i cried earlier..

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Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#41
Nov 15, 2014
1,585
129
63
#41
MollyConnor said:
What Men really think about Modesty -

Check this out. She asked young men what they think about modesty. I know it opened my eyes when I first read it. The whole blog is very interesting and fun to read.
I thought I would share it with you. :)
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As awkward as it was to read that page in the link.(Too much pink)lol.. I would agree with the guys who appreciate the modesty.
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#42
#42
crosstweed said:
We're living in an age where girls think they have to have to earn approval, both of men and other women, by showing off their bodies. "If you've got it, flaunt it" is the motto. We face it every day, and I know what you mean. It can be a struggle.

Here's my recommendation: if you haven't already, ask God for His forgiveness for intentionally drawing that kind of attention to yourself. He'll give it to you and help you not to do it again.

The next step: ask God to give you a spirit of modesty and chasteness instead of sensuality. This can take time, but it's something that is beautiful on a woman, and is good and safe for you and those around you. A woman's sensuality is a powerful and extremely dangerous weapon, and I think all women need God's help so that they don't accidentally cut down a brother with it because sometimes you aren't aware that that is how you are behaving. Ask God for His correction, and for awareness and maturity to help you act and be in a way that is edifying and a blessing to others and to yourself, and not a threat.

As part of that second step... go through your closet and pull out your clothes. Pray over them and ask God to show you what He does and does not want you to wear. The ones that He points out to you, throw away. This is extremely effective if you're honest about it, because you know somewhere deep in your heart which items you wear when you want "that kind" of attention. Since our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, we should be asking Him how He wants His temple to look. You wouldn't be too pleased to go on a trip and come back to find that your house-sitter had completely redecorated your house to suit their own tastes, and I don't think God is pleased when we don't ask His opinion on these kinds of things. I'm not going to tell you what and what not to wear... God is the one you need to ask about that. He loves you and wants you to succeed and be healed and grow in His love. : )
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i get what you're saying.. i am not feminist but it is sad that in this day and age i have to watch out for what i wear because of men ... its not that i'm gonna go completely naked or inappropriate outside and complain why can't i do this ? lol i have logic and modesty i dont like to have looks on me for a long time im shy and i get uncomfortable after a while ... i love elegancy and glamorous clothes im always a bit fashionista lol some women arent some are .. but i get what you're saying..
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#43
#43
godsslife said:
i get what you're saying.. i am not feminist but it is sad that in this day and age i have to watch out for what i wear because of men ... its not that i'm gonna go completely naked or inappropriate outside and complain why can't i do this ? lol i have logic and modesty i dont like to have looks on me for a long time im shy and i get uncomfortable after a while ... i love elegancy and glamorous clothes im always a bit fashionista lol some women arent some are .. but i get what you're saying..
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The thing is, women in this day and age in America are actually wearing less clothes than ever before. Men are very most definitely responsible for where they let themselves look, but women are responsible for what they put on display. Displays are designed to be looked at, and men are visually wired and that can't be changed.

MollyConnor posted a link to a blog that I highly recommend that you peruse.

You still need to be praying about the contents of your closet. : ) I think we all do.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#44
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
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#44
godsslife said:
you really don't know me so please stop making assumptions again i understand you're trying to help but you're only making assumptions of me like me trying to be an adult cause im almost 18 i never said anything about wanting to be an adult .. just cause i like to dress a certain way doesn't make me something negative... like i said i felt uncomfortable and i won't do that again.. another thing i have parents im not just some girl that goes out alone and goes to bars or something crazy lol .. i have overprotective parents and they're awesome and i go with them every where i don't even have my own permit yet
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One, I never said you're trying to be an adult. You're not, and most kids don't want to become one. Two, I never said that dressing a certain way makes you something negative. I SAID dressing a certain way can get you in trouble. Three, I never said that you're a person who goes out alone or to bars or wherever. Even if you did, that doesn't make you a bad person.

It's good that you have overprotective parents and that you can go places with them. However, you can't stay with them 24-7 for the rest of your life. Someday you'll be on your own and they won't be there to protect you. I'm glad to see you've learned a lesson about how to dress-- it will save you alot of trouble in the future.. :) There's a difference between looking classy and looking unclassy. Dressing sexy doesn't mean you need to showcase your assets. Had you not had the sweater on, you'd have shown everyone an awful lot of skin. Women (and men) SHOULD be able to wear anything and not have the opposite sex get lustful thoughts, but unfortunately that's not the case. You said you had impure thoughts about one of the guys you danced with, and the drunk guy you turned down most likely had impure thoughts about you. And on that front, he could have had impure thoughts about you even if you'd been in a sweater and jeans, instead of a tank top, shorts and knee high boots. So it doesn't really matter what you wear, because the opposite sex can and will still lust anyway..
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#45
#45
blue_ladybug said:
So it doesn't really matter what you wear, because the opposite sex can and will still lust anyway..
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I'm going to have to disagree with you here... I think it does matter, very much, both for men and women. I've heard and seen as much, from both sides.

Yes, there are some who are going to think lustfully anyway, but a healthy man or woman shouldn't look at you and the first thing they inevitably notice be "SKIN! SKIN, EVERYWHERE!" "LEGS!" "AH! BUTT!" or "CLEAVAGE ALERT!"

Out of sight does not necessarily mean out of mind, but it definitely helps and is really a matter of honoring God and as a courtesy to your fellow human beings.
 
S

sealabeag

Guest
#46
#46
crosstweed said:
The thing is, women in this day and age in America are actually wearing less clothes than ever before. Men are very most definitely responsible for where they let themselves look, but women are responsible for what they put on display. Displays are designed to be looked at, and men are visually wired and that can't be changed.

MollyConnor posted a link to a blog that I highly recommend that you peruse.

You still need to be praying about the contents of your closet. : ) I think we all do.
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Finally someone gets it. I've been saying this for a while in different threads and every time I do I get attacked for suggesting that women are causing men to sin. Both sides have a part to play. Your common sense and Christian understand are appreciated. :D (P.S. I tried to rep this post but I can't 'cos you were the last person I repped. You'll have to become less reputable.)
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#47
#47
sealabeag said:
Finally someone gets it. I've been saying this for a while in different threads and every time I do I get attacked for suggesting that women are causing men to sin. Both sides have a part to play. Your common sense and Christian understand are appreciated. :D (P.S. I tried to rep this post but I can't 'cos you were the last person I repped. You'll have to become less reputable.)
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LOL
It's a dangerous tightrope to walk for a lot of guys to be able to present their side of the story because after hundreds of years of shaming and a few decades of feminism, most women are very uptight on the subject. Doesn't help that "I do what I want" is another prevalent motto...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#48
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,649
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#48
cinder said:
Please explain to me how a tank top and shorts is automatically dressing like a hooker. Most women of many different ages would wear clothing that could be described like that on a hot summer day doing yard work or at the gym. Some of it is modest and some isn't but it certainly isn't a description that automatically puts her into the category of slutty dresser. You seem determined to assume the worst about this young lady and then criticize her for her failings. How exactly is that supposed to help? You seem to have lost your civility somewhere along the way and as you desire to be effective in helping people grow in the Lord I strongly urge you to recuse yourself from giving advice until you've found that civility back. Showing love looks like asking more, listening more, and assuming less.

So yeah I'm with MisCris on this one: your expression is lacking love. As to whether you are lacking love or not, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Some of us (me included) don't do kind well even when we really do care.
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Come on now, cinder. Most women do NOT wear a tank top, shorts, AND knee-high boots with a sweater over it all, on a hot summer day. :/ A tank top and shorts, maybe. An added sweater and knee-high boots, nope. Take a look at the low-cut top, mini skirt and high boots that Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman, and you'll understand my reference to dressing like a hooker. I didn't call her a slutty dresser, those are YOUR words. Nor did I imply that she was dressed like one, either. Fortunately she's learned a good lesson about how she should dress in the future to avoid giving the wrong impression, and garnering negative attention. I didn't criticize her failings, I only pointed out what she needs to change. Jesus didn't always use gentle love, quite often he used pretty harsh love himself.
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#49
#49
blue_ladybug said:
Come on now, cinder. Most women do NOT wear a tank top, shorts, AND knee-high boots with a sweater over it all, on a hot summer day. :/ A tank top and shorts, maybe. An added sweater and knee-high boots, nope. Take a look at the low-cut top, mini skirt and high boots that Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman, and you'll understand my reference to dressing like a hooker. I didn't call her a slutty dresser, those are YOUR words. Nor did I imply that she was dressed like one, either. Fortunately she's learned a good lesson about how she should dress in the future to avoid giving the wrong impression, and garnering negative attention. I didn't criticize her failings, I only pointed out what she needs to change. Jesus didn't always use gentle love, quite often he used pretty harsh love himself.
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i get you.. but you're not jesus and the way you're spreading the word ain't a kind way cause yes im sensitive and much younger than you so you need to understand .. victimizing oneself for people like you is the only way i guess LOL i may be wrong who knows .. but yes i do wear a cardigan not on a summer day on a spring afternoon lol ... it gets in its low 60's and 50's so for me to not wear a cardigan its kinda illogical and specially for a night time event
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#50
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,649
113
#50
crosstweed said:
I'm going to have to disagree with you here... I think it does matter, very much, both for men and women. I've heard and seen as much, from both sides.

Yes, there are some who are going to think lustfully anyway, but a healthy man or woman shouldn't look at you and the first thing they inevitably notice be "SKIN! SKIN, EVERYWHERE!" "LEGS!" "AH! BUTT!" or "CLEAVAGE ALERT!"

Out of sight does not necessarily mean out of mind, but it definitely helps and is really a matter of honoring God and as a courtesy to your fellow human beings.
Click to expand...

But even if a woman (or man) is dressed in pants and a long shirt, the opposite sex will still think "nice buns" or wow what a big bulge". They may even try the cheesy line of "nice pants, can I talk you out of them?".. :/ So whether its shorts or jeans, tank top or long sleeves, the opposite sex will still find something to lust about on that other person.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#51
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,649
113
#51
godsslife said:
i get you.. but you're not jesus and the way you're spreading the word ain't a kind way cause yes im sensitive and much younger than you so you need to understand .. victimizing oneself for people like you is the only way i guess LOL i may be wrong who knows .. but yes i do wear a cardigan not on a summer day on a spring afternoon lol ... it gets in its low 60's and 50's so for me to not wear a cardigan its kinda illogical and specially for a night time event
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Then stop victimizing yourself. In my state, 60* is a heat wave, not a cold spell. If the event you went to was at night, and it was cool, then why did you still wear a tank top and shorts? I'd have still been cold even with the cardigan.. Next time wear the cardigan with pants, not shorts. Especially if it's a nightime event and it's chilly. :)
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#52
#52
blue_ladybug said:
Then stop victimizing yourself. In my state, 60* is a heat wave, not a cold spell. If the event you went to was at night, and it was cool, then why did you still wear a tank top and shorts? I'd have still been cold even with the cardigan.. Next time wear the cardigan with pants, not shorts. Especially if it's a nightime event and it's chilly. :)
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well before that event i went to the park with my white converse and the same outfit without the cardigan :) logically since its a night time event i wore the boots and black cardigan .. well to me 60 is cold im from florida LOL
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#53
#53
blue_ladybug said:
But even if a woman (or man) is dressed in pants and a long shirt, the opposite sex will still think "nice buns" or wow what a big bulge". They may even try the cheesy line of "nice pants, can I talk you out of them?".. :/ So whether its shorts or jeans, tank top or long sleeves, the opposite sex will still find something to lust about on that other person.
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well thats the other sex's fault and he's the one who should be judged for how he thinks of a woman
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#54
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#54
godsslife said:
well before that event i went to the park with my white converse and the same outfit without the cardigan :) logically since its a night time event i wore the boots and black cardigan .. well to me 60 is cold im from florida LOL
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come live in Indiana for awhile, after a few winters with -10 to -30. you won't think 60 is cold anymore.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#55
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,649
113
#55
godsslife said:
well thats the other sex's fault and he's the one who should be judged for how he thinks of a woman
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True but like someone else here said, it's also up to the woman to dress in a manner that won't make him automatically look at her in a lustful manner. Wear sweat pants, their baggy and don't show much..lol
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#56
#56
blue_ladybug said:
True but like someone else here said, it's also up to the woman to dress in a manner that won't make him automatically look at her in a lustful manner. Wear sweat pants, their baggy and don't show much..lol
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yea thats what i'll start doing i actually barely go out now and dress like with my pj's when i do groceries or etc
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#57
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#57
blue_ladybug said:
Then stop victimizing yourself. In my state, 60* is a heat wave, not a cold spell. If the event you went to was at night, and it was cool, then why did you still wear a tank top and shorts? I'd have still been cold even with the cardigan.. Next time wear the cardigan with pants, not shorts. Especially if it's a nightime event and it's chilly. :)
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I feel like a lot of energy back and forth is going into something that isn't even the real focus of this thread, or the OP's internal problem. It's almost detrimental because it takes focus away from what really does need to be addressed.
 
G

godsslife

Guest
#58
#58
wisebeardman said:
come live in Indiana for awhile, after a few winters with -10 to -30. you won't think 60 is cold anymore.
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HAHAH i know what you mean i used to live in new york if i still lived there i would think 60 is heaven but now i live in california so 60 is so so but 50 isnt friendly in my pov lol
 
C

crosstweed

Guest
#59
#59
blue_ladybug said:
But even if a woman (or man) is dressed in pants and a long shirt, the opposite sex will still think "nice buns" or wow what a big bulge". They may even try the cheesy line of "nice pants, can I talk you out of them?".. :/ So whether its shorts or jeans, tank top or long sleeves, the opposite sex will still find something to lust about on that other person.
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You definitely aren't going to stop noticing how a person is built, but noticing how someone is built is not lusting. It's what you do with the observation. For example, if I'm out at a pool party and end up standing next to a well-built guy who has gone to the effort to dress in a way that is both occasion-appropriate and considerate of the opposite sex, I'm going to be a lot more able to go, "Wow, he's rather impressively built," and move on, rather than being very uncomfortably aware of the 6-pack standing next to me. So I think that as long as you're doing your part to protect God's reputation (because God's reputation does come into play here), and protect yourself and be considerate of brothers and sisters in Christ (and morally-minded sinners too, for that matter :rolleyes: ), then the ball is out of your court and you've done your part.

Also... *giggles, raises hand* I don't wear pants or shorts. I always wear below-knee skirts/dresses, and on rare occasion, culottes. Not throwing rocks at those who do otherwise, and don't expect them to do the same, but... just sayin'...

(Side note, for the guys: a Christian girl friend of mine and I went to a birthday/pool party and the 2 guys there (neither of them Christians and one of them an outspoken atheist) specifically asked my friend and I if it would bother us if they took off their shirts while swimming. We told them no, it would not bother us, but we were both extremely appreciative that they had been respectful enough to ask us beforehand. I think a few more Christian guys would do well to ask that kind of question in those situations... :rolleyes: If nothing else, it shows that you value purity.)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#60
Aug 2, 2009
24,641
4,300
113
#60
I lusted after a chocolate cream pie that I saw in an ad so I went out and bought it. It was as good as it looked! Lust resolved! :D
 
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