Those people that drive you crazy...

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Tinuviel

Guest
#1
#1
We all have them in our lives...my question is how do you deal with them?

My specific situation is my sister. What she says really bothers me. For a long time I thought it was me and something I had to deal with, but another sibling admitted that the sister I'm having trouble with really does treat me worse than she treats others. It's like she TRIES to say things to bother me and make me fly off the handle. Lately I've taken to simply keeping silent. But it hurts, ya know?

I'd really appreciate stories/solutions from others, and I could use you guys' prayers.
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#2
#2
Hmmm.... kinda sounds like my wife...

Who is older?
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#3
#3
Tinuviel said:
We all have them in our lives...my question is how do you deal with them?

My specific situation is my sister. What she says really bothers me. For a long time I thought it was me and something I had to deal with, but another sibling admitted that the sister I'm having trouble with really does treat me worse than she treats others. It's like she TRIES to say things to bother me and make me fly off the handle. Lately I've taken to simply keeping silent. But it hurts, ya know?

I'd really appreciate stories/solutions from others, and I could use you guys' prayers.
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well if she's driving you crazy then maybe you need to push the brakes hahaha okay all joking aside....

1) Reverse psychology can work as well....light her up with the same crap she's throwing at you....and before I get thrown some Bible verses on how "un-Christian" that is....some block heads don't get it any other way then to lay down the law.....

2) Also, you can "freeze" that person out by avoiding them at all costs unless absolutely necessary aka don't spend time with them in the same room....it will isolate them and let them know they aren't that important......

3) Take it to your parents but if she's the "favorite" im guessing your stuck with no help then...b/c no matter how much parents try to play the "fair" card it's absolutely bs...they have their favorites...trust me....

My suggestion is to try number 1 first because lighting them up would give them a dose of their own medicine and break any cockiness that sister has towards you when you show her you can play ball as well ;)
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#4
#4
she's older by 16 years. So a fairly significant age gap. But I'm cool with age gaps. I've another sister that's 18 years older than me, and she and I get on famously.

It seems like...this sister that I'm having the problems with...it seems like we don't have even basic worldview in common, and so any time we talk we argue, it really wears me down. I want to build a good relationship with her, but I cannot seem to get through to her.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#5
#5
Tinuviel said:
she's older by 16 years. So a fairly significant age gap. But I'm cool with age gaps. I've another sister that's 18 years older than me, and she and I get on famously.

It seems like...this sister that I'm having the problems with...it seems like we don't have even basic worldview in common, and so any time we talk we argue, it really wears me down. I want to build a good relationship with her, but I cannot seem to get through to her.
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From talking to you via threads and your posts I think you have a pretty good worldview...maybe she's jealous of you being the attention getter from your parents now b/c your the youngest and still with mom and dad???

Don't invest your time in people that don't care about you....jmo....if they need to be flushed like dirty water don't be afraid to press the toilet lever....

IDK what the argument against you is from your sister but if she's name-calling, take the gloves off and stand up for yourself....she isn't your mom/dad and can go fly a kite when it comes to trying to change your worldview if that's what she's trying to do.....

Your age is the time when you can start driving and stuff....so when she comes over make up an excuse to go to a friends house or do something outside the house (off the property) until she leaves.....this is the freeze tactic and will ice your relationship with a belligerent person till that person calms the heck down....they will eventually get the message that you despise their company and either change or avoid you....its a win-win either way b/c you won't have to deal with the person whether they change or avoid you as well.....

Also as an older sibling, we try to look out for our younger sibs so sometimes we do say things to help, but if she's smacking you down verbally there is no excuse for that....:)
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#6
#6
Tinuviel said:
she's older by 16 years. So a fairly significant age gap. But I'm cool with age gaps. I've another sister that's 18 years older than me, and she and I get on famously.

It seems like...this sister that I'm having the problems with...it seems like we don't have even basic worldview in common, and so any time we talk we argue, it really wears me down. I want to build a good relationship with her, but I cannot seem to get through to her.
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Girl - this is what we likes to call the spoiled last child syndrome... you were/are the baby and they never really were...

With that age gap... I wouldn't stress it too much though...
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#7
#7
ramx2016 said:
Girl - this is what we likes to call the spoiled last child syndrome... you were/are the baby and they never really were...

With that age gap... I wouldn't stress it too much though...
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Yea I think they may be jealous of you Tinuviel b/c the baby of the family always gets coddled (* not saying you are ) but by the 2nd/3rd child the parents have gotten the "education" to raise up kids better so they do everything for the latter children whereas the older ones are the "trial/error" kids for parents to learn how to parent so they are usually uber-strict whereas 2nd/3rd kids get more lax rules....
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#8
#8
The biggest problem being she's still at home (she's worked out an arrangement with my parents, and pays her own bills and rent and stuff, that part is all good), but we share a bedroom...

Also, I'm not willing to give up on her. She really needs some Christ in her life, I'm thinking. I feel like I've failed miserably at showing her Christian love.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#9
#9
And no, she's not really a "favorite child" but she does tend to bicker quite a bit, so it is usually only when I can't take it any more and start arguing back that my parents step in (because they kinda just tune out my sister, but they figure if I'm upset something needs to be done), so, even when they might correct my sister, I feel like they blame me because it was my voice that got them involved. And because of that I don't really even get a chance to defend myself (like I really need to do any more of that!)

I'm not trying to slam my sister; I really feel like she doesn't have the spiritual resources I have, so I really cannot blame her for being upset if things go wrong in this life. Sadly, I'm not sure how much hope she has for the next life. (I'm not saying she's not a Christian, but if she is she's been in a spiritual decline for several years).

Thanks for the help, guys!
 
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coby2

Guest
#10
#10
Tinuviel said:
The biggest problem being she's still at home (she's worked out an arrangement with my parents, and pays her own bills and rent and stuff, that part is all good), but we share a bedroom...

Also, I'm not willing to give up on her. She really needs some Christ in her life, I'm thinking. I feel like I've failed miserably at showing her Christian love.
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Oh you share a bedroom. Wow. Maybe she needs a room of her own. Even my brother who I never have an argument with would start to annoy me or I him I'm afraid.
 
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coby2

Guest
#11
#11
Tinuviel said:
she's older by 16 years. So a fairly significant age gap. But I'm cool with age gaps. I've another sister that's 18 years older than me, and she and I get on famously.

It seems like...this sister that I'm having the problems with...it seems like we don't have even basic worldview in common, and so any time we talk we argue, it really wears me down. I want to build a good relationship with her, but I cannot seem to get through to her.
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Oh I thought she was younger. My youngest annoyed my eldest on purpose to get his attention.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#12
#12
coby2 said:
Oh you share a bedroom. Wow. Maybe she needs a room of her own. Even my brother who I never have an argument with would start to annoy me or I him I'm afraid.
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Yeah. Unless one of us moves out there really isn't room to have separate bedrooms. When I was younger (it's changed now) we had 12 people living in the house and only 4 bedrooms. But still, even with some people gone and a few more bedrooms, there totally isn't room to have one each :) We have plenty of family space, but for an introverted person like myself, it's a bit tricky to find a place to be alone and recharge. (especially when it's cold outside. I'm thinking this whole pathetic rant is because we should be close to the end of winter and aren't yet...I'm sorry about dumping).
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#13
#13
coby2 said:
Oh I thought she was younger. My youngest annoyed my eldest on purpose to get his attention.
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Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I kinda gave the story piecemeal.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#14
Feb 21, 2014
70,944
9,698
113
#14
Ultimatum77 said:
Yea I think they may be jealous of you Tinuviel b/c the baby of the family always gets coddled (* not saying you are ) but by the 2nd/3rd child the parents have gotten the "education" to raise up kids better so they do everything for the latter children whereas the older ones are the "trial/error" kids for parents to learn how to parent so they are usually uber-strict whereas 2nd/3rd kids get more lax rules....
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That is not (always) true. I'm the baby of my family, and I've never been coddled. My sisters and brother are 9, 11 and 13 years older than me, respectively. I grew up pretty much as an only child because by the time I was a teenager, they had all left home. I was usually my own playmate, going off in the woods, playing in the brook, climbing trees, etc. I get along okay with my 1st oldest sister, but the other sister I cannot stand to be around. She's nasty, she's rude, she's negative towards everyone and everything, she never has anything positive to say. I avoid her like the plague. I'm closest to my brother, and he's the oldest, 13 years older than me. My eldest sister, the one I can't stand, has always been jealous of me cuz she feels like I got handed everything on a silver platter. But I didn't. I developed seizures at age 5, so alot of attention was put on me because of that, and since I was still a kid, naturally they gave me more attention, cuz the other 3 were all gone. But I had chores, a curfew, etc. I had to do laundry and dishes. I got sent to my room once or twice. The only way I got treated differently was that my mom didn't beat me, like she did with my sisters. To this day, my sister is still jealous of me, probably because my parents help me out more than they do with her. My parents don't even want her around because she's so nasty and negative. My dad has a bank account going for me for after he dies, and if my sister finds out that he did one for me, but not for her, she will be madder than a wet chicken in mud. No joke. :/
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#15
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
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#15

If she's saying things that bother you, she just has a different point of view. You probably bother her too? People are often the hardest on those they're closest to, and you 2 share a room. Elders often lecture their siblings, she's probably taking some of her own frustrations out on you. If you fly off the handle, its because your as adamant as she is about what you think. There's no answer, just try not to take what she says to heart. Separate rooms would help, its hard to evade controversy when its right under foot, and I'm sure its emotionally wearing. I wouldn't be silent and be her verbal punching bag, but just tell her what you think and then let it go... jmo
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#16
#16
Dan58 said:

If she's saying things that bother you, she just has a different point of view. You probably bother her too? People are often the hardest on those they're closest to, and you 2 share a room. Elders often lecture their siblings, she's probably taking some of her own frustrations out on you. If you fly off the handle, its because your as adamant as she is about what you think. There's no answer, just try not to take what she says to heart. Separate rooms would help, its hard to evade controversy when its right under foot, and I'm sure its emotionally wearing. I wouldn't be silent and be her verbal punching bag, but just tell her what you think and then let it go... jmo
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Thanks! Yeah, I'm both an older and a younger sibling, so I mean, I get that. And half the time, she's blaming for stuff that I didn't do, or didn't mean in that way. I just don't know how to deal with it. I guess I just need a major dish of patience :)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#17
Feb 21, 2014
70,944
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#17
Tinuviel said:
Thanks! Yeah, I'm both an older and a younger sibling, so I mean, I get that. And half the time, she's blaming for stuff that I didn't do, or didn't mean in that way. I just don't know how to deal with it. I guess I just need a major dish of patience :)
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This doesn't necessarily apply to your situation at home, but I had to put my kitty girl to sleep recently. Now, saying I want to go find another cat is easy, BUT it's proving to be harder than I thought because NONE of the humane societies I've checked have kittens. :/ I was told that all the mom cats have their babies in May and June, so like it or not, I MUST be patient if I want to find the perfect kitten I'm looking for. :) And I'm NOT a patient person. I want a cat TODAY, but if I want the cat I'm hoping to find, I need to wait.

Anyways, the point of my story is this: God uses trials and even family or pet loss, to teach us patience. Or tolerance or empathy or whatever it is we need more of. So you just gotta stick it out, and TRY to be patient..
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#18
#18
blue_ladybug said:
This doesn't necessarily apply to your situation at home, but I had to put my kitty girl to sleep recently. Now, saying I want to go find another cat is easy, BUT it's proving to be harder than I thought because NONE of the humane societies I've checked have kittens. :/ I was told that all the mom cats have their babies in May and June, so like it or not, I MUST be patient if I want to find the perfect kitten I'm looking for. :) And I'm NOT a patient person. I want a cat TODAY, but if I want the cat I'm hoping to find, I need to wait.

Anyways, the point of my story is this: God uses trials and even family or pet loss, to teach us patience. Or tolerance or empathy or whatever it is we need more of. So you just gotta stick it out, and TRY to be patient..
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Thank you!
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#19
#19
blue_ladybug said:
This doesn't necessarily apply to your situation at home, but I had to put my kitty girl to sleep recently...
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I have to say, I read this much and was like "no, not really...did Blue get in the wrong forum?" :D (Read to the end, of course! It's an illustration...)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#20
Feb 21, 2014
70,944
9,698
113
#20
Tinuviel said:
Thank you!
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Tinuviel said:
I have to say, I read this much and was like "no, not really...did Blue get in the wrong forum?" :D (Read to the end, of course! It's an illustration...)
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You're welcome. :) Yes, it pays to read the entire post..lol.. My stories always have a point in them somewhere.. :)
 
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