know at all is thinking? Ain't we too complex to pull that rabbit out of the hat?

I think guys are easier to read, but even there, I credit them too complex also to fully grasp who he is without even talking to the guy. (Honestly, I think men are just as complex as women, but they're more straight shooters than women. lol)
 
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coby

Guest
#10
#10
Depleted said:
You're a woman. You really think someone who has never met you, never talked to you, or never listened to you can sum you up this quickly? Assuming not, why think you can guess what a woman you don't know at all is thinking? Ain't we too complex to pull that rabbit out of the hat?

I think guys are easier to read, but even there, I credit them too complex also to fully grasp who he is without even talking to the guy. (Honestly, I think men are just as complex as women, but they're more straight shooters than women. lol)
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If she says that now it is a big deal to her, otherwise she wouldn't say it. I think if you go for premarital counselling they will say the same. It's not a tiny detail that will just disappear. I dated a guy who wanted to watch porn so I bombarded him with those texts, but he didn't want to repent or get prayer, so I broke it off. Now I'm smarter: it's the first thing I check someone out on since I'm not his mom and am not gonna teach a grown up about such things. They have pastors for that.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
coby said:
If she says that now it is a big deal to her, otherwise she wouldn't say it. I think if you go for premarital counselling they will say the same. It's not a tiny detail that will just disappear. I dated a guy who wanted to watch porn so I bombarded him with those texts, but he didn't want to repent or get prayer, so I broke it off. Now I'm smarter: it's the first thing I check someone out on since I'm not his mom and am not gonna teach a grown up about such things. They have pastors for that.
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IF! Operative word. Re-read what he wrote, because there is no indication it is any deal with her -- big or otherwise.
 
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coby

Guest
#12
#12
Depleted said:
IF! Operative word. Re-read what he wrote, because there is no indication it is any deal with her -- big or otherwise.
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Well she randomly texts him and lets him read it. I could be wrong but it sounds like an indication it's serious. She makes me think of my mom who would leave Bibles open for my dad to read it because she wanted him to get saved.
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#13
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
468
83
#13
You are not going to change anyone because you are married to them. Nor is she going to change just she is married to you.
What your seeing now is what you'll get in marriage. Sounds like she is having trouble accepting you for who you are, or doesn't trust your judgement, or thinks it is her job to fix you, and/or maybe control issues.
 
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Stand_Strong

Guest
#14
#14
Braintilt said:
My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.
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This is not enough information for anyone to advise you. Are you viewing porn? If so, this will destroy your marriage. Stop now before you get married, or do not get married at all.

I agree that telling you once would be enough. She is bordering on controlling behavior. This is not a good sign.
 
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Braintilt

Guest
#15
#15
I've seen to notice the controlling behavior but she assures me its not like that. The closer we are getting to marriage the more and more she comes out as a controlling person. I have told her to tone it down a bit last night since i was not happy with her personality change the past couple months. I have told her its only natural to do so, relieves stress for me ( i know not an excuse to do so but i do it for that reason and to relax). Im not viewing porn of anything short, ive learned over the years to keep a blank state of mind. Yes i believe its a sin to have fantasies about sexual encounters. IDK i will keep you guys posted on this problem if it gets out of hand then i guess its not meant to be.
Again ty everyone for the small advice, god bless all.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#16
#16
I actually see it as a cry for help. She's stuck msterbating, and is saying she needs help.
 
chanchuinchoy

chanchuinchoy

Senior Member
#17
Nov 26, 2015
336
65
28
Sungei Buloh, Selangor, Malaysia
#17
Braintilt said:
My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.
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Dump her. Better sorry now then regret later. Both of you not yet married and you are already feeling choking can't breath, when both are married, worst will happen:)
 
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Stand_Strong

Guest
#19
#19
Plus2 said:
Communication!
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...is not the answer here. She is already communicating loudly and clearly that she does not respect him enough to allow him to make decisions without her.
 
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coby

Guest
#20
#20
So many guys that are single because they rather do it themselves than have a woman help them and so many women that are single because they don't want that filth. Oh well.
 
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